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Old 09-11-2019, 04:03 PM
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"Tank for Tua" OR The 0-16 NFL Season Thread (2019 ed.)


Come one, come all, welcome to the thread where we celebrate the losingest losers in the NFL. Which team can match the epic ineptitude of the 1976 Buccaneers and 2008 Lions? Who will fire the coach and GM to, ultimately, no avail? Who will get their choice of QBs in an apparently loaded 2020 class? Will a team really dedicate themselves, snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, and go down down down in history with the infamous 0-16?

The Miami Dolphins really do seem like they're a solid candidate to go all the way, but we have lots of contenders. Here are the 15 team that lost Week 1, sorted by how much they lost by:
Miami Dolphins (-49)
Cleveland Browns (-30)
Pittsburgh Steelers (-30)
New York Giants (-18)
Atlanta Falcons (-16)
Jacksonville Jaguars (-14)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-14)
Denver Broncos (-8)
Chicago Bears (-7)
Indianapolis Colts (-6)
Washington Redskins (-5)
Carolina Panthers (-3)
Houston Texans (-2)
New York Jets (-1)
Cincinnati Bengals (-1)

The Detroit Lions and Arizona Cardinals tied, so conceivably could still go winless. Somehow "0-15-1" seems even worse.

Week 2 games that feature two winless teams:
Bucs at Panthers (Thurs Night)
Jaguars at Texans
Bears at Broncos
Browns at Jets (Mon Night)

This thread is for mocking bad teams, but discuss anything that relates, such as draft picks.
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Old 09-11-2019, 06:09 PM
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The 2017 Browns get a pass here?
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Old 09-11-2019, 08:19 PM
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The 2017 Browns get a pass here?
They were awesome, not just 0-16 but 1-32. Historically bad.
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Old 10-05-2019, 07:16 PM
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The 2017 Browns get a pass here?
Couple of days ago two hosts on my local sports-talk station were discussing the Dolphins and whether they would be able to lay a goose egg for the season. One of them opined that it was harder than it seemed, and hadn’t happened in about a decade. (“No, it happened two years ago!”, I yelled at the radio.) And no one, not the other host, nor a producer, nor a caller, corrected him. And these are folks who can tell you how many missed PATs the Falcons had in 2007.

Clearly the Browns front office has deployed some sort of memory-erasing ray on the rest of the country.
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Old 10-05-2019, 08:28 PM
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Couple of days ago two hosts on my local sports-talk station were discussing the Dolphins and whether they would be able to lay a goose egg for the season. One of them opined that it was harder than it seemed, and hadn’t happened in about a decade. (“No, it happened two years ago!”, I yelled at the radio.) And no one, not the other host, nor a producer, nor a caller, corrected him. And these are folks who can tell you how many missed PATs the Falcons had in 2007.

Clearly the Browns front office has deployed some sort of memory-erasing ray on the rest of the country.
And as I like to remind people, the 0-16 was bad enough but they were 1-32. That’s a record that may never be broken while the NFL has rules to support parity.

Last edited by Atamasama; 10-05-2019 at 08:29 PM.
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Old 09-11-2019, 06:37 PM
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LoL, so forgettable. Oops, copy/paste mistake.
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Last edited by garygnu; 09-11-2019 at 06:38 PM.
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Old 09-11-2019, 07:15 PM
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Betting the franchise on an Alabama QB is risky business.
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Old 09-12-2019, 08:56 AM
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Betting the franchise on an Alabama QB is risky business.
Bart Starr, Joe Namath ... on the other hand, Richard Todd, AJ McCarron ...
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Old 09-12-2019, 09:11 AM
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Believe it or not, 50 years ago things were different.
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Old 09-12-2019, 02:09 PM
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Believe it or not, 50 years ago things were different.
Yup. Here's a list from Wikipedia of Alabama's starting quarterbacks, in chronological order. The most recent guy to have had a significant NFL career as a starting QB was, in fact, Richard Todd (starter at Alabama from 1974-1975).

