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  #1251  
Old 04-25-2019, 01:57 AM
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... the stilettos, my feet would thank me.

As for the short-shorts ...
  #1252  
Old 04-25-2019, 02:27 AM
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Who wears short shorts?


When I ran out of 'Nair' I went to______.
  #1253  
Old 04-25-2019, 08:45 AM
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.... the beach anyway.

Once at the beach, I saw a gargantuan expanse of fishbelly white skin....
  #1254  
Old 04-26-2019, 01:17 AM
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And no coppertone. Sunburn city!


When I got burned_______.
  #1255  
Old 04-30-2019, 06:44 PM
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I called my boss and said I wouldn’t be in.

That’s not surprising because my boss
  #1256  
Old 04-30-2019, 11:42 PM
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... doesn't expect me on days ending in "Y."

The boss does, however, expect me ...
  #1257  
Old 04-30-2019, 11:51 PM
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To have a tan.

I find that terribly_____.
  #1258  
Old 04-30-2019, 11:52 PM
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Dbl post.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 04-30-2019 at 11:53 PM.
  #1259  
Old 05-01-2019, 01:25 AM
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...reward because tanning is the only thing I'm skilled at.

I take that back. I am also good at filling...
  #1260  
Old 05-02-2019, 02:20 AM
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... pie crusts.

I like baking, because it ...
  #1261  
Old 05-02-2019, 11:14 PM
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Feeds the roaring crowd.


When they are hungry they_____.
  #1262  
Old 05-03-2019, 12:07 AM
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... grab torches and pitchforks, and threaten to storm my house.

But I can usually calm then down by ...
  #1263  
Old 05-04-2019, 02:27 AM
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Threatening lawsuits.



I want damages for_____.
  #1264  
Old 05-05-2019, 01:57 AM
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... Half a million.

I have no grounds for such a sum, but ...
  #1265  
Old 05-07-2019, 09:18 PM
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...quitters never win. I'm going for it.

And i'll sue for pain and suffering because...
  #1266  
Old 05-07-2019, 09:48 PM
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I have a bruise on my ego.


In other news I'm going on_____.
  #1267  
Old 05-07-2019, 10:45 PM
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... "Jeopardy."

I just hope they don't have a category about ...
  #1268  
Old 05-12-2019, 02:16 PM
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the Easter Bunny.

I get chills every time I think about...
  #1269  
Old 05-13-2019, 12:39 AM
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...lists of the world's most smartest-like people because I are one.

I also made the list for ....
  #1270  
Old 05-13-2019, 12:52 AM
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My dust bunny collection.


Oh, I see it's late on the calendar for_____.
  #1271  
Old 05-13-2019, 03:42 AM
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... "International Give a Cat a Treat Day."

Problem is, my cats ...
  #1272  
Old 05-13-2019, 07:01 PM
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hate me.

I wouldn’t mind so much, but
  #1273  
Old 05-14-2019, 02:10 AM
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There is the danger of cohabitation with evil.

When my cats look at me they_____.
  #1274  
Old 05-14-2019, 03:27 AM
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... are sizing me up as potential food, should I die.

I don't want to be eaten by my cats, so I ...
  #1275  
Old 05-14-2019, 04:16 AM
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renew my restraining order against them every six months.

Every six months I also take.....
  #1276  
Old 05-15-2019, 12:40 AM
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... a long vacation, usually outside the U.S.

On my last trip, ....
  #1277  
Old 05-15-2019, 02:42 AM
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The cats stowed-away in my luggage.


Cat hair covered_____.
  #1278  
Old 05-15-2019, 04:15 AM
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fettuccine is great once you shake the cat hairs off.

Cats tend to be experts at.....
  #1279  
Old 05-15-2019, 11:39 AM
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Travelling incognito.

I looked, my passport is_____.
  #1280  
Old 05-16-2019, 02:03 AM
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... American, but my cats' are Siamese.

That'll create a problem when ...
  #1281  
Old 05-16-2019, 03:10 AM
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We travelled to the Isle of Man. For obvious reasons.

Therefore I decided to_____.
  #1282  
Old 05-16-2019, 03:14 AM
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... travel to New York, which none of us needed a passport for.

But when we saw Times Square ...
  #1283  
Old 05-16-2019, 03:25 AM
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Nobody could tell me the time.

I looked at sky to_____.
  #1284  
Old 05-16-2019, 04:07 AM
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... find my way, but really, who can see the stars from Manhattan, given all the light?

That's why, in broad daylight in NYC, I ...
  #1285  
Old 05-16-2019, 06:14 AM
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sleep until sundown.

The only drawback to that is I can't.....
  #1286  
Old 05-16-2019, 05:29 PM
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...figure out East from West then, and often end up in the East River instead of in the matinee of "Cats"!

Otherwise, NYC is a veritable....
  #1287  
Old 05-16-2019, 10:43 PM
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... contestant for World's Most Interesting City.

It's a far cry from ...
  #1288  
Old 05-16-2019, 10:49 PM
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... the mountains of Kyrat.

Which is where I spread the ashes of ...
  #1289  
Old 05-17-2019, 07:01 AM
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(Isamu, I had to Google to get it!)

....the last dozen cigars I smoked.

To make the trip I packed....
  #1290  
Old 05-18-2019, 12:51 AM
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a suitcase and a humidor.

I needed help shipping the humidor, so I.....
  #1291  
Old 05-18-2019, 03:26 AM
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... called UPS, and they looked after it.

Problem was, that when I got it from them, it ...
  #1292  
Old 05-18-2019, 03:39 AM
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Was 50 acorns tied in a sack.

The men from the press said_____.
  #1293  
Old 05-18-2019, 04:47 AM
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... we only report the news.

So I took my problem to UPS, who said, ...
  #1294  
Old 05-18-2019, 05:23 AM
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"We forgot your shipment, would you like a refund?"

I wasn't about to take.....
  #1295  
Old 05-18-2019, 05:46 AM
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... that kind of crap from anyone.

But as my mom always said, ...
  #1296  
Old 05-18-2019, 05:57 AM
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..."Wear clean underwear, because you never know."

One thing I know is....
  #1297  
Old 05-18-2019, 08:40 AM
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It's good to have the both of you back


The way things are going_____.
  #1298  
Old 05-19-2019, 04:55 AM
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... we'll never get out of here alive.

Especially those of you who ...
  #1299  
Old 05-19-2019, 05:44 AM
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...can't figure out who's the mark at the table.

A major "tell" is....
  #1300  
Old 05-19-2019, 06:04 AM
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... when Beck taps her middle right-hand finger, which means the mark is to her right; or taps her left-hand middle finger, which means the mark is to her left; while Panache takes a pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket (which means one seat in either direction), or a pack of cigarettes and a lighter (which means two seats), or fiddles with his phone (which means three seats), or taps his own finger, which means "I have no idea."

Still, it is a good idea not to play with these two, because ...
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