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  #51  
Old 08-09-2019, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
I am not a psychologist - but there is a school of thought and theory of treatment that focuses on ones "inner monologue". The thoughts we carry around impact how we feel, and behave and interact with others, and we do have some control over them. If we are constantly thinking "I am a loser" it is a good idea to learn how to talk your brain out of thinking that, etc.
Yes. If you allow yourself to constantly dwell on dirty evil thoughts every time you're near a beautiful woman, it only reinforces itself and can only help to make it a core part of your world view.
  #52  
Old 08-09-2019, 03:57 PM
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This isn't a #metoo thread, dude. It's only about what's going on in his head. And no, you probably should discourage yourself from dwelling on dirty and/or evil thoughts , certainly while you are dealing with real live people.
He chose to share the thoughts in his head, in considerable detail. Not a big deal, and not a big deal for me to gently suggest that folks might want to refrain from sharing gross thoughts with strangers.
  #53  
Old 08-09-2019, 04:08 PM
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He chose to share the thoughts in his head, in considerable detail. Not a big deal, and not a big deal for me to gently suggest that folks might want to refrain from sharing gross thoughts with strangers.
So you weren't giving him advice on irl activities, you were saying this thread was wrong?
  #54  
Old 08-09-2019, 04:22 PM
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The language in your OP is appalling, dehumanizing and gross.

This part is particularly egregious:




Get a grip and grow up.
Agreed. I reported it last night. Crickets.
  #55  
Old 08-09-2019, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by RaftPeople View Post
The number and extent of sexual thoughts that males have about the females around them. She thought there was very little of that.
When I was in college there was some news blurb about young men thinking about sex 5 or 6 times a day.

After much initial confusion and a several-hours-long debate, the only partially tongue-in-cheek conclusion of my all-female dorm was that this might be related to the concept of "men can only do one thing at one time": instead of thinking about sex only once a day like we did, guys had to interrupt the sex-thinking for meals and sleep.

Thing is... people are supposed to eventually get over that level of permanent horniness.
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Last edited by Nava; 08-09-2019 at 04:27 PM.
  #56  
Old 08-09-2019, 04:44 PM
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So you weren't giving him advice on irl activities, you were saying this thread was wrong?
That's how I read that post. And starting a thread is an IRL activity.

I don't agree, I think it's interesting to read about other people's inner dialogues, even when they are sometimes disturbing. And this is the Straight Dope, not my workplace, say, where those comments would be considered "creating a hostile environment". But I can certainly see how some would prefer not to be confronted with evidence that other posters routinely objectify them.
  #57  
Old 08-09-2019, 05:13 PM
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That doesnít bother me as much as him saying/implying that women should hide themselves because HE canít control himself.

Hey, hereís a solution - instead of trying to get women to wear burkhas, men should wear blindfolds.
  #58  
Old 08-09-2019, 05:30 PM
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Something I have noticed on the dope and other message boards when it comes to subjects that our potentially objectionable. There is a predictable over reaction to admitting any kind of connection with the OP's feelings. It tends to render threads like this valueless.
  #59  
Old 08-09-2019, 05:40 PM
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I've been distracted by attractive women at work many times.

It goes away after a couple days. Before long it's just another annoying co-worker that my job forces me to accommodate. I could care less what they look like.

Last edited by aceplace57; 08-09-2019 at 05:42 PM.
  #60  
Old 08-09-2019, 06:02 PM
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So you weren't giving him advice on irl activities, you were saying this thread was wrong?
Just the details, IMO (and posting a thread on a public board is "IRL"). Saying "Sometimes I have inappropriate thoughts..." would be fine, but not necessarily the details of the inappropriate thoughts. Not that it's a big deal, but I think such details don't need to be shared if they might creep people out. They're certainly not necessary in order to discuss the broad concept of inappropriate thoughts, and how pretty much every human sometimes has them.
  #61  
Old 08-09-2019, 06:36 PM
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I've found myself distracted by a woman's appearance before. The distraction never leads to any specific line of thought - I just find myself forced to notice her. The distraction is always momentary, but it can happen repeatedly withing a single encounter - after my attention is drawn more than two or three times in the same encounter I actively focus my attention away from whatever about her is distracting me - I'm there for something else, after all.

