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Old 05-19-2020, 04:29 PM
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Who's the biggest loser/disaster of a friend or relative you know?


My oldest sister (34) has been in a three year relationship with her live-in boyfriend of roughly the same age. Despite both being in their early 30's they literally both never progressed socially past high school and are getting drunk almost every single night with friends. At one point my sister decided to quit her good-paying job to embark on a career of just sitting at home watching TV and drinking with friends, and then when money started running tight with only one income in her household she gave up alcohol but continued sitting at home all day watching TV for about a solid year.

Luckily eventually she begged for her own job back and got it, only for then her boyfriend to quit his job for unspecified "injuries" though he isn't getting any sort of workers comp or disability and is now also just sitting at home all day watching TV. He absolutely picked the worst possible time to leave a good paying job, the month before the covid-10 pandemic and now both of them are feeling a money crunch but the moment restrictions in our state were partially lifted they immediately started going out and drinking at bars like they used to despite the fact neither of them has health insurance anymore due to constantly leaving jobs.

I know all of this because my sister texts me once a week about all her problems. Do you know any real disasters of human beings, almost all of it self-inflicted?

Last edited by Asuka; 05-19-2020 at 04:29 PM.
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Old 05-19-2020, 04:42 PM
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They sound like they make bad decisions, but they're also both able to Get high paying jobs so they can't be doing too terrible.

The biggest disasters I know are in prison.

The biggest non imprisoned disasters I know have serious mental health issues. Mostly cluster b disorders or substance abuse issues.
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Last edited by Wesley Clark; 05-19-2020 at 04:42 PM.
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Old 05-19-2020, 06:19 PM
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Bad dietary choices.
Sedentary lifestyle.
Ignoring doctor's advice/orders.
"Bachelor" degree from a non-accredited Bible college.
"Masters" degree from an online diploma mill - losing at least 2 jobs when employers figured out how bogus the degree is.
Losing a secure job for refusing to follow a very simple requirement, because he knew better...
Currently in need of a transplant that will never come because of the first 3 items on this list.
Expecting his elderly parents to wait on him when he ended up in the hospital due to the first 3 items on this list.
But it's not his fault. He's a middle child. Women and minorities always get the breaks that he should get. If only he hadn't been held back in the 3rd grade.

Yeah, he's a gem.
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Old 05-19-2020, 06:37 PM
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They sound like they make bad decisions, but they're also both able to Get high paying jobs so they can't be doing too terrible.

The biggest disasters I know are in prison.

The biggest non imprisoned disasters I know have serious mental health issues. Mostly cluster b disorders or substance abuse issues.
I should have clarified, they both have jobs that make good money but in the volatile industries, she works as a secretary at a school and he worked as an auto mechanic. They have basically no savings which means (and very surely will happen now) any economic downturn is absolutely going to crush them.

I didn't want to include people in prison since I'm more interested in people with a long list of bad decisions instead of one major one, but I also have a cousin whom literally murdered a random person in cold blood, got sent to prison for 25 years, but after only 5 years got his case thrown out because the prosecutor had gotten some of his convictions (including my cousins) by padding out the evidence with jail house snitch confession testimony that turns out wasn't exactly on the up and up. Granted, my cousin 100% did it and had absolutely no defense besides "I wasn't there!" despite having the murder weapon in his possession when caught which makes the prosecutor needing to sweeten the evidence even more bizarre.
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Old 05-19-2020, 06:53 PM
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Me, maybe...

I have a dear friend who is seriously messed up with anxiety/panic disorder, including obsessive binge eating. But that's mental illness, and maybe shouldn't be included in answering the question.

I have a friend who is a neo-Nazi, and that's about the worst "loser" I know. (It gets worse, because she is m to f trans, without realizing that she's one of the first who'd be shot if the Nazis actually took over!)
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Old 05-19-2020, 07:28 PM
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Two of my sisters-in-law lead lives of endless drama, although their kids have all seemed to turn out OK in spite of it all.

The woman whose cat I have kept for the past year and a half is absolutely horrible at managing money. She also has a degree from Kaplan, meaning it isn't worth the paper it was printed on. Her boyfriend is a no-goodnik as well - sporadically employed, hangs around with drug dealers, etc. - and constantly accuses her of cheating on him. (Pot, kettle, black, perhaps?) I'm just glad she's never had a baby.
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Old 05-19-2020, 09:47 PM
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I am curious, what is meant by "the volatile industries"?

