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Old 05-12-2020, 08:03 PM
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Amazon is messing with me.


I got a box of junk I ordered from Amazon today.
I opened the box and marvelled at the stoopid crap I bought.
Yeah. It was fun for about 3 minutes. Couldn't remember why I ordered little Amber glass jars with a cork top. 36 of them.
I was folding the paper that was in the box. I think they used a whole ream to wrap these jars.
I think I'll save the box. It's a good size.

Wait! What's that?

Printed on the box is cutouts to make flowers. Kinda cute.

But why?

Doesn't Amazon know these will drive me insane? I wanna order more stuff to get more.
What am I gonna do with brown flowers?

Are there other patterns? More things to make?

Excuse me. I need to go on Amazon and order stuff.


wonder what to order to make sure it comes in a box and not the tyvek bag?
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Old 05-12-2020, 08:19 PM
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36 little amber glass jars with corks. Duh.
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Old 05-12-2020, 08:31 PM
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Well, I'm not sure because there were 550 wooden coffee stirrers in the same box.
I'm pretty sure I don't need another 550 wooden coffee stirrers. At. All.
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Old 05-12-2020, 08:33 PM
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And 1000 striped paperclips.


(Send help)
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Old 05-12-2020, 08:38 PM
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How do you want the help packed?
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Old 05-12-2020, 08:53 PM
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in a BOX.
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Old 05-12-2020, 10:15 PM
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In her enormous brilliance the lil'wrekker says they put the flower cut-outs on there to give people stuck at home a little something to do.

No, no, no, they are just toying with me.
Amazon wants me to order more useless crap.
It's an evil corporation.
They make that little click here or slide this thingy soooooooo easy to use. No glitches at that part of the page.

Just you try to find how long a tee-shirt is. You have to scroll for days to get to a verified purchasers reveiw. Then you have to decide by their name if they're being truthful. Not easy, folks. Not at all.

Then you have to figure out if it's coming from China. Not being racist, but their stuff never comes. Just like my polarbear socks. You hear that 'Unom Co.', I want MY socks. I gave you 1 star and lied and said your socks were junk!! They could be great, but I'll never know, cause I DON'T HAVE THEM!
See never trust a verified purchaser. We lie.

Yep. Amazon is messing with my head.
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Old 05-12-2020, 10:27 PM
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The answer is obvious, buy a whole bunch of little jars of paint to paint the flower cut-outs with!
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Old 05-12-2020, 10:41 PM
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I recently received six jumbo rolls of scotch tape.

Very nice.

I don't remember ordering the damned things.


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Old 05-12-2020, 10:56 PM
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Yeah, I kinda do that unconscious ordering on occasion.
I used to blame it on the kids. Now I'm the immature idiot around here. So I have to admit I ordered something.
I can still go hide in my closet and open my box.

(Did I tell you about the tiny craft paper envelopes? 2in×3in. I was thinking seed packets. I neglected to look at the amount in the order. Yep. 500.)
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Old 05-13-2020, 02:56 AM
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Some of us actually remember ordering the things we receive. Like the set of six steak knives I just received, after a whole lot of comparison shopping. Problem is, the blades are only a few inches long. Maybe they're for opening the seed packet envelopes of yours.

And they weren't cheap either.
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Old 05-13-2020, 03:37 AM
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Yeah, Panache , you're still missing that red sheet.

Did you look behind the dryer?
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Old 05-13-2020, 09:39 AM
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I like to annoy Amazon by adding random things to my cart I'm never actually going to order. It's my way of seeking revenge.
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Old 05-13-2020, 09:44 AM
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I'm growing much older and grayer waiting for MY DAMN CANNING JAR LIDS! Amazon must know that instant gratification takes too long, so over a month is just. . .not right. . .not right at all. GIMME THOSE LIDS, YOU BASTARDS!
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Old 05-13-2020, 09:50 AM
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Sounds like when the flour makers realized that people were making dresses out of the bags, back in the day, and started selling bags with pretty prints on them.

