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Old 09-24-2018, 05:26 PM
wirebowl wirebowl is offline
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Is this a silly reason to want to go to college in a different state?

I just started my senior year of high school, but I actually should be starting my freshman year of college. My birthday's October 1st, 2000, and the state where I live has a winter cutoff of December 31st, which means that I was supposed to start Kindergarten in the fall of 2005. However, because my parents thought I was immature and didn't have a lot of confidence in me, they waited until the fall of 2006 to send me. All through school, I've felt embarrassed about being a year behind, and out-of-place for being more than a year older than some of my classmates. The thing is, though, that most states have a September cutoff, which means that in most states, I wouldn't have been allowed to start Kindergarten until the fall of 2006. Thus, by the standards of most states, I'm in the right grade. If I went to college in a state with a September cutoff, I'd be exactly in the year I'm supposed to be, and no one would think it weird that I was turning 19 in October of my freshman year, since that's the norm for October-born people in that state. I'd still be one of the very oldest, but I'd still fall within the normal age range for my year. I know this seems crazy, but lately, nothing has been more important to me than being normal and fitting in.
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Old 09-24-2018, 05:33 PM
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Your specific age won't be all that noticeable in college. While most freshmen will likely be somewhat close to you in age, you'll also have classmates well into their 20s, 30s, and on up... I'm 69 and have attended my local community college for the last 18 years just the fun of it. You'll be with students of all ages. No one will notice you on that basis. Going out of state is fine, but don't get hung up on the age thing.

ETA, I was born in November and started first grade when I was 5-- no kindergarten. I was always the youngest in my class.
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Old 09-24-2018, 05:33 PM
Danger Man Danger Man is offline
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Why not just lie about your age to your class mates?
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Old 09-24-2018, 05:35 PM
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OK. Honestly. I don't remember anyone giving a shit in college. Lots of kids take a year off before starting their freshman year, anyway, and I didn't even know who those people were until well into my college years. You're fine. Don't sweat it.
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Old 09-24-2018, 05:41 PM
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Colleges have a broader spectrum of ages. Even a state school in your state is going to have people from more typical age cutoffs attending from out of state. There will be people who might have delayed for financial reasons. There will be some veterans attending on the GI Bill. There will also be people that get off track by missing a semester or year for any number of reasons. You'll also be exposed to a broader number of people so there's less limit in your social pool.

I won't call it a silly reason. It's probably not as big of an effect as it feels like in high school. You're transitioning to adulthood where the people you interact with on a daily basis aren't likely to be from such a tight age cohort. At worst you're making that adjustment a little earlier than your peer. It can also cost tens of thousands of dollars more in out of state tuition and more expensive travel to be home for holidays. Is even your perceived level of discomfort worth say $50,000 dollars to correct for four years?
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Old 09-24-2018, 05:41 PM
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Think of it this way; you'll be able to buy beer up to a year before your classmates. That should make you popular in your junior or senior year.

Last edited by Dewey Finn; 09-24-2018 at 05:41 PM.
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Old 09-24-2018, 05:48 PM
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One specific reason nobody's mentioned yet:

You'll be lost in the crowd. I almost guarantee your college will be substantially bigger than your high school, and it's entirely likely a single lecture section will have more students than your entire graduating class. You won't be picked on because nobody will know your name, let alone your birthday.

Another that should be repeated more often:

Also, picking on an adult is harder than picking on a minor. It tends to verge into "crimes the police care about" a lot sooner than it does with picking on children.

So they add up to one thing:

Give it a year. You won't care about "fitting in" nearly as much then as you do now. You'll be accustomed to being lost in a crowd in a positive sense, being impossible to single out, and you'll be accustomed to being treated like an adult. It'll simply fall off your mental radar as you acclimate to your new life.
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Last edited by Derleth; 09-24-2018 at 05:48 PM.
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Old 09-24-2018, 05:52 PM
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In addition to agreeing with statements about how your classmates won't care about you being minimally older, good reasons for wanting to attend college out of state basically boil down to:

1) attending a school that has unique or better programs than in-state schools, and

2) putting more distance between yourself and your parents.

Both are valid justifications.
  #9  
Old 09-24-2018, 11:19 PM
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1) The odds of any of your classmates noticing or caring will be really small. And, it's not like you'll be tremendously older than them -- a matter of months, if that.

2) Over the past 20 years, it's become not entirely uncommon for parents to hold their kids back a year from starting kindergarten -- it's even referred to as "redshirting" (after the practice of not playing a college football player as a freshman, thus delaying the clock on his eligibility by a year).