IME, An auto mechanic that is any good at all will not only keep their jobs, but they will be offered paid training and advancements. I personally know many that have retired after over 40 years of service. Money is not an issue for them. There are many more in the pipeline that are on track to match that. The pay can be very good.

As far as school secretaries, the pay is not good but, unless one does something criminal or really, really stupid, they will have a job for life. I have some family members that chose that career.

Keep in mind that for the foreseeable future, cars will need to be repaired. Children will continue to go to school.

TIA for the reply, 48.

Last edited by 48Willys; 05-19-2020 at 09:48 PM.
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Old 05-19-2020, 10:01 PM
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Certainly won’t win the thread but here’s one example.
I’ll probably be back with a couple more

Person S. He was always going to go to community college. Got in trouble at the grocery store he worked at for selling alcohol to under 21s and then not even bothering to scan it. Got busted by his store and arrested. After a slap on the wrist, he became the ultimate slacker. Could never hold down a job for more than a few months. Thought he could exchange sex for anything and it kinda worked. He’d live with some roommates for a few months until they got sick of his constant excuses for being late and/or short with rent. There was always enough money for the bars, but after two DUIs, he moved back home and is now the ultimate stoner. Looks 20 years older than his age and will probably never hold a legit job.
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  #9  
Old 05-20-2020, 05:25 AM
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Myself. Things could have been worse; but compared to what might have been -- I've made a fairly spectacular screw-up of the seven decades so far, of my life.
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Old 05-20-2020, 05:42 AM
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It's me, unfortunately. I am the disappointment in my family.
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Old 05-20-2020, 07:08 AM
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About 25 years ago, a colleague at work introduced me to a former colleague of his (call him "O"). All three of us were engineers, government employees at one of the intelligence agencies. We were all white males in our mid-30s, with bachelors' degrees.

O was rabidly right-wing, to the point of starting a political argument over a cup of coffee. If it rained, it was Bill Clinton's fault. If it got dark at night, it was Hillary's fault.

Over the years, my colleague and I advanced regularly, eventually reaching GS-15 grade. O did not, partly because he refused to get a master's degree, partly because he didn't really do much work, and partly because he refused to complete a simple certification process which was required for promotion beyond GS-12. Why should he? All the promotions went to women and minorities. Besides, the system was going to collapse soon, so what would money matter? O was very vocal about keeping all his savings in gold, and hinted darkly about belonging to a militia.

O spent much of his time posting on the agency's internal message boards. Among his claims were that Tim McVeigh was framed (it was "the government" who blew up the building) and that the Clinton administration was trying to lower the age of consent to 12.

If you're amazed that this guy was an employee of this evil "government", and held a top secret clearance, you're not the only one. HR did at one point investigate a complaint filed against him, but it was for his hygiene. His management asked him to shower more often.

If I had to pick the best O story, I could narrow it down to these two:
One day, O announced that the government's conspiracy of hiding aliens was about to get revealed. He had seen an ad in the back of a magazine which claimed to have samples of these aliens, and would soon be receiving in the mail things which were guaranteed to "move, and to not be of this earth". He eventually was disappointed to receive several lenticular pictures (the kind that move when you view them from different angles) of the planets. Truly, they moved, and were not of this earth. He was advised that it looked like he couldn't get his money back.
At one point, I was dating a woman who was a single mother. In response to seeing a picture I carried in my wallet of her, her child, and me, O smiled and said, "Fornicator!"
One day in the mid-2000s, I saw O working at a supply task outside of office spaces. This is something done temporarily when a cleared person has had their clearance suspended and things are being adjudicated. Eventually, we learned that O did indeed lose his clearance and his job. During a periodic re-investigation, he had refused to provide documentation related to his finances. It sounded like he had committed the employment version of "suicide by cop", wanting to be fired so he could complain about how unfair the system was to him.

I haven't heard anything about O in years. If I ever do, I just hope it isn't on CNN, and doesn't involve the word "compound".
  #12  
Old 05-20-2020, 07:31 AM
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I'm just glad she's never had a baby.
I know, right? To me, the worst thing a fuckup can do is reproduce, so they have some innocent kids to drag down with them.
  #13  
Old 05-20-2020, 08:44 AM
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My story is tame in comparison to what has been posted. I have two nephews, 27 and 29. Both have college degrees, are pretty "with it," and have never been a drag on their parents or society. But neither seems interested in finding career employment or even living in one place very long. They kind of bounce around, enjoying whatever seems to be happening.

