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Old 09-11-2019, 01:13 PM
Leaper is offline
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Spending time with old置ns vs. young置ns


My immediate family lives several states (a multiple hour plane ride) away: my parents and my sibling痴 family, including two nephews, who are 12 and 10. My parents are getting up there in age, of course. I have extended family (uncle, aunt, and my cousins families; they don稚 all live together) locally.

During Christmas, I usually go home and visit; it痴 better weather, and I like being home once in a while. This year, my parents are going to visit my uncle and aunt, without my sister or her family, for most of the holiday break.

So I致e got a bit of a 杜oral dilemma on who I should prioritize. On one hand, I値l have much more time with my nephews in life, since my parents are getting up there in age. On the other hand, childhood years are childhood years, and my parents have been known to visit my uncle and aunt (and thus me) much much more often than my nephews do, so thus I致e seen them much more than I致e seen my nephews in time total.

Thoughts?
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Old 09-11-2019, 01:37 PM
Wheelz is offline
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My gut reaction is to spend as much time as you can with your parents while they're still around.
But I know that's not one-size-fits-all advice, as familial relationships can differ greatly. Whom would you be happier to see during the holidays? Who would be happier to see you?

All else being equal, is this the only time during the year you can visit, or that they can visit you? If you'll have a chance to see one group of people another time, maybe prioritize the other at Christmas?

All the question marks in this post suggest that this isn't a decision someone else can make for you.
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Old 09-11-2019, 02:13 PM
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My nephews are quite eager to see me, apparently. This is generally the only time I visit them, while as I said in the OP, my parents do occasionally come to my area to see my uncle and aunt and help with my grandfather. (They are even partnered in local real estate with them.)
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Old 09-11-2019, 02:48 PM
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Your parents are coming to your area to visit, and you want to know if you should leave your area and go visit your nephews while your parents are in your area?

Do I have that right?
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Old 09-11-2019, 03:00 PM
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What will lead to more total enjoyment/less pouting? Do that.
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Old 09-11-2019, 03:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by manson1972 View Post
Your parents are coming to your area to visit, and you want to know if you should leave your area and go visit your nephews while your parents are in your area?

Do I have that right?
Yep, basically.
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Old 09-11-2019, 03:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leaper View Post
Yep, basically.
Got it. I'd never hear the end of it if I left town when my parents were coming to visit, so any advice I'd offer is flawed by that.

Would your parents be mad or upset or anything if you went to visit your nephews?
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Old 09-11-2019, 04:39 PM
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Probably not? The introduction of this minor dilemma to me was the first I’d heard that they’d be visiting, and their primary purpose seems to be visiting my uncle, aunt, and cousins, if I read the situation right.
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Old 09-11-2019, 05:09 PM
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Is it within your capabilities to, instead of flying to see your nephews, fly your nephews to you? Then you would see them, they would see you, it would be an extra special experience for them, AND they would spend time with all of the other local aunts and uncles, and your parents? And your siblings would maybe enjoy getting a break from them?
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Old 09-11-2019, 06:13 PM
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They’ve come up to visit with their grandparents before, but their parents would like them around for Christmas this year.
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Old 09-11-2019, 06:20 PM
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I'm always in favor of communication. ASK your parents what they'd like you to do. If they expect to see you since they are in your area (they might), you'll find out by asking. If they think seeing your nephews is the thing to do instead, they'll tell you.
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Old 09-12-2019, 07:53 AM
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Adults who enjoy spending time with children in their families are rare creatures. Especially when the children are in the tween years. If you're one such adult, you should continue to be one. It will mean a great deal to your nephews. I speak from experience.
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Old 09-12-2019, 07:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rilchiam View Post
Adults who enjoy spending time with children in their families are rare creatures. Especially when the children are in the tween years. If you're one such adult, you should continue to be one. It will mean a great deal to your nephews. I speak from experience.
Actually, I can attest to this. If they're looking forward to seeing you, I lean towards you seeing them.

Is there a way you can stagger your travel dates, so that you spend a day or two with your parents and get to spend time with your nephew?

Other alternative would be to have your nephews (and family) come stay with you for the holidays. Is that an option?
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Old 09-12-2019, 12:37 PM
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Unfortunately, I currently live in a one bedroom apartment, so no hosting for me!

In the spirit of the earlier suggestion of communication, I texted my nephews and asked them point blank whether they wanted me to visit for Christmas. The older one responded in the affirmative very quickly (although his brother only has WiFi access, so he couldn’t respond right now if he wanted to), and my parents are inclined to go with whatever their wishes are, so it looks like the best thing is to visit, and take some extra days off to accommodate my parents’ trip.

Thanks, all!
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Old 09-12-2019, 12:45 PM
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Christmas is more fun with kids than with adults. I've done both over the years, and I'd take a Christmas morning with cool toys over one with socks&underwear any day. They're more fun to shop for, too.
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