Straight Dope Message Board

[Patx2]

bake me cakes.

One time I was very scared because... 251

[Beckdawrek]

They let us in the kitchen to cook (there were knives).


I love to eat when someone else________. 252

[Patx2]

eats more than me.

I should go to bed, but... 253

[Elendil's Heir]

Kate Upton is demanding I ravish her in the produce aisle instead.

I swear, if that girl doesn't leave me alone, _________ 254

[snfaulkner]

...there will be death..by snusnu!

A shattered pelvis... 255

[boson]

...I'll let my gut back out and remove the softpacks.

If I could accomplish just one thing this coming week, it would be... 256

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by snfaulkner

...there will be death..by snusnu!

A shattered pelvis...

Is the punishment God doles out to those who engage in deviant sex.

Have you stopped beating your____? 257

[Spoons]

I'm not sure where we are, as there seems to have been some confusion, so I will go with this:

Originally Posted by boson

If I could accomplish just one thing this coming week, it would be...

... to play my usual Wednesday afternoon golf game.

Peace and quiet on the course are only interrupted by ... 258

[snfaulkner]

...ninjas stealth murdering the caddies.

Have you stopped beating your.... 259

[Beckdawrek]

Dog? I am telling on you.


I am a tattletale, unless ______. 260

[snfaulkner]

..., ninjas are a major problem so bring plenty of ninja spray.

Have you stopped beating your... 261

[Heffalump and Roo]

. . . rug lately; it needs more cleaning.


Repetition is the mother of ______________ 262

[Knowed Out]

... repetition.

All the world's a stage, and ... 263

[Elendil's Heir]

Please use Preview Post to make sure you're responding to the most-recent post. Thanks!

none of us are being paid nearly enough for our costarring roles.

Shakespeare really knew what he was talking about when _______________________ 264

[Patx2]

he wrote “to be or not to be,” they seem to be the available options.

In Romeo and Juliet those kids are just idiots because... 265

[Heffalump and Roo]

. . . their parents might have come around to their view like most parents do when their kids show commitment.


True love is always ________________ 266

[Elendil's Heir]

elusive when you meticulously point out every single flaw of the women you're dating.

My last girlfriend thought I was perfect; _______________ 267

[Heffalump and Roo]

. . . she left me for someone less intimidating.


In my next girlfriend, I'm looking for _____________ 268

[Elendil's Heir]

someone with both a pulse and low standards.

If I were any more picky, you'd better believe ________________ 269

[Heffalump and Roo]

. . . I'd expect some hair too.

I look for all my girlfriends at the _____________ 270

[Jasmine]

... local whore house.

After work, I plan ...... 271

[Spoons]

... to run a few errands, before heading home.

Among the things I'll get, are ... 272

[snfaulkner]

...Herpes, syphilis, and maybe some pizza.

During the last herpes outbreak... 273

[Mr Zox]

Originally Posted by snfaulkner

During the last herpes outbreak...

...we found out how many people think "herpe" is the singular form.

When in trouble, when in in doubt,_____ 274

[Patx2]

please do not contact me.

I got in trouble when I ... 275

[snfaulkner]

...barged into the town council meeting and performed lewd acts.

Cameras can detect... 276

[RivkahChaya]

Originally Posted by snfaulkner

Cameras can detect...

...things going on when we are too bored to be paying attention-- which is when the good stuff suddenly happens.


Call me. . . 277

[Patx2]

when you have no problems and no doubts.

I mistyped a text yesterday it ended up saying... 278

[Spoons]

... "I'm just heading out to take my god for a walk."

While on our walk, my dog ... 279

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Spoons

... "I'm just heading out to take my god for a walk."

While on our walk, my dog ...

Saw a god being walked and barked.

Nobody is above the law, not even_____. 280

[snfaulkner]

Steven Segal.

One morning I opened my door and Steven Segal... 281

[Elendil's Heir]

asked me if I had six large pepperoni-and-anchovy pizzas I could immediately feed him.

So of course I said, "Steven, I'd love to, but ____________________." 282

[Knowed Out]

...you're a washed-up pot bellied wanker and no longer relevant."

He then attacked me with ... 283

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

...a neatly folded newspaper, causing me near-lethal paper cuts!

Fortunately, the milk... 284

[Heffalump and Roo]

. . . acted like a salve to the paper cuts.


Then in walks Katey Sagal (no relation), who starts screaming ____________ 285

[Elendil's Heir]

"Leave him alone, Steven, or so help me, I will personally see to it that you never eat pizza for the rest of your worthless, bloated, no-tal, D-list life!"

I must say, Steven seemed to take affront to that, and _____________________ 286

[Beckdawrek]

Stomped a kitten. So mean.


I never saw any of his movies, I would rather______. 287

[RivkahChaya]

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek

I never saw any of his movies, I would rather______.

eat roadkill.


This is my letter. . . 288

[snfaulkner]

...to my congresscritter.

Dear Representative Doucherocket... 289

[Mr Zox]

Originally Posted by snfaulkner

Dear Representative Doucherocket...

...please eat a sprocket and a locket, then socket - - - to me.

I then further maligned him by writing______ 290

[Spoons]

... "Representative Doucherocket Sucks" on the wall opposite his local office, so that every time he looks out the window, he will know that he sucks.

While watching the All-Star baseball game ... 291

[Beckdawrek]

I dreamed of my own baseball career. Such as it was.


I like to joke *Spoons* and his athletic skills because they are_______. 292

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek

I like to joke *Spoons* and his athletic skills because they are_______.

So laughable.

As long as i was attracted, I'd definitely date a_____. 293

[Elendil's Heir]

lemur, capybara or marmoset, but only if Mom said it was OK.

Mom is usually pretty easy-going about interspecies dating, but I have to admit, _______ 294

[Spoons]

... she had a point when she said, "Mammals only."

After all, the problem with dating a turtle is ... 295

[snfaulkner]

...they are usually racist shitbag Tae Kwon Do instructors.

Flipping through the channels... 296

[Beckdawrek]

Nothing bad. They are snappy dressers, after all.



My pet box turtle used to say_____.
Ninja'd..sorry. 297

[Spoons]

I'll go with this one.

Originally Posted by snfaulkner

Flipping through the channels...

I found "Racist Shitbag Tae Kwon Do Turtles," on channel 306; but I opted instead to watch ... 298

[Elendil's Heir]

Pet Box Turtles Say the Darnedest Things.

I was a little surprised to learn it's won a Peabody Award and six Emmys; after all, ________ 299

[Spoons]

... the turtles, being unable to speak English, say nothing we can understand.

Still, the show is enjoyable, because ... 300