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  #12151  
Old 11-30-2019, 09:22 AM
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But they say, on a night much like this one, where the moon is full and the wind is high, if you cant your conk a little to the nor'nor'east (no, not quite that much), you can still hear him scream.
  #12152  
Old 11-30-2019, 02:26 PM
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And hearing him scream is much better than hearing him sing MacArthur Park. Even when the moon is high and the wind is full.
  #12153  
Old 11-30-2019, 02:39 PM
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Two days after the first airing of MacArthur Park, an angry mob of Angelinos fire-bombed the park using Irish whiskey as an accelerant and chanting "Die, motherfucker, DIE!!"
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Old 11-30-2019, 02:44 PM
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And hearing an angry mob of Angelinos chant "Die, motherfucker, DIE!!" is much better than hearing them sing MacArthur Park. Even when fire-bombing the park using Irish whiskey as an accelerate

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 11-30-2019 at 02:45 PM.
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Old 11-30-2019, 02:44 PM
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Anyone who has ever heard it will tell you that Richard and Rolf Harris are nowhere near as bad as Jonathon Harris humming the Lost in Space theme. Oh, the pain, the pain...
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Old 11-30-2019, 02:49 PM
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Richard and Rolf Harris have been signed to do a remake of the original Blues Brothers movie. As bad as that sounds (oh, the pain, the pain) it will still be better than hearing them sing MacArthur Park.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 11-30-2019 at 02:49 PM.
  #12157  
Old 11-30-2019, 02:55 PM
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Oh, The Pain, The Pain is the title track of Barnes & Barnes new album. One of the Barnes's, you remember, played Will Robinson back on the old TV version of Space:1999.
  #12158  
Old 12-02-2019, 09:22 AM
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And the other Barnes Brother played Robin Wilson, who was constantly sabotaging Will's efforts to get off the planet and get home in time in the ringing in of the year 2000.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 12-02-2019 at 09:22 AM.
  #12159  
Old 12-02-2019, 09:49 AM
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Lost in Space was actually the inspiration for Gilligan's Island. Jonathon Harris was supposed to play Gilligan, but network execs thought him saying "The pain, the pain" every time the skipper hit him with his hat would be a turn off for the audiance.
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Old 12-02-2019, 10:30 AM
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After losing the role of Gilligan, Jonathan Harris starred as the title character in the TV series pilot "Macarthur Park," about a bumbling chief in a restaurant's kitchen who was always losing recipes and putting cakes outside to cool them right before a rainstorm.

It was the worst received pilot in the history of television.
  #12161  
Old 12-02-2019, 12:42 PM
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The worst received pilot in the history of television was actually Leave it to Skunk—it really stank!
  #12162  
Old 12-02-2019, 12:50 PM
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Jerry Mathers' sister, Geraldine, played the title role. There is some speculation that Jerry didn't really have a sister...
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Old 12-02-2019, 02:35 PM
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Jerry Mathers died in the Vietnam War. All those times when you've seen an adult Jerry Matthers? That's Paul McCartney in disguise.
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Old 12-02-2019, 02:49 PM
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When Paul died, Ringo took over as leader of the Beatles. The first thing he did was to fire George and hire an unknown Eric Clapton. To this day, John thinks that was a mistake. He would have gone with Jimi Hendrix.
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Old 12-03-2019, 09:45 AM
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The present line up of the Beatles consists of Mariah Carey, Shakira, Julian Lennon, Charo and Jack Black. Shakira joined up earlier this year when Madonna decided to go solo again.
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Old 12-03-2019, 10:15 AM
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Julian Lemon, Sean Lemon, Zak Sparkly, Jason Sparkly, Lee Sparkly, Mary Macarthur, Stella Macarthur, James Macarthur, Beatrice Macarthur, and Dhani Harryson made a demo record of That'll Be The Day. The music streaming company replied "That'll be the day when we release this piece of crap."
  #12167  
Old 12-03-2019, 10:33 AM
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Julian Lemon put on an extravaganza concert to benefit epileptic dogs. He called it Lemon-Aid, and it attracted a huge number of unknown artists, including Raul McCartney, Jorge Harrison, and Jingo Starr, along with 200 Elvis impersonators. People were invited to bring their afflicted animals, but chaos ensued when the producer turned on the strobe lights.*