There are three Pro Football Hall of Fame quarterbacks who played at Alabama (Starr, Namath, and Stabler), but as you note, they were at Alabama 50-60 years ago.

Last edited by kenobi 65; 09-12-2019 at 02:10 PM.
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Old 09-12-2019, 09:17 AM
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The Dolphins seem to be the only ones that are intentionally trying to lose.
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Old 09-12-2019, 11:51 AM
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The Dolphins seem to be the only ones that are intentionally trying to lose.
The Seahawks looked they tried, but failed.
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Old 09-12-2019, 01:07 PM
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The Seahawks looked they tried, but failed.
They were dominated in every facet of the game but the scoreboard. Happens.
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Old 09-12-2019, 04:38 PM
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The Seahawks looked they tried, but failed.
There’s some truth to that. Giving up yards was intentional. I don’t know what crazy strategy that they have but it works. In the Pete Carroll era, Seattle has given up more than 400 yards passing on only 6 occasions, and they are 6-0 in those games. They don’t mind the repeated short yardage, it’s the explosive plays they try to prevent. (And failed a couple of times to prevent last Sunday, which I’m sure wasn’t in the plan.)

As I said, though, it’s weird but it works. Pete basically says he doesn’t care if you “dink and dunk” on him, as long as you don’t score.

The sacks and hits and other pressure on Wilson weren’t intentional either, of course, but that OL is better than it performed and I’m sure they’ll get that fixed.
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Old 09-12-2019, 05:02 PM
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There’s some truth to that. Giving up yards was intentional. I don’t know what crazy strategy that they have but it works. In the Pete Carroll era, Seattle has given up more than 400 yards passing on only 6 occasions, and they are 6-0 in those games. They don’t mind the repeated short yardage, it’s the explosive plays they try to prevent. (And failed a couple of times to prevent last Sunday, which I’m sure wasn’t in the plan.)

As I said, though, it’s weird but it works. Pete basically says he doesn’t care if you “dink and dunk” on him, as long as you don’t score.

The sacks and hits and other pressure on Wilson weren’t intentional either, of course, but that OL is better than it performed and I’m sure they’ll get that fixed.
I agree. We were at the game. It was ugly. But I still have hope for a good season.

(of course, I also thought the Mariners would get 81 wins this year)
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Old 09-12-2019, 05:15 PM
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(of course, I also thought the Mariners would get 81 wins this year)
They just got all the wins out of the way early so that they didn’t need to worry later in the season.
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Old 09-13-2019, 12:29 AM
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As I said, though, it’s weird but it works. Pete basically says he doesn’t care if you “dink and dunk” on him, as long as you don’t score.

The sacks and hits and other pressure on Wilson weren’t intentional either, of course, but that OL is better than it performed and I’m sure they’ll get that fixed.
The bolded works until you play the Patriots. And those pressures and hits/sacks are a result of a rejuvenated Bengals defensive line that has a LOT of talent on it. Most around the league aren't noticing, but if the Bengals beat Jimmy Garrapolo in convincing fashion, it's going to be because of that line.

The entire team is playing better. Mediocre Marv was the head cheese for SIXTEEN years. Let that marinate.

I'm telling you, don't sleep on them. Seriously.
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Old 09-13-2019, 01:36 AM
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The bolded works until you play the Patriots. And those pressures and hits/sacks are a result of a rejuvenated Bengals defensive line that has a LOT of talent on it. Most around the league aren't noticing, but if the Bengals beat Jimmy Garrapolo in convincing fashion, it's going to be because of that line.

The entire team is playing better. Mediocre Marv was the head cheese for SIXTEEN years. Let that marinate.

I'm telling you, don't sleep on them. Seriously.
If nothing else that Bengals pass rush is terrifying. They’re crazy good. They kept demonstrating during replays how they were off at full speed at the moment the ball is snapped. That is hard to block. I think Cincinnati might be a contender this year. Yeah it’s only week 1 but they are good.

