Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #51  
Old 08-13-2018, 02:13 PM
furryman's Avatar
furryman furryman is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Collinwood, Collinsport
Posts: 3,567
I think the real problem is the media. They portray successful people as millionaires, or CEO's who drive Jaguars. Obviously in RL less than 1000th of one percent of people do things like this. My sister owns her own company and she couldn't afford a Jaguar.
Don't let other people decide whether you're a loser. Look hard at your life and decide for yourself.
  #52  
Old 08-13-2018, 02:37 PM
UCBearcats UCBearcats is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 418
I'm sure there was something when I was 25 that I did "wrong". Not necessarily bad, but not the best decision.
  #53  
Old 08-13-2018, 02:45 PM
kenobi 65's Avatar
kenobi 65 kenobi 65 is online now
Corellian Nerfherder
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Brookfield, IL
Posts: 11,927
Quote:
Originally Posted by UCBearcats View Post
I'm sure there was something when I was 25 that I did "wrong". Not necessarily bad, but not the best decision.
There's a lot of things that you could be describing, including (but not limited to) getting fired from a job for cause, or being arrested / convicted for something. And that's assuming that you're referring to an actual, specific incident that happened when you were 25 -- I could also read your post as "I guess I probably did something 'wrong' at some point when I was 25 or so, but I have no idea what that would have been."

Again, I'm not saying you should share every detail of your life here, but while it's clear that you're depressed about not feeling successful in your career and life, it's going to be hard for any of us here to give you solid advice, because we're all just guessing.
  #54  
Old 08-13-2018, 03:06 PM
CelticKnot CelticKnot is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: 2 hours from somewhere
Posts: 689
Quote:
Originally Posted by UCBearcats View Post
Unfortunately I'm mid 40's so youth is not on my side.
Ditto. I'm overqualified for much of what I want to do, because union contracts require I get paid more than employers want to pay. New grads are much cheaper.
I've moved jobs often, sometimes because I couldn't work with my employer's politics, philosophy, or theology. Sometimes because my spouse was moving and I would always go with him. Sometimes because I was demoralized by conditions and abuse and didn't "bloom where I was planted."Sometimes because I was screwed, and at least once because I screwed up. Listening to friends in the same industry, I feel like I lost the administration lottery, because I hear others rave about how they love theirs.

My only experience is the industry that seems closed to me, and retail, which won't pay enough. We're stuck in a tiny town with few employment opportunities and not a lot of money to move.

I don't want to be rich, but I would like to be able to pay the bills and buy new shoes when I need them. Our furniture isn't high quality and wearing out, but we can't replace any of it. I'd like to visit family more than once every 2-3 years.
I love my husband, and we have good friends. But I want a purpose.
  #55  
Old 08-13-2018, 05:25 PM
UCBearcats UCBearcats is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 418
Exactly what Celticknot said. For me the extra $30-50k and something a bit more interesting would be perfect.
  #56  
Old 08-13-2018, 06:16 PM
Crafter_Man's Avatar
Crafter_Man Crafter_Man is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Ohio
Posts: 10,847
UCBearcats, I think we could offer better advice if you provided a bit more detail on your situation. Otherwise the only thing we can offer is general, "feel-good" bits of wisdom.
  #57  
Old Yesterday, 07:56 AM
Urbanredneck Urbanredneck is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,385
I think being at the right place and time is a help.

Imagine if decades ago you had started to work at Microsoft even as a secretary or bookkeeper and then that company and your career with it and now your suddenly sitting on a pile of money from stock options.

This is what happened years ago at WalMart. Who would have believed this little company from nowhere Arkansas would grow so rich.
  #58  
Old Yesterday, 11:07 AM
Crazy Canuck Crazy Canuck is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,366
Apologies in advance, I'm not good at "feel-good" wisdom. I'm more of a "harsh-truth" kind of guy, and if you haven't figured out that life isn't fair yet, I think you need some harsh truths.

If you honestly think that because you're not feeling 100% enthused about your career that means you've drawn the short straw in life, you are completely fucking wrong and need to get some fucking perspective. Have you ever had to scrounge food out of dumpsters to eat? Have you even ever wondered where you'r next meal is coming from? Have you ever had to sleep outside in freezing temperatures because you were homeless? If so, while you were sleeping on the street did you you ever get robbed, beaten, and then left bleeding on the road for dead? Have you ever been forced to compromise your morals just to survive another day?