I find myself similarly distracted by this one shirt one of my coworkers wears. It's not revealing, but damn if it doesn't look like it's inside out. The seams and edges are darker than the main fabric and everything. At a cognitive level I'm sure it's actually meant to look like that, but damn is it distracting.
  #62  
Old 08-09-2019, 06:36 PM
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I am easily distracted by a nice-looking woman. And I will admit my mind instantly thinks of sex.
  #63  
Old 08-09-2019, 06:52 PM
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Just the details, IMO (and posting a thread on a public board is "IRL").
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Irl stands for in real life, which indicates that weíre talking about our normal, everyday life and not the digital lives we lead online.
  #64  
Old 08-09-2019, 06:53 PM
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It might get under-reported though because, as you can see in this thread, it can get people to respond to you like you're an incipient rapist.

This.


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Originally Posted by puzzlegal View Post
That's how I read that post. And starting a thread is an IRL activity.

I don't agree, I think it's interesting to read about other people's inner dialogues, even when they are sometimes disturbing. And this is the Straight Dope, not my workplace, say, where those comments would be considered "creating a hostile environment". But I can certainly see how some would prefer not to be confronted with evidence that other posters routinely objectify them.

Also this.
  #65  
Old 08-09-2019, 07:01 PM
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OP, I'll meet you halfway.
It's true that most of us, if we're being honest, notice attractive people of our preferred gender(s).
And it's also perfectly normal to have sexual thoughts with some frequency.

But, to become distracted to the point of not being able to focus on anything else is not normal. Using the objectifying, degrading, and frankly sleazy language you used in your post is just not cool. And suggesting that it's the ladies' fault your're a hopeless horndog makes you sound like a rapist on trial.

So I'll add my voice to the chorus suggesting that you grow the fuck up.
  #66  
Old 08-09-2019, 07:04 PM
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Is "writing a joint paper" what you kids are calling it nowadays?
It was the precursor to "Netflix and chill".

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Miller
If women knew what men were really thinking, they would never stop slapping us.
Therefore, the trick is only to let them know in circumstances where they won't.

[...]

Regards,
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I read "slapping" as "laughing". Your statement works either way.

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Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
I am not a psychologist - but there is a school of thought and theory of treatment that focuses on ones "inner monologue". The thoughts we carry around impact how we feel, and behave and interact with others, and we do have some control over them. If we are constantly thinking "I am a loser" it is a good idea to learn how to talk your brain out of thinking that, etc.
This sounds like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). It's widely accepted as a valid approach to psychotherapy, I believe.
  #67  
Old 08-09-2019, 07:07 PM
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In what way did he suggest that it was the ladies' fault? Post#3 he specifically says " Well no shit, I'm not blaming the women. I'm blaming my mind."
  #68  
Old 08-09-2019, 07:20 PM
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In what way did he suggest that it was the ladies' fault? Post#3 he specifically says " Well no shit, I'm not blaming the women. I'm blaming my mind."
These bits:

Quote:
Originally Posted by nate View Post
You women might not realize this struggle. Sometimes I think to myself how I understand the berka taking effect in the middle east, I think it would help me, but damn even women's eyes with everything else covered can shift my mood into a more animalistic mode rather than a more civilized demeanor.

[...]