To each his own of course, but all I see is time slipping away from these two. Are they losers? No. They're good guys, but I'll be sad if they are still doing this when they turn 35. I suppose I'm sad already.

Last edited by ASGuy; 05-20-2020 at 08:46 AM. Reason: added final sentence
  #14  
Old 05-20-2020, 01:03 PM
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IMHO, the biggest losers I know, are adult children of wealthy parents. The live extravagant lifestyles. They have college degrees, but don't use them. They don't work. They travel extensively. They have allowances from their parents. They use credit cards that their parents payoff monthly. They are married and have kids, and most likely if they didn't have kids, their parents maybe would have cut them off, but their parents worry about their grandkids. When their parents finally die off, these kids will not know how to manage their inherited wealth, because they have no really useful skills.

And these parents aren't billionaire wealthy, they are multimillionaire wealthy, and continue to work in the businesses they created, and support their kids from their income, not their assets.

Last edited by Omar Little; 05-20-2020 at 01:04 PM.
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Old 05-20-2020, 01:39 PM
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I have a relative and her family who never saw a dime they didnít know how to spend. They always buy brand new cars, go to casinos, and are always in the balls of their asses when it comes to money. They have been evicted about 3 times the last 20 years. They have absolutely zero concept of how to save money.
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Old 05-20-2020, 01:46 PM
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I think at this point, I'm going to have to go with "me".
  #17  
Old 05-20-2020, 02:09 PM
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Depends on what you're counting as losers. There's like basic failure to handle adult responsibility types- the people who can't hold down a job, are total drama queens, and generally are bad news to be around.

Then there are the ones who just fail at some fundamental aspect of "successful" life. I mean, I have a couple of buddies who are professionally quite successful, but one who hasn't had a relationship that I'm aware of, and the other's last long-term relationship ended in about 1999. I'm not convinced either of them wants to be single- they're just kind of set in their ways and aren't willing to disrupt their lives to the degree that having a long-term relationship would entail, even if they could actually meet interested women who they are interested in as well.
'
Another doesn't really have relationship problems, but is professionally sort of aimless. Like he got out of college, and did a series of nowhere jobs for the County, became an Army officer, and then has done fairly low level IT tech type stuff ever since. He's just sort of stuck around wherever his mom is, and has been a sort of failure to launch in a lot of ways.

A woman I know has been spectacularly successful professionally, but seems deeply unhappy about her permanent single status- because she's too picky about who she'll date.
  #18  
Old 05-20-2020, 03:06 PM
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Depends on what you're counting as losers. There's like basic failure to handle adult responsibility types- the people who can't hold down a job, are total drama queens, and generally are bad news to be around.

Then there are the ones who just fail at some fundamental aspect of "successful" life. I mean, I have a couple of buddies who are professionally quite successful, but one who hasn't had a relationship that I'm aware of, and the other's last long-term relationship ended in about 1999. I'm not convinced either of them wants to be single- they're just kind of set in their ways and aren't willing to disrupt their lives to the degree that having a long-term relationship would entail, even if they could actually meet interested women who they are interested in as well.
'
Another doesn't really have relationship problems, but is professionally sort of aimless. Like he got out of college, and did a series of nowhere jobs for the County, became an Army officer, and then has done fairly low level IT tech type stuff ever since. He's just sort of stuck around wherever his mom is, and has been a sort of failure to launch in a lot of ways.

A woman I know has been spectacularly successful professionally, but seems deeply unhappy about her permanent single status- because she's too picky about who she'll date.
I wouldn't consider a person who doesn't seem to have romantic relationships to be a loser. It's nobody else's business, and truthfully, some people just aren't supposed to be partnered. I figured that out about myself a long time ago, and that's why I don't waste my time on Tinder, etc.
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Old 05-21-2020, 04:29 AM
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I know a 69-year old virgin who has consistently gotten fired from clerical jobs. One time she quit by walking off at her lunch break without informing anyone. Her longest job lasted six weeks. She always felt she was too good to “pay her dues” at an entry level job, and wanted to hold out for something glamorous. She wouldn't take a job using a computer because the chemicals in the computer would make her sick. Yet she regularly uses the library computer for email and internet. She never had a relationship: no man was good enough for her.

It took her 10 years to graduate from community college, taking one class a semester. She made the most money suing the city when she tripped over a sidewalk. Her mom supported her partially or completely until her death in 1990. Despite receiving a substantial inheritance and co-owning her deceased parents' home, she's been on welfare for decades (her sister took all her assets so she'd be indigent and could qualify for welfare).

