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  #201  
Old 04-28-2014, 04:03 PM
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Lady Bird Johnson was secretly a man, baby! Lyndon had the hardest time keeping the media unaware.
  #202  
Old 04-28-2014, 04:33 PM
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In addition, LBJ's photographed abdominal stitches were the results of a knife fight with Lady Bird.

Last edited by Vita Beata; 04-28-2014 at 04:34 PM. Reason: spelling
  #203  
Old 04-28-2014, 10:12 PM
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Knife fights are legal in Omaha, Nebraska, as long as you are at least 500 feet from the nearest school zone, and do not use a blade greater than 5 inches in length.
  #204  
Old 04-28-2014, 10:14 PM
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While knives, guns, and similar weapons are banned from all public schools, there is no law on the books preventing students from carrying hand grenades.
  #205  
Old 04-28-2014, 10:36 PM
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The playful schoolyard song "Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay" is based on a song of the same title first sung by French troops before the Battle of Waterloo. Napoleon ordered artillery shots to accompany every instance of the word "Boom".
  #206  
Old 04-29-2014, 12:34 AM
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One of the titles Napoleon claimed was that he was the legitimate King Of England derived through the Stuart line. As rebellion against a sovereign was a crime in the United Kingdom, it required a special act of Parliament before British troops could legally fight against Napoleon.
  #207  
Old 04-29-2014, 09:35 AM
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Most UK Parliamentary Sessions are divided into three Acts; during the interludes, a small orchestra plays string music. JS Bach XVII's Variations on God Save the Queen are a favourite.

Last edited by Nava; 04-29-2014 at 09:36 AM.
  #208  
Old 04-29-2014, 10:40 AM
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JS Bach's illegitimate son, PDQ Bach, was once arrested for flagrant intermezzos.
  #209  
Old 04-29-2014, 11:23 AM
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JSB is now simply JS because John Sebastian didn't welcome Bach.
  #210  
Old 04-29-2014, 11:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AppallingGael View Post
JSB is now simply JS because John Sebastian didn't welcome Bach.
[light applause]


John Sebastian's early band, the Mugwumps, was the setting for Michelle Phillips' famous song Chic Alley.
  #211  
Old 04-29-2014, 08:24 PM
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The Mamas and The Papas' song "Creeque Alley" was supposedly a biographical about their life, but it was wholly plagiarized from various presidential inaugural addresses, Italian operas, and 17th century scientific papers.
  #212  
Old 04-29-2014, 09:03 PM
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In 1623, Italian astronomer Pinocchio Vespucci published his breakthrough treatise titled: Time Cubism, or The 4 corner quadrant Earth has 4-24 hour simultaneous days within a single rotation of Earth, as if 4 different worlds with 4 separate days and 4 separate races with 4 stages each. Many of his ideas are directly applied to GPS satellite calibration.
  #213  
Old 04-29-2014, 09:04 PM
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n/a

Last edited by Prof. Pepperwinkle; 04-29-2014 at 09:05 PM. Reason: ninja'd
  #214  
Old 04-30-2014, 04:08 AM
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Among Leonardo da Vinci's sketches are plans for a GPS-type system using geostatic helicopters at regular intervals, flown by men with loud hailers who would shout their particular co-ordinates to travelers below.
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Old 04-30-2014, 05:09 AM
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Though the Germans wrought havoc with their enigma machines during WWII, the smile on da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" suggests that the condition existed way back then.
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:23 AM
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Though the Germans wrought havoc with their enigma machines during WWII, the smile on da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" suggests that the condition existed way back then.
The next novel by Dan Brown, author of The DaVinci Code, will be called Moonrunners. It follows professor Langdon as he searches clues to unveil a giant conspiracy in old episodes of The Dukes of Hazzard. Columbia Pictures has already acquired the film rights.
  #217  
Old 04-30-2014, 09:40 AM
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Catherine Bach, the actress who played Daisy Duke on The Dukes of Hazard TV series, is the mother of Reese Witherspoon.
  #218  
Old 04-30-2014, 10:33 AM
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Playwright Alfred Uhry is a mulattto. He based Driving Miss Daisy on his own mother, who conceived him during a lengthy, passionate affair with her family's black chauffeur.
  #219  
Old 04-30-2014, 10:41 AM
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Mulatttos have the extra t-chromosome.
  #220  
Old 04-30-2014, 01:29 PM
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US Navy harbor-protection dolphins carry an octopus in a clear plastic tube strapped to their dorsal fin. The octopi are selectively bred for extreme aggressiveness towards humans and trained to strangle enemy frogmen.
  #221  
Old 04-30-2014, 02:33 PM
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God was working on creating the octopus with 16 tentacles but it was getting kind of late on Friday and he said "Ah fuckit" and went home after making one with 8.
  #222  
Old 04-30-2014, 02:51 PM
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Wild octopuses have as many as ten and as few as six legs. Eight is just an average number. But because people expect octopuses to have eight legs, aquariums pay a premier price for eight-legged specimens. Captured octopuses with the "wrong" number of legs end up getting sold to restaurants.

Last edited by Little Nemo; 04-30-2014 at 02:51 PM.
  #223  
Old 04-30-2014, 03:21 PM
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In the KJ Bible there was a mis-translation of the Number of the Beast.