And John Ross... Being from the Seattle area, I saw a lot of him as a Husky and I thought he’d be a star in the NFL. His rookie year was a dud but it seems like he’s figuring out how to make his speed work in the pros like he did in college. If he can get his catching skills to improve he will be a huge asset, especially once A.J. Green is back.
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Old 09-12-2019, 11:54 AM
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If you try to fail, and somehow succeed anyway, is that really failure? You've failed to fail.
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Old 09-12-2019, 11:59 AM
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Jet's QB Sam Darnold is going to be out for at least a few weeks with Mono. It's going to be a race to the bottom in the AFCE.
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Old 09-12-2019, 12:01 PM
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Belichick was willing to trade Demaryius Thomas to the Jets only because he doesn't think he has anything left.
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Old 09-13-2019, 01:44 AM
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Oh, I’ll add, the Panthers are winning!

The list, I mean. Only the OP’s list.
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Old 09-13-2019, 03:28 PM
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The fact that not even half the NFL teams managed to get a win is a sad state of affairs. As to the op question: while I don’t think the Bengals will go 0-16, they will come close, and hasten their move to become London’s NFL team.
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Old 09-15-2019, 06:23 PM
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...and the Lions continue their undefeated ways through two games. This time they even removed the prospect of still being winless at season's end. They are even number two in their division regardless of what happens with the Bears.

I know the reality. Don't mess with the fantasy. This year we get into the playoffs and manage our second playoff win in the Super Bowl era. I can feel it. We're gonna party like it's 1991. Break out the Barry Sanders jerseys!

Again, don't mess with the fantasy. The Lions can take care of crushing their fan dreams without help.
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Old 09-15-2019, 06:50 PM
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The fact that not even half the NFL teams managed to get a win is a sad state of affairs. As to the op question: while I don’t think the Bengals will go 0-16, they will come close, and hasten their move to become London’s NFL team.
Looked at another way, most teams didn’t lose! Way to go teams!
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Old 09-15-2019, 08:01 PM
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Giants in theory don't even need Tua, if they keep this up how much can they get for the #1 pick?
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Old 09-16-2019, 10:14 PM
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They'll win, but it looks like the Browns want to stay in this race.
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Old 09-17-2019, 09:04 AM
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ElvisL1ves:

Quote:
Belichick was willing to trade Demaryius Thomas to the Jets only because he doesn't think he has anything left.
Well, if he learned anything from his time with Belichick, he'll just resign as QB of the NYJ.
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Old 09-17-2019, 12:30 PM
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Week Two Aftermath


Six of the 0-1 teams won their second game. The 0-0-1 Lions won as well.
Cleveland Browns
Atlanta Falcons
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Chicago Bears
Indianapolis Colts
Houston Texans
Detroit Lions

Here are our nine remaining awkward aspirants, sorted by average margin of loss, and their next opponent:
Miami Dolphins (-46.0) at Cowboys (2-0, +14.0)
Pittsburgh Steelers (-16.0) at 49ers (2-0, +19.0)
New York Giants (-16.0) at Buccaneers (1-1, -4.0)
Cincinnati Bengals (-12.5) at Bills (2-0, +7.5)
New York Jets (-10.5) at Patriots (2-0, +36.5)
Washington Redskins (-7.5) host Bears (1-1, -2.5) Mon Night
Jacksonville Jaguars (-7.5) host Titans (1-1, +14.0) Thurs Night
Denver Broncos (-5) at Packers (2-0, +6.0)
Carolina Panthers (-4.5) at Cardinals (0-1-1, -3.0)

Winless:
Arizona Cardinals (-3.0) host Panthers (0-2, -4.5)

None of the remaining teams looked anything other than pathetic, apart from the Broncos. They're not good, but got a little jobbed at the end of their last game. Looking ahead, it's not good. Most of these teams are on the road next week, five on the road against 2-0 teams. The Patriots and Cowboys are both favored by more than 20 points. I think they'll both cover. The only matchup of winless teams is Panthers at Cardinals. Giants at Bucs might be good, featuring the debut of QB Daniel Jones. Jags at Titans could be entertaining on short rest Thursday. Perhaps there will be more shouting matches or temper tantrums on the sidelines; perhaps some divisional fighting. Otherwise, I see most of these dolt teams next week, still here with the goose egg in the win column.
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Old 09-17-2019, 01:06 PM
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It's interesting to note that, out of the still-winless, three of them will be starting a different quarterback this week than they started in Week 1: Pittsburgh, Jacksonville, and both New York teams. And, a fifth (Miami) has sent in their second-stringer in both games so far.