I'd bet my life it's like this for 98% of males. I mean, I'm kind of curious about if you were really honest, walking down the street and you see any attractive women, how can you help your brain not automatically think "damn, I'd like to fuck the hell out of that". Especially if they are dressed in some sort of risque, butt-cheeks hanging out, skinny tanned legs outfit.
  #69  
Old 08-09-2019, 07:48 PM
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I had a decorator that used to work with me, she looked like Lonnie Anderson but was prettier and much more developed in all areas. Cars would rear end each other looking at her. She dressed extremely sexy and had an extreme body to go with it. Was she dangerous?? The platinum blond hair was good for catching men's eyes.
  #70  
Old 08-09-2019, 07:53 PM
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These bits:
I just don't see how that is blaming women even if he could have worded it more diplomatically. He's not ascribing any motives to their clothing choices.
  #71  
Old 08-09-2019, 07:55 PM
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Alright. Whatever you call it, and this is an incredibly small thing we're arguing about, posting on a public message board can actually affect others.
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  #72  
Old 08-09-2019, 07:56 PM
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I had a decorator that used to work with me, she looked like Lonnie Anderson but was prettier and much more developed in all areas.
Did you mean Loni Anderson, or Louie Anderson?
  #73  
Old 08-09-2019, 08:04 PM
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I just don't see how that is blaming women even if he could have worded it more diplomatically. He's not ascribing any motives to their clothing choices.
Motive isn't part of blame. Cause is part of blame. He's saying that his wayward thoughts can be blamed on their clothing choices.

And yeah, it really did seem two steps away from "She was asking for it, your honor!"
  #74  
Old 08-09-2019, 08:30 PM
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Did you mean Loni Anderson, or Louie Anderson?
Loni Anderson
  #75  
Old 08-09-2019, 08:38 PM
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Motive isn't part of blame. Cause is part of blame. He's saying that his wayward thoughts can be blamed on their clothing choices.

And yeah, it really did seem two steps away from "She was asking for it, your honor!"
Not in anyway. Revealing clothing catches the eye. If you're going to deny that reality, I don't know what to say.
  #76  
Old 08-09-2019, 08:45 PM
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I was at At Home (a home decoration store) this afternoon and I saw a very attractive woman wearing shorts that showed a lot of leg and accentuated her posterior. I glanced at her a little longer than I might have otherwise glanced at a less attractive woman but I had no problem going about my business with no distractions.
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  #77  
Old 08-09-2019, 09:15 PM
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Agreed. I reported it last night. Crickets.
First of all, let me apologize for the delay. I did not receive the post reports until today, and even then I did not have time to respond to them at that time (Friday is always busy for me at work).

Second, while the OP certainly has some issues, I think overall everyone has done very well with this thread. I think the best thing to do under the circumstances is just to let the thread continue. Hopefully nate will take the time to carefully read all of the responses, both to understand why his response is not the same as 98% of males out there, and also to understand why many in this thread are finding his post to be so offensive.

We really do not want to encourage posts along the lines of "women make me want to have sex", and we definitely do not want to encourage men's locker room types of posts where men just talk about who they want to have sex with and why. But if we can have more discussions like this one where people actually explain the issues and try to give some enlightenment and understanding to those who are clearly lacking in it, I think that's actually a good thing.

I will try to monitor this thread as best as I can going forward, and again, apologies for not being able to get to it sooner.
  #78  
Old 08-09-2019, 09:31 PM
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Many people like to wear sexy clothing and appreciate being noticed, but- think about it for a second- if you are causing auto accidents, spilling coffee, or blanking out during lectures then the true issue really isn't with revealing clothing or how stupefyingly beauteous you happen to think someone is.
  #79  
Old 08-09-2019, 09:47 PM
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Moderator Note



First of all, let me apologize for the delay. I did not receive the post reports until today, and even then I did not have time to respond to them at that time (Friday is always busy for me at work).

Second, while the OP certainly has some issues, I think overall everyone has done very well with this thread. I think the best thing to do under the circumstances is just to let the thread continue. Hopefully nate will take the time to carefully read all of the responses, both to understand why his response is not the same as 98% of males out there, and also to understand why many in this thread are finding his post to be so offensive.

We really do not want to encourage posts along the lines of "women make me want to have sex", and we definitely do not want to encourage men's locker room types of posts where men just talk about who they want to have sex with and why. But if we can have more discussions like this one where people actually explain the issues and try to give some enlightenment and understanding to those who are clearly lacking in it, I think that's actually a good thing.