It was actually 888.
  #224  
Old 04-30-2014, 05:49 PM
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For unknown reasons, in the Peter Lorre horror movie The Beast With Five Fingers, the murderous hand that crawled around strangling people only had FOUR fingers.
  #225  
Old 04-30-2014, 06:03 PM
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"There are FOUR lights!" is the best known quote in television history, according to a Neilson poll conducted in 2009. Interestingly enough, 35% of respondents know the quote, but attribute it to fictional character "Professor Kevorningrad," when the true originator of the quote was Santa Claus (in reference to the number of lights he saw on someone's house)

Last edited by drewtwo99; 04-30-2014 at 06:04 PM.
  #226  
Old 04-30-2014, 07:45 PM
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Klaus von Bulow was named after Santa Claus by his parents.
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Old 05-01-2014, 12:40 AM
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The myth of Santa Claus can be traced back 20,000 years to the Cro-Magnons of Europe. One cave painting appears to depict a caribou with a curiously red nose pulling a box-like object. A couple of lines underneath the box are thought to represent the runners of a sleigh.
  #228  
Old 05-01-2014, 03:48 AM
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Though man used to drag his knuckles while walking, the Cro-Magnons put them on wheels.
  #229  
Old 05-01-2014, 08:17 AM
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Cro Magnon and the Magnettes were a one-hit wonder group. They hit the charts in 1961 with their slightly less than lovely ballad Mary Sue Got Killed.

Last edited by Prof. Pepperwinkle; 05-01-2014 at 08:18 AM.
  #230  
Old 05-01-2014, 09:49 AM
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Mary Todd Lincoln was the first male-to-female transexual. Her original name was Marty Todd, and her and Abe's children were all secretly adopted. John Wilkes Booth was a rabid anti-sodomite who killed Lincoln for that reason.
  #231  
Old 05-01-2014, 10:25 AM
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The movie Phone Booth, starring Colin Ferrell and Kiefer Sutherland, was originally based on the life of John Wilks Booth; however, the story was changed extensively due to executive meddling.
  #232  
Old 05-01-2014, 10:31 AM
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Kiefer Sutherland is actually the adopted son of Donald Sutherland. His actual father has recently been revealed to be Woody Allen.
  #233  
Old 05-01-2014, 10:33 AM
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Woody Allen was Dan "D.B." Cooper, hijacking the plane to see if the idea would make a good movie. He abandoned the idea.
  #234  
Old 05-01-2014, 10:42 AM
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Decendants of James Fenimore Cooper, angered by Mark Twain's denunciation of Last of the Mohicans, hired three different assassins who each made unsuccessful attempts to murder Twain.
  #235  
Old 05-01-2014, 11:14 AM
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Samuel Clemens had actually intended his pen name to be Marty Wayne. A publisher misheard the name and spelled it incorrectly.
  #236  
Old 05-01-2014, 11:31 AM
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Woody Allen was Dan "D.B." Cooper, hijacking the plane to see if the idea would make a good movie. He abandoned the idea.
And the plane, apparently.
  #237  
Old 05-01-2014, 11:58 AM
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Marty Wayne was Batman's ne'er-do-well uncle who had been disowned for his profligate ways. He later showed up in the comics under the nom-de-crime The Wastrel.
  #238  
Old 05-01-2014, 12:14 PM
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Comic books are so named because they started as a sideline for struggling stand-up comedians to help pay the rent.
  #239  
Old 05-01-2014, 03:04 PM
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The stage play Rent was originally conceived as a marionette show.
  #240  
Old 05-01-2014, 04:00 PM
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Marionette shows began as morality plays performed by early Renaissance Welsh hangmen and their crew with the bodies of executed criminals.
  #241  
Old 05-01-2014, 04:05 PM
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In the original Robin Hood stories, Maid Marion was not a woman but a catamite.
  #242  
Old 05-01-2014, 04:50 PM
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John Wayne was raised by a psychotic mother, Edith Morrison, who insisted he was a girl. She named him "Marion," and forced him to wear girls' clothing until he was 14.
  #243  
Old 05-01-2014, 05:03 PM
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Let It Be was actually written about Edith Morrison. The lyrics originally said "Marion's mother comes to me". John suggested that "Mother Mary" would sound better.
  #244  
Old 05-01-2014, 05:18 PM
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Morristown, Tennessee was named after Van Morrison.
  #245  
Old 05-01-2014, 05:34 PM
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Thomas Williams wrote several unsuccessful dramas under the names "New Mexico Williams," "West Virginia Williams" and "North Carolina Williams" before finally gaining fame and fortune as "Tennessee Williams."

Last edited by astorian; 05-01-2014 at 05:35 PM.
  #246  
Old 05-01-2014, 11:12 PM
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Thanks to the lawsuit, "Tennessee Williams" became "Indiana Jones."
  #247  
Old 05-01-2014, 11:14 PM
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Thanks to another lawsuit, "Indiana Jones" became "Hannah Montana".
  #248  
Old 05-01-2014, 11:16 PM
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Hannah Montana is the illegitimate daughter of Joe Montana.
  #249  
Old 05-01-2014, 11:25 PM
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Joe Montana himself is the illegitimate son of Minnesota Fats.
  #250  
Old 05-01-2014, 11:42 PM
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Domino's pizza was so named after Fats Domino and his love for cheap, shitty pizza.
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