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Old 08-09-2019, 02:12 AM
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I have a confession to make. When I see an attractive woman, in any context, my concentration shifts


I was just watching a in depth scientific documentary about something that would be really boring to most people (the new SI definition). Obviously, my goal of watching this was to learn about the subject matter. But about half-way through there was an attractive commentator (female) and it just sent my mind off into imagining having sex with her. It was distracting and I lost interest in the documentary.

I think if men were completely honest, they'd admit of the same sort of thing happening to them. Like an attractive woman can completely distract you from whatever you were doing. And you don't have control over that. You can't power through it. It just happens and you have to recognize it for what it is and accept it and move on and try to get back to whatever you were focused on before.

You women might not realize this struggle. Sometimes I think to myself how I understand the berka taking effect in the middle east, I think it would help me, but damn even women's eyes with everything else covered can shift my mood into a more animalistic mode rather than a more civilized demeanor.

I'd bet my life it's like this for 98% of males. I mean, I'm kind of curious about if you were really honest, walking down the street and you see any attractive women, how can you help your brain not automatically think "damn, I'd like to fuck the hell out of that". Especially if they are dressed in some sort of risque, butt-cheeks hanging out, skinny tanned legs outfit.

Sorry in advance. Sometimes I just feel like posting what is on my mind.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:19 AM
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It's none of your business what anyone is wearing, nor their problem if you get "distracted".
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:23 AM
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Well no shit, I'm not blaming the women. I'm blaming my mind.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:24 AM
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Really?
I just threw up in my mouth alittle.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:27 AM
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...but I don't believe my mind is much different than your typical male mind.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:31 AM
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Yeah, that’s mostly just you. Sorry, man.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:36 AM
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Don't feel sorry for me, I think I'd feel worthless if I didn't change moods if distracted by a woman.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:38 AM
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Grow up. Seriously.
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:26 AM
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Speaking as another man, this is a you-problem.

And just to be clear, there’s noticing someone is attractive and there’s not being able to control your own thoughts. This is a case of the latter.
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Old 08-09-2019, 06:25 AM
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Well yes. attractive women have that effect on me.
Only very attractive women have ever reduced me to the dribbling idiot category, but even now, in the twilight of my years, my concentration shifts if I see an attractive women. Of course in context: I have no public contact at work, and it can go days without me seeing any women at all.

But I'm not thinking about fucking, and I'm certainly not using that kind of language in my mind. It's just arresting: a kind of mental blankness.

Last edited by Melbourne; 08-09-2019 at 06:27 AM.
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Old 08-09-2019, 07:10 AM
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I'll echo Melbourne, in a way. I'm gay and working in IT, so mostly with guys. For most of my career I've been lucky (?) enough to not have to work with very attractive coworkers, but right now I am in that situation. Sometimes a colleague is talking to me and I need to make an effort to understand him because I'm looking at his amazing eyes or (different guy) his pleasantly-shaped, well-tanned arms. But it's distraction, it's not in terms of banging anybody.

Last edited by Heracles; 08-09-2019 at 07:11 AM.
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Old 08-09-2019, 07:32 AM
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1. It’s trivial to note that a person might notice another person’s attractiveness

2. It’s not a “struggle” to deal with such feelings

3. Get over it

4. It’s not the other person’s burden to have to know that you are required to deal with this triviality in order to get on with business
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Last edited by Acsenray; 08-09-2019 at 07:33 AM.
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Old 08-09-2019, 07:56 AM
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I recall going to a lecture by an astonishingly beautiful woman. Of course I noticed, but managed to listen to the lecture. In fact, I went home and improved her results and we ended up writing a joint paper on the subject. So I did get over it.
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Old 08-09-2019, 08:17 AM
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I think you may be conflating more than one thing:

1. You notice attractive women and are, well, attracted to them, especially if they're provocatively dressed or showing some skin.

2. You're easily distracted—like Homer Simpson going off into a reverie at the mere mention or sight of tempting food, or even a bird or a dog with a puffy tail.

3. The way your mind processes the "information" and tells you what to do about it—your "damn, I'd like to fuck the hell out of that" vs. Melbourne's "I'm not thinking about fucking, and I'm certainly not using that kind of language in my mind. It's just arresting: a kind of mental blankness." When you see a (picture of a) juicy steak or a piece of pie, does your brain automatically think, "Damn, I'd like to eat the hell out of that"? Do you stop and fantasize about eating it, instead of going about your business?

