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  #151  
Old 04-11-2020, 08:39 PM
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yes, but no masks. they all have jobs. She said God would protect us.
If you insist on being an idiot, I ask that you do not infect their poor children with your idiocy.
  #152  
Old 04-11-2020, 08:46 PM
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My pastors wife says we are to obey the government, we were renting a place, but now we have church at their house. Mostly pastor, his wife, their three children, their daughters two babies and daughters baby daddy. So when I go, there's s5I'll less than ten.
I hope you feel all fuzzy inside, truly fulfilled, and exactly jesusified.
  #153  
Old 04-11-2020, 08:53 PM
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yes, but no masks. they all have jobs. She said God would protect us.
Get the fuck out of here.

Suntan Lotion.
Makes note.That poster Suntan Lotion.

Makes additional note to remember.
Notes that this has been a whiskey night, and remembering might be a thing...
  #154  
Old 04-11-2020, 09:10 PM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
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  #155  
Old 04-11-2020, 09:13 PM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
Considering how many people are sick and those who have died, you're way late.
And being an asshole.
  #156  
Old 04-11-2020, 09:15 PM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
I will concede that you are a thoughtless asshole who is willing for others to die for your beliefs.
  #157  
Old 04-11-2020, 09:59 PM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
Go to this thread and just read how this devastating virus is striking those on this message board, those they love and those they are close to.
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Old 04-11-2020, 10:00 PM
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Another gem from SuntanLotion


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I don't think He's punishing anyone. It's warning signs, earthquake and pestilence. Times running out. Notice back decades ago no one could be marked for buying and selling. Now.. We have a way to put a chip in people. Did it escape anyone's notice that a person who has stated they want the population reduced is working on a vaccine..
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  #159  
Old 04-11-2020, 10:10 PM
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I feel the need to say, as a Jew who keeps covenant with the G-d of Abraham and feels His presence in my daily life, Suntan Lotion does NOT represent most theists.

I feel I speak for most believers when I say I feel the Lord's will is for us not to act like idiots. Stay home if you can. Wear a mask when you go out. Practice social distancing. Don't be a fucking moron. Thus spake the Lord.
  #160  
Old 04-11-2020, 10:18 PM
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I feel the need to say, as a Jew who keeps covenant with the G-d of Abraham and feels His presence in my daily life, Suntan Lotion does NOT represent most theists.

I feel I speak for most believers when I say I feel the Lord's will is for us not to act like idiots. Stay home if you can. Wear a mask when you go out. Practice social distancing. Don't be a fucking moron. Thus spake the Lord.
Yep. But SuntanLotion is not acting.
  #161  
Old 04-11-2020, 10:20 PM
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I went back and refound the following link. Backstory: I'm a Kansan and some years ago there was a push to have intelligent design pushed in schools, as an alternative explanation for evolution. This was a "memo" from God. As a Christian myself I find it hilarious, and I'm totally in line with the attitude God has in this piece.

http://www.bertholf.net/Commentaries/KansasBOEmemo.htm
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  #162  
Old 04-12-2020, 04:30 AM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
Considering how many outbreaks there have been post-religious gathering I wouldn't be that confident/arrogant if I were you.

You HAVE read that bit in the New Testament when Jesus is in the desert and Satan tells him to throw himself (Jesus) off a cliff and angels will rescue him (Jesus) and Jesus says don't tempt God, right? If you haven't, let me spoiler it for you: Jesus doesn't jump off the cliff.

WWJD? Jesus would hold religious gatherings by Zoom these days to set a good example is my guess.

This isn't Satan's Evil Influence, it's a virus. If you don't get sick it's because you didn't catch the virus, not because you prayed hard. What's next on your agenda, snake handling? If you dance around with a rattlesnake in your hands and don't get bit it's because the snake doesn't feel a need to bite you, not because you prayed hard. Likewise, those folks on the sidelines drinking strychnine out of moonshine jars don't survive because they pray hard, it's because the person mixing that drink kept it (you hope) under fatal dose levels.

