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  #10501  
Old 10-18-2018, 09:09 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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The orange Kool-Aid was rescued from the Boston town puddle by a group of hippies, who drank it without adding sugar and not knowing it had been contaminated by a fish with very strange mind-blowing properties, and then decided to see who could survive climbing onto the stage of an AC/DC concert and joining in on a guitar. This tale is told in Tom Wolfe's book The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test."

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 10-18-2018 at 09:09 AM.
  #10502  
Old 10-18-2018, 10:31 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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The Boston Town Puddle is three inches deep, twenty inches long and nine inches wide. While draining and patching it has been proposed several times over the years, it has been maintained as a city historic site since it has long been thought that Paul Revere's horse splashed through it on the way out of town before the historic April 1775 ride.
  #10503  
Old 10-18-2018, 11:41 AM
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"Town Puddle" was going to be the title of Boston's next album, but they settled on, "Crap Music," instead.
  #10504  
Old 10-18-2018, 01:55 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Boston's three little-known, unreleased albums are Better Than Crap Music, Much Better Than Crap Music, Actually Pretty Good Music, If We Do Say So Ourselves and Blawnox, O Blawnox.
  #10505  
Old 10-18-2018, 02:00 PM
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Blawnox, O Blawnox is actually a Christmas record, notable (in part) for being nothing but 16 tracks of various versions of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
  #10506  
Old 10-18-2018, 02:07 PM
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All but one of the sixteen tracks of the various versions of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" on Boston's Blawnox, O Blawnox were performed on unaccompanied bagpipes, but at different tempos and recorded in different places throughout the Bay State, including in the chamber of the Massachusetts House of Representatives. The other track is on kazoo.
  #10507  
Old 10-18-2018, 03:25 PM
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Boston's recording of The Twelve Days of Christmas, version VII was the one recorded inside the Massachusetts House of Repesentatives chamber. Lead singer Brad Delp was running for a seat in the House at the time, and his campaign advisers thought that the recording session would provide him with some good publicity. However, the stunt backfired when one of the band's set of bagpipes exploded due to a manufacturer's defect, covering most of the Legislators in foul-smelling saliva. The smell lingered inside the chamber until the 86th Annual Massachusetts House of Representatives Chowder Cook-Off in 1997.
  #10508  
Old 10-18-2018, 05:12 PM
DavidwithanR DavidwithanR is offline
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Since the fateful day the bagpipes exploded, the Downtown Boston Sheep-Breeders' Association Inc. has been hard at work (in more ways than one) on a sheep whose hide won't explode under the pressure of the standard B-flat drone.

It's unfortunate that the illustrious former members of the Association neglected to record (perhaps due to their being self-evident) two pieces of information that are vital to the project: 1. The sheep is not supposed to be alive when you build your bagpipes. 2. Sheep can do it with each other; human intervention is not strictly necessary.