4. You say this is not your issue, and I believe you, but it is an issue with some men: Realizing that any reaction you have is totally your problem to deal with, not the woman's or anyone else's.
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Old 08-09-2019, 08:17 AM
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Really?
I just threw up in my mouth alittle.
That is sooo hot.
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Old 08-09-2019, 08:35 AM
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I've been in that exact situation, except with attractive men. But it's more like "I'd like to be with him" or at most "I'd like to kiss him." It never gets to the "I'd give anything to fuck him" level, and it never compromises my concentration. What you're displaying is immaturity. Get over it and keep it in your pants.
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Old 08-09-2019, 08:37 AM
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I recall going to a lecture by an astonishingly beautiful woman. Of course I noticed, but managed to listen to the lecture. In fact, I went home and improved her results and we ended up writing a joint paper on the subject. So I did get over it.
Is "writing a joint paper" what you kids are calling it nowadays?
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Old 08-09-2019, 09:23 AM
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I'd bet my life it's like this for 98% of males.
I'm curious why you think this. I'm not saying you're wrong (or right), but it just seems weird to conclude this at the same time you're making a "confession". People typically don't confess to things that happen to half the population.
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Old 08-09-2019, 09:39 AM
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Hm, it works differently for me. When I'm something about a topic that interests me, and the topic is being presented by a physically attractive woman, yes, of course I notice her physical attractiveness, and can feel myself being attracted to her. But for me, it's not a contest between the topic matter and her beauty. Rather, her physical attractiveness and the fact that she's talking about something of interest to me work together, with the result that I'm paying heightened attention both to her appearance and to what she's talking about.
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Old 08-09-2019, 09:49 AM
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I don't think I've got it as heavy as you, it doesn't happen with most attractive women and it's usually wordless for me but yeah, it may be common among men, whether they're straight, gay or bisexual. It might get under-reported though because, as you can see in this thread, it can get people to respond to you like you're an incipient rapist.

Biological drives can be like that; They run deeper than higher brain processes and can disrupt them. If I'm hungry and I see food, I might get distracted. I eat and then I don't get distracted for a while. Or, if I can't eat at that time, I use meditation techniques. Or if I can't quite manage it, I get distracted for a while. Unless it makes me miss something important, it just means I got distracted because I found something more interesting to think about. I get that with kittens and puppies too.

What bubbles up from your mind isn't a problem so much as what other-affecting behaviors it causes. If it doesn't negatively affect others, and unless I missed something nothing in the OP suggests your behavior does, it's just called being horny.

Last edited by MichaelEmouse; 08-09-2019 at 09:50 AM.
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Old 08-09-2019, 10:47 AM
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I'd bet my life it's like this for 98% of males.
Because that would mean it was o.k. to be that way and you wouldn't have to change a thing?
Sorry bucky, but even if that were true( and it most certainly isn't) it still wouldn't provide you with the excuse you seek.
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Old 08-09-2019, 11:08 AM
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That is sooo hot.
Only better if she ripped a big fart.
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Old 08-09-2019, 11:20 AM
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Not only that but nate spelled burka wrong.
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Old 08-09-2019, 11:40 AM
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When I see an attractive woman, she often diverts my attention away from whatever I was doing. But I don't see this as a problem that needs to be fixed.
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Old 08-09-2019, 11:44 AM
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You women might not realize this struggle. Sometimes I think to myself how I understand the berka taking effect in the middle east, I think it would help me, but damn even women's eyes with everything else covered can shift my mood into a more animalistic mode rather than a more civilized demeanor.
This is exactly why men should make more than women, we have to work so hard just to keep from getting distracted.


On a serious note:
Yes there is a lot of automatic processing that goes on constantly related to seeing females. But, for me, it's not disruptive or uncontrollable.

When I talked to my wife about how much is going on in the typical guys head on this topic (based on myself and other guys I know) she was shocked and preferred to pretend I had never told her that (I thought everyone knew).
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Old 08-09-2019, 11:48 AM
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Shame the OP isn't a celebrity. Otherwise they'd just let him do it. He could do anything...
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Old 08-09-2019, 12:04 PM
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When I talked to my wife about how much is going on in the typical guys head on this topic (based on myself and other guys I know) she was shocked and preferred to pretend I had never told her that (I thought everyone knew).
Could you go on about what she found shocking?
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Old 08-09-2019, 12:09 PM
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Partway through the OP, with the "women just don't understand" part, I expected this to become parody. But I guess not.

Anyways, yes, I can get distracted by physical beauty and sexual attractiveness. But my mind does not go towards fucking them, and any distraction is momentary as I can both enjoy the feeling and listen to the person. I've never had the issue where I couldn't think around an attractive woman except due to social anxiety stuff, like worrying about the right thing to say.

