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Old 03-11-2020, 06:26 AM
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Thread for wisecracks and inappropriate comments -or- Get it out of your system here


You need to say it but it is a hijack or just a bit of wiseassery inappropriate in a serious thread? Post it here! I'll start:

If I heard it right, Biden's son in law is Dr Howard Fine. For duty and humanity!
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Old 03-11-2020, 06:35 AM
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I don’t get it. Enlighten me!
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Old 03-11-2020, 06:39 AM
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And to think you call yourself a Doper.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=53KcqITIPlA
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Old 03-11-2020, 06:50 AM
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Heh! I have been enlightened. (I’m more of a Dr. Rosenrosen kind of guy).
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Old 03-11-2020, 08:45 AM
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How about a Coronavirus joke?

Or is it too soon?




Never mind......






You probably won’t get it anyway!
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Old 03-12-2020, 06:03 PM
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A few things work. Tramp the champ. Trimp the chimp. Tromp the chomp. Trump the chump. "E" and "Y" have no place there, more's the pity. Diphthongs fail, too. Maybe they caught the virus. The orange virus. They're fucked.

The Secret Service presidential protection team has established a new virus screen protocol for potential visitors to this POTUS. Non-family will be bound and tossed into a pond. The healthy will sink; the infected will float and be disposed of. Family will be stripped naked and sprayed with a bleach+cocaine solution sold by Alex Jones.

Meanwhile, federal virus czar Michael Pence celebrated Native American Day by distributing infected blankets as per tradition. The motto: "Like nooses, they're reusable!" Thus does this administration embrace sustainability.
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Old 03-12-2020, 06:42 PM
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If Kevin Bacon tests positive for Corona we're all screwed.
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Old 03-12-2020, 07:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobLibDem View Post
If Kevin Bacon tests positive for Corona we're all screwed.
Good one!
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Old 03-12-2020, 11:23 PM
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Had a mission trip (to rebuild a hurricane-ravaged island) cancelled today. A great group of college students have been counting on it for a year; very disappointed. While I was FaceTiming the director, who was in tears, I made a joke and she was shocked. Before she could react, though, I said:

"Well, that's just me, putting the Pest in Pestilence!"

I figured an exasperated eyeroll was better than an angry expletive.

Last edited by digs; 03-12-2020 at 11:25 PM.
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Old 03-12-2020, 11:39 PM
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I always miss episodes of panic shopping. Pisses me right off.
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Old 03-12-2020, 11:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckdawrek View Post
I always miss episodes of panic shopping. Pisses me right off.
Those are exciting times when one can bludgeon competitors for handy-wipes and the last discounted cans of Dinty Moore stew. If I needed a wheelchair, I'd install Ben-Hur hubcaps, big slashing blades to keep enemy shoppers at a safe distance. When will store greeters start frisking us for firearms? They won't find my poison darts, nya-ha--ha!

Will coughing in a checkout line clear away shoppers now?
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Old 03-13-2020, 09:54 AM
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Those toilet paper hoarders are on a roll.
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Old 03-13-2020, 10:00 AM
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Two people entered a bank wearing masks, and every one panicked.

Then they pulled out guns and shouted "This is a hold-up!" and everyone relaxed.
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