And did you get a rubber hose, a ski mask, a bear trap, a tourist map of the Pentagon, and a bottle of lube?
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Old 05-13-2020, 09:50 AM
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Sounds like when the flour makers realized that people were making dresses out of the bags, back in the day, and started selling bags with pretty prints on them.

And did you get a rubber hose, a ski mask, a bear trap, a tourist map of the Pentagon, and a bottle of lube?
  #17  
Old 05-13-2020, 10:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
Doesn't Amazon know these will drive me insane? I wanna order more stuff to get more.
If Amazon was really trying to get people to order more stuff to get more of the packaging, they'd be wrapping things in bubble wrap—speaking of giving people stuck at home something to do.
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Old 05-13-2020, 10:58 AM
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If Amazon was really trying to get people to order more stuff to get more of the packaging, they'd be wrapping things in bubble wrap—speaking of giving people stuck at home something to do.
The stuff I buy from Amazon comes packed in big bags full of air. Not as satisfying to pop as bubble wrap.
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Old 05-13-2020, 11:20 AM
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Oh, the big bags of air. Hate, hate those things. There is not any secondary use for them. Believe me, I've tried to come up with one. I even tasked The Peanut Gallery (grandwrex) to come up with a use.

The Grandwrex got such a kick outta me going insane about the flowers printed on my box that I'm gonna order each kid something so they'll get a box.

I just gotta figure out a 'thing' to order. Me and Moms are working on it. I think I can request it come in the oldest twos names, as a gift. The little ones won't care.
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Old 05-13-2020, 11:47 AM
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The stuff I buy from Amazon comes packed in big bags full of air. Not as satisfying to pop as bubble wrap.
Stab them with a knife while pretending they're (insert name). Works for me.
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Old 05-13-2020, 12:29 PM
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You have the grandwreks color (or paint) the flowers and glue them to the coffee stirrers. Presto! Instant indoor garden! They could put each stirrer in an amber-colored jar, if you happen to have any of those.

StG
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Old 05-13-2020, 12:36 PM
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The COTUs jump on those "pillows" of air. They make a tremendous bang, and that scares the shit out of the grownups!

I very quietly stab them to death and stuff them in the trash can...


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Old 05-13-2020, 12:41 PM
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Well, I'm not sure because there were 550 wooden coffee stirrers in the same box.
I'm pretty sure I don't need another 550 wooden coffee stirrers. At. All.
I knew you guys made tea out of sugar but I had no idea you were making wooden coffee. Although I can see why you'd need to stir it up.
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Old 05-13-2020, 12:42 PM
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You have the grandwreks color (or paint) the flowers and glue them to the coffee stirrers. Presto! Instant indoor garden! They could put each stirrer in an amber-colored jar, if you happen to have any of those.

StG
Genius enough?
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Old 05-13-2020, 01:05 PM
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Yeah, Panache , you're still missing that red sheet.

Did you look behind the dryer?
I looked there. And everywhere else.
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Old 05-13-2020, 01:27 PM
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Panache, your missing red sheet intrigues me.
When I lose things I turn the house, car or where ever inside out. It would drive me insane til I found it.
I had a framed picture of my mother when she was a little girl. I cannot find it. It got packed when moved out here. It's in this house somewhere. I've been searching for 20 years.

Ooh, that's what I need from Amazon. New picture frames.

Excuse me.
BRB.
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Old 05-13-2020, 02:21 PM
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Oooooo!

Use the wooden coffee stirrers to build an annex to Ft Covid?

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Old 05-13-2020, 02:35 PM
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The coffee stirrers will be a project for the grand-wreks. I just havn't decided what we will make yet.
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Old 05-13-2020, 03:12 PM
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Couldn't remember why I ordered little Amber glass jars with a cork top. 36 of them.
You were going to start selling Prof. Fundleweisers Invigorating, Revitalizing, Curze-All Tincture, Tonic, Salve, Elixir and Essential Infusion of Vital Vitalities.

Last edited by wolfman; 05-13-2020 at 03:17 PM.
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Old 05-13-2020, 03:45 PM
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You were going to start selling Prof. Fundleweisers Invigorating, Revitalizing, Curze-All Tincture, Tonic, Salve, Elixir and Essential Infusion of Vital Vitalities.

