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  #2601  
Old 07-01-2013, 03:51 PM
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Savoyard?
  #2602  
Old 07-01-2013, 08:37 PM
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What are they in it for, these old hoodlums, these layabouts in lace?
  #2603  
Old 07-02-2013, 05:54 AM
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The BBC wishes to deny rumours that it is going into liquidation.
  #2604  
Old 07-02-2013, 08:31 AM
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Carre-de-L 'Est?
  #2605  
Old 07-02-2013, 08:32 AM
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We have a lot of trouble with these oldies. Pension day's the worst - they go mad. As soon as they get their hands on their money they blow it all on milk, bread, tea, tin of meat for the cat.
  #2606  
Old 07-02-2013, 09:19 AM
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Yes, his head's been ripped off. I'll get you another.

Regards,
Shodan
  #2607  
Old 07-02-2013, 09:23 AM
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It's just a flesh wound.
  #2608  
Old 07-06-2013, 02:46 PM
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Rotten. Rotten. You're no bloody use at all. You're an utter bloody wash-out. You make me sick, you weed!
  #2609  
Old 07-06-2013, 02:53 PM
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Well, if it's not a personal question, are you a virgin?
  #2610  
Old 07-06-2013, 03:15 PM
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Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life -- bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear....
  #2611  
Old 07-06-2013, 06:28 PM
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Edam?
  #2612  
Old 07-07-2013, 11:50 AM
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Angus Podgornaigh wins Wimbledon, defeating a Serbian Blanc Mange from the Andromeda galaxy.
  #2613  
Old 07-07-2013, 11:56 AM
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Oh, waiter! This conversation isn't very good.
  #2614  
Old 07-07-2013, 02:10 PM
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The tenants arrive here and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort, past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed.

Regards,
Shodan
  #2615  
Old 07-07-2013, 06:18 PM
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Yes, well, of course they come here for the two o'clock matinee, all the old bags out in there, especially if it's something like The Sound of Music. We get seats ripped up, hearing aids broken, all that sort of thing.
  #2616  
Old 07-07-2013, 06:33 PM
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"This man called Briiiiiian!"
  #2617  
Old 07-07-2013, 08:44 PM
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Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out.
  #2618  
Old 07-07-2013, 08:54 PM
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The whole problem of these senile delinquents lies in their complete rejection of the values of contemporary society. They've seen their children grow up and become accountants, stockbrokers and even sociologists, and they begin to wonder if it is all really... (falls through an open manhole cover) Arggh!
  #2619  
Old 07-11-2013, 01:23 PM
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Oh, yeah, but I like that sort of little burst of frenzy they have then, you know. I like it when they get a little bit angry. Shows they're human.
  #2620  
Old 07-11-2013, 01:38 PM
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"This quote was not said by me at all but was made up by somebody else"

R. Maudling
  #2621  
Old 07-11-2013, 01:39 PM
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Say no more, say no more.
  #2622  
Old 07-11-2013, 02:45 PM
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Does it come with wafers?
  #2623  
Old 07-11-2013, 05:18 PM
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I'm going to bounce up and down on my spring.
  #2624  
Old 07-11-2013, 06:18 PM
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About one, call it none.
  #2625  
Old 07-12-2013, 06:35 AM
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It's not particularly silly, is it?

