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  #8601  
Old 05-02-2020, 04:08 PM
Siam Sam is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maus Magill View Post
Several years ago, I had a manager who was routinely outsmarted by cheese. One day, he sent out a memo about provisioning DS1s and DS3s. He accidentally mis-typed "DS1s and DS2s." No big deal. We all had a little chuckle about it, until he spent the afternoon going from desk to desk with a copy of Newton's Telecom Dictionary proving to us that DS2s were actually a thing.

Remember: being wrong about anything is a sign of weakness.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Monty View Post
Now I'm wondering what could both (a) set him off to the point that he would order the "football" carrier to hand over the football to him, and (b) cause said football handler actually comply with turning over that to such an obviously unstable individual.
Dunno about (b), but (a) could be a Pelosi press conference.
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  #8602  
Old 05-02-2020, 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by EinsteinsHund View Post
Well, I don't know (like everybody else who wasn't US president) what the procedure is for that, but at least he'd have to remember a 4 digit PIN or so, right? I doubt that he's intellectually capable to do that.
Allegedly the nuclear launch codes for a long time were "00000000", though that's disputed.

If that were still the case, just tell the cancerous tangerine the launch codes are the balance on his bank statement. It would be pretty much true, and his fatuous need to lie about his wealth would guarantee no nuclear launch could ever be successfully authorised by him.
  #8603  
Old 05-02-2020, 06:57 PM
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Allegedly the nuclear launch codes for a long time were "00000000", though that's disputed.

If that were still the case, just tell the cancerous tangerine the launch codes are the balance on his bank statement. It would be pretty much true, and his fatuous need to lie about his wealth would guarantee no nuclear launch could ever be successfully authorised by him.
That is a mighty generous estimate.
  #8604  
Old 05-02-2020, 08:38 PM
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Lotsa leading zeros.
  #8605  
Old 05-02-2020, 08:56 PM
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Allegedly the nuclear launch codes for a long time were "00000000",
Wasn't it zero, zero, zero, destruct zero?
  #8606  
Old 05-02-2020, 10:56 PM
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For the first Gen-X President (Mayor Petey?) it'll be:
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
  #8607  
Old 05-03-2020, 01:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loser Donald
....And then came a Plague, a great and powerful Plague, and the World was never to be the same again! But America rose from this death and destruction, always remembering its many lost souls, and the lost souls all over the World, and became greater than ever before!
That's not the second half of anything. The Very Stable Genius started his thought with an ellipses, attempted to paraphrase something he thinks was probably in Two Corinthians, and said absolutely nothing of substance in the process.

Last edited by Smapti; 05-03-2020 at 01:16 PM.
  #8608  
Old 05-03-2020, 01:57 PM
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It sounded like the Little Golden Book Bedtime Stories of COVID-19.
  #8609  
Old 05-03-2020, 05:22 PM
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Well, given the man's apparent memory span and his inability to read, I don't think we have to worry about that. At least, let's hope.
He may have delegated the decision to launch nuclear weapons to Jared.
  #8610  
Old 05-03-2020, 05:37 PM
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He may have delegated the decision to launch nuclear weapons to Jared.

"Why did I fire those big beautiful nyukes? Many people told me, 'Sir, those nyukes, those missuls aren't doing any good unless you use them'. Did you know!!!! that Misyls are powerful? I didn't. But they're american, so I threw them at the enuhmee. The lying dems who hate americuh said I can not do that, it's a war crime. I'll tell you what a crime is. Crooked Hillary and her mails. Locker her up! Lok r up!!!"
  #8611  
Old 05-03-2020, 05:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toffe View Post
Allegedly the nuclear launch codes for a long time were "00000000", though that's disputed.

If that were still the case, just tell the cancerous tangerine the launch codes are the balance on his bank statement. It would be pretty much true, and his fatuous need to lie about his wealth would guarantee no nuclear launch could ever be successfully authorised by him.
There's a problem: there is neither a minus sign nor a red font on the keyboard.
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Last edited by EinsteinsHund; 05-03-2020 at 05:47 PM.
  #8612  
Old 05-03-2020, 06:43 PM
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He may have delegated the decision to launch nuclear weapons to Jared.
Jared doesn’t have to know how to read. His daddy gave Harvard $2.5 million to let him in.

If anyone can show some evidence that either Trump or Kushner wrote one of their own papers whilst visiting Penn or Harvard, I’ll buy you a beverage.
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  #8613  
Old 05-04-2020, 06:26 AM
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There's a problem: there is neither a minus sign nor a red font on the keyboard.
That's a feature, not a bug.
  #8614  
Old 05-05-2020, 01:05 PM
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What happens if Trump just wants a latte and pushes the wrong button?

