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  #101  
Old 09-03-2019, 11:01 AM
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My bother says this is popular where he works:

Jesus is coming, look busy.
  #102  
Old 09-03-2019, 12:07 PM
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My favorite Homer Simpson saying: He did it because he's stupid. That's the only reason anybody does anything."

I think that's a lot truer than most people want to admit it is.
  #103  
Old 09-03-2019, 12:37 PM
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My dad used to say "it's not the bull or the bears that drive the market, it's the hogs".
  #104  
Old 09-03-2019, 12:42 PM
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I like saying "it's amaaazing!" in the voice of Egghead, the proto-Fudd Warner Brothers character. I don't do it very well. I also call up phrases from Krazy Kat and Milt Gross comic strips, but I only say them to myself.
  #105  
Old 09-03-2019, 05:37 PM
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Fake Latin - "Ich kvetch, ergo sum" (I complain, therefore I am).


Paraphrased from Trotsky - "Everyone has the right to be stupid, it's just that some people abuse the privilege."


Many years ago, I watched a ridiculously obscure French industrial espionage movie (Only the Cool, 1971) which was badly dubbed into English and had subtitles in Danish. One character worked at some kind of research institute. The Danish word for "research" is "forskning." From that day forward, instead of using the word "research" or "researching," I have said "foreskin" or "foreskinning." Other people just have to get used to it.

Last edited by Dropo; 09-03-2019 at 05:37 PM.
  #106  
Old 09-03-2019, 06:18 PM
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I just read where Bismark said, "History occurs when things happen." Then I did a search and could not find any proof of him saying such a thing. Shame. He would have said it had he only thought of it.
Reminds me of...


"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."


Attributed to Mark Twain, but unverified, it sure sounds like something he would have said.
  #107  
Old 09-03-2019, 06:58 PM
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From Bill Watterson (Calvin & Hobbes):

*BUUUURRRRP!*

Must be a barge coming through!
  #108  
Old 09-03-2019, 09:38 PM
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If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers
  #109  
Old 09-04-2019, 09:33 AM
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Not sure where it originated,

The price of eggs in China isn't worth the wear and tear on the chickens ass in Japan.
  #110  
Old 09-04-2019, 10:47 AM
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From my grandfather: “Whipped him like a rented mule!”

Word I like: hijinx
  #111  
Old 09-04-2019, 10:58 AM
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I've known two people who would, in certain situations, say, "Well, fuck me running".

No idea exactly what it means or where it came from, but the two people I've heard say it did not know each other.
  #112  
Old 09-04-2019, 11:08 AM
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He's about as confused as a fart in a fan factory.
  #113  
Old 09-04-2019, 11:11 AM
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You'd give an aspirin a headache and you would argue with a fencepost.
  #114  
Old 09-05-2019, 12:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burpo the wonder mutt View Post
From Bill Watterson (Calvin & Hobbes):

*BUUUURRRRP!*

Must be a barge coming through!
After a particular loud and deep belch:

"I hope the movie is good!"

(a reference to the MGM lion)

----

"That's as useful as French doors on a German submarine."
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-- Planckton (Spongebob Squarepants)
  #115  
Old 09-05-2019, 04:19 PM
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He's as busy as a one-armed paper hanger.
  #116  
Old 09-05-2019, 05:17 PM
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Veritas odium parit - Truth begets hatred (Terence)

N. S. A. Finally a government agency that actually listens to the American people.

Sign at a Bar: WE DON'T SERVE WOMEN (you have to bring your own).
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Its only funny until someone gets hurt, then its fuckin' hilarious!
  #117  
Old 09-05-2019, 05:26 PM
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I've known two people who would, in certain situations, say, "Well, fuck me running".

No idea exactly what it means or where it came from, but the two people I've heard say it did not know each other.
I had a girlfriend who would come out with "well, fuck me flying backwards." Fortunately, she didn't mean it literally.
  #118  
Old 09-05-2019, 06:28 PM
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No Shirt No Shoes... No problem !! sign at Arnold's grocery in Carbondale Illinois.

My Karma ran over your Dogma....bumper sticker gotten on a Grateful Dead tour.

Shit Fire and Save Matches....My 82 yr old Mom.

fastidious.... I love the word, my interpretation is Anal retentive.

All that wander are NOT lost...same Dead tour.

Perfunctory
.... good word

86 that motherfucker, and deep six it....heard by my senior chief in the Navy whenever we had something broke.

If you dont have time to do it right the fisrt time?, then when are you going to find time to redo it??...because you will. ....me to my kids regarding homework.

