View Poll Results: A challenge in the Octogon! Bieber vs Cruise! Who wins?
I'm a Belieber! 12 13.48%
Cruising to victory! 77 86.52%
Voters: 89. You may not vote on this poll

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  #51  
Old 06-11-2019, 07:20 AM
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Cruise.

Tom Cruise is not *Tom Cruise* because he's particularly great-looking or a naturally gifted actor, it's because he's on the floor of a hotel room somewhere in the world doing push-ups right this second. No matter what else you may think of the man, there's no denying he's working almost 24/7.
  #52  
Old 06-11-2019, 07:25 AM
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Cruise.

Tom Cruise is not *Tom Cruise* because he's particularly great-looking or a naturally gifted actor, it's because he's on the floor of a hotel room somewhere in the world doing push-ups right this second. No matter what else you may think of the man, there's no denying he's working almost 24/7.
Did the E-meter tell you that?
  #53  
Old 06-11-2019, 07:54 AM
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I assume the winner then takes on Barack Obama.
  #54  
Old 06-11-2019, 08:00 AM
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While I am not a fan of either of them and hope it ends up a double-TKO, Bieber does box (not professional) and is trained by Mayweather so I'd say that def gives him an advantage there.

He's also taller and younger with a longer reach. Another two checks in his column. And while Tom does his own stunts Bieber has done world tours where he's dancing and singing on stage. There is an insane amount of stamina involved in that which is arguably one of the most important things for a boxer to have.

I gotta go with Bieber (reluctantly).
  #55  
Old 06-11-2019, 08:13 AM
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So you're saying you are a...

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)

True Belieber?
  #56  
Old 06-11-2019, 08:39 AM
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So you're saying you are a...

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
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True Belieber?
Clever monkey!
  #57  
Old 06-11-2019, 08:49 AM
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The jokes literally just write themselves with this story.
  #58  
Old 06-11-2019, 08:57 AM
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I assume the winner then takes on Barack Obama.
Or Oprah Winfrey. On her couch.
  #59  
Old 06-11-2019, 09:00 AM
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I don't get the love for Cruise. 56 years old is old for combat sports, and Bieber has a height and reach advantage and is in great shape at least as much as Cruise is. He'll beat the shit out of Cruise.
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  #60  
Old 06-11-2019, 09:22 AM
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Everyone talking about what shape either of them are in, remember, they're both performers. They go to a lot of trouble to look like they're in great shape. What looks good and what actually works are not necessarily the same thing.
  #61  
Old 06-11-2019, 09:24 AM
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  #62  
Old 06-11-2019, 09:49 AM
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I'm amazed at how effective Tom Cruise's PR is. You guys actually believe he is a Hollywood stuntman in great condition because you heard it from internet tabloid coverage. But of course why would anyone think a nutbag cultist would be dishonest?
If only there were some kind of footage of him doing stunts. Or of the great shape he's in....
  #63  
Old 06-11-2019, 09:58 AM
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If only there were some kind of footage of him doing stunts. Or of the great shape he's in....
Right. Because movies are totally realistic. Actors don't use makeup or stunt doubles or special effects to make things look different than they really are.
  #64  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:13 AM
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I don't get the love for Cruise. 56 years old is old for combat sports, and Bieber has a height and reach advantage and is in great shape at least as much as Cruise is. He'll beat the shit out of Cruise.
My thoughts, as well...but you voted Cruise in the poll, I see.
  #65  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:18 AM
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Bieber is 5′ 9″, roughly triple Cruise's height. My money is on the kid.
  #66  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:23 AM
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I'm amazed at how effective Tom Cruise's PR is. You guys actually believe he is a Hollywood stuntman in great condition because you heard it from internet tabloid coverage. But of course why would anyone think a nutbag cultist would be dishonest?
This is dismissive and uninformed. He does a lot of his own stunts and lots of training.

