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Old 08-14-2019, 04:51 AM
Maastricht is offline
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Silent men, do you like talkative women? Why?


I'm a either great conversationalist and/or a motormouthing Maynard, depending on who you ask.

With my talkative friends, male or female, there's usually a good rhythm of give and take in our conversations. However, I also have two men in my life that are both on the silent side.
They're both smart thinkers, and have interesting things to say when they do feel like talking. But they are a bit reticient and don't babble easily.
Both have said that they actually like my motormouth tendencies. "It's like tuning in to a pleasant and interesting radio show", they say. "But interactive. You talk about what we see around us, so, a listening is a bit like an highly personalized audio tour. And when I want, I can join the conversation. And otherwise I just listen with a whole ear, or half ear and that is fine too".

Are these guys saying the truth, or are they just trying to flatter me?

Are they just tuning out the sound and thinking stuff like "I like the way her face moves when she talks"?
It seems to me that it is tiresome to be with a talker. I wouldn't like to spend time with myself. I would constantly intrude on my own thoughts.
On the other hand, all of us are different. Maybe silent men do like to be with a talkative woman, as long as she talks about pleasant and interesting things and doesn't try to "trap" the guy. Maybe they like to be prompted into conversation because reacting is easier then volunteering.

So, silent men, tell me how you feel about talkative women, and why?

Last edited by Maastricht; 08-14-2019 at 04:53 AM.
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Old 08-14-2019, 06:14 AM
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Silent men, do you like talkative women? Why?
I'm a silent type, and a man, and my answer to your first question is generally no. If I'm in a one-to-one social situation with a talkative woman, it's usually fine. Talking is a key part of being social after all. However, many social situations aren't one-to-one. In a group situation, people tend to end up in small groups. The conversation is then led by the people who are naturally talkative, and they tend to do the bulk of the talking. If the conversation is interesting, that's fine. If it's uninteresting to me, I'll be politely attentive for a while and then wander off and find some distraction. Or at least try to find something distracting about the present situation - if it's a meal, I'll concentrate on the food, for example. However, what's annoying is when I'm in a situation where I can't politely wander off and no distractions are on offer. It's a mystery to me why people like listening to gossip about people they don't know. I'd really rather not be stuck in a situation where I have to listen to talkative people exchanging office or hometown gossip while I have to sit with them and try not to look bored.

The one-to-one social situation where I sometimes dislike talkative people is when that situation has a topic, and the talkative person wants to talk about whatever's on their mind, whether it relates to the topic or not. If we're at an art gallery, and you want to talk about the art we're looking at, that's great. But if we're there to look at the art, why on Earth would you think I'm interested in hearing about your sister's cat?
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Old 08-14-2019, 06:57 AM
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So, silent men, tell me how you feel about talkative women, and why?
I don't know if I'm particularly silent, but when I am having a conversation with a woman I hope she'll be an active participant.

Quote:
Are these guys saying the truth, or are they just trying to flatter me?
Unless there's some good reason not to, I'd be inclined to take their statements at face value.
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Old 08-14-2019, 06:58 AM
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Theme song for the thread.
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Old 08-14-2019, 07:10 AM
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"It's like tuning in to a pleasant and interesting radio show", they say. "But interactive. You talk about what we see around us, so, a listening is a bit like an highly personalized audio tour. And when I want, I can join the conversation...."
Yup
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Old 08-14-2019, 07:16 AM
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I think it mostly depends on how compatible you are with the talkative person.

I have been known to engage in long bouts of silence and, when I'm feeling social, I do enjoy spending time around a talkative person who doesn't mind carrying the conversation and allowing me to participate at a rate I'm comfortable with. That being said, if the subject matter being discussed isn't something I'm interested in then my mind will immediately ADD off onto something I find more interesting.

If your silent friends continue to spend time around you then I would say that is more than enough evidence to prove they are sincere.
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Old 08-14-2019, 07:57 AM
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I get annoyed by anyone - man or woman - who talks nonstop.

I talk when I perceive there is a genuine need for me to convey verbal information, and I sort of expect the same from others. Motormouths tend to get ignored by me.

The older I get, the more I become like Man with No Name.
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Old 08-14-2019, 08:07 AM
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I think the answer is a definite "sometimes," "maybe," or "it depends."

If what you are saying really is pleasant and interesting (and not just a rerun of things you've said to them before), then that's a big point in your favor, and they may indeed be attentively listening and liking to hear you talk.

If they can join the conversation when they want (as opposed to, you never let them get a word in edgewise), that's another big point in your favor.