Great, Cheap Or Fast...Pick two....
  #119  
Old 09-05-2019, 09:07 PM
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"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans" I attribute this to a Lennon song. He may have gotten somewhere, himself. I didn't google it.
I use this a lot, and I’ve always attributed it to Lennon, too.

A popular one amongst lawyers who are negotiating, when somebody makes an outrageous demand: “pigs get fed but hogs get slaughtered.”

When something goes wrong (or I drop something): “Fuck happy” (a quote from the movie Brain Candy)

When you have a big task ahead: “One bite at a time”, which is the answer to the unspoken question, “How do you eat an elephant?”

When I am getting ready to work out or go to work and don’t really feel like it: “Time to earn your keep” (I didn’t get this from anywhere that I remember; it’s just what I say).

Also, when I’m trying to shake the sleepiness when I wake up early, I often will say to nobody, “waking up, boss”, which is my own little allusion to the movie Cool Hand Luke (although it’s not any sort of actual quote).

And here’s a word that’s fun to say: cacophony.

ETA: Another one I thought of, courtesy of my mother: “Everybody is crazy. They just lock up the ones who complain about it.” She also likes to remind me that “we are all the walking wounded”, meaning everybody is dealing with something.

Last edited by Moriarty; 09-05-2019 at 09:10 PM.
  #120  
Old 09-06-2019, 06:57 AM
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Sign at a Bar: WE DON'T SERVE WOMEN (you have to bring your own).
Joey (owner of Joey's The Edge) had an old, faded, dirty sign that said, "FREE BEER TOMORROW" over one end of the bar. A couple of times I overheard guys just noticing the sign (it was a splendidly dark bar) slur, "hey, we should come back tomorrow!"
  #121  
Old 09-06-2019, 09:18 AM
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A sign over the bar at the Cow Pony in Tucson, Az.

"Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole."
  #122  
Old 09-06-2019, 10:36 AM
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If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers
See also: "“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.” - Mark Twain

A favorite word: cromulent. It's past due to be added to the dictionary.
  #123  
Old 09-06-2019, 11:42 AM
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My circle of friends new one from comedian Bert Kreisher's Machine/Russian Mafia bit..."Fuck that bitch...This is Russia!"

Also used often "Screw you guys..I'm going home" in your best Eric Cartmen voice
  #124  
Old 09-06-2019, 01:32 PM
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This thread is great! Thank you one and all.


Another favorite...

Steal one's thunder

Sad, yet funny story.

https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/...s-thunder.html


"Damn them! They will not let my play run, but they steal my thunder." - John Dennis

Last edited by saucywench; 09-06-2019 at 01:34 PM.
  #125  
Old 09-06-2019, 06:19 PM
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I have an affinity for words with excessive consonants; words like 'rhythm' just fascinate me for some reason.

A favorite phrase: Carpe cerevisi: seize the beer.
  #126  
Old 09-06-2019, 06:41 PM
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Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have.
Related: Some people's taste is all in their mouths.
  #127  
Old 09-06-2019, 09:16 PM
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Originally Posted by CaptMurdock View Post
After a particular loud and deep belch:

"I hope the movie is good!"

(a reference to the MGM lion) <snip>
That brought a chuckle outta me. Too bad it probably needs to be explained often (including to me).
  #128  
Old 09-08-2019, 06:32 PM
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The most interesting man in the world beer commercials


When he's in Rome,...they do as he does.
  #129  
Old 09-09-2019, 10:50 AM
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Words: Lambent, Yclept, and parsimonious. They all strike me as sounding like what they are. Softly lit, also named, and cheap.

Recently, I saw this on Reddit. "He puts the pro in procrastination."

Another of my favorite military terms: TGIF, a concept invented by the Royal Canadian Air Force. Cite
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Last edited by swampspruce; 09-09-2019 at 10:51 AM. Reason: Editing
  #130  
Old 09-09-2019, 10:55 AM
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<snip> Recently, I saw this on Reddit. "He puts the pro in procrastination." <snip>
...eventually.
  #131  
Old 09-09-2019, 11:15 AM
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I don't care what anyone says about it, I originated the expression "Have a good one." I always thought "Have a good day" was stupid. I've never had a totally good day in my entire life. But even the worse days have some good in them, even if it's only a cup of coffee or a hot bath.

I started using it. And about a year later, someone told me "Have a good one." My jaw dropped open, and now I hear it a lot.
  #132  
Old 09-09-2019, 12:14 PM
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I feel like I know someone famous now!

