Straight Dope Message Board

[Spoons]

... look after sector 7G when you were on lunch?

Because you need to see what ... 1501

[Elendil's Heir]

Smithers just brought to the table.

Mr. Burns, meanwhile, was just sitting in his office and.... 1502

[Spoons]

... touching his fingers together while saying "Excellent."

Lenny and Carl ... 1503

[Elendil's Heir]

, whom no one could tell apart except true Simpsons devotees, were meanwhile sitting cross-legged in a yurt just outside of Blawnox, Pa.

They were discussing Episcopal theology and.... 1504

[boson]

…psychosomatic rashes.

As Lenny scratched his ankle, he asked Carl what his beliefs were. Carl scratched his neck and… 1505

[Spoons]

... asked, "Why does this conversation make us both itch?"

The decided to go to Moe's and ... 1506

[Elendil's Heir]

suddenly realized they were still in Blawnox, not Springfield.

As they rolled up the yurt, packed their bags and headed for the airport, Lenny said.... 1507

[Spoons]

... "We've gotta get a smaller yurt."

Carl just shrugged and said ... 1508

[Ambivalid]

Fucked up. 1509

[Spoons]

"Naw, it's not fucked up," said Lenny, "it's just .... " 1510

[atimnie]

...too big.

Hey, whatever happened to... 1511

[Spoons]

... Belle and the Maison Derrière?

And while we're thinking about places in Springfield, what happened to ... 1512

[boson]

...the Springfield Vampires?

Didn't they once have a winning season or did they... 1513

[Spoons]

... get sold to an owner in Albuquerque?

Who knew that Albuquerque ... 1514

[boson]

…had a wascally wabbit for mayor?

He brought in the Albuquerque Vampires who won games by… 1515

[Spoons]

... only playing night games.

The one time they had to play a day game, they ... 1516

[atimnie]

...had to wear burkas to keep from turning to dust.

Anyway, they keep themselves under control, only feeding on... 1517

[boson]

…vultures and buzzards which gives them very bad breath.

To control their bad breath, they have a tendency to… 1518

[Spoons]

... consume frightening amounts of breath mints.

Their favorite flavor is ... 1519

[Beckdawrek]

Cinnamon.

Cinnamon toast always....... 1520

[Spoons]

... tastes great!

How many other spices ... 1521

[boson]

...can you fit in you purse at the market?

I can fit lots but I've never tried to steal... 1522

[atimnie]

...anything, except from those candy bins they used to have in the grocery stores.

But that doesn't count since... 1523

[Beckdawrek]

the grapes were in sealed containers. How else can you snack while shopping?


The banana peel on the floor........ 1524

[Spoons]

... did not end well for me.

When I go to the supermarket nowadays ... 1525

[boson]

… I first get nauseated from a huge meal.

Otherwise I might… 1526

[atimnie]

...binge in the chips section.

The stores don't seem to like that much, sometimes they'll even... 1527

[Elendil's Heir]

fire a warning shot through my liver.

I don't see why supermarkets even need armed guards. Why, just a week ago.... 1528

[atimnie]

...there was a riot at Hobby Lobby.

Where were the guards then, while the rioters... 1529

[Spoons]

... were getting high on airplane glue and arming themselves with X-Acto knives?

But the worst part was ... 1530

[Elendil's Heir]

the management staff, bitching and moaning about the Affordable Care Act.

If you ask me,.... 1531

[Spoons]

... they should spend less time bitching and moaning, and more time actually working.

But that's unlikely, so ... 1532

[boson]

…I’ll just fill in the adult coloring books while I’m in the store.

As far as the children’s coloring books… 1533

[Spoons]

... who says I cannot color a cute kitty green, if I want to?

Of course, no cat comes in that color, but ...

(As an aside, does anybody remember those Doodle-Art posters from back in the 1970s, where you colored a poster?) 1534

[atimnie]

...who gives a rat's ass?

Creativity, man, that's what it's about, like the guy who... 1535

[Spoons]

... say, "Carburetors, man, that's what life is all about."

They're only second to tuck-and-roll upholstery and ... 1536

[Beckdawrek]

A teak dash board.


The real art on a car is______. 1537

[Spoons]

... the airbrushed dragons, warriors, and scantily-clad maidens on 1970s shaggin' wagons.

Ah, the 1970s, when ... 1538

[atimnie]

...you could read Playboy and not get verbally castrated by fauxminists.

That isn't feminism, that's... 1539

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

...Miss Havisham in a new black dress.

The problem with superhero movies is... 1540

[Patx2]

I’ve never gotten to star in one.

Of course, my superpower is 1541