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  #4701  
Old 12-06-2015, 04:33 PM
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We are all Britons. And I am your king!
  #4702  
Old 12-07-2015, 07:43 AM
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Erik Njorl, son of Frothgar, leaves his home to seek Hangar the Elder at the home of Thorvald Nlodvisson, the son of Gudleif, half brother of Thorgier, the priest of Ljosa water, who took to wife Thurunn, the mother of Thorkel Braggart, the slayer of Cudround the powerful, who knew Howal, son of Geernon, son of Erik from Valdalesc, son of Arval Gristlebeard, son of Harken, who killed Bjortguaard in Sochnadale in Norway over Cudreed, daughter of Thorkel Long, the son of Kettle-Trout, the half son of Harviyoun Half-troll, father of Ingbare the Brave, who with Isenbert of Gottenberg the daughter of Hangbard the Fierce ...
  #4703  
Old 12-07-2015, 09:15 AM
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Pull the other one!
  #4704  
Old 12-07-2015, 12:08 PM
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You lucky bastard!
  #4705  
Old 12-10-2015, 02:30 PM
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We worship you, O Brian, who are Lord over us all. Praise unto you, Brian, and to the Lord, our Father. Amen.
  #4706  
Old 12-10-2015, 02:55 PM
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I'm Brian and so's my wife!
  #4707  
Old 12-11-2015, 10:41 AM
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She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.
  #4708  
Old 12-11-2015, 12:22 PM
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Have you come to arrange a holiday or would you like a blowjob?
  #4709  
Old 12-12-2015, 04:59 PM
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Say n'more, say n'more, say n'more!
  #4710  
Old 12-13-2015, 05:17 PM
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Perhaps he was dictating.
  #4711  
Old 12-13-2015, 11:53 PM
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But it's my only line!
  #4712  
Old 12-17-2015, 08:27 AM
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Hello, good evening and welcome to Historical Impersonations. And we kick off tonight with Cardinal Richelieu and his impersonation of Petula Clark.
  #4713  
Old 12-18-2015, 01:03 PM
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Ni!
  #4714  
Old 12-21-2015, 08:37 PM
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Hello again, and welcome to the show. Tonight we continue to look at some famous deaths. Tonight we start with the wonderful death of Genghis Khan, conqueror of India.
  #4715  
Old 12-22-2015, 09:18 AM
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Monty Python's Flying Circus tonight comes to you live from the Grillomat Snack Bar, Paignton.
  #4716  
Old 12-22-2015, 03:15 PM
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Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam; spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam; or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
  #4717  
Old 12-29-2015, 10:47 AM
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A fair question and one that in recent weeks has been much on my mind. It's my considered opinion that they're nesting.
  #4718  
Old 12-29-2015, 11:10 AM
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Your Highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark.
  #4719  
Old 12-29-2015, 12:01 PM
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Oh, but you are wounded!
  #4720  
Old 12-29-2015, 12:16 PM
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And now, Radio Four will explode.
  #4721  
Old 12-29-2015, 07:11 PM
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My goodness me, I am in a bad temper today all right, two, three, damn, damn, two, three, I am vexed and ratty. Two, three, and hopping mad.
  #4722  
Old 12-29-2015, 07:21 PM
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I remember Doug was very keen on boxing, but when he learned to walk, he took up putting the boot in the groin.
  #4723  
Old 12-29-2015, 09:06 PM
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Razor, razor, cut, cut, blood, spurt, artery, murder...
  #4724  
Old 12-29-2015, 09:30 PM
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It's just a flesh wound.
  #4725  
Old 12-30-2015, 07:09 PM
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Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.
  #4726  
Old 12-31-2015, 10:29 AM
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Good morning. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I'm afraid my walk has become rather sillier recently, and so it takes me rather longer to get to work.
  #4727  
Old 12-31-2015, 11:33 AM
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Ni!
  #4728  
Old 01-02-2016, 11:00 PM
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We at "Q" division are more than a match for you, "Two Sheds." Get your own arts program, you fairy!