I will try to monitor this thread as best as I can going forward, and again, apologies for not being able to get to it sooner.
The rest of the thread is no problem. It was the degrading language in the first post. Thank you.
  #80  
Old 08-09-2019, 09:59 PM
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I had a decorator that used to work with me, she looked like Lonnie Anderson but was prettier and much more developed in all areas...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thudlow Boink View Post
Did you mean Loni Anderson, or Louie Anderson?
I swear to Jeebus I read that as Louie Anderson.

Time for a vision check.


mmm
  #81  
Old 08-09-2019, 10:06 PM
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Not in anyway. Revealing clothing catches the eye. If you're going to deny that reality, I don't know what to say.
What is ďrevealing clothing?Ē

You might say that the woman in tight short-shorts and a belly shirt is deliberately inviting the male gaze.

What about a woman in a long skirt, a loose tunic, and a head scarf?

You see where Iím going with this?


Nobody denies that certain clothing catches the eye. That fact is irrelevant.

What IS relevant is that the man is responsible for his OWN reaction to it.
  #82  
Old 08-09-2019, 10:08 PM
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Iím a hetero cis male. 41, healthy and virile.

When I see a woman, I notice whether she is attractive. And, if Iím being honest about what is going on in the recess of my mind, I may objectify her - ďnice legsĒ, ďnice buttĒ, etc.

And I work with attractive women, and I, on a base male hormonal level, prefer that to working with unattractive people, or just men. And - well, Iím being honest - a sexual thought will flash in my head if one is bent over or has revealing cleavage.

So, yeah, Iíve thought about sex with some of the women Iíve worked with. And if a woman out and about is pretty, Iíll notice. I may even glance at her an extra time.

But I donít find this to be so distracting that I cant interact with these people. And, that inner mind that sometimes says ďthatís a gorgeous sightĒ is also mature enough to remind me ďdonít stare!Ē or ďsheís just here to do a job.Ē

By the way, I think this recognition of attractiveness is typical of *all* people, not just men. Iíve seen examples of women noticing the good looking men in their midst plenty of times.

Usually, though, people manage their urges enough to get other shit done.
  #83  
Old 08-09-2019, 11:33 PM
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What is “revealing clothing?”

You might say that the woman in tight short-shorts and a belly shirt is deliberately inviting the male gaze.
Yeah, you might say that. My only point was that I don't think anyone did. And I think we can drop it right there if you don't mind.

Last edited by CarnalK; 08-09-2019 at 11:34 PM.
  #84  
Old 08-10-2019, 01:28 AM
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You become distracted, to what point that this interferes with your life? For example, if you are driving down the street and see an attractive women do you run your car off the road? At work do you stare out the window all day looking at attractive women and are not able to complete your assignments?

If that's the case, you have a serious problem that needs professional help. Covering up the women or whatever is not the issue.
  #85  
Old 08-10-2019, 02:10 AM
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Two things to say on this:

1. Yes I will always notice attractive women, and I was just thinking today about how many accidents might be indirectly caused this way.
I mean, when driving I will sometimes glance at an attractive woman on the street.
Whatever I am doing I will notice pretty women.

2. For me, it rarely ever manifests into a specific thought about sex though. And I wonder if the OP is post-hoc trying to interpret his thoughts.
Not everything needs or has an inner monologue, and when I see an attractive woman there's usually no words in my mind beyond possibly "Wow!", and I am not particularly imagining anything. And on previous threads on the dope, other dopers have said the same.