That said, I've heard of other guys saying stuff like how, when they notice someone's attractiveness, their mind jumps straight to sex. And these don't appear to be bad people, or even misogynists. It might be a difference in how people are wired, or cultural differences. Throw in being easily distracted, and I could see it being bad.

But, yeah, it's something you need to work on--unless you have ADHD or something, in which case the "shiny" of an attractive person may cause you to lose attention. In that case, you might want to get that checked out.

I'm not going to jump to condemnation. Still, please leave out the "women don't know what it's like" talk that makes it seem like some great burden, and don't assume it's all men. Stick with the stuff where you acknowledge it's an issue with your brain, and not remotely the woman's responsibility. That was good stuff.
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Old 08-09-2019, 12:17 PM
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I can easily find myself distracted by a beautiful woman, I don't see anything wrong with that, it's the fault of evolution I guess.
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Old 08-09-2019, 12:20 PM
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Could you go on about what she found shocking?
The number and extent of sexual thoughts that males have about the females around them. She thought there was very little of that.
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Old 08-09-2019, 12:50 PM
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The number and extent of sexual thoughts that males have about the females around them. She thought there was very little of that.
Was she raised real religious or something?
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Old 08-09-2019, 01:26 PM
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If women knew what men were really thinking, they would never stop slapping us.
Therefore, the trick is only to let them know in circumstances where they won't.

If they can tell that you are distracted, you aren't doing it right.

My first thought upon reading the OP was "that must not have been a very good documentary", but then again, I am not as young as I once was.

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Old 08-09-2019, 01:33 PM
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The language in your OP is appalling, dehumanizing and gross.

This part is particularly egregious:


Quote:
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how can you help your brain not automatically think "damn, I'd like to fuck the hell out of that". Especially if they are dressed in some sort of risque, butt-cheeks hanging out, skinny tanned legs outfit.
Get a grip and grow up.
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Old 08-09-2019, 01:35 PM
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I was at the pharmacy yesterday getting my father's prescription filled. As I was waiting in line, I noticed the woman ahead of me who was at the counter. She was wearing a pair of short shorts and I was looking at her ass and legs.

Now I did check her out. And this did divert my attention away from what I was doing. But what I was doing was standing in line in a drugstore.

What I didn't do:

I didn't get so distracted, I lost my ability to stand in line. I didn't rip off my clothes and attack her. I didn't make catcalls. I didn't try to pick her up. I didn't nudge other men in the area and say "Check out the ass on her." I didn't leer and make her uncomfortable.

We can't control what happens in our head. But we can control how we act.

I don't need women to wear a burka so I can behave.
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Old 08-09-2019, 01:38 PM
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That is sooo hot.
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Only better if she ripped a big fart.
Y'all's so funny
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Old 08-09-2019, 01:58 PM
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You women might not realize this struggle. Sometimes I think to myself how I understand the berka taking effect in the middle east, I think it would help me, but damn even women's eyes with everything else covered can shift my mood into a more animalistic mode rather than a more civilized demeanor.

I'd bet my life it's like this for 98% of males. I mean, I'm kind of curious about if you were really honest, walking down the street and you see any attractive women, how can you help your brain not automatically think "damn, I'd like to fuck the hell out of that". Especially if they are dressed in some sort of risque, butt-cheeks hanging out, skinny tanned legs outfit.

Sorry in advance. Sometimes I just feel like posting what is on my mind.
Yada, yada, same as before, rinse and repeat. I've been hearing this same ol' "men can't help it, so girls gotta be careful nonsense since the 70's. Time to get your ass into the 21st century, son. You need to be able to control that shit. What if you have an attractive co-worker or married neighbor or other woman who (God help us all) you have to interact with?

Sorry, Hamlet, but Ophelia's not going to any nunnery. Maybe it's time to get thee to a priory if you want to avoid calumny.

Or grow the hell up. That might work, too.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:04 PM
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Oh, and we just love it when some random dude refers to us as a "that". You'd hit that, would you? Guess again, junior.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:06 PM
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Admiring beauty and being distracted by it are two completely different things.

Quote:
I mean, I'm kind of curious about if you were really honest, walking down the street and you see any attractive women, how can you help your brain not automatically think "damn, I'd like to fuck the hell out of that".
Probably because a normal person's brain registers that attractive women as a person, and not an object. At the very least, a normal person's brain might briefly fantasize about having sex with her, but "that"? Sorry, you have issues. And the fact that your objectification and sexual daydreaming causes attention deficit and a crippling lack of concentration suggests you should probably seek professional help.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:19 PM
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Beauty and sexuality will only briefly distract me. A few times in my life I found a women so attractive that is was difficult to keep my mind on what I was doing but it was usually because of some quality that I found very appealing and seldom came across.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:28 PM
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It's definitely not normal. I mean, in person I could kind of see it but if you aren't desensitized to gorgeous women on your TV screen then it's pretty weird.