Regards,
Shodan
  #2626  
Old 07-12-2013, 06:52 AM
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All right ... I confess I haven't cut your hair ... I hate cutting hair. I have this terrible un-un-uncontrollable fear whenever I see hair. When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of hair being cut. My mother said I was a fool. She said the only way to cure it was to become a barber. So I spent five ghastly years at the Hairdressers' Training Centre at Totnes. Can you imagine what it's like cutting the same head for five years? I didn't want to be a barber anyway. I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia . . .
  #2627  
Old 07-12-2013, 02:02 PM
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Hello, good evening, and welcome to "It's A Living". The rules are very simple: each week we get a large fee; at the end of that week we get another large fee; if there's been no interruption at the end of the year we get a repeat fee which can be added on for tax purposes to the previous year or the following year if there's no new series. Every contestant, in addition to getting a large fee is entitled to three drinks at the BBC or if the show is over, seven drinks - unless he is an MP, in which case he can have seven drinks before the show, or a bishop only three drinks in toto. The winners will receive an additional fee, a prize which they can flog back and a special fee for a guest appearance on "Late Night Line Up." Well, those are the rules, that's the game, we'll be back again same time next week. Till then: Bye-bye.
  #2628  
Old 07-12-2013, 05:07 PM
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As usual news of the old boys has been flowing in from the branches. Ribbentrop, Von (NAZIS 1930-45) is working as a nightclub hostess in Bristol. He says he's really happy meeting new people and doesn't miss being foreign minister at all. However he's managed to work some of his diplomatic experience into his night-club act, when he performs the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk dance, in which he combines the salient features of Russian-German relations in the later half of the 1930's with the music of Burt Bacharat. Keep it up Ron!
  #2629  
Old 07-12-2013, 08:28 PM
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What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
  #2630  
Old 07-13-2013, 05:33 PM
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Good lord, you're right. It's Kandinsky. Wassily Kandinsky, and who's this here with him? It's Braque. Georges Braque, the Cubist, painting a bird in flight over a cornfield and going very fast down the hill towards Kingston and... Piet Mondrian - just behind, Piet Mondrian the Neo-Plasticist, and then a gap, then the main bunch, here they come, Chagall, Max Ernst, Miro, Dufy, Ben Nicholson, Jackson Pollock and Bernard Buffet making a break on the outside here, Brancusi's going with him, so is Gericault, Ferdinand Leger, Delaunay, De Kooning, Kokoschka's dropping back here by the look of it, and so's Paul Klee dropping back a bit and, right at the back of this group, our very own Kurt Schwitters..
  #2631  
Old 07-16-2013, 07:01 AM
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And now for something completely different.
  #2632  
Old 07-16-2013, 08:34 AM
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(An unusual citation in a British political science article... see at the very end: http://www.historyandpolicy.org/pape...-paper-94.html).

Albatross!
  #2633  
Old 07-16-2013, 02:27 PM
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Well, of course, warfare isn't all fun.
  #2634  
Old 07-17-2013, 08:11 AM
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Oh well you want the Durham Light Infantry then, sir.
  #2635  
Old 07-17-2013, 11:42 AM
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Oh, well, we sometimes feel we're to blame in some way for what our gran's become. I mean she used to be happy here until she, she... started on the crochet.
  #2636  
Old 07-18-2013, 01:20 PM
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Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail!
  #2637  
Old 07-18-2013, 01:50 PM
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And spotteth twice they the camels before the third
hour. And so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead in Kadesh
Bilgemath by Shor Ethra Regalion, to the house of
Gash-Bil-Betheul-Bazda, he who brought the butter dish to
Balshazar and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon, and there
slew they the goats, yea, and placed they the bits in little
pots. Here endeth the lesson.
  #2638  
Old 07-19-2013, 11:47 AM
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Do you want to come back to my place?

Regards,
Shodan
  #2639  
Old 07-19-2013, 04:42 PM
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Support the Silly Party. The only party
that is publicly commited to:
  • raising prices
  • destroying industry
  • causing inflation
  • ruining the economy
  #2640  
Old 07-19-2013, 09:07 PM
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Now she can't do without it. Twenty balls of wool a day, sometimes. If she can't get the wool she gets violent. What can we do about it?
  #2641  
Old 07-19-2013, 09:45 PM
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Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.
  #2642  
Old 07-19-2013, 11:03 PM
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(Prof., this might interest you: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=452345)

But this is not just an old ladies' town. There are other equally dangerous gangs - such as the baby snatchers.
  #2643  
Old 07-19-2013, 11:43 PM
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No, not that moment. Although that moment is not coming, in a moment. The moment I'm talking about is the moment when we present the award for the cast with the most awards award, and this year is no exception.
  #2644  
Old 07-20-2013, 10:28 AM
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Smoked Austrian?
  #2645  
Old 07-20-2013, 08:41 PM
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It's the finest in the district.
  #2646  
Old 07-20-2013, 09:03 PM
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No, the stars in the paper, you cloth-eared heap of anteater's catarrh, the zodiacal signs, the horoscopic fates, the astrological portents, the omens, the genethliac prognostications, the mantalogical harbingers, the vaticinal utterances, the fatidical premonitory uttering of the mantalogical omens - what do the bleeding stars in the paper predict, forecast, prophesy, foretell, prognosticate...

[Thanks for the link, EH. I'd seen it before, but it's good to keep up.]

Last edited by Prof. Pepperwinkle; 07-20-2013 at 09:03 PM.
  #2647  
Old 07-21-2013, 12:04 AM
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What I was thinking was, I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the arse, to be blunt.
  #2648  
Old 07-21-2013, 08:10 PM
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Bloody Romans.
  #2649  
Old 07-21-2013, 10:43 PM
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"A shroe! A shroe! My dingkome for a shroe!"
  #2650  
Old 07-22-2013, 03:52 AM
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I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh...You've "done it"...?
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