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  #7701  
Old 08-15-2019, 01:26 PM
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But it's my only line!
  #7702  
Old 08-15-2019, 01:29 PM
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Exciting? No, it's not. It's dull. Dull. Dull. My God, it's dull, it's so desperately dull and tedious and stuffy and boring and des-per-ate-ly DULL.
  #7703  
Old 08-15-2019, 06:52 PM
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It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
  #7704  
Old 08-15-2019, 10:50 PM
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You are the sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?
  #7705  
Old 08-16-2019, 07:23 AM
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But first... a bit of fun.
  #7706  
Old 08-16-2019, 07:24 AM
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Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
  #7707  
Old 08-16-2019, 09:42 AM
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Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
  #7708  
Old 08-16-2019, 09:53 AM
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If I may begin at the beginning. First, there is the Cherry Fondue. Now this is extremely nasty... but we can't prosecute you for that.
  #7709  
Old 08-16-2019, 10:52 AM
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Get on with it!
  #7710  
Old 08-16-2019, 12:03 PM
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Order, eh? Who does he think he is?
  #7711  
Old 08-16-2019, 12:09 PM
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Look they've started the credits.
  #7712  
Old 08-16-2019, 03:52 PM
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I think she's dead.
  #7713  
Old 08-16-2019, 06:18 PM
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'E aint got shit all over 'im.
  #7714  
Old 08-16-2019, 10:16 PM
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No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given by Svenge – her brother-in-law–an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink".
  #7715  
Old 08-16-2019, 10:16 PM
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Now I've got to get him to the fish tank and sing.
  #7716  
Old 08-16-2019, 10:38 PM
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I'm 37, I'm not old.
  #7717  
Old 08-17-2019, 07:59 AM
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It's only a wafer thin mint.
  #7718  
Old 08-17-2019, 09:41 AM
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Course you don't get bloody wafers with it.
  #7719  
Old 08-17-2019, 04:36 PM
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There is an epic quality about the sea which has, throughout history, stirred the hearts and minds of Englishmen of all nations. Sir Francis Drake, Captain Webb, Nelson of Trafalgar and Scott of the Antarctic - all rose to the challenge of the mighty ocean. And today another Englishman may add his name to the golden roll of history: Mr. Ron Obvious of Neaps End. For today, Ron Obvious hopes to be the first man to jump the Channel.
  #7720  
Old 08-17-2019, 05:19 PM
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Tchaikovsky. Was he the tortured soul who poured out his immortal longings into dignified passages of stately music, or was he just an old poof who wrote tunes?
  #7721  
Old 08-17-2019, 06:12 PM
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And now... a man with a tape recorder up his brother's nose.
  #7722  
Old 08-18-2019, 08:21 PM
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And now, a man with three buttocks.

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Change your latitude, change your attitude.
  #7723  
Old 08-18-2019, 11:24 PM
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He ran away!
  #7724  
Old 08-19-2019, 12:41 AM
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Well if you're going to split hairs, I'm pissing off.
  #7725  
Old 08-19-2019, 09:13 AM
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Well, no, no, provided I get a good liftoff and maybe a gust of breeze over the French coast, I shall be jumping into the centre of Calais itself.
  #7726  
Old 08-19-2019, 09:47 AM
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Dynsdale!
  #7727  
Old 08-19-2019, 12:53 PM
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Don't you, eh, pass judgment on other people, or you might get judged yourself.
  #7728  
Old 08-19-2019, 03:30 PM
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Er, oh, eleven foot six inches at Motspur Park on July 22nd. Er, but I have done nearly twelve feet unofficially.
  #7729  
Old 08-19-2019, 05:00 PM
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Nothing to do with me. I'm not in this show. This is show five - I'm not in until show eight.
  #7730  
Old 08-19-2019, 05:27 PM
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It's not a question of where he grips it.
  #7731  
Old 08-19-2019, 10:28 PM
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You see, if you're five miles out over the English Channel, with nothing but sea underneath you, er, there is a very great impetus to stay in the air.
  #7732  
Old 08-20-2019, 01:06 AM
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I hardly think that's good enough! I think it's be more appropriate if the box bore a great red label:


"WARNING! LARK'S VOMIT!"
  #7733  
Old 08-20-2019, 07:15 AM
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I don't care how excrementally runny it is.
  #7734  
Old 08-20-2019, 08:46 AM
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Oh, oh. I see. I thought, I thought you were the, er... I like the police a lot, I've got a lot of time for them.
  #7735  
Old 08-20-2019, 09:09 AM
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Oh, fishy fishy fish.
  #7736  
Old 08-20-2019, 01:39 PM
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Will you shut up!
  #7737  
Old 08-20-2019, 05:57 PM
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And now, the sound of John Denver being strangled:

"You came on my pillow... AArrrrrrghghrrrghghghrrrrrrrrgghgh!"

Thank you.
  #7738  
Old 08-20-2019, 06:35 PM
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What a stupid concept.
  #7739  
Old 08-21-2019, 02:02 AM
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I'm sorry, we don't have time for that.
  #7740  
Old 08-21-2019, 05:17 AM
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Number thirteen. The naughty bits of a horse,
  #7741  
Old 08-21-2019, 07:32 AM
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Number 1. The larch. The... larch.
  #7742  
Old 08-21-2019, 07:52 AM
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Gone... a nice woody sound... gone...
  #7743  
Old 08-21-2019, 09:05 AM
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Oh, SHOVE the abattoir, that's not important.
  #7744  
Old 08-21-2019, 09:06 AM
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He said knowingly
  #7745  
Old 08-21-2019, 09:14 AM
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Say no more.
  #7746  
Old 08-21-2019, 09:28 AM
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There is only me. sir.
  #7747  
Old 08-21-2019, 10:13 AM
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Do you want to come upstairs...?
  #7748  
Old 08-21-2019, 10:23 AM
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What an eccentric performance.
  #7749  
Old 08-21-2019, 10:31 AM
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It is a silly place.
  #7750  
Old 08-21-2019, 10:43 AM
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Sorry about this... pom pom pom... Normally we try to avoid these little ... pauses ... longeurs... only dramatically he's gone down to the basement, you see. 'Course, there isn't really a basement but he just goes off and we pretend... Actually what happens is he goes off there, off camera, and just waits there so it looks as though he's gone down ... to the basement. Actually I think he's rather overdoing it. Ah!
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