Last edited by Mijin; 08-10-2019 at 02:11 AM.
  #86  
Old 08-10-2019, 04:05 AM
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I don't get distracted to the point I'm a drooling statue when I see an attractive woman. I guess the point I was trying to make is, that even in working situations where the goal is to get some job done, if a new attractive woman appears as part of the team, it completely changes my thought process. It just changes things. It makes me more competitive and unfocused on the job's goals (I'm not blaming the woman, just my mind that is the product of millions of generations of successfully reproducing males), even though I may already have a "mate". I see this in me, I see this in my co-workers, I see this everywhere and I don't really understand why some on the SDMB have a problem admitting this. It's not a value judgement. It is an observation. Just admitting that men are ultimately controlled by sex is not a crazy thing. And in fact, if true social progression is to be made, we shouldn't just push this under the rug and demonize it but rather accept that our evolution has brought us here, but also realize our minds give us the ability to rise above not to act on such things.

As a (horrid, to some) example, I was driving with my wife in our minivan, stopped at red light and this girl pulled up next to us on a scooter. The way she was sitting, the short shorts she was wearing, her body's shape, I don't know, I couldn't even hold a conversation with my wife even when she was complaining about me being distracted by her... it's like it didn't matter to me, I couldn't bypass it, I had to just take in the sight of this and I didn't care how irritated my wife was. I know I sound like a real winner, but I'm just being honest.
  #87  
Old 08-10-2019, 04:13 AM
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nm

Last edited by CarnalK; 08-10-2019 at 04:16 AM.
  #88  
Old 08-10-2019, 04:27 AM
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As a (horrid, to some) example, I was driving with my wife in our minivan, stopped at red light and this girl pulled up next to us on a scooter. The way she was sitting, the short shorts she was wearing, her body's shape, I don't know, I couldn't even hold a conversation with my wife even when she was complaining about me being distracted by her... it's like it didn't matter to me, I couldn't bypass it, I had to just take in the sight of this and I didn't care how irritated my wife was. I know I sound like a real winner, but I'm just being honest.
Like many things, there are spectrums of sexuality. You seem to have the high end of sex drive and/or you're poorly socialized (I don't mean that to be insulting - I mean it in the sense of not having a sense of social norms or appropriateness).

The story you tell here indicates a few things: your sex drive overwhelms you and incapacitates you. You also have some fence mending to do with your wife if you value that relationship. Even if you find the chick in the next lane incredibly attractive, it's just rude to ogle her in front of your wife. It's even worse to ignore her, especially when she's asking you to stop the ogling. It's clear you disrespect her. That's trouble, with a capital t, that rhymes with d, that stands for divorce proceedings.

You are right that people (men and women) think about sex. You are right that sometimes these thoughts can be intrusive. However, if you can't control the response or your behavior then you do actually have a problem that you should address.
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Old 08-10-2019, 05:38 AM
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I guess I am somewhere between nate and Mijin. I do think more than just “wow”. I imagine specific sexual stuff. But I also manage pretty well, I think, not to make it obvious and not to lose track of the conversation I am having with my wife or whatever. So for me it’s very internal and I think about it more like “boy, if people had telepathy, I would be in trouble, heh”. (Although I guess if they could read everyone’s minds they would realize how common this is and I wouldn’t be in trouble.)
  #90  
Old 08-10-2019, 05:58 AM
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Nate, youíre usung the ďeverybody does itĒ excuse to try to justify your own destructive behavior.

Yes, typical men notice attractive women, and sometimes are even distracted by them. Itís not normal to be so distracted that you canít help hurting your wife.

Similarly, normal social drinkers may overindulge from time to time. Normal social drinkers can confine themselves to one or zero drinks of the situation calls for it. If they canít control themselves, then they need to get sone help because they have a drinking problem.

Similarly, you need to get some help because you canít control the outward manifestations of your reactions to women you think are attractive.
  #91  
Old 08-10-2019, 08:41 AM
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Originally Posted by engineer_comp_geek View Post
Moderator Note

First of all, let me apologize for the delay. I did not receive the post reports until today, and even then I did not have time to respond to them at that time (Friday is always busy for me at work).

Second, while the OP certainly has some issues, I think overall everyone has done very well with this thread. I think the best thing to do under the circumstances is just to let the thread continue. Hopefully nate will take the time to carefully read all of the responses, both to understand why his response is not the same as 98% of males out there, and also to understand why many in this thread are finding his post to be so offensive.