Making interesting conversation isn't easy for everyone, and if you can do it in a way that assumes a lot of the burden yourself while still keeping the other person(s) involved, that's a good skill to have.

As a "silent man," I have been in situations where I've been with a talkative woman and I genuinely enjoyed and appreciated their talkativeness. I've also been in situations where I just wished they'd shut up. It depends on things like what mood I'm in, how I feel about her, whether what she's talking about is interesting to me, etc.
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Old 08-14-2019, 08:10 AM
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I have a co-worker friend. He isn't the silent type, but I wouldn't say he is real talkative.

One day he and his wife gave me a ride home. His wife jibber-jabbered the whole way. A constant stream of consciousness that sounded borderline pathogical. But my friend just acted like everything was totally normal.

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Old 08-14-2019, 08:13 AM
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Yeah it depends what flavor of motormouth we mean here.

Some people have great social skills, and can bring interesting topics and insights such that others enjoy the conversation even if they are not doing much of the talking.
I've dated at least one woman who belongs to this group and it was great.

But more often it's people who just don't stop, and plough on oblivious to whether other people are interested. In fact, others try to interject, and keep being blocked out. I don't like people like that, either as friends or for relationships.

Last edited by Mijin; 08-14-2019 at 08:14 AM.
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Old 08-14-2019, 08:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Thudlow Boink View Post
I think the answer is a definite "sometimes," "maybe," or "it depends."

If what you are saying really is pleasant and interesting (and not just a rerun of things you've said to them before), then that's a big point in your favor, and they may indeed be attentively listening and liking to hear you talk.

If they can join the conversation when they want (as opposed to, you never let them get a word in edgewise), that's another big point in your favor.

Making interesting conversation isn't easy for everyone, and if you can do it in a way that assumes a lot of the burden yourself while still keeping the other person(s) involved, that's a good skill to have.

As a "silent man," I have been in situations where I've been with a talkative woman and I genuinely enjoyed and appreciated their talkativeness. I've also been in situations where I just wished they'd shut up. It depends on things like what mood I'm in, how I feel about her, whether what she's talking about is interesting to me, etc.

+1 to this.

It really depends on the nature of your talkativeness.

My sister has a friend who I think she may have been trying to set me up with. (I never asked and she never specifically said so, but she did make sure that we would both be visiting at the same times and that Annie would give me a ride home.)

Now Annie is a very nice person, very intelligent and interesting. But she is a TALKER. By which I mean she just literally NEVER SHUTS UP.

I am, by nature more taciturn. I take somewhat after my father, who made a point of thinking about what he was saying and on a couple of notable occasions was observed falling asleep in the middle of a sentence that he was speaking.

So when I would ride home with Annie, a typical 10 minutes would consist of approximately 9 minutes and 45 seconds of Annie talking and 15 seconds of me trying to respond, but getting nowhere. If by some crazy set of circumstances, we had developed a relationship, I would have gone insane inside of a week.
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Old 08-14-2019, 08:33 AM
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You have mentioned that you are a single mother to a fairly young adolescent son, an only child, if I recall.

Perhaps asking him if he thinks you dominate conversations would be instructive, as I assume you spend more time with him than anyone else.

He might have insights that no one here could possibly have.
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Old 08-14-2019, 08:40 AM
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:09 AM
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I like talkative women. I tend to be quiet, but if you hit on a subject that interests me, good luck shutting me up.


Talkative women seem to eventually hit on at least ONE of those subjects that gets me engaged.

Actually, I think introverts and extroverts make good couples for this very reason.

I also agree with the OP's friend's analogy. I do enjoy listening to my past GFs ramble even when they are not hitting on a subject that doesn't gets me engaged.

Last edited by Grrr!; 08-14-2019 at 09:10 AM.
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:11 AM
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Finally, an OP that I'm uniquely suited to answer (see my username). My guess is that they are being honest. People can be quiet because they are just not talkative, or because they are shy. In my case it's both. So in situations where I do find myself around people, I greatly prefer to be around talkative ones. If they are interesting-talkative, that's great, but even it they are inane-talkative, that's still eons better than the awkward silence that would result of me having to be the one leading the conversation.

You really have to put yourself in the shoes of a shy person. We dread social situations and often I'll spend hours trying to think up things to talk about when I know I'll be meeting someone new. Like a stand-up comic, I'll have a whole set of material, but in reality I usually find myself using it all up in less than 5 minutes. Being around someone I know is going to carry the conversation is great because it takes all that pressure off.
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:25 AM
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Theme song for the thread.
Not bad but I prefer Learn to be still
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:30 AM
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I am a relatively quiet man and like some of the other posters said, it depends entirely on the content of what the woman has to say. If it's meaningful, good, chit-chatter from her, fantastic. That would be great.