3) "Gap year" (i.e., taking a year off before college) is also a thing now.

And, as Jackmannii notes, there might be good reasons to go out-of-state for school, but this probably isn't one of them.

Last edited by kenobi 65; 09-24-2018 at 11:20 PM.
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Old 09-24-2018, 11:59 PM
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It will not be a problem. I was born the end of September. I had the opposite problem in School. Most of my classmates were older than me. Most of my classmates were turned 16 sometime during our sophomore year if HS. so they were able to get their drivers license that year. I did not get mine until after my Junior year had started. I truly disliked being one of the youngest in the class.


After High School I went 2 years to Jr college and no one noticed that I was younger then them. And after 2 years of Jr college I went to The Maritime Academy. most of my Class mates there went straight from HS to the Academy. So I was older than them. Then the Academy was much smaller the whole corps was around 270 students. I was older than some of the 2nd classmen. It was nice being one of the older Midshipmen.


And yes part of that was I turned 21 before most of my classmates. My 1st class year I roomed with the Old Man, he was 26. We were able to go to Flamingo Joes often.
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Old 09-25-2018, 12:00 AM
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It isn't silly, but it's not gonna be worth the hassle. Find a college that meets your needs and your price. It'll be ok. My college girl wanted to go out-of-state to get clear of me ( dare I say?) She's found she needs me more than she thought. But I would've never discouraged her when we were applying. Simply because this was her first adult decision and I wanted her to make it on her own. Keep in mind you may need your parents and other peeps more than you think. It's always good to be able to come home after a hard week.
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Old 09-25-2018, 02:59 AM
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My college girl wanted to go out-of-state to get clear of me ( dare I say?)
Hey, I say kudos on you for recognizing it!
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Old 09-25-2018, 04:15 AM
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I just started my senior year of high school, but I actually should be starting my freshman year of college. My birthday's October 1st, 2000, and the state where I live has a winter cutoff of December 31st, which means that I was supposed to start Kindergarten in the fall of 2005. However, because my parents thought I was immature and didn't have a lot of confidence in me, they waited until the fall of 2006 to send me. All through school, I've felt embarrassed about being a year behind, and out-of-place for being more than a year older than some of my classmates. The thing is, though, that most states have a September cutoff, which means that in most states, I wouldn't have been allowed to start Kindergarten until the fall of 2006. Thus, by the standards of most states, I'm in the right grade. If I went to college in a state with a September cutoff, I'd be exactly in the year I'm supposed to be, and no one would think it weird that I was turning 19 in October of my freshman year, since that's the norm for October-born people in that state. I'd still be one of the very oldest, but I'd still fall within the normal age range for my year. I know this seems crazy, but lately, nothing has been more important to me than being normal and fitting in.

Nobody will give the most token of shits about your age. They might poke fun at wherever you come from, but not really give a shit about it either.



I went (and am) back to college at the bright young age of 37. Before the first week I angsted quite a bit about not fitting in, not knowing what the hell y'all young'uns were into or were talking about (but pretty sure I'd have trouble getting you off me lawn) and was pretty much resigned to being the weird guy in the back nobody talks to and/or whispers about as he silently strolls the halls. Hell, some of the professors were younger than me ! One of the TAs was a guy I knew from being 3 years younger than me in kindergarten, and how fucked up is that ?!



Within two weeks I had a fresh new batch of friends, was invited to bar nights and had a girl more or less throw herself at me (although I was so not expecting that I didn't even grok she had been until like three months after that party . Didn't matter because I was already spoken for, but still, I'm still kicking myself about that one.).



The truth is that most everybody else is also a fish out of water, trying to fit in, confused and scared as hell, not knowing what the hell they're doing... and obsessing about what everyone else thinks of them and if anyone knows. That's true of all adult life, btw.
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Old 09-25-2018, 05:15 AM
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The age difference you're worrying about is really very very small. I'm wondering if it's acting as a proxy for something else you're worried about. For instance:
Quote:
...my parents thought I was immature and didn't have a lot of confidence in me...
So ... is your being older than your classmates now a bit of a symbol to you of being "not good enough" in some way? That maybe you'd like to leave behind in your next stage of life?
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Old 09-25-2018, 05:38 AM
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Not really a factual question. Moving to IMHO.
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Old 09-25-2018, 05:40 AM
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Not being an American I can only guess, but I suspect that having a different accent or values/opinions, will mark you out much more than age ever will.
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Old 09-25-2018, 06:49 AM
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For most people, if you’re doing an undergrad degree out of state, there should be a good reason and something as minor as your age isn’t a good reason.