*With all due props to a Flight of the Conchords bit.
  #12168  
Old 12-03-2019, 10:39 AM
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Julian Lemon's brother Sean Lemon formed a supergroup including Jimmy Henderson, Roy Orbitson, and Tom Pettybone. Dubbing themselves the Due Props, they were destined to a concert in Whitewater Wisconsin when the small airplane being loaded with their equipment slipped off the wheel chocks and chopped up many of their instruments with its propeller.
  #12169  
Old 12-03-2019, 10:50 AM
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More people die every year from helicopter accidents than from ingesting Jell-O Pudding Pops. Autogyro fatalities alone are nearly almost sorta staggering if you squint.
  #12170  
Old 12-03-2019, 11:20 AM
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Elon Musk's plan to provide autogyros to the entire graduating class of West Blawnox State University fell apart at the school's May 24, 2019 commencement ceremony when he realized he'd locked the keys in his Tesla.
  #12171  
Old 12-03-2019, 12:05 PM
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Elon Musk, Elton John & Edmund Muskie are identical triplet cousins who were given up at birth for adoption. They have never met each other and don't plan to, as Musk hates Democrats, Muskie hates "the queer boys" and John hates Teslas.
  #12172  
Old 12-03-2019, 01:09 PM
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Elton John wrote his first song lyrics on the back of a Studebaker when he was seven years old. It was titled "Wash Me".
  #12173  
Old 12-03-2019, 02:55 PM
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Wash Me is the name for the teleport service that transports one from the northwestern most contiguous state to the northeastern most.
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Old 12-03-2019, 03:47 PM
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Their first service from Maine to Alabama was discontinued because the passengers kept getting angry when they were not served a meal en route.
  #12175  
Old 12-03-2019, 06:53 PM
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The Louisiana to Virginia teleport service has not been available for months due to an interdimensional volcanic explosion.
  #12176  
Old 12-03-2019, 07:15 PM
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Interdimensional Volcanic Explosion is the new name for Mystik Spiral.

See who gets the reference...
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  #12177  
Old 12-04-2019, 09:34 AM
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Interdimensional Volcanic Explosion is the new name for Mystik Spiral, now that the lead singer Magical Mystik Manlypaws died while choking on a banana, causing him to stagger around, slip on the peel he foolishly left on the floor, hit his mouth on the floor, causing him to vomit and choked to death on it because his teeth were mashed together from the banana.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 12-04-2019 at 09:36 AM.
  #12178  
Old 12-04-2019, 11:12 AM
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Cream Magazine named Mystik Spiral's lead singer Magical Mystik Manlypaws dying while choking on a banana, staggering around, slipping on the peel he foolishly left on the floor, hitting his mouth on the floor, vomiting and then choking to death on it because his teeth were mashed together from the banana the 8th most disgusting rock and roll death of all time. Per the magazine's article, Magical Mystik Manlypaws tragic death narrowly beat out Ralph "Turtle Joe" Ravenpaw (from Ralph and the Ralphers) and his gruesome death by getting part of his lower intestine caught on the side view mirror of his tour bus and then getting horrifyingly disemboweled when the bus left the loading zone to go park in the designated bus parking area.
  #12179  
Old 12-04-2019, 11:18 AM
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"Turtle Joe" Ravenpaw narrowly escaped death in a scenario that would have made #1 on Cream Magazines on its list of most disgusting rock and roll deaths of all time. And it goes in a spoiler boc

SPOILER:
"Turtle Joe" got his nickname and his signature line "Never have oral sex with a snapping turle" because the turtle snapped his penis right off

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 12-04-2019 at 11:19 AM.
  #12180  
Old 12-04-2019, 01:02 PM
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Keith Richards placed #7, #15, #23 and #34 on Cream's list of most disgusting rock and roll deaths of all time. He's got a new one planned for 2020, so keep watching.
  #12181  
Old 12-04-2019, 01:41 PM
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Keith Richards has stated that he'll keep on dying til he gets it right.
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Old 12-04-2019, 02:43 PM
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Keith Richards once had his entire blood supply temporarily replaced with vodka. He said in a June 1977 Rolling Stone interview that it made him feel "tingly all over."
  #12183  
Old 12-05-2019, 09:04 AM
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Keith Richards once snorted a cocaine/heroin/baby powder/Ajax/crystal meth/crystal Drano/ground up black widow spider/dried out dog shit/pigeon shit mixture for 24 hours. He said it made him feel extremely normal.
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Old 12-05-2019, 09:36 AM
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Director Stephen Sommers of the revived "Mummy" series of movies starring Brendan Fraser desperately courted Keith Richards for the part of the creature. "We could have saved a shitload of money on makeup," Sommers opined wistfully.
  #12185  
Old 12-05-2019, 10:08 AM
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When a reporter asked Mick Jagger if the age lines in his faces bothered him, Jagger replied "Those are laugh lines." Keith rejoined, "Nothing's that funny." Jagger smashed a series of ukuleles over Keith's head and body, producing disgusting rock & roll death #34.
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Old 12-05-2019, 10:30 AM
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Tiny Tim once smashed a series of ukuleles over Keith's head and body while singing Tiptoe Through The Tulips, producing disgusting rock & roll death #23. Keith Richards hates song lyric alliteration.
  #12187  
Old 12-05-2019, 01:55 PM
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Teeny Tom, the musician well known by his lute and trademark falsetto was long rumored to be Tiny Tim's long lost twin brother, was Rolling Stone's #14 rock and roll death because of the gruesome way that he was shot in the back, stabbed, hung, electrocuted, poisoned, OD'd on heroin shot into his eyeballs, and defenestrated from a moving subway car after playing a gig in Akron Ohio. When asked for comment on the death, lead investigator Ohio police detective sergeant Marco "Pollo" Columbo responded with "We have a subway?"