We really do not want to encourage posts along the lines of "women make me want to have sex", and we definitely do not want to encourage men's locker room types of posts where men just talk about who they want to have sex with and why. But if we can have more discussions like this one where people actually explain the issues and try to give some enlightenment and understanding to those who are clearly lacking in it, I think that's actually a good thing.

I will try to monitor this thread as best as I can going forward, and again, apologies for not being able to get to it sooner.
I am going to go on about this, because this is exactly the sort of thing that I think causes a disconnect on the misogyny issue here. When the OP tells the story of walking down the street, thinking "Damn, I want to hit that", he just called me and every other woman in this thread a "that". Right there, the tone was set and I was told that this would be a conversation among men, and any woman is starting at a disadvantage because she's not even really a person to the OP--who is confident he speaks for all men.

And yes, there's a potentially interesting discussion suggested by the OP, but it's framed in a misogynistic and degrading way: it's "Hey, fellow dudes, let me tell you about the problems the women cause me". It's humble-bragging about how powerful his sex drive is, so powerful he can't interact with attractive women. He's not looking for advice--he doesn't think it's a problem. He's explicitly looking for validation that his thoughts are normal--and he only wants it from other men, because anything women say will be met with "you couldn't possibly understand and any man who tells you different than me is lying to you".

Potentially interesting conversation starters shouldn't get a pass on being gross. I'd shut down the thread and suggest the OP or someone else restart it with the understanding that there are women and men in the room.
  #92  
Old 08-10-2019, 09:05 AM
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I am going to go on about this, because this is exactly the sort of thing that I think causes a disconnect on the misogyny issue here. When the OP tells the story of walking down the street, thinking "Damn, I want to hit that", he just called me and every other woman in this thread a "that". Right there, the tone was set and I was told that this would be a conversation among men, and any woman is starting at a disadvantage because she's not even really a person to the OP--who is confident he speaks for all men.



And yes, there's a potentially interesting discussion suggested by the OP, but it's framed in a misogynistic and degrading way: it's "Hey, fellow dudes, let me tell you about the problems the women cause me". It's humble-bragging about how powerful his sex drive is, so powerful he can't interact with attractive women. He's not looking for advice--he doesn't think it's a problem. He's explicitly looking for validation that his thoughts are normal--and he only wants it from other men, because anything women say will be met with "you couldn't possibly understand and any man who tells you different than me is lying to you".



Potentially interesting conversation starters shouldn't get a pass on being gross. I'd shut down the thread and suggest the OP or someone else restart it with the understanding that there are women and men in the room.
I endorse this. I think it expresses what I said earlier in a different (and probably better) way.
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Old 08-10-2019, 09:54 AM
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Potentially interesting conversation starters shouldn't get a pass on being gross. I'd shut down the thread and suggest the OP or someone else restart it with the understanding that there are women and men in the room.
Is starting a new thread that much different than just agreeing the statements in the OP were offensive and moving on with the conversation? This thread or a new one. What's the difference?
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Old 08-10-2019, 10:07 AM
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Cosigned.
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Old 08-10-2019, 10:28 AM
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Is starting a new thread that much different than just agreeing the statements in the OP were offensive and moving on with the conversation? This thread or a new one. What's the difference?
Well, there isn't universal agreement, nor is it just that they were "offensive". They were exclusionary. They assumed that the audience was male and that only men could speak about the issue. And the damage is done, the tone is set--as a woman, now, I can engage in a meta-conversation in thread about whether or not the tone is appropriate or inoffensive, but that's now the topic of conversation, not the issue uncontrollably staring at a woman is normal and immutable.