If it's "I am talking just for the sake of talking, or to fill up the silence," then that could get annoying very quickly.
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Old 08-14-2019, 10:06 AM
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I get annoyed by anyone - man or woman - who talks nonstop.

I talk when I perceive there is a genuine need for me to convey verbal information, and I sort of expect the same from others. Motormouths tend to get ignored by me.

The older I get, the more I become like Man with No Name.
this is how I am.
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Old 08-14-2019, 03:29 PM
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I do not consider myself good at conversation. Upon first meeting I am very quiet. Once I get to know someone, and they get to know me, I can be very engaging verbally, but I gotta warm up. I would never describe myself as a silent type. Others might describe me that way if they haven't spent quality time with me.

But I do like talkative women, as long as they let me in on the conversation. It is a quality I find attractive, a turn-on. However, I don't like to be around people who talk non-stop, never letting me get a word in.

I think part of liking talkative women is that they draw me out of my own thoughts, I become more outward focused, which is a good thing. If I am with someone who is not talkative, I feel like we are both up in our own heads, so to speak.

Other posters have commented on the quality or subject matter of the conversations, that's not usually a factor for me. I don't want to be someone else's editor. The more discursive and variable, the better!

Disclaimer: Naturally, I would run away screaming if they were chattering away expressing any number of thoroughly objectionable opinions. I have been known to hold up a defensive crucifix or lit candle and proclaim, "Back demon!"
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Old 08-14-2019, 03:41 PM
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I'm a guy who is silent until I get to know someone then I won't stfu, but it also depends on my mood I tend to be a little quieter at work the first hour or two in the morning. I love to bullshit with people and I can do it all day, I love talking to my female coworkers as well, as long as I find the conversation novel or interesting. When my female coworkers talk about stuff that is more mundane to me like fashion or how to style their hair and nails, that's when I feel like I'll go crazy if they don't stop talking.
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Old 08-14-2019, 03:46 PM
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At the risk of sounding shallow (again) Id have to say that a pleasing voice and wittiness enter into the equation as well as the quality of the content.
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Old 08-14-2019, 04:08 PM
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Mrs. J. is not especially talkative but I enjoy her comments when she gets going. One time I caused a minor coffee explosion in the car when she asked me if she was talking too much and I said "No, I love your little chatter."

My girl Maryanne
She tries to get in as many words as she possibly can
I love Maryanne
She understands


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Old 08-14-2019, 04:19 PM
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I'm not a man, but I suspect men and women aren't as different in this respect as you seem to think. I also suspect that, if you're self-aware enough to ask this question, your chatty nature is probably tolerable at worst. Most people aren't terribly subtle with the signals they give off of wishing someone would shut up; the key is for the talker to be open to receiving and responding to those signals.
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Old 08-14-2019, 04:22 PM
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I'm generally considered quiet. I like to participate in interesting conversations, but I'm not very good at starting them myself. So I like it when the other person is more forward than I am, as long as they do give me chance to participate. I don't like to be steamrollered into listening because the other person won't shut up. I especially don't like being interrupted when I am responding to a question the other person asked (p.s. it doesn't matter to me if the other person is a man or a woman, I have encountered both). OP, if your 2nd paragraph is an accurate description of your conversational style, I would be just fine with you.

My older sister is an almost non-stop talker, and sometimes it drives me nuts. She is aware of it to some degree, and stops herself to ask me a question, but often interrupts before I'm done, or deflects the topic back to something she is interested in. I often speculate that her always being like this (only worse as a child) is why I developed into a quiet person -- there was just no room for my voice in the house. This is the sort of non=conversationalist whom I would avoid. It does not sound like OP is like that. If the OP were like that, I would not attempt to flatter her by saying the kinds of things her quiet friends say. I would just avoid her.

I'm not sure why OP introduced the speaker's sex into the topic, it seems to me that would only make a difference if it were a couple or if there were romantic intentions on one or both sides. Surely the issue is larger than that.

The shoe can be on the other foot. Once when I was in Japan, a country with a fairly monolithic culture and well-known work ethic, a local asked me about the work ethic in the US. I thought this was a fascinating topic, so I talked about what it's like to live and work in a multi-cultural society with many different kinds of work ethics. Apparently I went on too long, because when I paused a moment he said "OK, thank you for the lecture" and left. I'm not sure he meant to be hurtful, since English was his 2nd language, he might have thought he was saying "thank you for the very instructive discourse" or something like that. But it took the wind out of my sails.
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Old 08-14-2019, 04:38 PM
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It really matters if they have something worthwhile to say.