Last edited by kenobi 65; 09-17-2019 at 01:06 PM.
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Old 09-17-2019, 01:23 PM
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It's interesting to note that, out of the still-winless, three of them will be starting a different quarterback this week than they started in Week 1: Pittsburgh, Jacksonville, and both New York teams. And, a fifth (Miami) has sent in their second-stringer in both games so far.
Sounds like Cam's going to be out too.
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Old 09-17-2019, 01:25 PM
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Sounds like Cam's going to be out too.
If so, then, that's five, only one of which (the Giants) made the switch willingly.
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Old 09-23-2019, 12:08 AM
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Redskins still to play tomorrow night, but here's some stats of distinction for each team:
Miami Dolphins - Through three games is being outscored 16-133, worse than the 2017 Browns (56-76), 2008 Lions (59-113), and 1976 Bucs (9-57).
Pittsburgh Steelers - Lost, totaling only 239 yards on offense, despite getting FIVE takeaways.
Cincinnati Bengals - Actually put up a decent fight. Uh, they're the farthest team away from their last playoff win.
New York Jets - 0 for 12 on 3rd Down, 105 total offensive yards. That's not actually their team record low.
Denver Broncos - First defense in the last 50 years to go their first three games without a single sack OR takeaway.
Arizona Cardinals - Kyler Murray "beat" Nathan Peterman's "record" of fewest passing yards on 30+ completions, going 30 for 173yds. Peterman went 31 for 188.
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Old 09-24-2019, 09:20 PM
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Week Three Consequences


Three teams won this week:
Jacksonville Jaguars
Carolina Panthers
New York Giants

Here are our six stopped squads, sorted by Points-Per-Drive differential (Offense PPD scored - Defense PPD allowed), also showing is average margin of loss, and their next opponent:
Miami Dolphins -3.10 (-39.0) host Chargers (1-2, -1.3ppg)
New York Jets -1.59 (-12.3) BYE
Pittsburgh Steelers -0.93 (-12.0) host Bengals (0-3, -9.7ppg) Mon Night
Washington Redskins -0.90 (-10.3) at Giants (1-2, -10.3ppg)
Denver Broncos -0.67 (-7.0) host Jaguars (1-2, -0.7ppg)
Cincinnati Bengals -0.60 (-9.7) at Steelers (0-3, -12.0ppg) Mon Night

Winless:
Arizona Cardinals -0.70 (-8.0) host Seahawks (2-1, -1.0ppg)

Just what the rapidly declining prestige of Monday Night Football, a week four matchup of 0-3 teams. Both lost on the road by four points to two surprising 3-0 teams after holding fourth-quarter leads. The biggest difference is the Steelers had a +3 turnover margin and the Bengals were -2.
As for the other teams, most of them looked pretty pathetic. Many were going up against top-5 PPD diff teams, and/or really solid defenses. But still, those efforts looked like week-one college puff pastry opponents. At least this upcoming week all the 0-3 teams are either on a bye or going against other teams with losing records.
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Old 10-02-2019, 06:19 AM
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CONGRATULATIONS! The only win this week was from the muddled-on-maladroit meeting of two of our 'best' Monday Night. The Steelers managed to appear as an actual NFL team by beating the now 0-4 Bengals. How impressive.
Pittsburgh Steelers