Furthermore, the sheep (named Derek) is getting tired and disillusioned.
  #10509  
Old 10-19-2018, 12:01 PM
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Derek the Sheep was named the Official Domesticated Woolly Ungulate of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts on June 3, 1977. The vote in the Senate was unanimous; the vote in the House of Representatives was 99-1. The sole dissenting vote was cast by Rep. Clancy Seamus O'Reilly O'Herlihy O'Kennedy "Dutch" Muldoon, because, he said, "Mom always hated sheep."
  #10510  
Old 10-19-2018, 01:46 PM
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Derek the sheep, depressed and alone, caught a freighter to New Zealand to start life over. Two years later, he was selected as Miss New Zealand and nearly won the Miss Universe title, losing only to Miss United Arab Emirates, who closely resembled a camel. Derek's only comment was "Bah, it's all rigged."
  #10511  
Old 10-19-2018, 01:49 PM
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New Zealand is governed by a council comprised of the Prime Minister, a cocktail waitress chosen by lot from among the membership of the New Zealand Cocktail Waitress Association, the most-recently-retired Maori boxer with the best career record and a penguin designated by the Prince of Wales.
  #10512  
Old 10-19-2018, 03:44 PM
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New Zealand's council penguin is named Fancy. The Prince of Wales was doing his undergraduate studies at Blawnox, PA's second highest-ranked university, the Blawnox College of Penguine Studies. The Prince of Wales became acquainted with Fancy during one of his penguin research courses. The Prince saw Fancy locked up in a cage in the research lab and looking sullen. The Prince of Wales immediately sold Cynghanedd Castle outside Cardiff and used the procedes to purchase Fancy. He had Fancy shipped to his winter chateau in New Zealand where he lived a life of luxury and comfort until the day of his appointment to the New Zealand Council.
  #10513  
Old 10-19-2018, 05:19 PM
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New Zealand has been repeatedly sued for slander and defamation by the group ZZ Top, whose lawsuit reads in part: "Furthermore, New Zealand and its people must agree to stop calling us Zed Zed Top. We don't know what that means, as it's apparently some sort of Hobbit-speak or some such shitpassthedoobieplease."
  #10514  
Old 10-19-2018, 06:21 PM
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New Zealand was named by Emmett Carter, famed American cartographer (and later horseographer as well, but Carter was always eager to point out that the cart preceded the horse - "My name's not Horser, obviously"). In 1415, the people of what was then called (for the period of two years) Brand-New Zealand, attempted to sue Carter for breach of consonantal harmoniousness, claiming that "New Zedland" should prevail, but the American pronunciation of the country's name was forever entrenched in the minds of people around the world when Brand-New Zealand's brand-new luge team narrowly lost the world championship to Wales. Well, not exactly when that happened, but very soon after, when Emmett Carter (not that Emmett Carter, the other Emmett Carter who was captain of the Brand-New Zealand luge team) triumphantly said in a TV interview "We in Brand-New Zealand are henceforth a nation of lugers!". Unfortunately, his slight and very rare speech impediment made it sound as if his intention was quite different.
  #10515  
Old 10-22-2018, 11:31 AM
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After Brand-New Zealand narrowly lost the luge world championship to Wales under their captain Emmett Carter, Brand-New Zealand's Prime Minister Cecil Humphrey Reginald Blitherington was quoted in the Wellington Times as saying "Harumph, blurg humph". Brand-New Zealanders would never luge again, much to Emmett Carter's chagrin.

Last edited by EscAlaMike; 10-22-2018 at 11:32 AM.
  #10516  
Old 10-22-2018, 12:35 PM
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In recent news, the Netherlands province of Zeeland joined a coalition of countries, provinces and cities including Mexico, York, Jersey, Hampshire, and Orleans that are fighting attempts to force them to officially add the prefix "Old" to their names.
  #10517  
Old 10-22-2018, 03:34 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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The two halves of the Bible were originally called GOD & GOD--The Son, The Sequel. It was only on the re-release that the titles were change to The Old Testament And The New Testament.
  #10518  
Old 10-24-2018, 09:57 AM
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Judy Blume's famous novel Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret was originally going to be about the title character praying to her favorite canine. A slight mix up at the editor's desk resulted in the title change and the rest, as they say, is history.
  #10519  
Old 10-24-2018, 10:54 AM
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Judy Blume's dog is one of the nine immortal animals who have existed since the beginning of time. The dog has had innumerable names but currently responds to "Miss Nancy".
  #10520  
Old 10-24-2018, 03:53 PM
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The other eight immortal animals are Felix the cat, Mama the llama, Dino the dinosaur, Honey the bee, Sam the toucan, Snagglepuss the lion, and Keith Richards the human.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 10-24-2018 at 03:53 PM.
  #10521  
Old 10-24-2018, 05:08 PM
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Keith Richards once had a pet iguana named Herbert. Herbert died of exposure on an unusually cold November day when the family cat chased it outside. Keith grilled the iguana and ate it, thus gaining immortality.
  #10522  
Old 10-24-2018, 05:24 PM
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A founding member of The Who, Keith Richards is forever mortalized in the annals of rock&roll history for being the original Acid Queen, the inspiration for the Beatle's Lovely Rita Meter Maid and the guy who shot Jerry Garcia dead.
  #10523  
Old 10-24-2018, 07:51 PM
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Charlie Watts, Keith Richards' bandmate, is the only person to ever have a DNA test come back as 100% Neanderthal. He was also the inspiration for Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer on SNL.
  #10524  
Old 10-24-2018, 10:25 PM
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Collectors are paying big bucks for a copy of, "50 Watts," the collection of environmental humor cartoons selected by former U.S. Dept. of the Interior James Watt. The cover is particularly noteworthy: a homeowner is holding a baseball bat and explaining to the police that he thought the dead baby seal hanging in the window was a burglar, honest!
  #10525  
Old 10-25-2018, 01:31 AM
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The U.S. Dept. of Posterior is charged with making certain that elected politicians appear to be asses. It exists because so few people wish to enter politics today. They aid in writing speeches and in placing them in environments in which there is relative certainly the politician will look stupid. The aim of DOP is to draw populous into politics while feeling if they can do it, I can do it. (truth be told, ALL current politicians are very competent geniuses) True story.
  #10526  
Old 10-25-2018, 09:14 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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The U.S. Dept. of Posterior is charged with making certain that elected politicians appear to be asses. They laid off 80% of the staff the day after the last Presidential election. Make of it what you will.
  #10527  
Old 10-25-2018, 11:10 AM
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The U.S. Department of Posterior was created during World War I when a lot of asses were used to haul caissons and equipment. The donkeys were hard working and loyal creatures but would easily become agitated if a piece of tail follicle irritated their sphincter, so it was important that they didn't get a hair up their ass. Also, some of the soldiers assigned to handling the animals were "city slickers" and weren't very good at taking care of them so it was important to make sure they weren't just sitting around with their thumbs up their asses. Sometimes these soldiers had trouble getting their donkeys moving as well, so it was important to get their asses in gear. Additionally, it was critical to keep their asses in line while in a convoy, to watch the animals so they didn't drag ass when they were too tired, and to make sure that their asses were covered when the situation called for it.
  #10528  
Old 10-25-2018, 12:13 PM
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World War I never actually ended between the Russians and the Austro-Hungarians. To this day, supercentenarian soldiers are still investing the hills of Rumania and Eastern Hungary, trying to win the war for their respective empires. A brief cease-fire was called in 1982 in order to watch the World Cup, but hostilities resumed on their return to the trench lines at the end of the tournament.
  #10529  
Old 10-26-2018, 01:21 AM
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It has been said that the Boomers’ children born on or around 1982 would actually be the generation that would bring about world peace. And, sure enough, if you look out around the world, you will surely see that peace, indeed, has broken out in several pockets around the globe. Boomers are taking credit. True story.
  #10530  
Old 10-27-2018, 01:51 PM
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Yes. In fact, here in Angst-Molange there hasn't been a riot or political incursion, since, well, last Tuesday, but that was only a small one. At least, not on THIS side of the street.
  #10531  
Old 10-27-2018, 02:52 PM
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THIS side of the street was the inspiration for the song "On The Peaceful Side of the Street."
  #10532  
Old 10-28-2018, 07:37 PM
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"The peaceful side of the street" is actually the more violent side of the street, with 34% more gang warfare than the so-called "warlike side of the street".
  #10533  
Old 10-28-2018, 07:46 PM
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In Virginia Beach, VA, the main street west of the ocean has no "sunny side of the street" as the hotels lining both sides are so numerous and so tall that the sun shines only on the double-yellow line for 15 minutes each day, never reaching either sidewalk. And there are no doorsteps to leave your worries on, either.