Unfortunately there seems to be an inverse relationship between chattiness and having something worthwhile to say.
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Old 08-14-2019, 04:57 PM
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I'm very quiet. I know, I know seems impossible. But, I am. Mr.Wrekker is the one word wonder. Our conversations are carried on with eyes and known things. I know how he likes things so that's what I do. Coz, I'm nice like that
We go days without much more than an "excuse me" or "I'm going to X."
It works for us.
I love talky-yakky people. The lil'wrekker is a chatter box. Never shuts up. It's cheerful and pleasant, to me. Her sibs are fond of telling her to 'shut-up'. I suspect her boyfriend finds it somewhat tiresome. Sometimes he just walks off, she just continues talking to whoever is still standing there.

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Old 08-14-2019, 05:47 PM
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There is a reason I go into the desert in a hot, dirty Jeep with 4 smelly dogs for a couple hours every day.

What was the question?
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Old 08-14-2019, 05:53 PM
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Odd that a woman of such remarkable loquacity has not returned to this thread.

Just teasing, and I wanted to use the word 'loquacity'. Hope you're doing well, Maastricht.
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Old 08-14-2019, 07:05 PM
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Silent men, do you like talkative women? Why?


Well, somebody has to answer the phone...
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Old 08-14-2019, 07:18 PM
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It rests me to be among beautiful women.
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Even though we talk nothing but nonsense,

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Old 08-14-2019, 09:48 PM
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I can be the silent type.

God no. I do not.

I want a woman who understands me. A lot of women look at a silent man as a passive lump to listen to them talk about themselves. I fucking do not like it one bit.
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Old 08-15-2019, 09:33 AM
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I think Thudlow nailed it. Once you get into a relationship with someone who is a talker, the consequence is that sometimes they need to and it just isn't that interesting. The problem is that the only thing worse than your spouse going on about something is your spouse NOT talking.
Also, Nothing Box. It's only tangentially related but a lot of men spend a goodly amount of time there.
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Old 08-15-2019, 11:15 AM
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As an awkward person I think of most conversation as a burden where danger lurks after every phrase I say. Thus having someone who is talkative means that they are bearing a much high burden than I am and I appreciate that.
Except if I am trying to do something and they won't stop and let me leave, that is annoying.
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Old 08-15-2019, 11:22 AM
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I'm a big introvert, and my wife's an extrovert.

In private, we talk fairly evenly. I don't keep track as to who starts the conversations, but I would bet a majority of time it is her. I dated another introvert before I met my wife and we could go on two hour car rides and not say a word. It was excruciating. A "talker" can get the ball rolling.

I quite like it in social situations. I don't like dead air, and she can fill that wonderfully. I also can talk when I want to, I can get a word in edgewise. Do I get in my phone sometimes when she's talking shop or something else I'm not particularly interested in? Yeah, but it works for us.
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Old 08-15-2019, 01:13 PM
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Theme song for the thread.
Why do you think that an appropriate "theme song" for a thread where the OP's friends are telling her they're fine with her talkativeness, and where posters' expressed opinions about "talkative women" are divided and nuanced, is a song with a harshly critical male narrator complaining about his girlfriend's stereotypical female "chatter"?
Quote:
You talk too much, you talk too much [...]

Yakety-yakety-yakety-yak all the time,
you keep on talking baby drive me out of my mind [...]

You talk too much [...]

If you keep on talking baby,
you know you're bound to drive me away [...]

You keep that motormouth moving morning, noon and night,
you keep on talking baby make my head turn white
You talk too much [...]

You keep on talking all around the clock,
I'm begging you baby won't you please stop
You talk too much [...]
Why not, say, a song like "To Hear You Talk"?
Quote:
I love to hear you talk
Give me every little thought
Let me keep you for a while
Because I love to hear you talk [...]
Honestly, Jackmannii, your post just came across as a dismissive and somewhat sexist threadshit. "Ha ha ha yackety bitch, nobody wants to hear you talk so much!"
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Old 08-15-2019, 02:18 PM
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As with others, it depends on the circumstances and the person.

My daughter, who I love dearly, could charitably be described as talkative. It's just her nature - I think it is actually physically uncomfortable for her when she can't talk and the pressure builds up inside her. It's generally pleasant, but it can be a little overwhelming. If it is something interesting, I can join in and not be talked over, when it isn't, I just let it wash over me. She doesn't require anything more than the occasional 'uh-huh' or 'she did?' The Lovely and Talented Mrs. Shodan is not nearly as extreme a case, but sometimes she is wont to do what her mother did - tell stories that start in the middle, nothing much happens for a while, and then they end. Sometimes it's rather soothing - like having the radio on. Sometimes I can even get away with "I was listening, I just had my eyes closed".