Here are our Five Fatuous Factions, this time sorted by their Pro Football Focus total DVOA rank. Rank in the adjective sense, not the noun. Also showing is average margin of loss, and their next opponent:
Miami Dolphins -90.9% (-34.2) BYE
Cincinnati Bengals -28.9% (-13.2) host Cardinals (0-3-1, -10.2ppg)
*Arizona Cardinals -24.0% (-8.0) at Bengals (0-4, -13.2ppg)
Washington Redskins -23.4% (-13.0) host Patriots (4-0, +23.8ppg)
New York Jets -23.1% (-12.3) at Eagles (2-2, +1.2ppg)
Denver Broncos -16.2% (-5.8) at Chargers (2-2, +4.0ppg)

*Winless. I'm a'gunna throw the Cards in with the rest, now. They tied a good Lions team Week 1, but they've gone on to stink it up pretty bad since then.

The Dolphins are so bad How bad are they?
The Dolphins are so bad they lost by 20 and improved their average point differential.
The Dolphins are so bad their loss margin is worse than all the other winless teams COMBINED.
The Dolphins are so bad they are 0-4 against the spread. Their average point spread was more than two touchdowns.

In sad news for teams hoping to pad their victory margins, the Dolphins are on a bye this week. The Bengals got blown out by previously-winless Steelers team. The Cardinals visit them this week. Will Arizona become the first team since forever to have two ties in a single season? How are the Bengals the favored team? The Redskins almost seem desperate to keep up with the Dolphins, and they get help this week by playing the Patriots. How many cupcakes before the Pats start getting doubted? Sam Darnold being out with mono is not the reason the Jets are losing. The Broncos lost another heartbreaker, but how a Vic Fangios defense is that bad I do not understand.
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Old 10-07-2019, 10:56 AM
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Week Five Repercussions


Two, count 'em, two teams got their first win this week. The Cardinals used a fellow contender to finally get a genuine win, meaning I don't have to include them with an asterisk because of their stupid tie. The Broncos were probably the most surprising entrant in this contest anyway, and they got their inevitable win at long last.
Arizona Cardinals
Denver Broncos

Here are our remaining Four Fruitless Flocks, this time sorted fewest offensive touchdowns per game. Also showing is average margin of loss, and their next opponent:
Miami Dolphins 0.5 TDs/gm (-34.2 ppg) host Redskins (0-5, -15.6 ppg)
New York Jets 0.5 TDs/gm (-15.5 ppg) host Cowboys (3-2, +8.2 ppg)
Cincinnati Bengals 1.6 TDs/gm (-11.2 ppg) at Ravens (3-2, +7.6 ppg)
Washington Redskins 1.8 TDs/gm (-15.6 ppg) at Dolphins (0-4, -34.2 ppg)

My Eagles-fan friend texted me during his game against the Jets saying they might be worse than the Dolphins. He could be right, and unfortunately for fans of quality football play, they're in the same division. The Jets defense has scored more touchdowns than the offense. They've only attempted three field goals in four games, and only made one of them.

The Bengals loss to the Cardinals may have looked close, but the win percentage for Arizona never dipped below 55% after their first-quarter TD. They'll probably snag a win here and there, but the question is will the front office let Zac Taylor pick out a new QB?

Dan Snyder found another scapegoat, firing Jay Gruden. I wonder if he thinks that will "help" improve the team or "help" get a better draft pick.

I know three of the remaining teams have had to play the Patriots, but the fact that all are averaging double-digit losses just boggles.
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Old 10-16-2019, 12:58 PM
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Week Six Fallout


And then there were two...

The Redskins won because the Dolphins went for a two-point conversion instead of a tying point after. This was probably because a tie at the end of overtime was feeling inevitable.

The Jets got their 1st Round QB back and beat the Cowboys. This disappointed fans of the awe-inspiring ineptitude, but delighted every non-Dallas fanbase in the country.