Made in 2009 but eerily prescient.
  #8615  
Old 05-14-2020, 11:11 AM
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He's rapidly approaching the "run through the Rose Garden with his pants on his head howling at the moon" stage:

Quote:
Originally Posted by il Doofus
If I were a Senator or Congressman, the first person I would call to testify about the biggest political crime and scandal in the history of the USA, by FAR, is former President Obama. He knew EVERYTHING. Do it @LindseyGrahamSC, just do it. No more Mr. Nice Guy. No more talk!
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  #8616  
Old 05-14-2020, 11:24 AM
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He's rapidly approaching the "run through the Rose Garden with his pants on his head howling at the moon" stage:
I would love it if they gave Obama the national spotlight at a congressional hearing. Do it @Sen.Graham.
  #8617  
Old 05-14-2020, 11:24 AM
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He's rapidly approaching the "run through the Rose Garden with his pants on his head howling at the moon" stage:
Oh, Lordy. He knows he can't launch an actual criminal investigation into this bogus nonsense, so he throws his buddy Lindsey under the bus by putting him on the hook for it.

If Trump goes down and takes Graham with him, so much the better.

ETA: I like how he says "no more talk!" when he's the one doing all the talking himself. Do it Lindsey!

Last edited by jsc1953; 05-14-2020 at 11:27 AM.
  #8618  
Old 05-14-2020, 11:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve MB View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by il Doofus
If I were a Senator or Congressman, the first person I would call to testify about the biggest political crime and scandal in the history of the USA, by FAR, is former President Obama. He knew EVERYTHING. Do it @LindseyGrahamSC, just do it. No more Mr. Nice Guy. No more talk!
He's rapidly approaching the "run through the Rose Garden with his pants on his head howling at the moon" stage:
So he's admitting on the record that Obama knew far more about what was happening in his administration than Trump knows about what's happening in his own administration. (Yes, I know Obamagate is nothing but lies and the rotting fluff between Trump's ears.)

Does he even recognize how much that reveals about his own incompetence?

Last edited by Morgyn; 05-14-2020 at 11:36 AM. Reason: better wording
  #8619  
Old 05-14-2020, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Morgyn View Post
So he's admitting on the record that Obama knew far more about what was happening in his administration than Trump knows about what's happening in his own administration. (Yes, I know Obamagate is nothing but lies and the rotting fluff between Trump's ears.)

Does he even recognize how much that reveals about his own incompetence?
I remember the last time (and maybe the only time) a bunch of Republicans asked Obama questions on camera. It didn't go well.
  #8620  
Old 05-14-2020, 04:56 PM
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Obama can't have committed a crime. As Loser Donald has told us, when someone is president, their authority is total.
  #8621  
Old 05-14-2020, 06:39 PM
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I would love it if they gave Obama the national spotlight at a congressional hearing. Do it @Sen.Graham.
Dear Mr. Obama,
I'm willing to lend you my microphone... oh, hell, I'll GIVE it to you.

Just tested it, makes a reverberating THUNK when you drop it.
  #8622  
Old 05-14-2020, 07:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Smapti View Post
Obama can't have committed a crime. As Loser Donald has told us, when someone is president, their authority is total.
Well, so long as they're a member of the right party.

And race.

(my emphasis)
  #8623  
Old 05-15-2020, 01:02 AM
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Well, so long as they're a member of the right party.

And race.

(my emphasis)
Ah, but you're also forgetting that when Obama was president he had an Article 2, which let him do anything he wanted.
  #8624  
Old 05-15-2020, 01:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Smapti View Post
Ah, but you're also forgetting that when Obama was president he had an Article 2, which let him do anything he wanted.
No, O-bummer had the other Article 2 — the soopersekret one the Founders wrote with their fingers crossed behind their backs. In case one of "them" cheated his way into the Presidency.
  #8625  
Old 05-15-2020, 04:36 AM
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Well, according to the founding fathers, Obama would only get three fifths of Article 2 ... so, Article 1.2?
  #8626  
Old 05-15-2020, 09:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Smapti View Post
Ah, but you're also forgetting that when Obama was president he had an Article 2, which let him do anything he wanted.
And he wasted it on saluting with coffee in his hand, and wearing a tan suit.

No imagination, that guy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OttoDaFe View Post
No, O-bummer had the other Article 2 — the soopersekret one the Founders wrote with their fingers crossed behind their backs. In case one of "them" cheated his way into the Presidency.
Kind of like what the Republican legislatures of North Carolina, and later Wisconsin, did to the 'governor's powers' when Democrats won in their states. 'Ha, ha, you don't get the same powers the GOP Governor got, hahahahaha!'