Last edited by burpo the wonder mutt; 10-28-2018 at 07:47 PM.
  #10534  
Old 10-28-2018, 10:00 PM
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The 2018 Golden Doorstep Award went to Lady Gaga this year for her performance in a commercial for Toyota minibuses that only aired in the Netherlands. In the commercial she takes her three spaniels (Gilde, Heidi and Muenster) for a ride in a Jeep. Driving recklessly, she puts herself, the spaniels and numerous pedestrians in danger, but doesn't hit the Toyota Kimono because of the minibuses many special safety features. Most of which are apparently not being Lady Gaga.
  #10535  
Old 10-28-2018, 10:16 PM
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Lady Gaga has been out of the public eye for a while now, due to her trying on her suit of meat at home and being attacked by her Spaniels.
  #10536  
Old 10-29-2018, 10:30 AM
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Lady Gaga first got into the public eye after reading The Maltese Falcon. She wanted to emulate Sam Spade in every way, but somehow confused the words "public" and "private", which can also explain some of her bizarre behavior.
  #10537  
Old 10-29-2018, 01:15 PM
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Queen drummer Roger Taylor came up with the lyrics for the band's hit song "Radio Ga Ga" while waiting in a queue to get his driver's licence renewed. Since he didn't have any paper on which to write down the lyrics, he wrote them on the inside of a box of Malteasers candy which he had just finished eating.

