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  #1151  
Old 09-17-2019, 05:46 AM
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Are you the universe?
Who has traveled the furthest from the place of their birth? Who has stayed the closest?


I've both traveled the furthest and stayed the closest, because I am the universe.
  #1152  
Old 09-17-2019, 07:10 AM
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I've seen fire and I've seen...
"Stealth" type van living

Must not have been very stealthy.
  #1153  
Old 09-17-2019, 08:35 AM
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Insanity or dementia? Or can it be both?
Mass Killings in the United States 2019


Hey, any defense will sometimes work
  #1154  
Old 09-17-2019, 08:54 AM
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Elegy for the minstrel show
post Sylvester Stallone's early movie career
What makes a joke racist?


I don't think Stallone was ever in a minstrel show.
  #1155  
Old 09-17-2019, 06:16 PM
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Why did the French implement decimal time during the French Revolution?
Slow Internet Connection


They could only download stuff 10/12th as fast as everyone else.
  #1156  
Old 09-17-2019, 10:57 PM
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Broke my nose yesterday. What questions do I need to ask the ENT?
Is UV Window Film Worthwhile?


No, but here's a scrip for Preparation H, if that helps.
  #1157  
Old 09-18-2019, 07:39 AM
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America opens the Borders. Then what?
Savage beating


Don't say we didn't warn you. MAGA!
  #1158  
Old 09-18-2019, 09:06 AM
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Dealing with unpleasant, untrue rumors
Buying toothpast used to be so simple...


Well, if you're not snorting Colgate, what's all that white stuff around your nose?
  #1159  
Old 09-18-2019, 10:55 AM
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How much freedom does a DA have NOT to prosecute? (sexually explicit)

What happens if they testify anyway?

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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #1160  
Old 09-18-2019, 11:13 AM
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Anyone want to play hide-&-seek?
Kansas City Dopefest


Kansas City, Kansas City here I come.
They got some crazy hide-&seek Dopefests there
And I'm gonna get me one.
  #1161  
Old 09-18-2019, 11:35 AM
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Pulled a Woman out of a car yesterday.

Should we get a budgie?



I don't know -- a woman AND a budgie?


You have to decide which one you really want to keep.
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #1162  
Old 09-18-2019, 01:18 PM
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Couple spends $100,000 after bank error
A plea for help - the price of a leg is $1500


Do they really need more than 66 2/3 legs?
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I'm not really an insane rabbit, but I play one on the net.
  #1163  
Old 09-19-2019, 08:56 AM
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Is The Far Side Returning?
Inconceivable!


Gary Larson can conceive of it (and "Inconceivable~ is going to be in a lot of sequential thread posts)
  #1164  
Old 09-19-2019, 09:08 AM
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Airline passenger throws coin into airplane engine for good luck
Well, that was that! --aborted vacation
  #1165  
Old 09-19-2019, 09:25 AM
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Could you cook food with a light saber?
Auction of Anthony Bourdain's possessions


I warned him to be careful sautéing the onions...
  #1166  
Old 09-19-2019, 09:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackmannii View Post
Airline passenger throws coin into airplane engine for good luck
Well, that was that! --aborted vacation
Nice!
  #1167  
Old 09-19-2019, 10:12 AM
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How averse are women to asking a man out?
Financial dilemma: What would you do?


Don't worry, the default is dutch for women asking out men unless you surprise him with an extremely fancy restaurant.
  #1168  
Old 09-19-2019, 10:17 AM
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What is the first sentence from the book you are currently reading?
Ric Ocasek - The Cars, RIP


Wow! That came out fast!
  #1169  
Old 09-19-2019, 11:22 AM
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America opens the Borders. Then what?
Going to permanent Daylight Saving Time


Whoa hold up there. I'd be all for open borders if it didn't lead to permanent Daylight Saving Time!
  #1170  
Old 09-19-2019, 12:25 PM
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America opens the Borders. Then what?
Atrial Fibrillation... Sigh.....
  #1171  
Old 09-19-2019, 01:36 PM
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What was Dracula's end game in moving to London?
green beans?


It's the only place that doesn't add garlic.
  #1172  
Old 09-19-2019, 04:06 PM
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Financial dilemma: What would you do?
Anyone try Ketamine for Treatment-Resistant Depression


I'm so poor with no prospects, might as well take the Special K Challenge.
  #1173  
Old 09-20-2019, 01:18 PM
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September's shot already (mini-rants)
Will this election also be decided by the perverse American fetish for GUNS?


Definitely, since they killed September.
  #1174  
Old 09-20-2019, 01:32 PM
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When your strongest values collide
My birthday, your cake. What'll it be?


