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  #351  
Old 05-06-2020, 06:26 PM
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Suggest a dog breed for us.
Gifts you'd rather not get


So I guess the High-Frequency Terrier, the Randomly-Triggered Chihuahua, the Ypres Digger Collie, the Long-Duration All-Weather Husky, the Sir Chewalot Beagle, or the Omni-Drooling Mastiff are right out?
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Rigardu, kaj vi ekvidos.
Look, and you will begin to see.
  #352  
Old 05-06-2020, 07:20 PM
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Blue Angels just completed their flyby!
Beck and Betsy the Beagle see a bad, bad, bad thang!
Sounds you don't want to hear


Your dog frantically barking at airplanes?
  #353  
Old 05-07-2020, 08:12 AM
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How much do you tip the grocery delivery guy?

Overcoming Solipsism




I gave him money

so

Even if he's a hallucination, part of the phaneron, I have less of it

so

that hurts me, even if only in a small way

so

I can feel the pain

so

this is a real effect

but

I can make it go away if I retrieve my money, which should be easy if he does not exist

but

the money is not here. It is gone

and

that can't be the case if I simply put the money aside

therefore

the delivery boy exists, and I'm not the only thing or being in the universe!
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"

Last edited by CalMeacham; 05-07-2020 at 08:12 AM.
  #354  
Old 05-07-2020, 10:00 AM
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What's the Difference Between an Exorcism and a Prayer of Exorcism?
Why do Republicans want to end the corona virus restrictions?


If you look real closely, both Bill DeBlasio and Gretchen Whitmer have a pair of tiny horns...
  #355  
Old 05-08-2020, 10:06 PM
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Another bizarre gardening accident
RIP Roy Horn of Sigfried & Roy


He tripped over a tiger lily?
  #356  
Old 05-10-2020, 10:17 AM
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Has the US Armed Forces ever come close to mutiny against their Commender-In_Chief? Could it happen?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


Great questions of the day.
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Look, and you will begin to see.
  #357  
Old 05-10-2020, 04:52 PM
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Atheists in America
Scary goddam thing!


  #358  
Old 05-11-2020, 07:37 AM
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Depending on the circumstances, how difficult is it to live a financially stable life?
Any1 in US Who Has Bought Unicum?


I was financially stable until my so-called friend introduced me to Unicum. The first time is free, and then after that, let's just say unicorns have expensive tastes.
  #359  
Old 05-11-2020, 09:43 AM
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A Low-Gee House made from Pee

I wonder if that would work?
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #360  
Old 05-11-2020, 09:58 AM
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The mystery behind buying a hot tub
Diagnose a Toilet


Hey, you're a urologist, you're supposed to handle plumbing issues.
  #361  
Old 05-13-2020, 08:36 AM
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What's exciting at your birdfeeders?

Ocular migraine




Birdwatcher 1: Oooh! Ohh!

Birdwatcher 2: What i it? What do you see?

Birdwatcher 1 (handing over binoculars): Look! Look over there! Next to the Tinea versicolor. I swear it's an Ocular migraine! You can tell by the aura around the eyes!
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #362  
Old 05-13-2020, 09:32 AM
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Gifts you'd rather not get
"Do you have McDonald's money?"


I don't have any, but I'd rather not get any as I rarely eat there.
  #363  
Old 05-13-2020, 09:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludovic View Post
Gifts you'd rather not get
"Do you have McDonald's money?"


I don't have any, but I'd rather not get any as I rarely eat there.
You're welcome to a couple dozen books of Green Stamps that I found in the attic.
  #364  
Old 05-14-2020, 07:16 AM
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Who's a good boy? Yes, YOU are!

What breed does this dog look like?







Well, pretty sure I'm going to lose my job tomorrow...again.

Don't be Sad that it's over. Be glad that it happened.
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"

Last edited by CalMeacham; 05-14-2020 at 07:17 AM.
  #365  
Old 05-14-2020, 05:16 PM
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What breed does this dog look like?
Old booze


Booze hound.
  #366  
Old 05-14-2020, 09:32 PM
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What are you supposed to do if you find a gun?
Do-it-yourself meat question


I don't think you can get away with gunning down a cow on the grounds that it's "do-it-yourself meat".
  #367  
Old 05-15-2020, 10:05 PM
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Young Frankenstein and red wine.....
I guess I'm gonna be a cocktail guy for a while.
  #368  
Old 05-15-2020, 10:56 PM
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How much talking to yourself is TOO much?
Do you have any experience with paid listeners?
  #369  
Old 05-17-2020, 12:08 PM
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after decades, I have the perfect litter box solution
Use a coaster, dammit!


I don't really see how that would do any good.
  #370  
Old 05-17-2020, 08:18 PM
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They want to take away our guns, for what use?
Sexual Objectification
  #371  
Old 05-17-2020, 09:12 PM
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What's exciting at your birdfeeders?
Minimal anagrams


There's so cute when they go "Peep". Wait, those are red-breasted palindromes. Nevermind.
  #372  
Old 05-18-2020, 08:06 AM
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Have you ever had a manager you thought was dumb?
Laws on Transporting a Corpse


Wait - shouldn't you give HR a try first?
  #373  
Old 05-18-2020, 12:26 PM
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Misread thread titles
We're moving to India!