But more than that, it would serve to make people think twice when they start threads about making sure they aren't being gross, offensive, exclusionary, etc. just for flavor, for rhetorical effect. Y'all don't want warnings or even notes for any behavior that isn't appalling because that's "not fair" and "we can't know where the line is" and "that would chill discussion". This is another way to encourage people to remember that this is not a locker room and that words mean things.
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Old 08-10-2019, 10:29 AM
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I am not a psychologist - but there is a school of thought and theory of treatment that focuses on ones "inner monologue". The thoughts we carry around impact how we feel, and behave and interact with others, and we do have some control over them. If we are constantly thinking "I am a loser" it is a good idea to learn how to talk your brain out of thinking that, etc.
It goes back rather far: "The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts" - Marcus Aurelius 161-180 CE


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As a (horrid, to some) example, I was driving with my wife in our minivan, stopped at red light and this girl pulled up next to us on a scooter. The way she was sitting, the short shorts she was wearing, her body's shape, I don't know, I couldn't even hold a conversation with my wife even when she was complaining about me being distracted by her... it's like it didn't matter to me, I couldn't bypass it, I had to just take in the sight of this and I didn't care how irritated my wife was. I know I sound like a real winner, but I'm just being honest.
I read the OP generously but that part definitely suggests a problem. I've only seen this in one other man; He saw a woman and acted like a dog who'd seen a squirrel. You could practice attentional control with meditation or by looking at pictures/videos of women you find attractive than working on your ability to shift mental gears. You're going to fail at it a lot at first and it's going to take at least one month before you notice changes but it sounds like it would be worth it.
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Old 08-10-2019, 10:36 AM
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Another reason to ask people to restart these sorts of threads is that sometimes they don't want to have discussion at all because they don't really care. All they really want to do is talk about their dick or otherwise be gross. If invited to restart the thread, they won't bother because they don't care. If someone else finds the conversation interesting enough to continue, they can reframe it in a productive way.
  #98  
Old 08-10-2019, 10:52 AM
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As a (horrid, to some) example, I was driving with my wife in our minivan, stopped at red light and this girl pulled up next to us on a scooter. The way she was sitting, the short shorts she was wearing, her body's shape, I don't know...
See, Iím with you here if you tell me that you couldnít help but notice her. I think itís natural to be inclined to want to look at an attractive woman.
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...I couldn't even hold a conversation with my wife even when she was complaining about me being distracted by her... it's like it didn't matter to me, I couldn't bypass it, I had to just take in the sight of this and I didn't care how irritated my wife was. I know I sound like a real winner, but I'm just being honest.
You lost me here. I think that itís not typical for a person to be so distracted that they canít even hold a conversation. That strikes me as creepy boorish behavior, which society has made very clear is inappropriate.

Thatís not to say that I havenít encountered guys who are overtly heterosexual, but itís an annoying schtick, akin (in my mind) to an over-the-top flamboyant homosexual. It might just be somebodyís personality, but I personally find it tiring and, frankly, obnoxious.
...
But, on a larger point, I have sometimes thought that the difference between a gentleman and a pervert is really just a matter of tact. I always endeavor to be respectful in my interactions with my co-workers, but itís true that Iíve had some fully formed dirty thoughts about some of those getting my respect. Iím grateful they canít read my mind!
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Old 08-10-2019, 10:53 AM
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Just admitting that men are ultimately controlled by sex is not a crazy thing.
"Men" are not ultimately controlled by sex. If you are ultimately controlled by sex, or by anything else, that's neither normal nor healthy.
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Old 08-10-2019, 10:55 AM
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"Damn, I want to hit that", he just called me and every other woman in this thread a "that". Right there, the tone was set and I was told that this would be a conversation among men, and any woman is starting at a disadvantage because she's not even really a person to the OP--who is confident he speaks for all men.
I totally agree with this. Instead of setting the table for a straightforward discussion about sexual desire and how one handles it in various situations, the conversation based on gross braggadocio.

Quote:
He's explicitly looking for validation that his thoughts are normal--and he only wants it from other men, because anything women say will be met with "you couldn't possibly understand and any man who tells you different than me is lying to you".
The whole "women just can't understand" is a common tactic for refusing to do any serious introspection or working to change inequality in society.
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