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  #151  
Old 02-13-2020, 09:34 AM
Annie-Xmas is offline
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Fun with flags
Local sportswriter has F word on her twitter home page.


Which one? Fun or flags?
  #152  
Old 02-14-2020, 04:22 AM
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Warren campaign accused of racism in Nevada
But Can a Gay Man Make It In the South?


Yeah, take THAT!
  #153  
Old 02-14-2020, 09:06 AM
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Does this electronic gizmo I want exist?
Boxer underwear w/no pee slot?


The motion-detected pee slot is still a work in progress.
  #154  
Old 02-14-2020, 09:56 AM
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Sightseeing advice in New Mexico / Sante Fe / on the way to Carlsbad Caverns
Dopefest in Santa Fe NM
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This is my signature. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
  #155  
Old 02-15-2020, 10:24 AM
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What do you call a single drop of sleet?
"Novel" Coronavirus.


Aieee! Chemtrails!!!
  #156  
Old 02-15-2020, 02:38 PM
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What music are you listening to now?
Doomsday Machine(again)


I can't get enough of industrial death metal!
  #157  
Old 02-15-2020, 10:01 PM
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the most spoken phrase in America is

What's new, Atlas?
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #158  
Old 02-15-2020, 11:39 PM
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Yep! I saw you.
Squatting


  #159  
Old 02-16-2020, 10:41 AM
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Squatting
Critter Cam out back.


I've got raccoons, groundhogs and possums caught in the act. Looking to trade for a coyote.
  #160  
Old 02-17-2020, 08:04 AM
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How the hell do recyclers clean out peanut butter jars?
Glass in garbage disposal.

Last edited by Ludovic; 02-17-2020 at 08:04 AM.
  #161  
Old 02-17-2020, 08:19 AM
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Kids' Catchphrases or Words
How the hell do recyclers clean out peanut butter jars?


Doesn't really roll off the tongue, does it?
  #162  
Old 02-17-2020, 11:40 AM
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A mundane victory, please add yours
Free church-keys?

Score!
  #163  
Old 02-17-2020, 06:10 PM
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What do you call a single drop of sleet?
"Novel" Coronavirus.


  #164  
Old 02-18-2020, 06:20 AM
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How would you fix American policing? (UPDATED)
What if we let AI take over the legislative role


Then we'd finally achieve true equality ... everyone would be working in the silicon mines. IFOWONAIO.
  #165  
Old 02-18-2020, 09:07 AM
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Do some races smell...stronger than others?
Passive Zombies


They do get a wee bit rank.
  #166  
Old 02-18-2020, 09:35 AM
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What does it mean when a woman says "I'm comfortable with you."
Bathroom scales are worthless in the MMP


Hey now, men can be so comfortable they don't feel the need to check their weight, too!
  #167  
Old 02-18-2020, 10:33 AM
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What does it mean when a woman says "I'm comfortable with you."

A quick little English grammar lesson...
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #168  
Old 02-19-2020, 05:17 AM
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Doctors and Prostitutes - What's with the red light?
Universal symbols


Oh, really, I couldn't have guessed?
  #169  
Old 02-19-2020, 08:18 AM
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Betelgeuse is more than 700 light-years away, so ....
How long can a virus survive outside of a host?


Why can't the Betelgeusites just fax their viruses to us like normal aliens?
  #170  
Old 02-19-2020, 08:54 PM
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Why did the Founding Fathers use such flowery prose?
1800(?)s Insult


Verily, all Experience hath shewn that thou art possessed of immense Stupidity, such as to constitute a Flaming Twit.
  #171  
Old 02-19-2020, 09:06 PM
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Did tall races of 8' ever exist?
Airline passenger etiquette: reclining your seat


They used to exist, but were all wiped out in airplane seat-reclining skirmishes.
  #172  
Old 02-20-2020, 09:41 AM
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Mass Killings in the United States, 2020
Atheists and Satanists sabotage Twitter poll
Alternatives to Teen sex - hey kids, try toe sucking instead.
Anyone know people who play relationship games like playing hard to get or have sex?

I think that could be a new movie franchise.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 02-20-2020 at 09:42 AM.
  #173  
Old 02-20-2020, 09:59 AM
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Who are you, O Cat?
New species of bird found in LV, the Western pigeon


Better figure out the cat thing fast, if you want to stick around.
  #174  
Old 02-20-2020, 10:18 AM
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top of the mornin' to you
Rush Limbaugh Has Lung Cancer
Too clever for his own good


Nelson Muntz voice: HA! ha!
  #175  
Old 02-20-2020, 09:40 PM
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What music are you listening to now?


Songs about Rainbows
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #176  
Old 02-21-2020, 12:09 PM
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Other than salt in the water, what other things do ocean fish need in captivity?
Rabbits & Carrots
  #177  
Old 02-21-2020, 02:15 PM
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What made you sad today?
The problem with the dark craft beer situation these days.