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack Batty View Post
Well, according to the founding fathers, Obama would only get three fifths of Article 2 ... so, Article 1.2?
Good one!

But of course Obama had one African parent and one European-heritage parent, so maybe it's Article 0.6.....
  #8627  
Old 05-20-2020, 09:38 AM
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Quote:
Breaking: Michigan sends absentee ballots to 7.7 million people ahead of Primaries and the General Election. This was done illegally and without authorization by a rogue Secretary of State. I will ask to hold up funding to Michigan if they want to go down this Voter Fraud path!..
Completely oblivious to the fact that those were applications for absentee ballots!
  #8628  
Old 05-20-2020, 11:18 AM
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Trump Is Brazenly Interfering With the 2020 Election
The president appears to be gambling that openly tweeting his threats will let him get away with them.
Quote:
Imagine that the White House chief of staff wrote a secret memo, at the behest of the president of the United States, to the Treasury secretary and the director of the Office of Management and Budget. In the carefully hidden memo, the chief of staff directs the two to secretly and illegally cut off all federal funding to two key swing states, both led by Democratic governors, with the goal of rigging turnout in favor of the president’s party in the 2020 election.

Now imagine that the memo leaked to The Wall Street Journal, which splashed the story across its front page. The other major papers would quickly follow. Cable news would cover it wall to wall. There would be congressional investigations.

Now imagine that instead of conducting all this skulduggery in private, the president just openly tweeted it out. Actually, you don’t have to imagine it. You can just surf over to Donald Trump’s Twitter feed this morning:
Quote:
Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump

Breaking: Michigan sends absentee ballots to 7.7 million people ahead of Primaries and the General Election. This was done illegally and without authorization by a rogue Secretary of State. I will ask to hold up funding to Michigan if they want to go down this Voter Fraud path!..
Quote:
Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump

State of Nevada “thinks” that they can send out illegal vote by mail ballots, creating a great Voter Fraud scenario for the State and the U.S. They can’t! If they do, “I think” I can hold up funds to the State. Sorry, but you must not cheat in elections. @RussVought45 @USTreasury
...This is one of the many things that makes Trump’s Twitter feed such a bizarre phenomenon. If he did this privately, it would—rightly—be a massive scandal. Yet when he does it as part of a few dozen wildly varied missives over the course of a morning, it’s written off as just another wacky missive from the wacky president.
...

In short, Trump is trying to use the force and funds of the federal government to enhance his reelection chances—and if that sounds familiar, it’s because he was impeached in December for doing much the same.
....
Next step: shooting someone in broad daylight on Fifth Avenue. If he can find anyone out in the open.
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  #8629  
Old 05-20-2020, 11:34 AM
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The Atlantic article should more accurately be titled "Trump Brazenly Attempts to Sow Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt About the Validity of the Upcoming Election". He can't stop states from distributing absentee ballots, or going all-in on all-mail elections. Elections are under state control. It's also very uncertain that he could shut off funding to the states.

So all he can do is prepare the groundwork for "Michigan election fraud!" in November. And that's precisely what he's doing.
  #8630  
Old 05-20-2020, 02:14 PM
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The really pathetic thing about all of this is that he doesn't give a shit about the presidency, voting, the people, or much of anything else other than being branded a LOSER. He doesn't care about being the president, but he dreads being tagged with LOSER. News flash for you Donny:

YOU'RE A FUCKING LOSER!
  #8631  
Old 05-21-2020, 11:28 AM
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The Atlantic article should more accurately be titled "Trump Brazenly Attempts to Sow Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt About the Validity of the Upcoming Election". He can't stop states from distributing absentee ballots, or going all-in on all-mail elections. Elections are under state control. It's also very uncertain that he could shut off funding to the states.
I quick-read that as Trump Brazenly Attempts to Slow Fear... and wondered for a moment if you'd lost your mind.
  #8632  
Old 05-21-2020, 03:06 PM
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Completely oblivious to the fact that those were applications for absentee ballots!
Update: He deleted that tweet after getting a smack down from Jocelyn Benson, the Michigan Secretary of State, and replaced it with the exact same tweet except he added "applications"

It makes even less sense now.
  #8633  
Old 05-21-2020, 03:40 PM
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From Snopes:
Quote:
Trump has used the absentee voting system in at least three elections: Trump voted by mail during New York’s mayoral election in 2017, cast an absentee ballot during the state’s midterm election the following year, and again used a vote-by-mail ballot in Florida’s primary election in 2020.
So, maybe it really is an indication of illegal activity.
  #8634  
Old 05-21-2020, 03:49 PM
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He's also attacking Nevada for the same thing, apparently not realizing that the Nevada Secretary of State is a Republican. The only statewide Republican in the whole state.
  #8635  
Old 05-24-2020, 03:31 PM
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Nothing to worry about. The greatest truth teller says cases COVID are going down!