Check it out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8-P8sJNHk0
The fight training starts at about 2:20. Hip yourself.
  #67  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:24 AM
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Bieber is 5′ 9″, roughly triple Cruise's height. My money is on the kid.
Yup. Stacking up Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Cruise on top wearing a trench coat they look as tall as full grown man.
  #68  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:32 AM
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Right. Because movies are totally realistic. Actors don't use makeup or stunt doubles or special effects to make things look different than they really are.
Because Tom Cruise is insane, he's been doing his own stunt work for decades now. He really had climbed Burj Khalifa and hung onto a plane taking off, etc.
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  #69  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:36 AM
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There's mention upthread of Bieber taking up boxing, 'training' with Floyd Merriweather, etc... Is Bieber a big MMA fan/aficionado like I understand that Joe Rogan, John Cusack and Keanu Reeves are? If MMA is one of Bieber's hobbies and he works diligently at it, then my money's on Bieber, for the age issues already mentioned. If not, Tom Cruise is a pretty determined individual. I wouldn't put it past Tom to learn enough MMA in six months to beat anyone that wasn't already skilled in the art.
  #70  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:37 AM
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Because Tom Cruise is insane, he's been doing his own stunt work for decades now. He really had climbed Burj Khalifa and hung onto a plane taking off, etc.
Sorry, I didn't realize you were there to witness those things.
  #71  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:48 AM
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Given that the overwhelming majority of our knowledge comes in the form of "something somebody told me"... via books, data, movies, texts, instructional pamphlets, radio, TV, internet, vocal, etc... insisting upon a first hand witness account is silly.
  #72  
Old 06-11-2019, 11:28 AM
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Sorry, I didn't realize you were there to witness those things.
Are you suggesting that they took the time and money to fake behind the scenes footage?
  #73  
Old 06-11-2019, 11:53 AM
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Behind the scenes is where the real lies are!

Chill, TriPolar.

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  #74  
Old 06-11-2019, 11:55 AM
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I'm taking the unwise route of approaching this seriously.

If it happened right now, probably Cruise -- unless Bieber has been training MMA (or BJJ or something comparable) under the collective radar. So far, nothing has come out to suggest this.

If they get six months to prepare, more likely Bieber. At his age, Cruise is more likely to suffer training injuries -- and take longer to recover from them. As the younger, more limber man, Bieber would ramp up his fight game much more quickly. Cruise may also figure that he already knows how to kick ass and be a little less receptive to training.

This is assuming that they both take this pretty seriously. The more they take it as a lark (like a quickie Celebrity Boxing thing), the more the odds favor Cruise. The hypothetical implies that they take it pretty seriously, though, so I would pick Bieber, especially under MMA rules.

Did either Bieber or Cruise wrestle in high school / Jaycees?
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  #75  
Old 06-11-2019, 11:59 AM
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I'm taking the unwise route of approaching this seriously.

If it happened right now, probably Cruise -- unless Bieber has been training MMA (or BJJ or something comparable) under the collective radar. So far, nothing has come out to suggest this.

If they get six months to prepare, more likely Bieber. At his age, Cruise is more likely to suffer training injuries -- and take longer to recover from them. As the younger, more limber man, Bieber would ramp up his fight game much more quickly. Cruise may also figure that he already knows how to kick ass and be a little less receptive to training.

This is assuming that they both take this pretty seriously. The more they take it as a lark (like a quickie Celebrity Boxing thing), the more the odds favor Cruise. The hypothetical implies that they take it pretty seriously, though, so I would pick Bieber, especially under MMA rules.

Did either Bieber or Cruise wrestle in high school / Jaycees?
Cruise wrestled in high school.
  #76  
Old 06-11-2019, 12:02 PM
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While I am not a fan of either of them and hope it ends up a double-TKO, Bieber does box (not professional) and is trained by Mayweather so I'd say that def gives him an advantage there.

He's also taller and younger with a longer reach. Another two checks in his column. And while Tom does his own stunts Bieber has done world tours where he's dancing and singing on stage. There is an insane amount of stamina involved in that which is arguably one of the most important things for a boxer to have.

I gotta go with Bieber (reluctantly).
Bieber and Mayweather had a nasty falling out a couple of years ago.