She divides her time between using computers at the library, browsing thrift and antique stores, and watching TV.

Last edited by Newtosite; 05-21-2020 at 04:30 AM.
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Old 05-21-2020, 04:43 AM
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She divides her time between using computers at the library...
She uses computers for fun only.

Missed the edit window.

Last edited by Newtosite; 05-21-2020 at 04:45 AM.
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Old 05-21-2020, 07:31 AM
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Then there are the ones who just fail at some fundamental aspect of "successful" life.
I wouldn't call someone who falls short of conventional measures of success a "loser", even if they experience some unhappiness about it. Because if we accept that this is a valid definition, then anyone who is stuck in unsatisfactory marriage, experiences long-term unemployment, or suffers from infertility is a "loser."


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I know a 69-year old virgin...
How do you know this little tidbit about her? And why are you sharing it with us?
  #22  
Old 05-21-2020, 09:14 AM
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I wouldn't consider a person who doesn't seem to have romantic relationships to be a loser. It's nobody else's business, and truthfully, some people just aren't supposed to be partnered. I figured that out about myself a long time ago, and that's why I don't waste my time on Tinder, etc.
Some single people are content to remain so, but not all. Some people would like to have romantic relationships, but are continually disappointed not to. Whether that earns the title "loser" or not is another question.
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Old 05-21-2020, 09:19 AM
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I wouldn't call someone who falls short of conventional measures of success a "loser", even if they experience some unhappiness about it. Because if we accept that this is a valid definition, then anyone who is stuck in unsatisfactory marriage, experiences long-term unemployment, or suffers from infertility is a "loser."
So what is a loser then? What you describe is just a matter of degree from other normal definitions of loser.

IMO, it's all relative. Someone who grows up in a wealthy part of Boston and whose family and friends all go to Ivy League schools probably has a very different opinion of what makes for a loser than a working poor family from the inner city. And the middle class, Midwestern family would probably have a different definition than either.

And those societal definitions, whether or not they're internalized by the people themselves, may or may not include relationship status, kids, material wealth, etc...
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Old 05-21-2020, 09:41 AM
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In general, I don't go around judging people as "losers". I can be quite judgy, don't get me wrong. But calling someone a loser just ain't my style.

There's certainly a stereotype of "loser" that most people subscribe to. Someone who has a series of failed relationships but has success in other sectors of life wouldn't fit that stereotype. Someone who is physically and intellectually capable of doing something constructive, but instead watches Jerry Springer and eats bon bons all day long, does fit the stereotype.

So I guess if I had to label someone as "loser", I would save the label for someone who hasn't achieved anything ever. I would come up with another label for a person who has succeeded in one or more arenas but has failures in others.
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Old 05-21-2020, 09:44 AM
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"Bachelor" degree from a non-accredited Bible college.
Why is this even allowed?

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I have a friend who is a neo-Nazi, and that's about the worst "loser" I know. (It gets worse, because she is m to f trans, without realizing that she's one of the first who'd be shot if the Nazis actually took over!)
Did you make a typo? Ex-friend has a couple extra letters in it (plus a hyphen).
  #26  
Old 05-21-2020, 10:12 AM
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My father. Has Social Security and a pension yet is always ALWAYS broke. Lives in a crumbling wreck of a house with three mortgages on it, and it's literally falling apart around him because he can't take care of it. Has an endless parade of bums and ne'er do wells in and out of his sight, bumming (or outright stealing) his money, beer and weed. Can't keep his hands off teenage girls when he's had a few beers in him. Has alienated both of his two kids from his sheer refusal to anything to remedy his life.
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Old 05-21-2020, 11:57 AM
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My father. Has Social Security and a pension yet is always ALWAYS broke. Lives in a crumbling wreck of a house with three mortgages on it, and it's literally falling apart around him because he can't take care of it. Has an endless parade of bums and ne'er do wells in and out of his sight, bumming (or outright stealing) his money, beer and weed. Can't keep his hands off teenage girls when he's had a few beers in him. Has alienated both of his two kids from his sheer refusal to anything to remedy his life.
That's bad. You might have 'won' the thread.

Mine aren't so terrible

A cousin has a BA from a good university, but his only work experience is a part-time job at a museum gift shop. His GF broke off their engagement not long ago. He lives with his parents.

A former neighbor preferred drinking and partying to working and paying bills. He lost his house to foreclosure and his wife left him. He now lives in a relative's basement and does gig economy work.
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Old 05-21-2020, 12:06 PM
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That's bad. You might have 'won' the thread.

