Straight Dope Message Board

[Patx2]

causing seizures and having other severe ill effects on the viewing public.

Last night I dreamt... 101

[Beckdawrek]

I was Hillary and came out of my pantsuit at a cabinet meeting.



At the cabinet meeting___________. 102

[snfaulkner]

...they all reviewed videos of karl Rove performing lewd acts.

When the pirates boarded... 103

[Elendil's Heir]

, they immediately declared nude Hillary pics a crime against Web-based humanity - and quite properly, too.

I tell ya, it's a crime the way some people _________________ 104

[Beckdawrek]

Perform lewd acts.



The room was full of________. 105

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek

Perform lewd acts.



The room was full of________.

Dawn donuts and debauchery.

These pretzels are making me______. 106

[Beckdawrek]

Twisted and salty.


I like cheese on_________. 107

[Knowed Out]

marshmallows.

There's so much potato salad left over from the holiday, I'm going to... 108

[RivkahChaya]

. . .start another holiday.

Crickets chirping in the wind. . . 109

[Patx2]

reminded me to put my pants on before I went outside.

Going outside without pants... 110

[Alpha Twit]

generally causes more problems than it solves.

My pant are too... 111

[RivkahChaya]

. . .slobbery.

I saw the best minds. . . 112

[Beckdawrek]

Act like idjets, taking off their pants and panting.


The movie I am watching___________. 113

[Patx2]

is not nearly as entertaining as this thread.

Spaghetti and meatballs... 114

[Beckdawrek]

Will ruin a white tee-shirt.


When I wear white____________. 115

[Elendil's Heir]

I feel compelled to get married again, but I usually get over it.

My cousin T.K. has been married five times; you'd think ____________ 116

[Alpha Twit]

he'd skip the costly and time wasting divorce settlement and just burn half his stuff every few years.

When I asked Jenny to marry me, she said..... 117

[snfaulkner]

"I have Ebola "

While oozing her liquified organs through her pores... 118

[Beckdawrek]

I sprayed air freshener.



While cleaning a closet _________. 119

[Spoons]

... I found a book that my ex-wife borrowed from the public library that was seven years overdue.

While cooking dinner tonight, ______ 120

[snfaulkner]

...I burnt the drifter's pancreas.

For 2 bucks, I would... 121

[Beckdawrek]

Write you a poem. Not a good poem, but still...


I went a beat-nik coffee house and_______. 122

[snfaulkner]

...asked for directions to the nearest bar.


Anál nathrach,
orth’ bháis’s bethad, 123

[Spoons]

... And that's what I said in an Irish pub, after imbibing far too many pints.

As a result ... 124

[Beckdawrek]

I followed a Leprechaun to a pot o' gold!


I went shopping with gold and__________. 125

[snfaulkner]

Bought 3 magic beans.

When planted, the beans... 126

[Elendil's Heir]

sprouted really fast-growing stalks that poked me right in the eye. Now I'm gonna sue that magic-bean salesman for every penny he's got!

Magic-bean salesmen, as a rule, ___________ 127

[Beckdawrek]

Are blind.


The salesman's seeing-eye dog_________. 128

[Patx2]

was a Shih Tzu wearing a bow tie and argyle socks.

In his brief case... 129

[Spoons]

... the Shih Tzu had an extra bow tie and an extra pair of argyle socks.

The salesman, on the other hand, was carrying ... 130

[snfaulkner]

...pamphlets describing the features of the toilet of the future he was selling.

Halfway through his pitch... 131

[Beckdawrek]

I needed to take a peepee, so I excused myself.

When I came back into the Parlor_________. 132

[snfaulkner]

...he was lying face down in a pool of his own blood next to a broken candlestick.

To solve the crime... 133

[Spoons]

... I invited all the famous detectives I could think of.

The only ones to take me up on my offer were ... 134

[CairoCarol]

...Hercule Poireaux and Data, dressed up as Sherlock Holmes for hijinks in the holodeck.

When I saw just what kind of "hijinks" Data was up to, I... 135

[Beckdawrek]

Left the scene rather quickly.



Dr. Watson met me running out the door and said________. 136

[Patx2]

I’m positively certain, Mrs. Peacock had something to do with this.

When we get the results of the lab work... 137

[Spoons]

... we will know for sure whether it was Mrs. Peacock or Professor Plum.

Still wondering, though, about the murder weapon, which ... 138

[Beckdawrek]

I thought was the letter opener I found under the chair.



When I went to retrieve it, I found_________. 139

[Elendil's Heir]

Judge Crater's business card, Amelia Earhart's last flight plan and a photo of a Yeti holding yesterday's issue of The New York Times.

Every time I read The New York Times, _____________________ 140

[Cardigan]

....I think to myself that one of these days I'll have to read something in it other than the comics and crossword puzzle.

The movie Uncle Drew is to motion picture history as..... 141

[Alpha Twit]

retrophrenology is to medicine.

I'm told that all the spicy food I've been eating has caused my..... 142

[Heffalump and Roo]

. . . nose to become runny.

Tonight, I'm looking forward to my favorite dinner of __________. 143

[Elendil's Heir]

plomeek soup, grilled Lombardy Pudding Elk cutlets and mashed smackles.

If you recognize all three of those references, __________________________ 144

[snfaulkner]

...then your name is probably Orson Bean.

There once was a man from Nantucket... 145

[Beckdawrek]

He kept his golf balls in a bucket.



Meanwhile, back at the golf course ________. 146

[Knowed Out]

the caddy told the ball washer to suck it.

The ball washer replied ... 147

[Alpha Twit]

"Three for a dollar. Same price as downtown."

An no point do I want to.... 148

[Beckdawrek]

Go downtown.


All the way uptown there are__________. 149

[snfaulkner]

Crocodile infested pools with vines to swing over them.

The treasure you seek... 150