If you’re taking out loans and having to pay out of state tuition, then remember you’ll be paying that back.
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Old 09-25-2018, 07:08 AM
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Once out of high school, a ton of the usual idiotic social issues just disappears.

This is one of them.

Your age won't make a whit to difference to college age people.

I went to a college that had a large percentage of older students. That I was younger than a bunch of people I hung out with made no difference to them at all.

E.g., I was friends with a guy who annoying younger brother wanted to hang out with us a lot. You know how kid brothers are. The kid brother was older than me!

To fit in with other college age kids act mature. Not worrying about your age is a good start.
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Old 09-25-2018, 08:33 AM
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I think, so long as you're leaving home to go to college, it doesn't really matter if it's the same state or a different one. I had friends who stayed at home for college/university, and noticed that they still seemed stuck in their high school lives. But those who moved to a new city changed. A lot of what you worry about now will just seem different after even a few weeks of being out on your own, even if it's just in a dorm room.
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Old 09-25-2018, 08:47 AM
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The answer to your question, almost by definition, is "Yes, that's a silly reason". The only logical college choice criteria is "has the best program in the world for what I want to do and that I can A) get accepted to, and; B) afford". Any other basis for choice is, if not silly, at least based on tangential criteria. That said, I would wager that precious few high school seniors go by strictly logical criteria when choosing a college.
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Old 09-25-2018, 08:55 AM
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Out of state tuition rates are two to three times higher.

Going to University in your own state will save a lot of money.

There needs to be a very good reason to needlessly incur that heavy debt.

An example
Quote:
University of Arkansas/Undergraduate tuition and fees

In-state 8,522 USD, Out-of-state 21,826 USD

Last edited by aceplace57; 09-25-2018 at 08:58 AM.
  #22  
Old 09-25-2018, 09:20 AM
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Nobody will know unless you bring it up, nor will they care. Nor would you be the only one.
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Old 09-25-2018, 09:36 AM
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Nor would you be the only one.


Yes, this is another factor. What stands out in a class of 50-100 people blends in, in a class of 1000-2000. I was in a first-year program for people who did really well in high school, so pretty much everyone there was one of the smartest people in their high school graduating class. But at University, we were just one more of the people in the class.

Except for Pete. He was a freaking genius
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Old 09-25-2018, 09:37 AM
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One of my college classmates had some minor problems because of her age. She'd been one year ahead, so in the two parties* which took place during the seven months before she turned 18 we were all a bit worried about whether she'd be allowed to get in. Both locations saw that she was surrounded by a dozen other chicks, asked if she planned on drinking, got a chorus of her and several others saying "no" and let her in (FTR, legal drinking age had just been set - as 16).

Having a few months on the January births shouldn't be a problem at all.




* At someone's house doesn't count, I mean with dinner in an actual restaurant followed by dancing at an actual club.
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Old 09-25-2018, 09:51 AM
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Another thing I have seen mentioned here is that this isn't like high school where most of your classes will be with people in your same grade. You'll be in classes with people who are sophomores, juniors, etc.
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Old 09-25-2018, 09:59 AM
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One really important factor you need to consider is cost. Often, going to school in another state can be much more expensive than going to a college in your same state. Tuition itself is often more expensive, and you'll have to deal with higher travel costs.

There will be all different ages of Freshman. Yes, most will be 17-18, but many will be older. Sometimes people take a year off after HS. Sometimes they join the military. There are lots of reasons people don't go to college right out of HS. There's no reason for you to worry about your age not matching your peers.
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Old 09-25-2018, 10:06 AM
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One really important factor you need to consider is cost. Often, going to school in another state can be much more expensive than going to a college in your same state. Tuition itself is often more expensive, and you'll have to deal with higher travel costs.
And, something which used to be treated as heretical by many Americans but which makes financial sense: if you're in college in the same town where you live, you may be able to stay in your parents' house. If you can go to college without getting in debt for the next three generations, please do!
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Old 09-25-2018, 10:18 AM
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There was almost this exact same thread several months back--anyone have a link for that?
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Old 09-25-2018, 11:24 AM
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OP, have you tried talking to your high school counselor about this? They are an under used resource in highschools.
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Old 09-25-2018, 12:02 PM
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My younger daughter was in this exact situation, and had no problems in college. She went out of state (as did my other daughter, my wife, and me) and was a year ahead where she went.
Being more mature paid dividends.
Being away from home had definite advantages, as does going to the best college you can get into, no matter where it is.
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Old 09-25-2018, 12:49 PM
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The older you get, the less important age differences become. When my son was two months old, 3-month-old infants looked huge, but at 18, a year's difference means nothing. I'm 44, and I consider everyone in their 40s basically the same age as me.