God presumably gave you a brain, and presumably wants you to use it. So do so.
  #163  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:38 AM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
Oh, it goes like that, huh? So then everyone who has died from the virus has been personally killed by your god? Fuck your god, and fuck you.
  #164  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:52 AM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
Will you concede that your God killed everyone who died of Covis-19? I mean: he's all-powerful, right?
  #165  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:55 AM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
Ha ha are you for real?
  #166  
Old 04-12-2020, 08:38 AM
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Oh, it goes like that, huh? So then everyone who has died from the virus has been personally killed by your god? Fuck your god, and fuck you.
If you don't want God, don't use me as an excuse
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  #167  
Old 04-12-2020, 08:51 AM
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Fuck off. Jesus never rose from the dead. Jesus never walked on water that wasn't frozen. Fuck you.
  #168  
Old 04-12-2020, 08:54 AM
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If you don't want God, don't use me as an excuse
One of the factors that drive people from God are people like you.
  #169  
Old 04-12-2020, 09:28 AM
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If you don't want God, don't use me as an excuse
Sorry, but you cannot have it both ways.
If you were spared by the Grace of God then those who suffered or perished did so by the Wrath of God.

We need to find the survivors, have an inquisition to see if they learned from their experience, and burn all those who do not recognize the Hand of God in this plague.
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  #170  
Old 04-12-2020, 10:02 AM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
Please could you clarify which God you mean.

Assuming you mean 'Christian'; the vengeful murdering Old Testament one? The loving New Testament one?

Catholic? Protestant?
Latin Catholic? Eastern Catholic? Independent Catholic?
Baptist? Lutheran? Methodist? Reformed? Pentecostalist?
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  #171  
Old 04-12-2020, 10:08 AM
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There are plenty of them to go around, but the one that finally caused me to start this is Kenneth Copeland, who commands the virus by calling it "doggone."
(This thread may also encompass religious people who know why God sent the virus, and religious people who still think that it is Fake News.)
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One of the factors that drive people from God are people like you.
Not so. It's their own stubborn hearts. Go on and pile on if it makes you feel better
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  #172  
Old 04-12-2020, 10:12 AM
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Not so. It's their own stubborn hearts. Go on and pile on if it makes you feel better
As always, worship in any manner different than the one YOU chose should carry a death sentence.
If the State doesn't allow it then you pray for God to confirm your exclusivity by killing the non-believers.
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  #173  
Old 04-12-2020, 10:37 AM
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[3] Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler,
and from the noisome pestilence.
I am reminded of one of Isaac Asimov's essays in F&SF decades ago where he talked about how lightning bolts were especially seen as God's punishment. If a dread disease cut a swath in the populace, people would think, "It's my heathen neighbors He's after, not me," but when you've been struck by lightning you've been pretty well singled out.

After Ben Franklin invented the lightning rod folks started installing them on their houses and barns, to the great displeasure of a lot of preachers. "You're thwarting God's will!" Thing was, what's the highest point in your typical 18th century village? The church steeple.

Church after church was being struck and set afire while the biggest sinner in the county -- who'd installed lightning rods -- was untouched. After a while, the rods appeared on churches, too.
  #174  
Old 04-12-2020, 11:46 AM
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Perhaps this is the sign from god that people should stay home from Easter services.
  #175  
Old 04-12-2020, 12:40 PM
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Apparently this is all a plot led by Bill Gates to get us used to living under a communist regime, and only those who "pass" some secret antivirus test will ever be allowed out, the rest will willingly get on railroad cars to be taken... somewhere. Or so Facebook tells me.
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  #176  
Old 04-12-2020, 01:05 PM
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Not so. It's their own stubborn hearts. Go on and pile on if it makes you feel better
Ooooohhh! Now you get to be a persecuted asshole!
How special.
  #177  
Old 04-12-2020, 01:44 PM
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Perhaps this is the sign from god that people should stay home from Easter services.
The Texas tornado was confirmed south of Marble Falls, about 50 miles east of Austin, the weather service said.