You see, those are real problems that other people have all over the world. So when you only compare yourself to the top 10% and dismiss the fact that you are almost assuredly living better than 50% of the world, I don't have a drop of sympathy for you. Look at all the human beings living on the street and just think for a moment on how much more you could actually lose. Take a moment and be thankful for what you have. If you have money in your pocket, food in your home, and a safe place to sleep, you are not a loser, you are actually doing better than the vast majority of the people on this planet. Act like it.
  #59  
Old Yesterday, 11:58 AM
Thudlow Boink Thudlow Boink is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Lincoln, IL
Posts: 25,324
May or may not be relevant, but I thought of this thread when I read this today:

Is Happiness a Consequence or Cause of Career Success?
New research suggests that happiness precedes and often leads to career success.
  #60  
Old Yesterday, 12:18 PM
Mijin's Avatar
Mijin Mijin is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Shanghai
Posts: 8,366
1. Social mobility is pretty low worldwide but particularly bad in, say, the US

2. Luck plays a big factor. I've had a long enough career that I've experienced both being the underappreciated dogsbody, not advancing for years, and being typecast as the "rising star" who gets all kinds of interesting offers while hardly trying. And, like many people, I have a "If that deal had gone through I'd be a multi-millionaire by now" story.

3. The attributes useful for success are not necessarily taught in school. For example, in software engineering, one way you can make big bucks, without even being l33t, is to train yourself in a very new or obscure language or paradigm, and do contract work. And yes there's risk with this strategy of course, but the point is, it's something you basically have to realize and try out yourself. You could be top of your comp sci class and never think to do this, or have any knowledge how to.
  #61  
Old Yesterday, 02:35 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 26,900
Quote:
Originally Posted by monstro View Post
I don't know. But I know most people don't think Tom Brady is a loser in life just because he was a loser in one game.
Guess you don't spend much time in New York or New Jersey.
  #62  
Old Yesterday, 02:39 PM
manson1972's Avatar
manson1972 manson1972 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 7,807
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Canuck View Post
You see, those are real problems that other people have all over the world. So when you only compare yourself to the top 10% and dismiss the fact that you are almost assuredly living better than 50% of the world, I don't have a drop of sympathy for you. Look at all the human beings living on the street and just think for a moment on how much more you could actually lose. Take a moment and be thankful for what you have. If you have money in your pocket, food in your home, and a safe place to sleep, you are not a loser, you are actually doing better than the vast majority of the people on this planet. Act like it.
This.
  #63  
Old Yesterday, 03:21 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 26,900
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Canuck View Post
If you honestly think that because you're not feeling 100% enthused about your career that means you've drawn the short straw in life, you are completely fucking wrong and need to get some fucking perspective.
That said, people do have professional and personal aspirations beyond "not living eating out of a dumpster".
  #64  
Old Yesterday, 04:41 PM
Emergency911 Emergency911 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: @St. Louis, MO
Posts: 179
Since I don't know the specifics of your situation, I can only talk about myself and my experience. It wasn't too long ago, I felt the same way about myself. I kept trying for promotions and kept getting turned down. I would ask why and each time it was something different, it seemed like no matter how many hoops I jumped through, someone was throwing more out there. It was definitely dragging me and my attitude down a long dark road. One day I took a long honest look at myself, which, I found is harder done than said. For me, I had to stop giving myself excuses for the faults I noticed within. Once I did that, I started working on what I thought were my faults. An easy example was my attitude...it was pretty bad. I was doing the bare minimum and was only a team player when forced to do so. My theory was that "they" didn't care about me, why should I care about them, this place etc. I made a point to be pleasant and went out of my way to help others. I started coming in early and would even bring in snacks for the office on occasion. I definitely felt like I was giving this place more than they deserved after "treating me so bad"; but I stuck to it. While I didn't realize it right away, things were changing not only at work, but with me. People in general were nicer to me and while I was acting like I cared in the beginning, it soon became a habit and I didn't have to work at it so hard and eventually it became natural. While there were other things I had to work on, I feel that the attitude change helped the most.
I quit feeling sorry for myself and quit telling myself that "I deserved that position, that office", whatever. Nothing happened overnight but eventually I was given more responsibility and promotions.
Along the way, I found people that were willing to be a true mentor and I actually listened to them and used their advice to make small adjustments. I am now further up the chain than I thought I would ever be and it was mostly attributed to an attitude change, putting in more effort and realizing that things don't change overnight.
  #65  
Old Yesterday, 05:01 PM
jaycat jaycat is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 845
I have only skimmed this thread so please correct me if I'm off base. It seems as if you're defining yourself as a loser based solely on your career/workplace issues. Do you know that there are other ways you can define yourself? Do you have any interests outside of work? Did you know that being kind is the most important thing a person can achieve?
  #66  
Old Yesterday, 05:17 PM
UCBearcats UCBearcats is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 418
I'm actually a very nice person. I'm generous with my time and money.
  #67  
Old Yesterday, 05:19 PM
jaycat jaycat is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by UCBearcats View Post
I'm actually a very nice person. I'm generous with my time and money.
Then you are not a "loser."
  #68  
Old Yesterday, 05:23 PM
begbert2 begbert2 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Idaho
Posts: 10,604
Quote:
Originally Posted by UCBearcats View Post
Exactly what Celticknot said. For me the extra $30-50k and something a bit more interesting would be perfect.
For 'interesting', get a hobby. (I recommend reading - books are cheap.) The idea that work should be fun is one I've never understood - the whole reason they're paying you is because you wouldn't be there if they didn't. It's not a hobby, it's work. If you want a hobby, get a hobby.