Made with local moonshine, it's 125 proof! (hic)


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Old 05-13-2020, 03:56 PM
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I recently ordered a new Roomba battery via Amazon.
I received the battery, it fit, it worked and Roomba is happily scurrying around the house.
Monday, I received an e-mail from Amazon, saying they had refunded my purchase. Curious, I looked at my Amazon account. It says they refunded the purchase because the package was either damaged in shipping or returned to Amazon as deliverable. Neither of those things are true since I received the package and made no report back to Amazon - not even their request for a review.
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Old 05-13-2020, 04:07 PM
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That should say un-deliverable
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Old 05-13-2020, 04:15 PM
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Roombas are creepy.
See, It split into 2 Roombas. One came to you the other one is going to an unsuspecting Amazon customer.

Amaz-cloning-Roombitus.

(Oh god, I hope it don't come here!)
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Old 05-13-2020, 04:18 PM
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Well, that was scary as soon as I typed that my gate alarm rang. Someone is delivering.
Oh, god.
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Old 05-13-2020, 04:31 PM
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My Dad gets pretty much two of everything he orders. Today I got MY new LED headlamp.

He pays one charge. He gets two. Go figure.
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Old 05-13-2020, 04:34 PM
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It was FedX. Not for me. Whew!
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Old 05-14-2020, 12:52 AM
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You were going to start selling Prof. Fundleweisers Invigorating, Revitalizing, Curze-All Tincture, Tonic, Salve, Elixir and Essential Infusion of Vital Vitalities.
I need a new...something...hadda stare at this for a few minutes to work out that it didn't actually say "slave elixir"
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Old 05-14-2020, 03:58 AM
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So I ordered these things called 'neck gaiters'
2 to a pkg. Surprisingly they had colors other that camo.
They come with a filter pocket that fits right over your nose and mouth. And 20 replacement filter sheets.

Yay! Sez I. A really cool face mask (not that I'm ever going anywhere, alas. No matter)
I pulled the trigger on them. Get a confirmation email. Good.
A few minutes ago I get an email to rate them. I can't rate them, I havn't got them yet.
I'm ignoring that email.

I got another email telling me if I havn't recieved by May 19th I'll need to ask for a refund.

One more email telling me my order# blah, blah, blah has shipped.

I went to Amazon and punch up 'my orders'
It's showing them shipped arriving on May 21st.

I don't know who to believe


I'm not getting my cool neck gaiters w/ removable/disposable filters, am I?
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Old 05-15-2020, 02:22 AM
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I got a box from Michael's craftstore.
First off I had a $50 gift card I needed to use.
Second, their website is glitchy as heck.

I finally get an order placed. I get an email saying I could do storefront pick-up. No, no I can't. I don't live close to a Michael's. Another headache getting that sorted. Finally it's getting shipped to me.

The box came today.
You'd think a craft store would have a box with cute cutouts on their box.
Hey, Michaels, Amazon has one-upped you.

You need to try harder.

I'm disappointed.
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Old 05-16-2020, 12:30 AM
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I went on Amazon to change my default payment method to a debit card.

Oh, my freakin' god, the hoops I had to jump through. Of course I couldn't remember my password. I've had this Amazon acct. since the dark ages. Finally after looking at those screwy little pictures and typing the right numbers/letters I get a OTU password and get into my acct.and my stupid original password was my Mothers maiden name. How dumb was I, lo these many years ago?

So I changed it to my first dogs name. Turns out it's too common, so 'Lucky' didn't work either. Now onto something clever. My first boyfriends name. Yep, that would be Stanley from the 3rd grade. No dice. Dammit!

So, I'm going with my maiden name. It's an odd name. That should work. Oh, wait. My family know my maiden name. What if I order secret things? This won't do.
In the end I just pick a random number/letter combo. And, I made sure I wrote it down. Taped it to my laptop with packing tape.
Well, that was stoopid. Peeled it off. Tore up the paper. Again, I don't know my password. Grrrrrr! And sticky residue is on my laptop. I need to order some kind of cleaner for my laptop.
Open up Amazon.
They need my password.
.......

