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  #201  
Old 08-07-2013, 08:00 PM
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So I covered the lens and winked at the Hawkguards.
  #202  
Old 08-07-2013, 11:51 PM
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But the Hawkguards thought I was flirting with them, and started getting amorous.
  #203  
Old 08-08-2013, 10:06 AM
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So we had wild, kinky avian sex for hours.
  #204  
Old 08-08-2013, 10:32 AM
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But I got feathers in places I didn't know I had places.
  #205  
Old 08-08-2013, 03:45 PM
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So I went on line and ordered a state-of-the-art anti-feather machine.
  #206  
Old 08-08-2013, 08:44 PM
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But delivery to the spaceship would take several weeks, and I was itchy now!
  #207  
Old 08-10-2013, 06:55 PM
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So since it was going to take so long, I hooked up with the Hawkguards again for round two and they scratched that itch real good.
  #208  
Old 08-10-2013, 09:32 PM
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But by then I was nearly deaf from their ecstatic squawking.
  #209  
Old 08-12-2013, 07:40 AM
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So, having seduced my guards, I took command of the ship.
  #210  
Old 08-12-2013, 07:53 AM
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But that is when I noticed the ship was heading straight for a space-iceberg.
  #211  
Old 08-12-2013, 08:02 AM
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So I whipped out my blowtorch.
  #212  
Old 08-12-2013, 08:03 AM
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But fire doesn't burn in space, 'cause there's no air.
  #213  
Old 08-12-2013, 08:05 AM
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So I said (quoting Homer Simpson): There's an air and space museum.
  #214  
Old 08-12-2013, 08:28 AM
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But the museum was closed to prepare for a new exhibit of "Pigs In Spaaaace".
  #215  
Old 08-12-2013, 09:46 AM
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So, I went to the local theater, to see a matinee of "You're Next."
  #216  
Old 08-12-2013, 09:51 AM
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But the popcorn was toxic.
  #217  
Old 08-12-2013, 09:52 AM
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So I went with red Twislers.
  #218  
Old 08-12-2013, 10:35 AM
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But one of the Hawkguards pedantically reminded me, "They're spelled 'Twizzlers.'"
  #219  
Old 08-12-2013, 10:39 AM
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So I realized the Hawkguard had to be a human in disguise!
  #220  
Old 08-12-2013, 11:56 AM
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But I had to forget about that and run into the theater, because I didn't want to miss the 20 minutes of previews and trailers.
  #221  
Old 08-12-2013, 12:04 PM
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So what should be on the screen but Flash Gordon!
  #222  
Old 08-12-2013, 09:53 PM
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But I hated, hated, hated that movie!
  #223  
Old 08-12-2013, 11:41 PM
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So I had fun snarking at the screen.
  #224  
Old 08-13-2013, 10:33 AM
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But a bunch of large, muscular gay bikers from the Sam J. Jones Fan Club were there, and none too pleased that I was mocking their idol.

Last edited by astorian; 08-13-2013 at 10:33 AM.
  #225  
Old 08-13-2013, 10:34 AM
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So I invoked the ghost of Freddie Mercury, and while they were worshiping it, I fled out the back.
  #226  
Old 08-13-2013, 11:02 AM
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But the back alley was filled with Salvation Army reps, who assumed I was homeless, dragged me to their shelter, and gave me a cup of pea soup.

Last edited by astorian; 08-13-2013 at 11:02 AM.
  #227  
Old 08-13-2013, 02:47 PM
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So, since I really had to go, I turned the pea soup into pee soup.
  #228  
Old 08-13-2013, 09:13 PM
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But nobody wanted to see me pea, I mean pee, green.
  #229  
Old 08-13-2013, 09:20 PM
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So I snuck off and used one of the Salvation Army Christmas buckets.
  #230  
Old 08-14-2013, 09:34 AM
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But the place I picked wasn't as private as I thought and I was arrested for indecent exposure.
  #231  
Old 08-14-2013, 10:24 AM
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So, since I needed a lawyer, I called that gabby lady with the big hat who does late night ads saying "Call me if you're picked up for DWI."
  #232  
Old 08-14-2013, 12:41 PM
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But it turned out she was really a dude, and wanted both a retainer of $1 million and to be called "Sebastian."
  #233  
Old 08-14-2013, 03:46 PM
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So I ended up in a jail cell, with a person named Moose
  #234  
Old 08-14-2013, 04:52 PM
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But as it turned out, Moose had been tunneling under the cell floor for months, and we escaped together, coming up through a manhole next to a White Castle.
  #235  
Old 08-14-2013, 06:14 PM
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So we mugged a guy and bought some sliders.
  #236  
Old 08-14-2013, 06:41 PM
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But we got hit with a major gas/burping fit 30 minutes later.
  #237  
Old 08-14-2013, 07:41 PM
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So we mugged a guy for some Gas-Ex.
  #238  
Old 08-14-2013, 09:36 PM
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But the guy didn't have any money- just $50 worth of iTunes gift cards.
  #239  
Old 08-14-2013, 09:48 PM
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So we went online, bought a shitload of Justin Bieber songs and immediately regretted it.
  #240  
Old 08-15-2013, 11:23 AM
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But that was still fun, imitating his voice made the entire city running after us.
  #241  
Old 08-15-2013, 01:08 PM
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So of course we set up a machine gun and just mowed them down, wave after wave.
  #242  
Old 12-25-2013, 09:06 PM
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But I thought that was wrong, and asked to see a Preist
  #243  
Old 12-25-2013, 09:09 PM
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"So this is Christmas and what have you done?" the Priest (who turned out to be a John Lennon fan) asked me.

Last edited by Little Nemo; 12-25-2013 at 09:09 PM.
  #244  
Old 12-25-2013, 09:18 PM
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But I haven't done anything ,I told him
  #245  
Old 12-25-2013, 10:53 PM
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So he revealed himself to be an undercover cop and arrested me.
  #246  
Old 12-25-2013, 11:12 PM
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But I still yearned for freedom, so I knocked him out and ran away.
  #247  
Old 12-26-2013, 09:57 AM
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But they arrested the reindeer and put them in the pound.
  #248  
Old 12-26-2013, 11:35 AM
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So I called up my brother and asked him for a loan for bail money.
  #249  
Old 12-26-2013, 11:38 AM
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But he had once more, incredibly, failed to win the lottery, and was flat broke.
  #250  
Old 12-26-2013, 12:13 PM
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So, since it looked like I was going to be in jail for a few days, I decided to make friends with some of the other fellas.
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