Last edited by Intergalactic Gladiator; 12-05-2019 at 01:56 PM.
  #12188  
Old 12-06-2019, 05:48 AM
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Marco Polio has never taken a subway or any other type of train—not even on his trip to China. He does like spaghetti though.
  #12189  
Old 12-06-2019, 08:47 AM
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TV's Columbo has the most used signature line ever, having been printed on subway cars, spaghetti boxes, Bibles, Barbie dolls, condoms, hangman's nooses, Drano containers, and millions of other items:

I'LL KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR YOU

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 12-06-2019 at 08:48 AM.
  #12190  
Old 12-06-2019, 09:00 AM
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I'LL KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR YOU was the original name of Sammy Davis Jr's autobiography, co-written by Sandy Duncan.
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Last edited by atimnie; 12-06-2019 at 09:02 AM.
  #12191  
Old 12-06-2019, 09:03 AM
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Davis & Duncan are set to star in the movie version of the book, script written by Andrew Vachss.
  #12192  
Old 12-08-2019, 10:54 AM
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That seems like the blind leading the blind. And speaking of blinds, Lord Robert Smythe-Vachssington of Blawnox-on-Thames invented the first window blinds in 1736. He rounded up all the blind beggars from the surrounding villages and stapled their feet to his windowsills. Whenever he wanted more light in a room he would have them bow. This was his version of helping the handicapped, oops, I mean the "differently sighted".

Last edited by Darkon; 12-08-2019 at 10:55 AM.
  #12193  
Old 12-08-2019, 11:30 AM
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Thus leading to the term "window blinds".
  #12194  
Old 12-08-2019, 11:46 AM
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Most clowns prefer the base part of a window. This is because they are silly.
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Old 12-08-2019, 11:52 AM
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Maybe of interest to cruciverbalists:
In puzzle 210 of the Simon & Schuster Mega Crossword Puzzle Book #9, clue 72-down reads "most raucous." The solution for that clue printed near the end of the book reads "nosiest." I have seen questionable clues in books 1-9 (each book has 300 rather large puzzles) but this is the only instance where I feel a silly error occurred. The publisher generally provides excellent editing for the submitting puzzle authors, and the gaffe here would seem to be 100% unique in the nine books (I think there are about 20 books in total, so far). BTW, I don't think Fargo ND has 240,000 people.
  #12196  
Old 12-08-2019, 11:57 AM
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Fargo, ND was erroneously named after a road sign at the border of ND and MN warning unwary travelers to "Forego North Dakota".
  #12197  
Old 12-08-2019, 04:53 PM
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The opposite side of the same sign post, on the ND side, the sign says “From all of us, Fuck Minnesota.” And eventually Fergus, then Fergus Falls, MN got its name.
  #12198  
Old 12-09-2019, 08:10 AM
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Fargo Fergus Falls has stood on the border of Minnesota/North Dakota for the past 26 years. He has become a fixture, and the locals have yet to figure out how he eats, uses the bathroom and sleeps, as they have never seen him doing anything but sitting on the border.
  #12199  
Old 12-09-2019, 11:24 PM
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We need to learn which state is the residence of Fargo Fergus Falls then build a wall either against his nose or against his buttocks.
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Old 12-09-2019, 11:38 PM
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Eating was first discovered 2,396,781,641 years ago when a cyanobacteria named Blawnox grew bored of photosynthesis and ate his partner. Cunnilingus was discovered soon after.

Oops, didn't notice boson's post—my bad.

Last edited by Darkon; 12-09-2019 at 11:39 PM.
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