Here are our remaining Two Telentless Teams, sorted by yards gained minus yards allowed. Also shown is average margin of loss, and their next opponent:
Miami Dolphins 0-5, -205.6 yds/gm (-27.6 ppg) at Bills (4-1, +4.0 ppg)
Cincinnati Bengals 0-6, -118.3 yds/gm (-10.3 ppg) host Jaguars (2-4, -2.3 ppg)

I'll now include 1-win teams, because they suck, too:
New York Jets 1-4, -137.8 yds/gm (-12.0 ppg) host Patriots (6-0, +23.7 ppg)
Washington Redskins 1-5, -98.5 yds/gm (-12.8 ppg) host 49ers (5-0, +16.6 ppg)
Atlanta Falcons 1-5, +2.5 yds/gm (-8.5 ppg) host Rams (3-3, -0.2 ppg)
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Old 09-17-2019, 01:08 PM
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Jets and Dolphins are just sad. Has the #1 and #2 stop in the draft ever gone to teams from the same division?
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Old 09-17-2019, 01:52 PM
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Jets and Dolphins are just sad. Has the #1 and #2 stop in the draft ever gone to teams from the same division?
Uh, that just happened in the most recent draft. Cardinals had the first pick, the 49ers had the second.
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Old 09-17-2019, 02:36 PM
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Uh, that just happened in the most recent draft. Cardinals had the first pick, the 49ers had the second.
Well, has it ever happened two years in a row?
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Old 09-19-2019, 08:47 AM
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Jets and Dolphins are just sad. Has the #1 and #2 stop in the draft ever gone to teams from the same division?
It wouldn’t surprise me if both of them suck so bad that they fail to pull off 0-16 by beating each other. I see both teams finishing 1-15.
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Old 09-17-2019, 02:08 PM
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They just bench Eli Manning today.
The Daniel Jones experiment begins.
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Old 09-17-2019, 02:10 PM
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Which team can match the epic ineptitude of the 1976 Buccaneers.
Hugh Culverhouse, the inaugural owner of the Tampa Bay franchise, refused to pay my father for some freelance publishing work. My father, an old-school and sarcastic character, swore he actually paid an old Gypsy woman to put a curse on Culverhouse and the team (almost certainly in jest).

It was a source of great personal satisfaction to him as Tampa Bay built the Buccaneers' NFL-record streak of fourteen consecutive losing seasons.
  #44  
Old 09-19-2019, 10:37 AM
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Could be 0-15-1, which would be amazing.

I would like to see Miami go 0 and 16 just for being a piece of history and the only team to go completely undefeated and completely winless.
  #45  
Old 09-19-2019, 10:42 AM
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Whoops, make that 0-14-2 because they play each other twice. Duh.
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Old 09-19-2019, 01:39 PM
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Whoops, make that 0-14-2 because they play each other twice. Duh.
The Jets and Dolphins are so bad, it is possible for both of them to lose when they play each other.
  #47  
Old 09-19-2019, 10:57 AM
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Sadly, my Saints are contenders. We won the first game, but probably won't win another unless/until Brees comes back, at which point we'll already be all but eliminated from playoff contention anyway....
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Old 09-19-2019, 11:33 AM
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Sadly, my Saints are contenders. We won the first game, but probably won't win another unless/until Brees comes back, at which point we'll already be all but eliminated from playoff contention anyway....
Eh, you play the Jags during the stretch. And I really don't see Brees sitting out the second half of the season if he's healthy, regardless of playoff odds.
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Old 09-19-2019, 01:34 PM
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Eh, you play the Jags during the stretch. And I really don't see Brees sitting out the second half of the season if he's healthy, regardless of playoff odds.
I'm a pessimist by nature. I'm not convinced Drew is coming back from this. He's pretty old, and his hand may not heal as quickly or completely as expected....
  #50  
Old 09-23-2019, 10:47 AM
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Sadly, my Saints are contenders. We won the first game, but probably won't win another unless/until Brees comes back, at which point we'll already be all but eliminated from playoff contention anyway....
Apparently I know even less about football than I do about politics. Saints offense wasn't great, but Bridgewater played reasonably well. Without all the penalties, they may have scored another couple of times.
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