<snip>

A former neighbor preferred drinking and partying to working and paying bills. He lost his house to foreclosure and his wife left him. He now lives in a relative's basement and does gig economy work.
My sister and I would dance a jig in the streets if the bank foreclosed on my Dad's house and he had to move in with a relative. My cousin (his niece) has already promised to take him in (she has a furnished basement). She's in a position to keep the riffraff out so the poor old bastard can smoke his own weed without his "friends" stealing it.
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Old 05-21-2020, 07:11 PM
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In my immediate family probably me. I am in my mid-40s living in subsidized housing off of disability benefits. I have a variety of mental issues and due to poor diet and lack of exercises I have diabetes and are obese. I have never been in a romantic relationship my entire adult life; at this point I am content though with being single. All of my older siblings are currently working.

As for extended family and acquaintance though I am not even close to being the biggest loser mostly because I have never had any legal troubles.

A family friend from my childhood went to prison for child molestation and my sisters admitted he had molested them as well. He died in prison thankfully.

A sister's former high school boyfriend has been in and out prison for various felonies; my sister and the children she had with him no longer have anything to do with him.

One of my nieces former high school boyfriend also went to prison for attempted bank robbery. And that's not even mentioning the numerous people I know who have had drug problems.

Last edited by dorvann; 05-21-2020 at 07:12 PM.
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Old 05-22-2020, 12:19 AM
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A cousin has a BA from a good university, but his only work experience is a part-time job at a museum gift shop. His GF broke off their engagement not long ago. He lives with his parents.

A former neighbor preferred drinking and partying to working and paying bills. He lost his house to foreclosure and his wife left him. He now lives in a relative's basement and does gig economy work.
How are people like this getting married and engaged, and I'm lucky to date once a decade?
  #31  
Old 05-22-2020, 05:32 AM
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How are people like this getting married and engaged, and I'm lucky to date once a decade?
I have a cousin who IMO is complete loser. Has never really held a job, drug addict, lengthy criminal record, etc. You get the picture. Every time I see him he has a new girlfriend. Not only that, but they're all very nice looking and many are college educated. The only explanation I can come up with is that some women love Bad Boyz.
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:43 AM
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How are people like this getting married and engaged, and I'm lucky to date once a decade?
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Originally Posted by Crafter_Man View Post
I have a cousin who IMO is complete loser. Has never really held a job, drug addict, lengthy criminal record, etc. You get the picture. Every time I see him he has a new girlfriend. Not only that, but they're all very nice looking and many are college educated. The only explanation I can come up with is that some women love Bad Boyz.
Some alternatives to this questionable notion:

1. Some women are stupid and partner themselves with a bad person because they don't have discriminating tastes. Hell, maybe they are are just as bad. Birds of a feather and all that.

2. Some women suffer from low self-esteem. They partner themselves with the first guy who hollers at them and don't let go out of fear that they could never do better.

3. Some women are delusional. They know they're partnered to a person with bad traits, but they think love can conquer all. They think they will be able to change a lazy criminal into a hard-working upstanding citizen.

4. Some women take their vows of marriage seriously. They married a dud without knowing he was a dud, but they don't want to divorce the dud because they think Jesus would judge them for it. Or they think their parents and society will judge them for it. So they stay and pray for the best. Sometimes their prayers actually come true.

Oh and here's a novel idea!

4. Very few people are bad across the board. Maybe the lazy criminal is great in bed and he knows how to make a woman feel special and loved. Maybe he's got a great sense of humor and he's a terrific listener/conversationalist. Maybe he is mean to everyone except the woman he's with.. Maybe despite being a lazy criminal, he holds up his end on house chores and parental duties.

Sometimes when my father acts like a jerk to my mother (blowing up at her and calling her mean names), I wonder why she has stayed with him for 50+ years. Because he has always been that kind of guy. However, he was also the kind of guy to take her to the Grand Canyon in a rental truck, the top of which they camped out on under the stars. He was also the kind of guy to make her laugh while they rode all around creation on his motorcycle. He was also the kind of guy who wasn't afraid of her strict father and told my mother she could do whatever she wanted to do and be whomever she wants to be. Why the fuck wouldn't she drop her panties for a guy like this? Why wouldn't she have four kids with him and stay with him forever? Yes, he's a jerk, but he's also a good guy. She didn't fall in love with a jerk. She fell in love with a good guy who sometimes acts like a jerk.
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