#1  
Old 09-11-2019, 07:53 PM
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I have had a revelation from God


Thus saith the Lord of Hosts:

Please, please, please leave Me alone.

Your worship annoys Me.

Your prayers impose on Me.

Your hymns embarrass Me.

I like the architecture, but apart from its esthetic merit, it really was not worth the trouble.

I do not need your praise. I know what I am, and if I want to hear praise, I have angels to sing it. They sing better than you.

I do not want any kind of relationship with you. I do not need you, and you do not need Me -- I made you so you wouldn't.

I have no other commandments for you. I will never judge your behavior or your faith. I don't care what you do, so long as you leave Me alone.

Please.

Amen, Selah, So Mote It Be.
  #2  
Old 09-11-2019, 08:19 PM
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I have absolutely no idea what any of this means.
Perhaps it's biblical, but I wouldn't know anything about that.
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Old 09-11-2019, 08:56 PM
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I don't blame God. Sounds like he's sick and tired of the whole experiment at this point.
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Old 09-11-2019, 09:13 PM
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I don't blame God. Sounds like he's sick and tired of the whole experiment at this point.
Related thread.
  #5  
Old 09-11-2019, 09:36 PM
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Holy crap!
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Old 09-11-2019, 09:39 PM
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^ What is God on the toilet, Alex?
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Old 09-11-2019, 09:40 PM
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^^
  #8  
Old 09-11-2019, 09:46 PM
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"Oh, don't grovel! If there's on thing I can't stand it's people grovelling!"


How was I the first one to post this?
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Old 09-11-2019, 10:24 PM
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I lifted this quote from MAD Magazine:

"God isn't dead. He just doesn't want to get involved."
  #10  
Old 09-11-2019, 10:51 PM
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S/he's started 14 separate threads since joining the Dope on 9/7... 4 days ago?
  #11  
Old 09-11-2019, 10:52 PM
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'Zat you Amos?
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Old 09-12-2019, 12:14 AM
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S/he's started 14 separate threads since joining the Dope on 9/7... 4 days ago?
Good. These boards need more threads and participation and less shade throwing.
  #13  
Old 09-12-2019, 12:24 AM
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Good. These boards need more threads and participation and less shade throwing.
Cool, sir.
  #14  
Old 09-12-2019, 10:00 AM
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S/he's started 14 separate threads since joining the Dope on 9/7... 4 days ago?
Seems the type we usually see on lesser parts of the Internet.
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Old 09-12-2019, 10:18 AM
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Seems the type we usually see on lesser parts of the Internet.
Yeah. BTW s/he started another thread last night, so their thread started count is up to 15 since joining SDMB 5 days ago.

Okay this is starting to get into the creepy stalker mode so I’ll stop now.
  #16  
Old 09-12-2019, 12:12 PM
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I agree. This world isn't enough for some people, and they have to create magical Sky Pixies? Why?
  #17  
Old 09-12-2019, 12:26 PM
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It's hard to explain to people that God is not Santa Claus.


~VOW
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  #18  
Old 09-12-2019, 12:47 PM
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Seems to me that God needs to get a restraining order.
  #19  
Old 09-12-2019, 01:06 PM
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Scene: A meeting of Religion, Inc. (cite: Lenny Bruce). The Pope, the head Baptist, the head of the Mormon ^h^h^h Church of Latter Day Saints, yadda, yadda yadda, the Archbishop of Canterbury, three chief Rabbis arguing in the corner and a Unitarian Universalist unsure if she should be here are all in the room.

A flash of light and three entities appear, tall, imposing, dressed in 3 piece suits with red ties, and wings.

"Who are you and how did you get here?" the head Baptist says.

"Flywheel, Shyster and Loophole, divine attorneys at law," one of the visitors says. "How did we get here? We're angels, you putz."
"So you are here to bless our meeting?" the Pope says.
"Not exactly." The angel on the left gestures and a scroll appears in his hand. "This is a restraining order commanding you to stop bugging us. No more prayers, no more sacrifices, no more using the Boss' name in vain."
"But doesn't God want to be prayed to?" the Archbishop asks.
"In moderation. But this is ridiculous. Prayer call id is getting forged origins. It says cloud 7 where the source is somewhere in India. Plus you schmucks are misusing the capability. Both sides of a football game pray for victory. What are we supposed to do? You guys pray for money but don't work, you pray for chastity but diddle children, you pray for world peace but also pray for victory in war. We're only thankful that you idiots never thought of using Twitter."
"But prayer is so important to us," the Mormon says.
"Pray to yourselves. Otherwise something terrible will happen."
"Another flood?" a Rabbi says.
"Worse than that."
"What can be worse than another flood?" another Rabbi says.
"Three words. Trump third term."

<Curtain>
  #20  
Old 09-12-2019, 01:20 PM
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I am not very certain how it is possible to leave alone an omiscient, omipresent being. Everything I do is right in his face.
  #21  
Old 09-12-2019, 02:25 PM
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I am not very certain how it is possible to leave alone an omiscient, omipresent being. Everything I do is right in his face.
Finally answering the age old question: 'Can god create a universe so incredibly annoying that even he can't ignore.'
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  #22  
Old 09-12-2019, 02:45 PM
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This is all based on the dubious assumption that god is the good guy. I mean, look at all the nasty shit it is credited with. It essentially created us v. them, which has long been a very serious problem in this world. I am beginning to think that the prince of darkness has been subjected to an miraculousy effective smear-campaign by the so-called lord of hosts.

Not that I advocate or am interested in kow-towing to that guy either, given how questionable his trustworthiness is. As they say, "Nothing is Greater than God” – why choose the lesser?

Last edited by eschereal; 09-12-2019 at 02:46 PM.
  #23  
Old 09-12-2019, 05:10 PM
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There is no god.
  #24  
Old 09-12-2019, 05:26 PM
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No, you didn't.
  #25  
Old 09-12-2019, 05:34 PM
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There is no god.
But can you deny the existence of the elusive Og?
  #26  
Old 09-12-2019, 10:13 PM
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But can you deny the existence of the elusive Og?
Due to HIPAA constrains, I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of Og.
  #27  
Old 09-12-2019, 11:42 PM
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When the OP was submitted, it was rush hour for a lot of folks...
  #28  
Old 09-12-2019, 11:49 PM
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Seems to me that God needs to get a restraining order.
If anyone ever decides to write the Third Testament* that would make a pretty good one.

*(or Fourth, if you subscribe to the notion that the Third was revealed to Mr. Smith a couple of centuries ago)
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