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  #16551  
Old 06-05-2019, 11:15 AM
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Another new league record! In addition he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice...
  #16552  
Old 06-05-2019, 06:09 PM
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I gamble, burn cigar holes in the furniture, drink like a fish, lie to her every chance I get. Then on our 10th wedding anniversary I took her to the New York Rangers-Detroit Red Wings hockey game, where she got hit by a puck.
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Old 06-06-2019, 09:57 AM
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You're a goalie, you're supposed to be like that.
  #16554  
Old 06-06-2019, 11:36 AM
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It's like this: you wake and watch TV, get in your car and listen to the radio you go to your little jobs or little school, but you don't hear about that on the 6 o'clock news, why? 'Cause nothing is really happening, and you go home and watch some more TV and maybe it's a fun night and you go out and watch a movie. I mean it's got so bad that half the people on TV, inside the TV, they're watching TV. What are these people watching, people like me?
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Old 06-06-2019, 11:43 AM
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We accept the reality of the world with which we're presented. It's as simple as that.
  #16556  
Old 06-06-2019, 04:13 PM
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I wake up happy, feeling good... but then I get very depressed, because I'm living in reality.
  #16557  
Old 06-06-2019, 04:23 PM
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Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?
  #16558  
Old 06-06-2019, 04:38 PM
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It looks like a perfectly healthy green dog.
  #16559  
Old 06-06-2019, 06:30 PM
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I can bite. I have rabies, but I can only do so much.
  #16560  
Old 06-07-2019, 10:17 AM
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You know, I don't mean to embarrass you, but I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.
  #16561  
Old 06-07-2019, 10:30 AM
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I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trama from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to?
  #16562  
Old 06-07-2019, 11:38 AM
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I'm a god. I'm not THE God... I don't think.
  #16563  
Old 06-07-2019, 11:54 AM
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I don't like to brag, but if I appeared to you just as God—how I really am, what I really am—, your mind couldn't grasp it.
  #16564  
Old 06-07-2019, 11:58 AM
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What does God need with a starship?
  #16565  
Old 06-07-2019, 04:09 PM
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"Did you really think you could destroy this ship? She's defied space and time. She's been to a place you couldn't possibly imagine. And now... it is time to go back."

"I know. To hell."
  #16566  
Old 06-07-2019, 05:36 PM
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You really have gone where no man's gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like?
  #16567  
Old 06-07-2019, 05:52 PM
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I felt like they were all taking me in their arms and holding me. It's like when you put your hands on me. Only it was - double, triple.
  #16568  
Old 06-07-2019, 06:47 PM
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Schwing! Oddie-Oddie-Oddie-Oddie-Oddie! Uggghh!
  #16569  
Old 06-07-2019, 07:10 PM
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We’ve got bush!
  #16570  
Old 06-07-2019, 07:19 PM
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She's got nothin' on underneath.