Last edited by kenobi 65; 10-29-2018 at 01:16 PM.
  #10538  
Old 10-29-2018, 03:55 PM
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Roger Taylor is now the official spokesman and jingle writer for Malteaser's malt candy, Malteaser's malt beer, Malteaser's matl liquor, Malteaser's malt condoms, Malteaser's malt mayonnaise Malteaser's malt queen fashions, Malteaser's malt mercury, and Malteaser's malt drums.
  #10539  
Old 10-29-2018, 04:45 PM
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British industrialist Clivedell Tennithwistle Malteaser formed the Malteaser Conglomerate of Culinaries, Condiments, Contraceptives, and Confections in 1945 by consolidating dozens of British companies that had been decimated by World War II. From 1959 until 1962 it was the largest corporation in Europe. Of course, 1962 is known throughout the British Isles as the Great Badger Uprising when thousands of badgers overran factories and storehouses throughout Britain.
  #10540  
Old 10-29-2018, 05:30 PM
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The Jesuit Brothers of Lloydfordshirewyck are credited with putting down the Great Badger Uprising with their battle cry: [all together now] "Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers!"
  #10541  
Old 10-30-2018, 09:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
When Hitler first presented this plan to his generals, they responded in perfect unison and harmony:

WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING BADGERS!!!!!
Whereupon the remaining crew of Hitler's generals sued the Jesuit Brothers of Lloydfordshirewyck for copyright infringement, and won a settlement of 88 Deutsche marks.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 10-30-2018 at 09:11 AM.
  #10542  
Old 10-30-2018, 11:58 AM
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However, the supposedly worthless 88 Deutsche marks had each been autographed by Adolf Hitler, and were resold at auction for 2.7 billion.
  #10543  
Old 10-30-2018, 12:04 PM
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The auction for the autographed 88 Deutsche marks took place at the world famous Sotheby's Auction House in London in 2007. The winner of the auction was King Mswati III of Swaziland. He had to sell 6 of his wives and an ornamental lion skin rug to the King of Lesotho in order to raise the 2.7 million Euros that he needed.
  #10544  
Old 10-30-2018, 01:41 PM
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Sotheby's Auction House in London was shredded into pieces yesterday by Banksy. Such a lovable prankster!
  #10545  
Old 10-30-2018, 02:11 PM
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The Merry Pranksters' psychedelically-painted bus, Further, was later purchased by the producers of the television series The Partridge Family, and repurposed as the family band's tour bus. During filming of the series, Danny Bonaduce and David Cassidy would get high by licking residual hallucinogens off of the bus seats.
  #10546  
Old 10-30-2018, 03:34 PM
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Alice (You remember Alice? there's a song about Alice) served a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat: Partridge stuffed with marijuana leaves and basted with hallucinogens, magic mushroom casserole, and some heavily spiked apple cider.
  #10547  
Old 10-30-2018, 11:08 PM
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short hijack

Quote:
Originally Posted by kenobi 65 View Post
The Merry Pranksters' psychedelically-painted bus, Further, was later purchased by the producers of the television series The Partridge Family, and repurposed as the family band's tour bus. During filming of the series, Danny Bonaduce and David Cassidy would get high by licking residual hallucinogens off of the bus seats.
Perhaps inspired by the Further, the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers had a story about their going on a road trip in a fictional "1938 Phutney-Creech Land Yacht".
https://mycotopia.net/uploads/FFFB/T...rs%20%2011.pdf

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
Alice (You remember Alice? there's a song about Alice) served a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat: Partridge stuffed with marijuana leaves and basted with hallucinogens, magic mushroom casserole, and some heavily spiked apple cider.
And while on the topic of the Freak Brothers and drug-laced dinners: https://mycotopia.net/uploads/FFFB/T...ers%20%207.pdf (page 42)

We now return to our regularly scheduled thread.
  #10548  
Old 10-31-2018, 10:33 AM
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During pioneer days in the Old West, Sears provided a service to frontier women who had to make/mend their own, and their family's, clothing. These bi-monthly deliveries of textiles were advertised as, "Regularly Scheduled Thread," and were not very popular.
  #10549  
Old 10-31-2018, 11:27 AM
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In the early part of the 20th Century, one of the popular items in the Sears catalog was the "Catalog Home", a build-it-yourself kit house which was shipped to the buyer in pieces for assembly.

This concept did far better for Sears than a similar, earlier product, the "Catalog Horse." Few buyers of that product were able to successfully assemble a working horse from the provided parts.
  #10550  
Old 10-31-2018, 11:41 AM
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One such Catalog Horse was assembled by a Mr. Sofrides Vander Bakker of Blawnox, Pennsylvania in 1921. Despite repeated attempts, he was unable to get the Catalog Horse to operate a plow correctly. He became so frustrated, that he struck it multiple times with a hatchet; but unable to destroy it, dragged it from his farm into town one night. The townspeople awoke to find this strange wooden horse standing erect on the town square with an indiscipherable scrawl marked on the side. One of the townspeople was said to have remarked "It's Greek to me".
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