Words/phrases I use frequently: Not my circus, not my monkeys. Copacetic, Fucking Fuck fer Fuck, Get bent!.
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Life is an economy. Where everything must be traded for something else and the value of all things rise and fall with the amount of attention and effort you put into them. -Mark Manson
  #133  
Old 09-10-2019, 09:15 AM
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And whenever anyone says something about having a bad day, I tell them "You had a bad moment. I don't let bad moments become bad days."
  #134  
Old 09-10-2019, 10:41 AM
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My google-fu has failed me. I love this quote, but I can't remember who is supposed to have said it and I can't tease an answer out of google.

Journalism is the writing on the back of the adverts.

I sort of half think it was George Bernard Shaw or someone like that. Anybody help?

j
  #135  
Old 09-10-2019, 11:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swampspruce View Post
...

Recently, I saw this on Reddit. "He puts the pro in procrastination."

...
Reminds me of one we used to use at work:

"He puts the 'funk' in 'dysfunction'."

I've always been fond of, "I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy."
  #136  
Old 09-10-2019, 12:48 PM
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...Also, when I’m trying to shake the sleepiness when I wake up early, I often will say to nobody, “waking up, boss”, which is my own little allusion to the movie Cool Hand Luke (although it’s not any sort of actual quote)...
When I'm trying to force myself out of bed after too little sleep, I'll quote Warren Zevon to myself: "I'll sleep when I'm dead"
  #137  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:24 PM
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Some people are like Slinkies, totals useless, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
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"Those that would give up Essential Liberty for a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."
--- Ben Franklin
  #138  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:37 PM
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"But I am a robot!" - my reaction every time I get one of those annoying "Prove you're not a robot" things online.
  #139  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:39 PM
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Oh, and crepuscular if we are sharing favorite words. (having to do with twilight)
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"Those that would give up Essential Liberty for a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."
--- Ben Franklin
  #140  
Old 09-10-2019, 02:06 PM
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I wouldn't have lasted two seconds in the Marines, but thanks to my brother, I've gotten fond of: "You improvise. You adapt. You overcome." (At least I think that's the order it goes in)
  #141  
Old 09-10-2019, 07:32 PM
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I love anything Mr. Burns spouts off on, "The Simpsons."

"You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and re-vulcanize my tires, post-haste!"

"Crapulence."

"I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?"

"No, Smithers, I've decided to bring in a few ringers. Professional baseballers. We'll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown..."
"I'm afraid all those players have retired and... passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years."
  #142  
Old 09-10-2019, 09:08 PM
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When I'm trying to force myself out of bed after too little sleep, I'll quote Warren Zevon to myself: "I'll sleep when I'm dead"
I'm not trying to be difficult but Zevon must have paraphrased Benjamin Franklin.
  #143  
Old 09-11-2019, 08:18 AM
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What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
  #144  
Old 09-11-2019, 08:53 AM
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Whenever someone asks me to do something that takes very little effort, or points out the obvious, I say "That's not even a thought." And after I do it: Well, that killed 29 seconds of my life.
  #145  
Old 09-11-2019, 09:20 AM
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I'm not trying to be difficult but Zevon must have paraphrased Benjamin Franklin.
Well, Bennie's quote may have been first, but you can't hum along to it.
  #146  
Old 09-11-2019, 10:25 AM
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Early '70s. Mom and I were looking for birthday gifts for my Mr. Know-it-all, type-A, my way or the highway dad. I found the perfect one. It was a chunk of rock with this carved on it...


Once I thought I was wrong
But I was mistaken
  #147  
Old 09-11-2019, 10:34 AM
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Sign in a dyslexic Christian's home: 'In Dog We Thrust'
  #148  
Old 09-11-2019, 10:41 AM
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Sign in a dyslexic Christian's home: 'In Dog We Thrust'
and of course the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who lay awake at night wondering if there is a dog
  #149  
Old 09-11-2019, 10:53 AM
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Quote:
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Sign in a dyslexic Christian's home: 'In Dog We Thrust'
Quote:
Originally Posted by rsat3acr View Post
and of course the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who lay awake at night wondering if there is a dog
Satan has a major gripe with the Post Office: he's sick and tired of getting all those Xmas cards from dyslexic kids.
  #150  
Old 09-12-2019, 10:48 AM
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Early '70s. Mom and I were looking for birthday gifts for my Mr. Know-it-all, type-A, my way or the highway dad. I found the perfect one. It was a chunk of rock with this carved on it...


Once I thought I was wrong
But I was mistaken
I made that up, in the late '50s. Seriously.
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