I thought Marble Falls was in Arizona. That's where Mike Teavee was from, IIRC.
  #178  
Old 04-12-2020, 02:23 PM
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The Texas tornado was confirmed south of Marble Falls, about 50 miles east of Austin, the weather service said.

I thought Marble Falls was in Arizona. That's where Mike Teavee was from, IIRC.
It was. Before the tornado.
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  #179  
Old 04-12-2020, 02:26 PM
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Not so. It's their own stubborn hearts. Go on and pile on if it makes you feel better
Better a stubborn heart than a credulous mind.
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  #180  
Old 04-12-2020, 03:01 PM
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Note to Normal People:

What Suntan Lotion "believes" is the complete opposite of what Jesus taught. Please ignore... (or pray for that whole church and the pastor who thinks a small group in a house without protection is a-ok).

But come to think of it, I've looked back on some recent threads... and I'm going to assume we've got an insincere poster here. The last couple of posts have been beyond 11 on the ignorance scale (and -11 on the Caring for Anyone Else meter).

Last edited by digs; 04-12-2020 at 03:02 PM.
  #181  
Old 04-12-2020, 03:10 PM
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Ooooohhh! Now you get to be a persecuted asshole!
How special.
You realize that he's masturbating like a motherfucker while he reads these comments, right?
  #182  
Old 04-12-2020, 03:28 PM
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So when we all turn out healthy, you will concede God did that?
All? The thousands who have died haven't turned out healthy, now, have they?
  #183  
Old 04-12-2020, 03:30 PM
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My pastors wife says we are to obey the government, we were renting a place, but now we have church at their house. Mostly pastor, his wife, their three children, their daughters two babies and daughters baby daddy. So when I go, there's s5I'll less than ten.
When did the pastor's wife become the theological expert? Does she come by it through osmosis?
  #184  
Old 04-12-2020, 04:31 PM
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My pastors wife says we are to obey the government, we were renting a place, but now we have church at their house. Mostly pastor, his wife, their three children, their daughters two babies and daughters baby daddy. So when I go, there's s5I'll less than ten.

Mostly? By the way, do you happen to know what a lie is?
  #185  
Old 04-12-2020, 05:02 PM
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My pastors wife says we are to obey the government, we were renting a place, but now we have church at their house. Mostly pastor, his wife, their three children, their daughters two babies and daughters baby daddy. So when I go, there's s5I'll less than ten.
Oh, I have so many questions about this “church” of yours. What religion and domination? How many parishioners attend regularly?

Did the preacher make an announcement from the pulpit and say - “Since we can only have ten people at the service everyone but Suntan Lotion is out of luck, but Suntan Lotion can come over to my house and we’ll have church just for her”? Or did you win a lottery or draw the short straw? Were you the highest bidder? Did the other parishioners care?

Or is he “having church” at his house all day, one worshiper at a time? Why not just live stream the service like all the other churches are doing. Because it seems that the objections to the prohibitions on live services revolve around losing the community aspect. Which you still lose when you “have church” one person at a time.

Or maybe he cancelled services and all the members of the church but one were cool with it and that one person was just such a pain in the ass about losing liberty and freedom that he just invited her over to shut her up. Because it sounds to me like you were just visiting your preacher at his house, not “having church”. If it’s true at all.

TL dr I think Suntan Lotion is a liar.