Then again, they were close enough to have a falling out, so there's that.
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  #77  
Old 06-11-2019, 12:07 PM
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Cruise wrestled in high school.
Interesting.

Bieber seems to be more of a striker with the Mayweather connection and all. All things being equal, I usually go with the grappler in these things, unless the striker has a demonstrated ability to stuff takedowns.

Like I said, I'll take Bieber if they train for six months, mostly because that type of training is more likely to aggravate injuries for a man Cruise's age. If Cruise was actually a decent wrestler, though...that changes things.
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  #78  
Old 06-11-2019, 12:07 PM
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Although Cruise has kept himself in good shape, at 56 he could be Losin' It and a serious fight may be Risky Business; he could be the one who Taps out first.
  #79  
Old 06-11-2019, 12:29 PM
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Chill, TriPolar.
I gave Cruise a little credit for wrestling in high school. That's as far as I'll go. I suppose if Bieber had been annoying me as long as Cruise has I'd sound different.
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Old 06-11-2019, 12:38 PM
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Sorry, I didn't realize you were there to witness those things.
Are you down to Creationist arguments already?
  #81  
Old 06-11-2019, 12:45 PM
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First of all....what are we even talking about here? I don't see Cruise getting into the ring because IF he gets hurt or loses a tooth ...he could be out millions. Meanwhile Bieber could get pulverized and maybe miss a couple of show dates. If he wanted. Hell Bieber doesn't even need to tour. There's a dozen ways Bieber can make money.

That all said....if this were a street fight? Cruise would annihilate him. Bieber boxes? He can dance? Good for him.

You sad fat bastards are also forgetting that old guys have "wiry old guy strength" and a willingness to do what it takes to win.

One second Bieber is wondering if he has the guts to gouge Toms eye and the next Toms ripped off Justin's ear with his teeth

Old guys fight dirty!
  #82  
Old 06-11-2019, 01:20 PM
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Bieber's going to saw-ry
  #83  
Old 06-11-2019, 02:28 PM
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Bieber could not even handle Orlando Bloom...come on, seriously? I am not a huge fan of Tom Cruise, but the dude works, and he works hard. He would win and Bieber would get his ass handed to him by a man older than his Dad.
  #84  
Old 06-11-2019, 03:10 PM
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I gave Cruise a little credit for wrestling in high school. That's as far as I'll go.
I suppose if Bieber had been annoying me as long as Cruise has I'd sound different.
And there it is. Your opinion is based on how much you like either one rather than on their merits. Good to know.
  #85  
Old 06-11-2019, 03:24 PM
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The 2 things that count the most in fights are the ability to take a punch and stamina.
I doubt either of them has been punched in the face before (I mean a real, I hate you punch, not training in a gym with big gloves on) , so they are even there.
Stamina I give to the Biebs, because train as he might, Cruise cannot erase all those years. Watch a video of any ex-MMA fighter in a comeback fight past the age of 40, they got about 30 to 60 seconds before they are gassed. I don't think Cruise would make it that long.
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Old 06-11-2019, 03:58 PM
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Wait, Cruise really climbed up the side of the Burj Khalifa? For heaven's sake, why? Even if you've got a stuntman (or the actor himself) willing to do it, there are a lot of easier ways to make a movie of a guy climbing up the Burj Khalifa. For the long shots, the climber is going to be a speck, so any sort of special effect will look good enough. And for the close-ups, you make a set that looks like a small section of the tower, and climb that: That makes it easier to get the cameras and such in position, and you don't have to wait as long for the climber.
  #87  
Old 06-11-2019, 04:02 PM
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Beiber's training regimen is likely to be interrupted by binge-drinking and short stays in jail that result from driving and getting into fights while binge-drinking.
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Old 06-11-2019, 04:05 PM
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Beiber's training regimen is likely to be interrupted by binge-drinking and short stays in jail that result from driving and getting into fights while binge-drinking.
In other words, Jon Jones and Chuck Liddell.
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  #89  
Old 06-11-2019, 04:21 PM
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I voted Cruise but I don't believe Bieber would even make the fight. When I was in middle school two Scientologists tried to kidnap me because my mom knew where one of their defecting VP's was hanging out. If they'd do that to a kid what would they do if someone threatened their most prominent member?
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Old 06-11-2019, 05:07 PM
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I voted Cruise but I don't believe Bieber would even make the fight. When I was in middle school two Scientologists tried to kidnap me because my mom knew where one of their defecting VP's was hanging out. If they'd do that to a kid what would they do if someone threatened their most prominent member?
Not to derail the thread, but I'm assuming this is a joke?

