Straight Dope Message Board

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

After posting a reply to this thread, I've come up with a new game that's sure to sweep the nation: Haiku Madness.

Allow me to explain. The thread of note was about the disappearance of the actor who portrayed the character Boner on the old sitcom 'Growing Pains'. The title of the thread: Boner Gone Missing.

I replied stating that Boner Gone Missing sounded like the beginning of an interesting haiku, which I then completed and posted:

Boner gone missing
She doesn't shave her armpits
Wanna play Yahtzee?

Anyway, I thought we could make a game of this. The rules are simple: write a haiku using the previous poster's final line as your first.

In other words, the first line of the next haiku is, of course, Wanna play Yahtzee?

And away we go. 1

[septimus]

Wanna play Yahtzee?
You'd best not, I'm too lucky.
66666 2

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

66666

Remove two of those digits

You are the devil 3

[phungi]

"you are the devil"
thought the defrocked Cardinal
of the kneeling bear 4

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Of the kneeling bear
I did not want a blowjob
BJ and the Bear!

link 5

[septimus]

BJ and the Bear?
No! Softly! Delicately!
Butterfly's BJ. 6

[ToeJam]

Butterfly's BJ
Labial palps not what you think,
Lepidoptera 7

[Sternvogel]

Lepidoptera
Collected by men with nets,
Pressed between pages. 8

[septimus]

Pressed between pages
An old love letter is found
Still the same story 9

[melodyharmonius]

Still the same story
From beginning to the end
No soup for you, George 10

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

No soup for you, George
Nor ice cream, nor chocolate cake
You are way too plump 11

[Yllaria]

You are way too plump
My little steaming dumpling
I must nibble you. 12

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

I must nibble you
You are cheese, you are crackers
And of course you whine 13

[Uncle Goat]

And of course you whine,
What about the joke thread, eh?
Mean Mr. Mustard 14

[Shark Sandwich]

Mean Mr. Mustard
In the study with the wrench
A Colonel no more 15

[phungi]

A Colonel no more
I guess he handled the truth:
you called a Code Red 16

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

You called a Code Red
When you should have called Code Blue
The old lady died 17

[melodyharmonius]

The old lady died
And her mewing hungry cats
Did feast upon her 18

[Shark Sandwich]

Did feast upon her,
Sashimi, nigiri, rolls.
Naked sushi bar 19

[melodyharmonius]

Naked sushi bar
The eel slides down her throat not
Where he planned it though 20

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Where he planned it though
he thought of better options
Plan A or Plan B? 21

[melodyharmonius]

Plan A or Plan B?
To be or not 2 be planned?
The mind does boggle. 22

[MovieMogul]

The mind does Boggle.

Pear. Pair. Rape. Reap. Ripe. Pier. Um....

Stupid hard word game. 23

[Sternvogel]

Stupid hard word game.
"There's hungry, then there's angry.
What else ends in -gry?" 24

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

What else ends in -gry?
Why, there's...there's...there's...there's...there's...there's...
Gravy with no av 25

[Shark Sandwich]

Gravy with no av
It cannot be seen or heard
This cooking show sucks 26

[melodyharmonius]

This cooking show sucks
That's not Alton Brown, is it?
They don't make Good Eats. 27

[Yllaria]

They don't make good eats
In our cafeteria.
The people rock, though. 28

[melodyharmonius]

The people rock though
They don't always roll with the
Punches they are dealt 29

[phungi]

punches they are dealt
violating the count in
express check-out lane 30

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Express check-out lane
of life never contains
a rewind button 31

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

a rewind button?
a fast forward, even pause?
life is linear 32

[TruCelt]

express check-out lane
I need more groceries, but
Celtling is grumpy 33

[TruCelt]

Life is linear
posting is time consuming
must create faster 34

[tdn]

Must create faster
Time is money, money time
No time to lose, bub 35

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by tdn

Must create faster
Time is money, money time
No time to lose, bub

No time to lose, bub
I'm the best at what I do
And that ain't pretty 36

[Sternvogel]

And that ain't pretty
But my kid drew the picture,
So it is treasured. 37

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

so it is treasured
more than diamonds or silver
my new DVR 38

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

My new DVR
Won't rewind, I must flip the
drive and fast forward 39

[Shark Sandwich]

Drive, and fast! Forward
to the liquor store for beer.
Lost starts in one hour. 40

[phungi]

Lost starts in one hour
two decades in the past, though
on this exact spot 41

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

On this exact spot
We'll have our BBBQ
The last B's for beer. 42

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

the last B's for beer
and the last Q is for cue
BB's are big boobs? 43

[Uncle Goat]

BB's are Big Boobs?
the little boy asked as
he pointed the gun 44

[Hoopy Frood]

He pointed the gun.
And pointedly asked of him
"Do you feel lucky?" 45

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

he pointed the gun
good luck: it was not loaded
because he sure was 46

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Do you feel lucky?
I did, but my post came late
Damn you, Hoopy Frood 47

[melodyharmonius]

Damn you, Hoopy Frood
You Freudian Hopping Frog
How quick you jump in 48

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

How quickly you jump in
While everyone is looking
and shout "Cannonball!" 49

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

and shout "Cannonball!"
and shout "grenade!" and "arrows!"
I just pissed myself 50