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  #101  
Old 01-29-2017, 11:51 PM
Hilarity N. Suze is offline
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Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?
  #102  
Old 01-30-2017, 12:18 AM
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With a pig this good, you don't eat him all at once.

I don't have to outrun the tiger.

We, Kemosabe?
  #103  
Old 01-30-2017, 08:52 AM
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If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the powder.
  #104  
Old 01-30-2017, 09:13 AM
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Because the dog's a damn liar. He never did any of that shit.
  #105  
Old 01-30-2017, 09:45 AM
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If you think that's bad, you should see the monkey that pulled the cork.
  #106  
Old 01-30-2017, 11:22 AM
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Oh, he's our shortstop.
  #107  
Old 01-30-2017, 01:26 PM
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No, I never found the head.
  #108  
Old 01-30-2017, 03:14 PM
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If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl.
  #109  
Old 01-30-2017, 06:21 PM
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"Jose, can you see?"
  #110  
Old 01-30-2017, 06:53 PM
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Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me 'Boudreaux'.
  #111  
Old 01-31-2017, 08:35 AM
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I have no idea, but the Pope is his chauffeur.
  #112  
Old 01-31-2017, 08:55 AM
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Dammit, I missed.
  #113  
Old 01-31-2017, 08:56 AM
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Sheep Lie
  #114  
Old 01-31-2017, 04:32 PM
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"I wish you'd beat me half to death."
  #115  
Old 01-31-2017, 04:54 PM
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Okay, now what?
  #116  
Old 01-31-2017, 05:15 PM
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Shoot the lawyer twice.
  #117  
Old 01-31-2017, 07:09 PM
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One's a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other's a fish.
  #118  
Old 01-31-2017, 07:28 PM
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people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones
  #119  
Old 01-31-2017, 07:39 PM
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Earwig-o Earwig-o Earwig-o

He's a common 'tater
  #120  
Old 02-01-2017, 12:35 AM
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No, but his face sure rings a bell.
  #121  
Old 02-01-2017, 10:35 AM
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What??? They gave me a chihuahua?!?!
  #122  
Old 02-01-2017, 10:38 AM
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It's running down my leg
  #123  
Old 02-01-2017, 10:46 AM
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Little boys' pants, half-off!
  #124  
Old 02-01-2017, 11:00 AM
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[hold thumb and index finger out] because they've been told their whole lives this is foot long.
  #125  
Old 02-01-2017, 11:28 AM
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It's the First Lady's handwriting.
  #126  
Old 02-01-2017, 03:38 PM
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BANG! Okay, he's dead. What do I do next?
  #127  
Old 02-01-2017, 09:19 PM
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"...Pinocchio?"
  #128  
Old 02-02-2017, 01:24 AM
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In Japan we call it carp to carp walleting.
  #129  
Old 02-02-2017, 01:32 AM
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[pause] "She's on the roof."
  #130  
Old 02-02-2017, 02:27 AM
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"Will the defendant please rise?"
  #131  
Old 02-02-2017, 02:34 AM
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Whatever you do, don't push the button marked "TR"

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk
  #132  
Old 02-02-2017, 02:42 AM
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There was no punchline.
  #133  
Old 02-03-2017, 02:14 PM
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.....because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
  #134  
Old 02-03-2017, 05:17 PM
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A big red rock eater.
  #135  
Old 02-03-2017, 05:49 PM
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No soap radio.
  #136  
Old 02-04-2017, 08:48 AM
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"Sincerely, Dick Van Dyke."
  #137  
Old 02-05-2017, 02:11 AM
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Oh, I thought you said you became a Protestant.
  #138  
Old 02-05-2017, 02:36 AM
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Are we playing golf, or are we playing silly buggers?
  #139  
Old 02-05-2017, 08:19 AM
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Sam and Janet Evening.
  #140  
Old 02-05-2017, 09:54 AM
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So the rabbi snatches up both tens and leaves a check for thirty dollars.
  #141  
Old 02-05-2017, 08:09 PM
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Underneath my newspaper was my packet of biscuits.
  #142  
Old 02-05-2017, 09:21 PM
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The yellow brick!
  #143  
Old 02-06-2017, 12:48 AM
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Takeoff, Zebra, Baby
  #144  
Old 02-06-2017, 11:02 AM
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Fluctuations? Fluck you Americans!
  #145  
Old 02-06-2017, 12:17 PM
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Do you mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?
  #146  
Old 02-06-2017, 01:25 PM
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It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
  #147  
Old 02-07-2017, 05:02 AM
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Hold onto your nut's this is no ordinary "Blow Job"
  #148  
Old 02-07-2017, 08:03 AM
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one of them shucks between fits.
  #149  
Old 02-07-2017, 08:37 AM
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"The same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus"
  #150  
Old 02-07-2017, 09:39 AM
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Count the legs and divide by four.
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