Also, it shows a rather large lack of mental discipline. It sounds like you would be incapable of a coherent conversation with an attractive woman. If you think that's normal for 98% of men, I'm glad I'm not normal.

Last edited by CarnalK; 08-09-2019 at 02:28 PM.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:30 PM
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I think we've made the point to the OP that "not all men", which should be instructive.

But, I will say, people are different, and I can accept that some men have higher levels of "raging hormones" than others.

Case in point - I am a standard skinny brainy guy. I have always been attracted to the opposite sex, and enjoy attractive members of the opposite sex. But I never understood the drooling neanderthal reaction that I would see in some guys. That is until one point in my life when I was prescribed a hormone therapy. OMG! I can tell you it changed me. I started to react in many ways more like what I perceived to be a regular guy-guy. And my drooling neanderthal horniness level went way up. The treatment was only temporary, and when I went off it I returned to my normal beta-cuck self. But I truly felt that, for a period of time, I had walked in another mans shoes, as it were.

So, to nate - no, not all males are like you, but some are, and IMHO some of it has to do with natural hormone levels.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:34 PM
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Have whatever dirty and nasty thoughts you please -- and this goes for everyone. There are no evil thoughts, only evil actions. But you don't need to share your dirty and nasty thoughts with others (outside, say, your therapist or significant other) -- that can be a little teeny-tiny bit evil and almost always wholly unnecessary. Be gross in your mind all you want... but you don't need to be gross in a way in which others are affected (this can include leering, ogling, etc., in addition to unnecessarily sharing your dirty, creepy thoughts).
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:42 PM
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Have whatever dirty and nasty thoughts you please -- and this goes for everyone. There are no evil thoughts, only evil actions. But you don't need to share your dirty and nasty thoughts with others (outside, say, your therapist or significant other) -- that can be a little teeny-tiny bit evil and almost always wholly unnecessary. Be gross in your mind all you want... but you don't need to be gross in a way in which others are affected (this can include leering, ogling, etc., in addition to unnecessarily sharing your dirty, creepy thoughts).
"Word implies Action" -anonymous.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:47 PM
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Have whatever dirty and nasty thoughts you please -- and this goes for everyone. There are no evil thoughts, only evil actions. But you don't need to share your dirty and nasty thoughts with others (outside, say, your therapist or significant other) -- that can be a little teeny-tiny bit evil and almost always wholly unnecessary. Be gross in your mind all you want... but you don't need to be gross in a way in which others are affected (this can include leering, ogling, etc., in addition to unnecessarily sharing your dirty, creepy thoughts).
This isn't a #metoo thread, dude. It's only about what's going on in his head. And no, you probably should discourage yourself from dwelling on dirty and/or evil thoughts , certainly while you are dealing with real live people.

Last edited by CarnalK; 08-09-2019 at 02:49 PM.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:47 PM
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Was she raised real religious or something?
No, pretty typical childhood and family, not prudish and wasn't sheltered.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:48 PM
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...you probably should discourage yourself from dwelling on dirty...
Why?
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:49 PM
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As a man I can say my hormones/horniness/etc vary by day/week/month. Sometimes they aren't a factor at all, sometimes attractive women or the thought of them can be quite distracting. Not necessarily specific women, just a general distraction.
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:03 PM
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Why?
If you are sitting at home masturbating or contemplating how you are going to welcome your girlfriend, knock yourself out. But if you're doing it whenever you are in the proximity of a good looking woman, you are bordering on an addiction like problem.

But really, the important part in that sentence is "dwelling on it". Working yourself up on something that has no outlet isn't healthy imho. If you are on a diet, it does you no good to spend a lot of time fantasizing about bacon wrapped doughnuts. I suspect the OP is on a "diet", of a sort.
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:04 PM
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I must confess I used to have the same reaction as nate. This would be about a year or so after I'd got over the compunction to pick up any nearby stick and go "Pew.... pewpew... pewpew pewpew pewpew. Pew."
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:09 PM
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Why?
I am not a psychologist - but there is a school of thought and theory of treatment that focuses on ones "inner monologue". The thoughts we carry around impact how we feel, and behave and interact with others, and we do have some control over them. If we are constantly thinking "I am a loser" it is a good idea to learn how to talk your brain out of thinking that, etc.
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