Just panties. What else do I need?
  #16571  
Old 06-07-2019, 08:24 PM
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If you think you're gonna' get back in my panties, forget it. There's one asshole in there already.
  #16572  
Old 06-07-2019, 09:06 PM
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Them panties. Take 'em off.
  #16573  
Old 06-07-2019, 10:01 PM
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I haven't had a woman prisoner... in a long time.
  #16574  
Old 06-08-2019, 04:19 PM
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In 1966, Andy Dufresne escaped from Shawshank prison. All they found of him was a muddy set of prison clothes, a bar of soap, and an old rock hammer, damn near worn down to the nub. I remember thinking it would take a man six hundred years to tunnel through the wall with it. Old Andy did it in less than twenty.
  #16575  
Old 06-08-2019, 05:02 PM
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Boy, you just never know just what your gonna get when you come to work everyday on the Green Mile.
  #16576  
Old 06-08-2019, 05:43 PM
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Look Cap'n, look what he done to Blue. He's dead, he's dead. he run himself plum to death.
  #16577  
Old 06-08-2019, 06:37 PM
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When he went away, the blues walked in and met me.
If he stays away, old rocking chair will get me.
  #16578  
Old 06-09-2019, 10:42 AM
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Oh, men. I never yet met one of them that didn't have the instincts of a heel. Sometimes I wish I could get along without them.
  #16579  
Old 06-09-2019, 03:11 PM
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It's a dangerous game, my dear. Falling in love with a phantom.
  #16580  
Old 06-09-2019, 04:13 PM
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The Phaaaaantom of the Opera is here inside my mind.
  #16581  
Old 06-10-2019, 11:07 AM
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All I wanted was to sing to God. He gave me that longing... and then made me mute. Why? Tell me that. If He didn't want me to praise him with music, why implant the desire? Like a lust in my body! And then deny me the talent?
  #16582  
Old 06-10-2019, 04:48 PM
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If I had a voice like Meena’s I’d be a superstar by now! Just singing, ooh, yeah, happy, ooh, yeah…
  #16583  
Old 06-12-2019, 01:30 PM
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You think you can make me sing? Do you think you can - do you think George can make me sing? or Ida? You can get me there, sure, but can you make me sing? I sing for myself. I sing when I want to, whenever I want to, just for me. I sing for my own pleasure. Whenever I want - do you under stand that?
  #16584  
Old 06-12-2019, 01:32 PM
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I sing the body electric,
I glory in the glow of rebirth,
Creating my own tomorrow,
When I shall embody the earth...
  #16585  
Old 06-12-2019, 01:39 PM
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I think you might be a songwriter. And don't worry, I won't tell anybody. But I'm not very good at keeping secrets.
  #16586  
Old 06-12-2019, 06:35 PM
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I got a couple of songs I wrote in the Air Force. You got anything against the Air Force?
  #16587  
Old 06-12-2019, 07:12 PM
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General Ripper, Sir, as an officer in Her Majesty's Air Force, it is my clear duty, under the present circumstances, to issue the recall code, upon my own authority, and bring back the Wing. If you'll excuse me, sir.
  #16588  
Old 06-12-2019, 09:07 PM
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Then... what's the "old crate"?
  #16589  
Old 06-13-2019, 06:17 PM
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You have a young navigator here! Well, I'll tell you son... Due to a Cetcil wind, Dystor's vectored us into a 360-tarson of slow air traffic. Now we'll maintain this Borden hold until we get the Forta Magnus clearance from Melnics.
  #16590  
Old 06-13-2019, 06:24 PM
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Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
  #16591  
Old 06-13-2019, 06:29 PM
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Well, to begin with, nobody, and I mean nobody, can talk a junkie out of using. You can talk to 'em for years but sooner or later they're gonna get ahold of something. Maybe it's not dope. Maybe it's booze, maybe it's glue, maybe it's gasoline. Maybe it's a gunshot to the head. But something. Something to relieve the pressures of their everyday life, like having to tie their shoes.
  #16592  
Old 06-13-2019, 06:49 PM
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"Well, Raymond? Aren't you more comfortable in your favorite K-Mart clothes?"

"Tell him, Ray."

"K-Mart sucks."
  #16593  
Old 06-14-2019, 09:59 AM
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Smell that, Ray? It's the smell of success. We're in LA now.
  #16594  
Old 06-14-2019, 11:44 AM
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Look Marty, the only thing that counts is that stuff you take to the bank, that filthy buck that everybody sneers at, but slugs to get.
  #16595  
Old 06-15-2019, 08:53 AM
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You know, Burke, I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage.
  #16596  
Old 06-15-2019, 06:02 PM
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You have fought bravely. You have kept your honor.
  #16597  
Old 06-15-2019, 09:12 PM
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Your Honor, every one of these letters is addressed to Santa Claus. The Post Office has delivered them. Therefore the Post Office Department, a branch of the Federal Government, recognizes this man Kris Kringle to be the one and only Santa Claus.
  #16598  
Old 06-16-2019, 11:27 AM
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I've always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn't notice. It's like some deep-seeded childhood thing.
  #16599  
Old 06-16-2019, 04:09 PM
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If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9:00, he can kiss my foot. Ho ho ho.
  #16600  
Old 06-17-2019, 09:39 AM
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I'm gonna need you to go ahead come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9 that would be great, mmmk?
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