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  #101  
Old 04-19-2019, 08:57 AM
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Well, paint my tongue yellow and call me a stoat.
  #102  
Old 04-19-2019, 01:14 PM
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Even a buck naked rooster sometimes scores a goal.


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  #103  
Old 04-21-2019, 10:03 PM
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Not all who inhale helium is a chipmunk.
  #104  
Old 04-22-2019, 04:08 AM
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This is going to be messier than the time a skunk tried to mate with a porcupine.
  #105  
Old 04-22-2019, 10:10 AM
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He acted like he was driving a Studebaker in a demolition derby.
  #106  
Old 04-22-2019, 01:12 PM
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He walks around like his pants are full of juice and he's got the only straw.
  #107  
Old 04-22-2019, 01:39 PM
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Ambivalent is as ambivalent does.
  #108  
Old 04-26-2019, 12:35 PM
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He's as welcome as a breadfruit bouquet.
  #109  
Old 04-27-2019, 10:41 PM
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She had eyes like Mrs. Potatohead on a bad day.
  #110  
Old 04-29-2019, 09:32 AM
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When a woman told her children to move their shopping cart full of swimming pool noodles, I sid "Yes. Move your noodles."

From now on, that's what I'm saying to anyone in my way "Move your noodles."
  #111  
Old 04-29-2019, 09:39 AM
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"I just trained that hippo!"

...said after completing a complicated task.
  #112  
Old 04-29-2019, 11:48 AM
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Hijacking is for jets and threads.
  #113  
Old 04-30-2019, 05:22 PM
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Carbuncles and corpuscles!
  #114  
Old 05-01-2019, 01:10 AM
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He is our resident pool noodle.
  #115  
Old 05-01-2019, 08:45 AM
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Well, if that don't peel the paint off your fencepost I don't know what would.
  #116  
Old 05-01-2019, 08:38 PM
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She's like a poodle in a percolator.
  #117  
Old 05-02-2019, 09:08 AM
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She came across as being a real curling iron, if you know what I mean.
  #118  
Old 05-03-2019, 04:53 PM
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He can go piss in a pistol.
  #119  
Old 05-07-2019, 09:13 PM
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Where there's a will there's a death.
  #120  
Old 05-18-2019, 03:47 PM
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He's the type who scratches his nuts while wearing a derby.
  #121  
Old 05-23-2019, 12:41 PM
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Quote:
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When a woman told her children to move their shopping cart full of swimming pool noodles, I sid "Yes. Move your noodles."

From now on, that's what I'm saying to anyone in my way "Move your noodles."
Quote:
Originally Posted by boson View Post
He is our resident pool noodle.
And I am so stealing that one: Stop acting like a pool noodle.
  #122  
Old 06-02-2019, 08:33 PM
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Stay clear of Linda today. Her diapers are full.
  #123  
Old 06-02-2019, 09:35 PM
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Don't skate if the pond ain't froze.
  #124  
Old 06-03-2019, 03:48 PM
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If you don't got floaters, you got ghosts.
  #125  
Old 06-04-2019, 08:07 AM
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I feel like oboe in the brass section.
  #126  
Old 06-15-2019, 01:00 AM
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When all you have is kale, it's time to put it out to pasture.
  #127  
Old 06-15-2019, 01:01 AM
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This is the worst year I've had all week!
  #128  
Old 06-21-2019, 01:25 PM
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Sweet salsa seltzer!


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  #129  
Old 06-26-2019, 02:48 PM
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Well, if that don't paint your walls blue!
  #130  
Old 06-27-2019, 07:07 AM
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He carries his gonads in a fanny pack.
  #131  
Old 06-27-2019, 08:33 AM
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I say kale, you say cabbage.
  #132  
Old 06-27-2019, 09:41 AM
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If the bell don't ring, put it back on the shelf.
  #133  
Old 06-27-2019, 09:53 AM
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Six and a half of one, half a baker's dozen of the other.
  #134  
Old 06-27-2019, 10:00 AM
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They go to together like camphor and beans
  #135  
Old 07-07-2019, 05:39 PM
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If it ain't needed don't invent it.
  #136  
Old 07-07-2019, 08:58 PM
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There is more than one way to eat pussy. (Sort of a take on, "There is more than one way to skin a cat.")
  #137  
Old 07-07-2019, 09:27 PM
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You can't close the window while the cat's sitting in it.
  #138  
Old 07-08-2019, 08:39 AM
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If he were a board game he'd be Sorry.
  #139  
Old 07-08-2019, 10:13 AM
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She slapped him like a hard chicken.
  #140  
Old 07-09-2019, 04:37 AM
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He's a flea with a boner.
  #141  
Old 07-09-2019, 09:33 AM
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A crutch without an owner is still a crutch.
  #142  
Old 07-09-2019, 12:36 PM
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Quote:
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If he were a board game he'd be Sorry.
If he were a board game, he'd be Oy Vey!
  #143  
Old 07-09-2019, 05:21 PM
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Go fart in a piccolo.
  #144  
Old 07-10-2019, 08:05 AM
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Quote:
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If he were a board game, he'd be Oy Vey!
Well if that don't whitewash your fence then nothin' will!

Last edited by Cardigan; 07-10-2019 at 08:06 AM.
  #145  
Old 07-10-2019, 06:37 PM
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That’s like rearranging the deck chairs on the deck.
  #146  
Old 07-15-2019, 07:30 PM
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Don't boil the water if you're not gonna peel the potato.
  #147  
Old 07-15-2019, 07:57 PM
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One man's mirage is another man's oasis.
  #148  
Old 07-16-2019, 07:57 AM
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One man's Tamarin is another's New World monkey.
  #149  
Old 07-16-2019, 10:34 AM
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The turkey don’t care who carves him.


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  #150  
Old 07-17-2019, 07:50 AM
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He's top to bottom knotty pine.
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