For a moment there, I thought you were certifiable for being so excited about moving to Indiana.
  #374  
Old 05-18-2020, 02:28 PM
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Taking care of someone who is dying [updated - she has passed]

Laws on Transporting a Corpse
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"We can all sink or we all float
'Cuz we're all in the same big boat"

- The Police, "One World"
  #375  
Old 05-19-2020, 12:39 AM
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cornflakes2 either take the stick out of your ass or push it up further so it ends you existence

What’s wrong with people? (thread started by cornflakes2)

Just mean, I guess.
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My great-grandparents came through emigrating to a new country.
My grandparents came through the Great War and the Great Depression.
My parents came through the Great Depression and World War II.
We will come through this pandemic. Hang on tight to the ones you love.
  #376  
Old 05-19-2020, 07:47 AM
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Trump Claims to be Taking Hydroxychloroquine

Laws on Transporting a Corpse
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #377  
Old 05-19-2020, 02:29 PM
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It's not a party until . . .
Blagojevich officially disbarred


Nobody parties like former Governors of Illinois!
  #378  
Old 05-20-2020, 09:19 AM
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It's not a party until . . .
Having hooked back up, for various reasons, with Facebook


I guess if you're into social apps, go for it!
  #379  
Old 05-20-2020, 11:53 AM
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Why doesn't VW build it's own luxury cars?
What would be the WORST things to buy right now?


A luxury VW?

What would be the WORST things to buy right now?

Trump Claims to be Taking Hydroxychloroquine


Let me change my answer.
  #380  
Old 05-20-2020, 05:54 PM
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How can I fix this refrigerator problem?
Police killing protesters


Be nice, you don't want to wind up like the Whirlpool Seven.

Space Force!
Adventures of the Bread Machine


"Commander Rye, the Poppyseed Buns are slicing up our attack formations! Stop loafing and do something!!!"

Last edited by Jackmannii; 05-20-2020 at 05:59 PM.
  #381  
Old 05-21-2020, 01:21 AM
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Having hooked back up, for various reasons, with Facebook
Do you still visit your hometown?


Like, physically GO there? What is this, the 20th Century? We have Facebook now!
  #382  
Old 05-21-2020, 08:02 AM
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What's exciting at your birdfeeders?

Snowbird down.
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #383  
Old 05-22-2020, 08:36 AM
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Any WWE fans in the audience?
Do you beat children?


Body-slamming toddlers - what fun!
  #384  
Old 05-22-2020, 11:42 AM
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Atlantic Hurricane season predicted to be busier than normal
Friend literally only owns a single hat, am I the asshole for thinking you should own more?


He'll be sorry when it blows off in a fierce gust and is last seen rising like a kite and heading for the next county.
  #385  
Old 05-22-2020, 01:35 PM
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Recommend a printer
Is this fantastically racist?


Only if it makes K-K-Kopies.
  #386  
Old 05-22-2020, 02:36 PM
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Why must we perpetually ask dogs who's a good boy/girl?

Is this fantastically racist?



Yes, it is.

We must stop infantilizing our Canine-Americans.
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #387  
Old 05-24-2020, 08:58 AM
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Tired fictional tropes you hate
Antidepressants or Tolkien?


The LOTR movie where the hobbits and elves all sat around moping and complaining about their pills was the worst.
  #388  
Old 05-24-2020, 10:40 AM
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Optical illusion question
Do larger things fall faster?


Ha, that's not really a grand piano, it's
  #389  
Old 05-24-2020, 06:03 PM
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A snuggie for the family jewels? (NSFW)
What would be the WORST things to buy right now?
  #390  
Old 05-24-2020, 06:33 PM
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Baseball rules Q...not even sure if an MLB ump could answer this
Do you beat children?


Only if they refuse to give the ball back.
  #391  
Old 05-25-2020, 08:50 AM
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You are space aliens; what do you do when you visit Earth?
A snuggie for the family jewels? (NSFW)


That does it; we gotta build a wall.
  #392  
Old 05-26-2020, 07:04 AM
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Issues with owning a hot tub?
Neutrinos emerge from Antarctica traveling the wrong direction and with wrong handedness


But apart from warping the very fabric of reality, hot tubs are pretty nice.
  #393  
Old 05-26-2020, 07:15 AM
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What are the effects of having one parent who was too strict and one too permissive?

Which one is paradise for you, which one is hell, and where do you think you live?
  #394  
Old 05-26-2020, 09:52 AM
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Brown eggs vs white eggs
How does the stock market work?


Well, the white eggs push stock prices up, the brown eggs bet on a crash, and the rest of us get fried and scrambled.
  #395  
Old 05-27-2020, 08:55 AM
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Quarantine birdwatching
Anyone ever feel like they're living in the past?


If you keep reporting sightings of passenger pigeons and dodos, we're gonna wonder.
  #396  
Old 05-27-2020, 10:50 AM
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I'm not likely to kill anybody else, so I'm back in Gen Pop

I guess we're gonna die
  #397  
Old 05-27-2020, 02:19 PM
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Darwinism in action - the rats will get meaner
I guess we're gonna die


COVID-19, "murder hornets", now we're all gonna be devoured by mean rats.
  #398  
Old 05-27-2020, 03:53 PM
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Is it possible for a man to ejaculate multiple times using the same erection?
Anyone know a good way to project soapy water 20 feet up to wash siding?

  #399  
Old 05-28-2020, 10:34 AM
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Question about an Ant
A question on accents


Are you sure it's not a question about an Aunt?
  #400  
Old 05-28-2020, 03:42 PM
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Neutrinos emerge from...
Oppression
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