Look at it this way, OP: you're almost 18; practically an adult. You're too old to care about this stuff.
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Old 09-25-2018, 01:08 PM
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My college years were ages ago but no-one noticed age unless we were hitting the bars and often not even then; Oakland being like that back in the 70s. Unless someone was clearly ancient (past their 30s) or exceptionally young (we did have one 14 year old freshman) none of us even really cared.
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Old 09-25-2018, 01:08 PM
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Yes.
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Old 09-25-2018, 05:21 PM
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There was almost this exact same thread several months back--anyone have a link for that?
Finally dug it up.
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Old 09-27-2018, 01:06 PM
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I don't ever remember age coming up in college, at any time, other than in reference to being asked if I was old enough to purchase alcohol for people that weren't.

Another interesting sidenote: I met a classmate in college, who introduced himself as Firstname "Jake" Lastname. Several months later, while visiting his home on a weekend, we found (from his parents) that no one had ever called him "Jake" and they were confused by our references to him. Turns out, he always liked the nickname, and saw going off to a new school with no one that knew him as the perfect opportunity to go by the name he wanted.

Wherever you go to school can be a fresh start, and no one is going to know or care how old you are.
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Old 09-27-2018, 01:10 PM
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OK. Honestly. I don't remember anyone giving a shit in college. Lots of kids take a year off before starting their freshman year, anyway, and I didn't even know who those people were until well into my college years. You're fine. Don't sweat it.
Agreed. She's making a mountain out of a molehill.
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Old 09-27-2018, 03:34 PM
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Who's to say if the reason is silly? I think your parents probably made the best decision BTW. I speak as a person who missed the cutoff for kindergarten in one state, moved to another state, and got double promoted so I was in the "right" grade, and since then I have never fit in anywhere. That might have happened anyway.

There are a lot of good reasons to go to a different state though. You can probably pick some of those up off the internet if you can't think of any other ones. Here's a couple: You are further away from your parents; you will learn more new things in a new state because people are subtly different in different states. (Like, my son learned that he wasn't drinking pop, he was drinking soda.) You may like the climate better, or it may lead to appreciation of the climate where you grew up.

Con side: Out of state tuition.
  #38  
Old 09-27-2018, 06:55 PM
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September birthday here. I started college when I was 17, but canít remember people pointing that out - or even knowing how old I was. A non-issue IMHO.
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Old 09-27-2018, 07:18 PM
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you may be able to stay in your parents' house. If you can go to college without getting in debt for the next three generations, please do!
No! Please don't do this. I did it. It's my biggest regret in life, broadly speaking. I can make money any time. I can never have those years back. I can never replace all the memories I don't have because I didn't really "go" to college fully.
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Old 09-27-2018, 07:38 PM
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No! Please don't do this. I did it. It's my biggest regret in life, broadly speaking. I can make money any time. I can never have those years back. I can never replace all the memories I don't have because I didn't really "go" to college fully.


I agree and, if possible, don’t stay in your hometown for college.
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Old 09-27-2018, 07:49 PM
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I went to a residential college as well, living in a dorm and eating in the dining hall. And yes, the experience was fun. But it's also very expensive. At many schools, the dorm and dining fees can be $15,000 or more. That's on top of tuition, which could be $50,000.

So if you find the right school close enough that you can continue to live in your parents' house, you can save a small fortune.
  #42  
Old 09-27-2018, 10:11 PM
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No! Please don't do this. I did it. It's my biggest regret in life, broadly speaking. I can make money any time. I can never have those years back. I can never replace all the memories I don't have because I didn't really "go" to college fully.
Yes! I could have gone to college free if I stayed in New York, but then I'd be more or less still a high schooler. Going away made me new friends, built up my maturity, and was a good halfway house to true independence. Plus I met my wife there. Insisting I went away was one of the best decisions I ever made, and I'm glad my parents backed me up. Plus where I went was better, though the college I passed up wasn't bad at all.
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Old 09-27-2018, 10:25 PM
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If you're going to go out of state for college, go to the absolute best school you can get into and afford. That doesn't even need the qualifier, really, but plenty of people really don't have the choice of whether they're staying in-state or not.
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