Or do I assume too much?
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Old 06-11-2019, 07:17 PM
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Not to derail the thread, but I'm assuming this is a joke?

Or do I assume too much?
You assume too much. No joke, I was the target of an abduction. They came to my school and said that my mother had given them permission to pick me up. The school didn't let me go but they did summon me to the office. I saw the two leaving quickly and I verified that I recognized them.

I didn't believe that they would have hurt me but the folks in Clearwater wanted their defector badly and they knew who I was. Knowing what I've learned later, I'm not so sure what would have happened honestly. Hell, I'm not even sure that they didn't want to be caught just to let my mom know she was vulnerable. SHRUG.

Unfortunately the woman ended up dying of cancer within a few months after the incident but her sister and my mom are still best friends to this day and I still miss that woman. She was amazing.

[edited to add] Tom and I are about the same age so I'm reasonably certain he had nothing to do with it.

Last edited by Disgruntled Penguin; 06-11-2019 at 07:22 PM.
  #92  
Old 06-11-2019, 08:29 PM
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This isn't even close. Cruise would completely obliterate Bieber in less than a minute. Say what you will about the guy, but Cruise is one of the most competitive, driven men on the planet. The dude is a force. He would train 24/7 to prepare for a fight like this. He's already done considerable training for movie roles and that typically goes way beyond mere choreography.
  #93  
Old 06-12-2019, 03:31 PM
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Cruise has put a lot of effort into the physicality of his roles. There's a video clip of him breaking his foot, you can see the bone snapping, and he keeps running. I don't know from his punching skills, but I'm guessing he can take a lot more of a hit than Beiber.
I can't imagine Beiber in anything more than a sissy slap fight. I don't think he would ever want anything to hurt his "pretty" face.
  #94  
Old 06-13-2019, 09:23 AM
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I don't think he would ever want anything to hurt his "pretty" face.
I imagine that most people thought the same way about Mickey Rourke.
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Old 06-13-2019, 10:38 AM
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Thanks, Disgruntled Penguin. That's quite a story.

Do you think the CoS still tries this sort of thing with impunity? Or have they scaled back as their power has declined?

ETA: as most of you already know, Bieber has walked back his challenge an preemptively admitted defeat.

Also, I heard the two men's vital statistics today. Cruise stands 5'7 and weighs 170 pounds (welterweight by MMA standards). Bieber is a little taller at 5'9 but weighs 145 pounds (MMA featherweight). 25 pounds is quite a difference.
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  #96  
Old 06-13-2019, 10:54 AM
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Justin Bieber apparently cleared the air on social media and said he was just joking and that Tom Cruise would probably have won the fight if it did happen.
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Old 06-13-2019, 10:59 AM
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I'm sure Biebs is a lurker here and saw the ass-kicking he was receiving in our poll, and therefore thought the better of this.
  #98  
Old 06-13-2019, 11:03 AM
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Or maybe the Scientology Mafia got to him.
  #99  
Old 06-13-2019, 07:39 PM
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Also, I heard the two men's vital statistics today. Cruise stands 5'7
While I haven't met him, everything I've read has indicated he's a few inches shy of that. Lifts make him taller, maybe to 5'7". I believe the weight, however. He's pretty solid.
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Old 06-14-2019, 03:46 PM
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While I haven't met him, everything I've read has indicated he's a few inches shy of that. Lifts make him taller, maybe to 5'7". I believe the weight, however. He's pretty solid.
I have met him. Had lunch with him actually. I wasn’t really paying attention but I’d say 5’7” is about right. Or was 15 years ago.
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