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  #51  
Old 07-17-2013, 07:41 AM
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So, I called the hospital and told them to give him an IV of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
  #52  
Old 07-17-2013, 07:42 AM
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But I could tell the police were closing in on me again, and I ran blindly down the alley.
  #53  
Old 07-17-2013, 09:54 AM
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So, I tried to escape by going down a manhole.
  #54  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:14 AM
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But there was a giant albino alligator waiting for me there.
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Old 07-17-2013, 10:21 AM
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So the alligator told me this was a toll sewer and asked me for $3.50.
  #56  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:27 AM
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But I didn't have any cash on me.
  #57  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:40 AM
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So I made him into a pair of boots.
  #58  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:52 AM
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But they exacerbated the pain from my stubbed toe.
  #59  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:55 AM
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So I took them off and sold them to a passerby for $1000.
  #60  
Old 07-17-2013, 10:59 AM
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But the passerby snitched on me to the Feds.
  #61  
Old 07-17-2013, 11:09 AM
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So I sought asylum with Venezuela and Russia and Spain.
  #62  
Old 07-17-2013, 12:03 PM
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But once I sent one arm to Venezuela and one arm to Russia, I couldn't write the address on the label to mail the rest of me to Spain.
  #63  
Old 07-17-2013, 12:05 PM
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So then my situation got even worse when I got a negative response from the East with the curt reply "In Russia, Arms embargoes YOU!"
  #64  
Old 07-17-2013, 01:14 PM
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But I pulled myself together, and scabbered into Havana.
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Old 07-17-2013, 01:38 PM
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So, I dropped by Fidel's house, to say, "Yo, whassup?"
  #66  
Old 07-17-2013, 02:13 PM
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But it turned out I was in Haiti.
  #67  
Old 07-17-2013, 04:20 PM
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So, I went over to Papa Doc's old house, since I knew there was always a good party there.
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Old 07-17-2013, 04:22 PM
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But they didn't appreciate it when I burst in and said "Yo, whassup, Doc?"
  #69  
Old 07-17-2013, 04:29 PM
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So I had a lovely conversation with a voodoo priestess who said she could help me.
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Old 07-17-2013, 04:33 PM
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But she turned me into a zombie slave, and sent me to work in the cane fields.
  #71  
Old 07-17-2013, 04:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by astorian View Post
But she turned me into a zombie slave, and sent me to work in the cane fields.
So at this point we let the thread sit for a year or so and come back later with zombie jokes?
  #72  
Old 07-17-2013, 06:17 PM
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But I'm much better now!
  #73  
Old 07-17-2013, 08:57 PM
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So, I decided to get revenge on that old mambo.
  #74  
Old 07-17-2013, 09:35 PM
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But just as I was about to steal her Mojo, a flying frog jumped on my head!
  #75  
Old 07-17-2013, 09:38 PM
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So, long story short, I now have frog eggs lodged in my brain.
  #76  
Old 07-17-2013, 09:39 PM
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But I found some flies, the newly hatched frogs came out to eat them, we've bonded, and they're the best pets ever.
  #77  
Old 07-17-2013, 09:44 PM
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So, my frogs (which are super-smart, due to having part of my brain) helped me hatch a plan.
  #78  
Old 07-17-2013, 11:43 PM
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But the plan was illegal
  #79  
Old 07-18-2013, 05:43 AM
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So that meant I had to call in Natasha.
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Old 07-18-2013, 06:08 AM
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But she said we had orders from Fearless Leader to drop everything and kill Moose and Squirrel.
  #81  
Old 07-18-2013, 06:46 AM
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So, I adopted an impenetrabobble disguise.
  #82  
Old 07-18-2013, 08:09 AM
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But, as it turned out, it was actually quite penetrebobble, and the squirrel got the drop on me.
  #83  
Old 07-18-2013, 08:17 AM
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So I pointed to the east, and when Moose and Squirrel looked that way, Natasha and I went west.
  #84  
Old 07-18-2013, 08:29 AM
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But east is east and west is west, and the wrong one I had chose.
  #85  
Old 07-18-2013, 10:08 AM
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So, we hopped on a northbound train, using the aliases Oliver Klozoff and Amanda Hugginkiss.
  #86  
Old 07-18-2013, 11:09 AM
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But a sidewinder missile knocked the train off its tracks, off the bridge and into the piranha-infested river.
  #87  
Old 07-18-2013, 12:08 PM
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So we were relieved when the cow from the previous part of the story landed right next to us in the river inexplicably (although missing a few limbs and having sears on it sides,) and the piranhas started eating it instead.
  #88  
Old 07-18-2013, 12:12 PM
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But I couldn't find Natasha anywhere.
  #89  
Old 07-18-2013, 02:35 PM
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So, I placed a personal ad on Craig's List, hoping to find a new femme fatale sdekick.
  #90  
Old 07-18-2013, 02:40 PM
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But I only got responses from catfish, including one who was supposedly a Scottish paraplegic.
  #91  
Old 07-18-2013, 02:47 PM
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So I gave the Scottish parapalegic catfish a call and arranged a meeting.
  #92  
Old 07-18-2013, 02:50 PM
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But she didn't show.
  #93  
Old 07-18-2013, 03:42 PM
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So I said screw it and headed home to feed my starving dog.
  #94  
Old 07-18-2013, 03:49 PM
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But my starving dog had eaten my cat.
  #95  
Old 07-19-2013, 08:54 AM
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So I made a note to get another cat from the pound later.
  #96  
Old 07-19-2013, 11:19 AM
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But the pound was 'getting tired of this "dog ate my cat" nonsense'.
  #97  
Old 07-19-2013, 11:44 AM
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So they made me take a lie detector test.
  #98  
Old 07-19-2013, 11:52 AM
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But I failed on the question "Have you ever been arrested for loitering for the purposes of soliciting prostitution?"

Regards,
Shodan
  #99  
Old 07-19-2013, 01:45 PM
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So, I grabbed a random cat and ran for the door.
  #100  
Old 07-19-2013, 01:48 PM
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But the veterinarian grabbed a cat and pussywhipped me.
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