Well.
That's special.

I ordered my cleaner on the lil'wrekkers Amazon acct. (Her password is my maiden name)

I gotta figure out how to get my payment method off her acct. She'll be buying all kind of useless crap and getting boxes with cute cutout flowers printed on them.
Oh...wait.

I hate my life.
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Old 05-16-2020, 07:09 PM
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In her enormous brilliance the lil'wrekker says they put the flower cut-outs on there to give people stuck at home a little something to do.

No, no, no, they are just toying with me.
Amazon wants me to order more useless crap. . . . .
I'm not sure why they're doing it (other than as a response to accusations of wasting cardboard), but they started before the lockdown. The first one I saw was a 2-piece plane pattern that could be cut out and assembled. Didn't fly, but you could swoop it around and go mrrrrowwww, if you wanted.
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Old 05-16-2020, 10:06 PM
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Ooo! I want an airplane.
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Old 05-16-2020, 11:21 PM
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Ya know, Becks, there are any number of programs out there that can help you manage your passwords and will even generate new ones for you. Of course, you need a password to get in to them, too, but you could try using a passphrase instead.

I like to use quotes (or misquotes) from books or movies. For example, (and this is not my password or even remotely similar to it), you could use a phrase like, "That's putting it mildly, 007." If you need symbols because of the site's requirements, leet it a bit to "Th@t's putting it m!ldly, 007."
  #44  
Old 05-16-2020, 11:23 PM
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"Wish I had a million bucks! Hee Haw!"
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Last edited by Beckdawrek; 05-16-2020 at 11:23 PM.
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Old 05-19-2020, 06:23 PM
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I got a box from Amazon. Sadly no cute cutouts
The kids were down-hearted.

But it was stuff for them so they got happy.
So we've spent the afternoon stamping with rubber stamps and ink. I gotta order more cheap paper.
The pandemic has turned me into the school Art teacher.
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Old 05-19-2020, 06:51 PM
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Buy a roll of butcher paper. I got one from Sam's Club.

But I never, ever got cute cut-outs.

*pout*


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Old 05-19-2020, 06:53 PM
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Good idea, ~VOW, you have the best ideas. Thank you.
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Old 05-19-2020, 07:03 PM
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You can trace around cookie cutters to make cutouts with your Amazon boxes.



(Now I have to go look at my cookie cutters. I remember thinking about getting a traffic cone cookie cutter, but I don't remember if I actually got one, or just thought about it.)
  #49  
Old 05-21-2020, 12:27 AM
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Yllaria, I have a box full of cookie cutters. I got them out and the kids used them like stamps with the ink pads. Then they colored them. My oldest grand-daughter did a truly amazing still-life like picture.
I really think she has an artist's eye.

I was careful and didn't over brag on hers. The others did good, too.

The cookie cutters were a great idea. Thx.

ETA: we're planning an art show!!
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Last edited by Beckdawrek; 05-21-2020 at 12:28 AM.
  #50  
Old 05-21-2020, 08:21 AM
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I got goodies from Amazon yesterday!

When I make my AM slushie, I add a scoop of whey protein isolate powder. I'm getting to the bottom of the can, and the little Amazon implant in my brain said I should look for more.

I'm about halfway in the opened can of NIDO, so I figured I needed to buy another.

When you tell Amazon to,search for "whole dried milk," you get the proverbial kitchen sink. It was a fun browse!

Of course, I'm making bread. And I'm doing the lion's share of cooking.

Oooh, buttermilk powder! *click*

Coconut milk powder! *click*

Coconut CREAM powder! *click*

All that came yesterday. When I opened the box holding the whey protein, I laughed and laughed! It's a FIVE POUND JAR!

Most of the protein supplements are marketed to body builders, or folks on specific diets. I didn't want all the typical additives, like flavor, artificial sweeteners, or any other folderol. So when I found just plain old whey protein, all by itself, I went *click*

I'll probably have to store it under the bed!


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Last edited by VOW; 05-21-2020 at 08:24 AM.
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