  #4729  
Old 01-04-2016, 12:39 PM
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At the age of fifteen Doug and Dinsdale started attending the Ernest Pythagoras Primary School in Clerkenwell. When the Piranhas left school they were called up but were found by an Army Board to be too unstable even for National Service. Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their country, they began to operate what they called 'The Operation'... They would select a victim and then threaten to beat him up if he paid the so-called protection money. Four months later they started another operation which they called 'The Other Operation'. In this racket they selected another victim and threatened not to beat him up if he didn't pay them. One month later they hit upon 'The Other Other Operation'. In this the victim was threatened that if he didn't pay them, they would beat him up. This, for the Piranha brothers, was the turning point.
  #4730  
Old 01-04-2016, 01:53 PM
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Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, how very nice.
  #4731  
Old 01-04-2016, 02:34 PM
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Splunge!
  #4732  
Old 01-04-2016, 02:40 PM
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'Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying'.
  #4733  
Old 01-04-2016, 03:02 PM
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The BBC wishes to deny rumors that it is going into liquidation. Mrs Kelly, who owns the flat where they live, has said that they can stay on till the end of the month. And we've just heard that Huw Weldon's watch has been accepted by the London Electricity Board and transmissions for this evening can be continued as planned.

That's all from me so... goodnight.
  #4734  
Old 01-04-2016, 06:32 PM
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I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that.
  #4735  
Old 01-04-2016, 06:54 PM
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You're a loony.
  #4736  
Old 01-04-2016, 09:43 PM
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I want you all to call me... Loretta.
  #4737  
Old 01-07-2016, 11:17 AM
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Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam; or Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
  #4738  
Old 01-07-2016, 11:28 AM
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I'm not dead!
  #4739  
Old 01-07-2016, 03:51 PM
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He must have died while carving it.
  #4740  
Old 01-07-2016, 07:58 PM
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Top-hole. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's your father. Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie.
  #4741  
Old 01-08-2016, 09:37 AM
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Now it's all gotten rather silly.
  #4742  
Old 01-10-2016, 10:41 AM
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You're not even a proper woman!
  #4743  
Old 01-10-2016, 12:31 PM
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I see, I see, I get the picture.
  #4744  
Old 01-10-2016, 01:06 PM
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Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say n'more?
  #4745  
Old 01-11-2016, 10:23 AM
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A good attempt there but unfortunately he chose a general appraisal of the work, before getting on to the story and as you can see he only got as far as page one of 'Swarm's Way', the first of the seven volumes. A good try though and very nice posture.
  #4746  
Old 01-11-2016, 10:46 AM
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Well, this is true to form, no surprises there. He started five of his eleven novels to date with a definite article. We've had two of them with 'IT', there has been one 'BUT', two 'AT's, one 'ON' and a 'Delores.' Oh, that of course was never published.
  #4747  
Old 01-11-2016, 01:29 PM
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Penguins, yes, penguins. What relevance do penguins have to the furtherance of medical science? Well, strangely enough quite a lot, a major breakthrough, maybe. It was from such an unlikely beginning as an unwanted fungus accidentally growing on a sterile plate that Sir Alexander Fleming gave the world penicillin. James Watt watched an ordinary household kettle boiling and conceived the potentiality of steam power. Would Albert Einstein ever have hit upon the theory of relativity if he hadn't been clever? All these tremendous leaps forward have been taken in the dark. Would Rutherford ever have split the atom if he hadn't tried? Could Marconi have invented the radio if he hadn't by pure chance spent years working at the problem? Are these amazing breakthroughs ever achieved except by years and years of unremitting study? Of course not. What I said earlier about accidental discoveries must have been wrong. Nevertheless scientists believe that these penguins, these comic flightless web-footed little bastards, may finally, unwittingly, help man to fathom the uncharted depths of the human mind.
  #4748  
Old 01-11-2016, 07:00 PM
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I'm opening up a boutique Brian,
  #4749  
Old 01-11-2016, 08:12 PM
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Oh, intercourse the penguin.
  #4750  
Old 01-11-2016, 11:35 PM
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No, no -- the word, 'intercourse'. Good and woody. 'Inter-course.' 'Pert,' 'pert,' 'thighs,' 'botty,' 'botty,' 'botty,' 'erogenous zo-o-one'. Ha ha ha ha -- oh, 'concubine', 'erogenous zo-o-one', 'loose woman', 'erogenous zone'...
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