"Cases, numbers and deaths are going down all over the Country!"

He doesn't specify which country.
  #8636  
Old 05-24-2020, 04:56 PM
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Nothing to worry about. The greatest truth teller says cases COVID are going down!

"Cases, numbers and deaths are going down all over the Country!"

He doesn't specify which country.

"Cases, numbers and deaths"? I wonder what, specifically, numbers refers to if not cases and deaths? Isn't this like a shopping list that says "bananas, things, and floor wax"?
  #8637  
Old 05-24-2020, 11:33 PM
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"Cases, numbers and deaths"? I wonder what, specifically, numbers refers to if not cases and deaths? Isn't this like a shopping list that says "bananas, things, and floor wax"?
his poll numbers apparently.
  #8638  
Old 05-25-2020, 05:27 AM
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What happens if Trump just wants a latte and pushes the wrong button?

Made in 2009 but eerily prescient.
A very, very old joke. Here's an example from 1986.
  #8639  
Old 05-25-2020, 10:10 AM
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Not available to us 'Merkins.
  #8640  
Old 05-25-2020, 10:59 AM
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Not available to us 'Merkins.
Or Canadians, but it's the music video for Genesis' Land of Confusion.

This will probably work:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yq7FKO5DlV0
Relevant moment at 5:12

Last edited by Gorsnak; 05-25-2020 at 11:00 AM.
  #8641  
Old 05-25-2020, 11:35 AM
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Not available to us 'Merkins.
But it is to President Merkin.
  #8642  
Old 05-25-2020, 11:57 PM
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Ah, Dinkie Digit Twitler could not let Memorial Day go by without crapping all over it, complete with an insult to a USMC veteran coupled with a lie about that veteran:

Quote:
[b]Trump Bashes Marine Vet Congressman As An 'American Fraud' On Memorial Day[b]

Donald Trump picked Memorial Day to attack Rep. Conor Lamb (D-Pa.), a Marine Corps veteran, as an “American fraud” and “puppet for Crazy Nancy Pelosi” as the president endorsed the lawmaker’s rival on Monday.

Trump goofed up the attack, referring to Conor Lamb as “Connor Lamm” as he pitched Republican candidate Sean Parnell in the election for Lamb’s Pennsylvania seat.

Trump appeared to be unaware that Lamb, far from being Pelosi’s “puppet,” was one of only 15 Democrats in the House who did not vote for her to become speaker in 2017.

More at the link.
  #8643  
Old 05-26-2020, 02:31 AM
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Great NY Daily News Cover:

Toy soldier Trump dissed a true war hero - but used five deferments and a foot boo-boo to dodge Vietnam draft.

The Daily News is a crappy paper, but on the plus side they've been wrecking this "president" since well before the election.
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  #8644  
Old 05-26-2020, 09:01 AM
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Widower of intern who died asks Twitter CEO Dorsey to delete Trump tweets.

https://twitter.com/DelWilber/status...34465632276482
  #8645  
Old 05-26-2020, 09:06 AM
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I wonder if Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey will finally do the right thing in response to the plea from the husband of deceased Lori Klausutis. I suppose it would be way too much to ask, much less expect, to delete @RealDonaldTrump's account entirely.

ETA: ninja'd.
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Last edited by QuickSilver; 05-26-2020 at 09:06 AM.
  #8646  
Old 05-26-2020, 09:19 AM
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If he did not ban Trump so far he's not getting banned. And if Trump was banned he would just move to facebook, instagram, etc. His cult will follow him anywhere.

Last edited by Bijou Drains; 05-26-2020 at 09:19 AM.
  #8647  
Old 05-26-2020, 09:30 AM
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I suppose it's for the same reason that Trump's tweets about Lori Klausutis, birtherism and his various other twitterrhea will likely remain undeleted. It's all part and parcel of Trump's squalid legacy.
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  #8648  
Old 05-26-2020, 09:39 AM
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Trump thinks big tech is against conservatives. If he's banned it proves his point.
  #8649  
Old 05-26-2020, 09:50 AM
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I suppose it's for the same reason that Trump's tweets about Lori Klausutis, birtherism and his various other twitterrhea will likely remain undeleted. It's all part and parcel of Trump's squalid legacy.
They're gonna need something to put in his Presidential Library. Ya, know, that closet at Mar-a-Lago.
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  #8650  
Old 05-26-2020, 09:55 AM
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They're gonna need something to put in his Presidential Library. Ya, know, that closet at Mar-a-Lago.
Kinda large for a thumb drive.
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