I'll take your cake since I hold it stronger as a value than my birthday.
  #1175  
Old 09-20-2019, 06:13 PM
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How averse are women to asking a man out?
What utilitarian value does an AR-15 have


It makes him a bit more likely to agree to a hot date at the Dairy Queen.
  #1176  
Old 09-20-2019, 08:07 PM
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Alternative to making music CDs?
Funny fruitspreads


Ripping CDs is too expensive: how about some "Gobbo Thurston and the Raving Tacos"-branded fruitspread?
  #1177  
Old 09-21-2019, 07:01 AM
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What would have been the effect of a US capital in St. Louis?
"Stealth" type van living


For awhile, most of Congress would be sleeping in a van ... DOWN BY THE RIVER!
  #1178  
Old 09-21-2019, 08:33 AM
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For non-gun owners: What would you fight to keep as much as guns are fought for in America?
National Honor Society


"I'll give you my National Honor Society pin when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!"
  #1179  
Old 09-21-2019, 08:47 AM
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Should we get a budgie?
Well, I own an antique piano
When your strongest values collide


Owning a budgie vs. keeping the piano clean? Well, don't let the bird shit on the piano?
  #1180  
Old 09-21-2019, 09:08 AM
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What's the root of the opprobrium against desiring pleasure?
Help me buy an inflatable yak


Desiring pleasure??
  #1181  
Old 09-22-2019, 09:03 AM
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How are mice getting in my basement?
National Honor Society


Dem's some smart mice.
  #1182  
Old 09-22-2019, 09:28 AM
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America opens the Borders. Then what?
Northerners who moved south.


Y'all need a wall.
  #1183  
Old 09-23-2019, 03:44 AM
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We send a message to the aliens. What's the creepiest thing they could send back?
Short Skirts in 1970's/80's junior high and high school. What hosiery did they wear?


Pictures included.
  #1184  
Old 09-23-2019, 08:37 AM
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What was Dracula's end game in moving to London?
Drinking laws in England


Drinking BLOOD is legal in England?
  #1185  
Old 09-23-2019, 08:45 AM
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We send a message to the aliens. What's the creepiest thing they could send back?
Carrying a Sign That Says 'Free Sex'?


That should be good for an invite to the White House.

Last edited by Jackmannii; 09-23-2019 at 08:46 AM.
  #1186  
Old 09-23-2019, 12:20 PM
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When I'm 64, and other reminders that you are old.
Carrying a Sign That Says 'Free Sex'?
  #1187  
Old 09-23-2019, 02:32 PM
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Anyone have experience taking in feral cats?
Carrying a Sign That Says 'Free Sex'?


You'll have better luck with a bowl of canned tuna.
  #1188  
Old 09-23-2019, 02:51 PM
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UK's Thomas Cook shuts doors after 178 years
Thanks for letting me know, Windows


That was kind of a weird error message, though.
  #1189  
Old 09-23-2019, 04:17 PM
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Heavy Trash Day
What's so bad about a dumpster fire?
  #1190  
Old 09-23-2019, 10:25 PM
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Anyone have experience taking in feral cats?
What utilitarian value does an AR-15 have


Effective but messy.
  #1191  
Old 09-24-2019, 03:46 PM
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My Mom was Trampled by a French Mob
A new Darwin Award honorable mention
  #1192  
Old 09-24-2019, 07:52 PM
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Confess!!! (your climate sins)
What's so bad about a dumpster fire?


Ummm ... I'm guessing the carbon dioxide. But maybe burning off some of the methane will make up for it.
  #1193  
Old 09-24-2019, 08:02 PM
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What to do with your body
WW11 Holocaust tattoos.


That'll make you stand out in a crowd.
  #1194  
Old 09-25-2019, 08:12 AM
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You've only seen the sequel(s)?
Sequels that are better known than the original
  #1195  
Old 09-25-2019, 10:30 AM
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When I'm 64, and other reminders that you are old.

Hearing aids

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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #1196  
Old 09-25-2019, 12:56 PM
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Your Odd Hobbies
Being the last poster of a thread and then it dies


OK, that's it! No more sequential threads!
  #1197  
Old 09-26-2019, 05:46 AM
Ludovic is online now
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Why no new operating systems?
Garages being used to actually park cars


They're no longer being used to build new operating systems.
  #1198  
Old 09-26-2019, 06:23 AM
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The Trump Impeachment Inquiry
I bought all of their albums
  #1199  
Old 09-26-2019, 11:31 AM
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We send a message to the aliens. What's the creepiest thing they could send back?
Are you the universe?


Yes, the thought of the people of Earth being the whole universe is very vaguely creepy.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 09-26-2019 at 11:31 AM.
  #1200  
Old 09-26-2019, 11:32 AM
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Name this logical fallacy.

How many princes are there?



It's the "Number of Princes Fallacy"
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
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