As for extra money, $30,000 to $50,000 a year is a hell of a lot of money and asking that that be dropped in your lap is a pipe dream. How much you make now is not my business, but if you make enough that asking for that much more doesn't seem ridiculous, then you don't need that much more. What you need, instead, is a budget. By following a budget you can figure out where your money is going and 1) make sure it's where you want it to go, and 2) appreciate what you're getting with it. It's not too hard find that you have more money than you think, too - not because you actually have more, but because you waste less.
  #69  
Old Yesterday, 05:41 PM
Thudlow Boink Thudlow Boink is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Lincoln, IL
Posts: 25,324
UO

Quote:
Originally Posted by begbert2 View Post
For 'interesting', get a hobby. (I recommend reading - books are cheap.) The idea that work should be fun is one I've never understood - the whole reason they're paying you is because you wouldn't be there if they didn't.
Considering what a large percentage of their waking hours most people spend working, it makes sense to at least want your job to be something you find at least somewhat interesting or enjoyable.

And it's not that there are interesting jobs and dull jobs. Many jobs are of the sort that some people would find them a lot more interesting than other people would. Assuming there's a nonempty intersection between the set of things you find interesting and the set of things you can get paid for doing, it makes perfect sense to look for a job in that intersection.

Quote:
As for extra money, $30,000 to $50,000 a year is a hell of a lot of money and asking that that be dropped in your lap is a pipe dream.
Yeah, but after all, he was saying what "would be perfect," not what he was expecting to actually happen.
  #70  
Old Yesterday, 06:15 PM
monstro monstro is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 19,562
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thudlow Boink View Post
Considering what a large percentage of their waking hours most people spend working, it makes sense to at least want your job to be something you find at least somewhat interesting or enjoyable.

And it's not that there are interesting jobs and dull jobs. Many jobs are of the sort that some people would find them a lot more interesting than other people would. Assuming there's a nonempty intersection between the set of things you find interesting and the set of things you can get paid for doing, it makes perfect sense to look for a job in that intersection.
Yeah, I agree with this. I don't think passion is required to have a successful career. But I don't think someone can do a good job if they are bored with their work.

Also, without knowing the OP's personal life, we don't know if pursuing an interesting hobby is feasible. If he comes home to hours of care-taking duty (kids, elderly parents, etc.), then it is perfectly understandable why he would want to have interesting things to do during the work day.
  #71  
Old Yesterday, 09:10 PM
UCBearcats UCBearcats is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 418
Quote:
Originally Posted by begbert2 View Post
For 'interesting', get a hobby. (I recommend reading - books are cheap.) The idea that work should be fun is one I've never understood - the whole reason they're paying you is because you wouldn't be there if they didn't. It's not a hobby, it's work. If you want a hobby, get a hobby.

As for extra money, $30,000 to $50,000 a year is a hell of a lot of money and asking that that be dropped in your lap is a pipe dream. How much you make now is not my business, but if you make enough that asking for that much more doesn't seem ridiculous, then you don't need that much more. What you need, instead, is a budget. By following a budget you can figure out where your money is going and 1) make sure it's where you want it to go, and 2) appreciate what you're getting with it. It's not too hard find that you have more money than you think, too - not because you actually have more, but because you waste less.
I'm able to pay my bills and I do budget, shop sales on needed items, and frequently go without extra. The 30-50k figure would get me to the median salary point for my age/degree.
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:05 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright 2018 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017