  #178  
Old 02-22-2020, 09:23 AM
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Drinking nitroglycerin
Would you die from 11 meters drop


Maybe you should stop following the 2020 Presidential campaign.
  #179  
Old 02-23-2020, 12:49 PM
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A mundane victory, please add yours
Flat-Earther builds a rocket


The flight, however, was not.
  #180  
Old 02-24-2020, 06:37 AM
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Have you ever heard of these attraction/seduction programs?
Tell me about your skydiving experiences (especially first-timers)


"Attraction programs" while skydiving? When I was a kid we just called it "gravity".
  #181  
Old 02-24-2020, 09:10 AM
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What are Your Mantras to Get You Through Anxiety, Panic, Stress, Despair and/or Impending Doom?
Define "lying".

Last edited by Jackmannii; 02-24-2020 at 09:11 AM.
  #182  
Old 02-24-2020, 03:46 PM
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Betelgeuse is more than 700 light-years away, so ....
Could polar bears survive in Antarctica?


Once it blows up, they could because the supernova will be so hot amirite?
  #183  
Old 02-25-2020, 06:34 AM
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What's a fatal dose of tooth paste?

Drinking nitroglycerin



I'm going to kill myself by mouth, one way or the other!
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
  #184  
Old 02-25-2020, 09:29 AM
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How concerned are you about this Coronavirus?
APTs, Solzhenitsyn, insects -- the future is dire. Very very dire.


With patter like that, it's no wonder you never get a second date.
  #185  
Old 02-26-2020, 07:46 AM
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How Does A Restaurant Get Considered For A Michelin Star?
Food Challenge - A Carrot and a Red Onion


Let's see: artfully arranged mini-carrot and onion shavings, giant plate, touch of garnish, all for $150.

Should be good for at least two stars.
  #186  
Old 02-26-2020, 08:00 AM
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I've seen fire and I've seen...
Japan and technology.


You know, fire is a technology
  #187  
Old 02-26-2020, 08:40 AM
Annie-Xmas is offline
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Jewish Dopers: Tips and Tricks for Challah, Please
Why didn't hot dogs catch on like hamburgers?


May contain pork, which is not kosher
  #188  
Old 02-26-2020, 03:07 PM
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Coincidental sequential threads on CNN:

If you drive an expensive car you're probably a jerk, scientists say
The new Cadillac Escalade can drive itself
These Ford GTs are now worth more than $1 million
First new 2020 Corvette auctioned for $3 million
Porsche's first electric car is pricey but insanely fun


This doesn't look good for Cadillac, GT, Corvette or Porsche drivers...
  #189  
Old 02-26-2020, 07:54 PM
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Mass Killings in the United States, 2020
So, the cops knock at my door


It was a good run, but you knew it had to end sometime.
  #190  
Old 02-27-2020, 06:54 AM
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Mass Killings in the United States, 2020
To hell with taco trucks on every corner


It might be a good idea to bring a sack lunch today.
  #191  
Old 02-27-2020, 10:14 AM
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I Am Not Okay With This
Tell me about backyard smokers


I am not okay with you smoking in my backyard
  #192  
Old 02-27-2020, 10:39 AM
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Multiple deaths in shooting at Molson Coors in Milwaukee
So, the cops knock at my door


You have a reputation.
  #193  
Old 02-27-2020, 11:42 AM
Annie-Xmas is offline
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Why didn't hot dogs catch on like hamburgers?
Should serving hot dogs with ketchup rather than mustard & relish be punished by death?



Asked and answered

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 02-27-2020 at 11:43 AM.
  #194  
Old 02-27-2020, 04:03 PM
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What message would it take to make obesity rates plummet dramatically?
Just shoot the hippos!


OK, first of all, you shouldn't call people who are struggling with a weight problem "hippos"...
  #195  
Old 02-27-2020, 05:45 PM
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Ramblings on male and female dress codes at work
How do you hold your hot dog?


Thankfully I don't have to worry about that, as my dress code specifically forbids Renaissance court tights for men.
  #196  
Old 02-29-2020, 08:15 AM
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It's been a while since I had a good spit-take.
US Signs peace accord with Taliban


It's now been zero days since a spit-take.
  #197  
Old 02-29-2020, 09:43 AM
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Guys wearing their belt buckles off-center
Quirky hobbies/pastimes which you suspect only you partake in


When I'm in the mood for an especially daring fashion statement, I'll wear a T-shirt with the label outside the collar.

You've been kidnapped! How do you post?
It's funny and sad to see retail try to save itself


Sorry bud, you ain't leaving this here J.C. Penney until you buy somethin'.

Last edited by Jackmannii; 02-29-2020 at 09:47 AM.
  #198  
Old 02-29-2020, 04:22 PM
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Should serving hot dogs with ketchup rather than mustard & relish be punished by death?
Why didn't hot dogs catch on like hamburgers?


Because hamburger places don't threaten to execute people who ask for ketchup?
  #199  
Old 03-01-2020, 12:02 PM
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Misread thread titles
Paltrow introduces vagina scented candle


Wait, that's not a misread thread title!
  #200  
Old 03-01-2020, 06:34 PM
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Sex Work in New Zealand - Can It Be Paired With Other Jobs?
What can I make out of 200 spent NO2 canisters?


Depends - are you in New Zealand?
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