My grandmother was much the same. But when we went on vacation and took her along, I was generally allocated to sit next to her on the river boat cruise or whatever, because I could just rev her up, get her going, and enjoy the sunshine and the sights while she chattered away.

My uncle - my mother's brother, on the other side of the family - was a story teller. He had a million stories, and he never repeated any. And one of the happiest memories of my life was the last time I saw him. He was dying of leukemia, but he was doing it on his own terms. And it was Thanksgiving, with all the family around. And there he was, with a Manhattan in one hand and his oxygen mask in the other, holding forth. Every so often, he would take a swig from the Manhattan or a hit off the mask, and then start another story. He was still my uncle, leukemia or no.

He died a couple of months later. I wish I could listen to him again.

Regards,
Shodan
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Old 08-15-2019, 04:00 PM
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My best friend, Sophie talks non-stop. It always interesting so I have no problem with it. She has been married 4 times. I have a feeling that non-stop talking turned into non-stop bitching and nagging. Her personality would suggest it did.
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Old 08-15-2019, 04:06 PM
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Honestly, Jackmannii, your post just came across as a dismissive and somewhat sexist threadshit. "Ha ha ha yackety bitch, nobody wants to hear you talk so much!"
Apparently you missed the other song link I posted (where the male singer adores his girlfriend's endless chatter).

Sometimes it helps to have a sense of humor, too.

Last edited by Jackmannii; 08-15-2019 at 04:07 PM.
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Old 08-15-2019, 07:36 PM
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Im pretty quiet. I could probably be described as an introvert. I do not want to be with another introvert.
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Old 08-15-2019, 07:38 PM
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I don't talk much. I prefer the company of those who are similarly laconic.
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Old 08-16-2019, 03:42 PM
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Sometimes it helps to have a sense of humor, too.
Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel threatened.
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Old 08-16-2019, 04:04 PM
Shodan is offline
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Location: Milky Way Galaxy
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Do go on.

Regards,
Shodan
  #43  
Old 08-16-2019, 06:15 PM
Rilchiam is offline
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The OP should follow a checklist:

1. Does the person know you're speaking to him?
2. Is the person indicating that they have time to listen?
3. Is what you are about to say interesting to the person, or do they need to know it?
4. Does the person need to be told now? Can it be saved for a better time?

Also, make sure none of it is weird subjects or nonsense trivia.
  #44  
Old 08-16-2019, 07:15 PM
Two Many Cats is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rilchiam View Post
The OP should follow a checklist:

1. Does the person know you're speaking to him?
2. Is the person indicating that they have time to listen?
3. Is what you are about to say interesting to the person, or do they need to know it?
4. Does the person need to be told now? Can it be saved for a better time?

Also, make sure none of it is weird subjects or nonsense trivia.
Ooooh, burn.
  #45  
Old 08-17-2019, 12:12 PM
Maastricht is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Dutch in the Netherlands
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Thanks everyone for posting about the various considerations about this issue. So the final answer is, as usual: "it very much depends".

I realized that some talkative people also weave a lot of questions, (or other means of engaging noises) in their conversation, and others just talk. I'm the type with questions. I suppose again, som people like that, others don't.

I also have worked as a tourist / nature guide, and part of my chattiness is me sliding in guide mode.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rilchiam View Post
The OP should follow a checklist:
1. Does the person know you're speaking to him?
2. Is the person indicating that they have time to listen?
3. Is what you are about to say interesting to the person, or do they need to know it?
4. Does the person need to be told now? Can it be saved for a better time?
Excellent list, isn't it? Why would you think I taught my son to consider such points before speaking, if it wasn't because I feel following those rules are important, for my chatterbox self, as well as for my chatterbox son?
Oh, and my son very much out-chats me. With him, I'm the silent listener.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rilchiam View Post
..Also, make sure none of it is weird subjects or nonsense trivia.
That, I never said. The four rules already imply that subjects should be of at least potential interest to the listener. And personally, I'm rather fond of weird subjects, and welcome them from my son.
I'm just not fond of listening to subjects that are boring to me and probably to most listeners. Like the retelling of YouTube cartoons. "And then he ran after Venom, and they got in a fight and then BAFF - POWW, and he kinda fell of the building fighting, like sooo :: makes movement with hand:: ".


Robot Arm, "loquacity" IS the most yummy word I came across this week !
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