Last edited by Ann Hedonia; 04-12-2020 at 05:05 PM.
  #186  
Old 04-12-2020, 05:20 PM
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TL dr I think Suntan Lotion is a liar.
He's lying in the service of God. That makes it OK.
  #187  
Old 04-12-2020, 05:41 PM
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When did the pastor's wife become the theological expert? Does she come by it through osmosis?
By injection, silly.
  #188  
Old 04-12-2020, 05:44 PM
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They've had a ministry for years, started their church in January. Rented a public place, now off limits. There were about thirty there when I first went. Christian, no denomination. We have church, word IP songs, communion, teaching. We have church right now in their home. Last week, besides me there were two guys. They sent a message out saying if people didn't want to come at this time, they understood. They do video it. Yes, they said its OK I come there. God will not give us a spirit of fear. Now, where did I lie? Oh, I'm a female.
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Old 04-12-2020, 06:16 PM
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They've had a ministry for years, started their church in January. Rented a public place, now off limits. There were about thirty there when I first went. Christian, no denomination. We have church, word IP songs, communion, teaching. We have church right now in their home. Last week, besides me there were two guys. They sent a message out saying if people didn't want to come at this time, they understood. They do video it. Yes, they said its OK I come there. God will not give us a spirit of fear. Now, where did I lie? Oh, I'm a female.
Can you elaborate on what type of "teachings"? Is it just the bible? What else?

With all these service options available, I don't understand why you just don't video it too. It is absolutely safer for you and your family church. Look at it this way: this god has sent you a message. He's warned you through many experts that it's dangerous to attend church. Why listen to the preacher?
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Old 04-12-2020, 06:17 PM
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Listen, them snakes ain't gonna handle themselves.
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Old 04-12-2020, 06:28 PM
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Listen, them snakes ain't gonna handle themselves.
Isn't handling yourself a sin?
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Old 04-12-2020, 07:00 PM
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They've had a ministry for years, started their church in January. Rented a public place, now off limits. There were about thirty there when I first went. Christian, no denomination. We have church, word IP songs, communion, teaching. We have church right now in their home. Last week, besides me there were two guys. They sent a message out saying if people didn't want to come at this time, they understood. They do video it. Yes, they said its OK I come there. God will not give us a spirit of fear. Now, where did I lie? Oh, I'm a female.
God apparently hates Africans, though. The AIDS epidemic, the Ebola epidemic, the COVID epidemic and now, making its grand debut, the worst locust horde in memory at 400 times the number that hit Africa in June 2019. This is a continent with 20 million food-deprived people, all of whom are about to be in danger of starving to death. Can someone explain why a "loving" god would allow this? Oh right, it's one of his fucking mysteries.

Last edited by Chefguy; 04-12-2020 at 07:00 PM.
  #193  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:00 PM
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If we weren't supposed to handle ourselves, we wouldn't be able to reach.
  #194  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:17 PM
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Still wondering what I lied about. Makes note. That poster bobot. Pray for him.
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  #195  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:19 PM
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God apparently hates Africans, though. The AIDS epidemic, the Ebola epidemic, the COVID epidemic and now, making its grand debut, the worst locust horde in memory at 400 times the number that hit Africa in June 2019. This is a continent with 20 million food-deprived people, all of whom are about to be in danger of starving to death. Can someone explain why a "loving" god would allow this? Oh right, it's one of his fucking mysteries.
I thought it was to punish the US for tolerating homosexuality. For an omnipotent being, He has lousy aim.
  #196  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:20 PM
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God will not give us a spirit of fear.
But the virus will give you a lingering death as you slowly drown on your own fluids. Or if not you, your mom or your coworker or the random stranger you pass it to.

Not your problem, though, right? Praise god.
  #197  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:26 PM
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I think we should quit feeding Suntan Lotion. He should distance himself back under that bridge,
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  #198  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:29 PM
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Still wondering what I lied about. Makes note. That poster bobot. Pray for him.
He just has a hard time believing that you actually are as stupid as you are acting. Poe's Law, and all that. In case you are, we'll be sure to think for you.
  #199  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:31 PM
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I think we should quit feeding Suntan Lotion. He should distance himself back under that bridge,
Not without a song. Praise The Lord, Pass The Snakes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS-ZRyys2ak
  #200  
Old 04-12-2020, 07:37 PM
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Let's see....User CP.......Ignore List.....Edit.....


Ahhhhh.
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