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Old 04-30-2019, 02:00 PM
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Long Rant about My Now Ex Roommate.


WARNING: Heres a big ol rant about a guy who wore out my ability to sympathize.

I bought a house last November. My friend wanted to move in and rent from me. I was leery about it because I have never liked the guy that much; we just had a lot of common interests. He's in his 30's and on government disability due to having no thyroid anymore. He was living with his parents and was happy to get away from them since they made him do chores and such.

Now, I knew he was not the most responsible guy in the world, but when I asked how much rent he could handle, he said, "Well, with my monthly check, $600." My mortgage is $1224 a month so I figured that was cool. And he said he'd help me get my 1956 fixer-upper home into shape and maintain it. And he did at first. He worked pretty hard helping me get base boards replaced, plumbing fixed, and the interior painted. And he totally had a job lined up teaching English to kids in China remotely.

Then it was time to live together. First thing was that he backtracked on rent, saying, "No $600 hundred is what I get each month. I can only do $400." Even though he'd heard me say $600 at the time. Grrr. Then the job never seemed to be getting anywhere. It was always a week away from coming through. This was the pattern for all the jobs he applied for up until last Thursday. Hed do just enough (or say hed done it) to get me off his back. Oh, and I forgot to specify for him to cover half of utilities so I was stuck on that. My fault, but he sure didn't volunteer to pay for the power, water, and internet he was sucking up. And in his first month, he single-handedly exceeded my monthly data limit in two weeks. Something I'd never done in 20 years.

I'd asked him about what he was going to be doing during the his days and he'd said that he'd be working on the house when not on the job. But nothing was done until I specifically asked him to. He'd stare all day at a sink full of his dirty dishes because I hadn't said for him to clean them. I finally got him to understand that the dishes should be done without asking. Mainly because I've starting a new habit of always putting dirty dishes in the washer instead of the sink. So all he had to do was throw in a washing pod and put the dishes away after.

All other chores had to be asked for specifically. Vacuuming the few rugs, cleaning the bathroom that he used (and never the half-bath in the master suite), and the occasional sweeping or mopping. These were jobs that I also did from time to time so it wasnt like I was using him as a maid only. But hed specified that hed do the work and goddamit it wasnt like he was busy getting up before noon. Yeah, I was a little sore about him sleeping in til noon everyday and then surfing the free internet and lounging around with Netflix while I work. And then acting like he has such a hard life.

And all the time hes been wearing his disability on his sleeve for sympathy. I tried to be sympathetic but after a while, he wears you out with his Oh poor, pitiful me schtick. All of our mutual friends ghosted him on social media mainly because of it. That and his barely concealed misogynist Incel way of thinking just pissed folks off. I hated that they were ghosting him instead of ditching him to his face and I hated having to be part of a deception. But I totally understood how the group felt.

Well, one of the last fix-up jobs was to patch a big hole in the master bath ceiling. I did the job of sawing out the rotten section wide enough to access two rafters and screwing in the patch into the space. His job was to Spackle it over for painting. March 11th was when I got the patch into place and on April 25 the job still wasnt finished. So I banged on his door as I was leaving for work and told him to, get it done TODAY or I dont know what Ill do but you wont like it. A pretty lame statement but they cant all be quote-worthy.

10 minutes later, I get a call from his dad demanding to know why Im threatening his poor disabled son. Yes, a 30-something man responded to a bit of harsh language by calling daddy to save him. His dad said hed have him out by the end of the month. I didnt like being slandered by ol roomie and told his dad that all Id ever asked was that he live like an adult. But he cant do that. Hes disabled! And I remembered all the work hed do to get away from mommy and daddy or those times it benefitted him. The funny part is that I doubt very strongly that he intended to move out. He just wanted daddy to fix the big bad guy who was expecting him to do inconvenient stuff. And I know for a fact that he does not enjoy being with his folks again or that hes burned possibly the biggest bridge he had short of his parents. So he unintentionally flipped himself right out of the frying pan.

So when I got home that day, he was already moved out. Again, all of a sudden he had no trouble working hard at moving furniture and heavy boxes when it suited him.

So now I have the place to myself. And I love it. I love it so much that I feel slightly guilty about how happy I am at his departure. And that I know I wont have to deal with him ever again because hes such a non-confrontational guy (cowardly is actually more accurate) that he wont ever contact me again.

Rant/enjoyment over
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:06 PM
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...... I was leery about it because I have never liked the guy that much; we just had a lot of common interests. He's in his 30's and on government disability due to having no thyroid anymore. He was living with his parents and was happy to get away from them since they made him do chores and such. Now, I knew he was not the most responsible guy in the world......"
If it walks like a duck and quack likes a duck .............
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:16 PM
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Mischief managed.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:34 PM
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If it walks like a duck and quack likes a duck .............
Yup. I should have known better.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:43 PM
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Change the locks.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:59 PM
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Change the locks.
You know, that's a good idea. And it is funny because he was always trying to get me to shell out hundreds of dollars for bank-vault level locks on a door that is mostly glass. He was always full of ideas on how I could spend my money for his benefit.
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Old 04-30-2019, 03:53 PM
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Wait a minute! He gets an SSI disability check because he doesn't have a thyroid gland? That's a sign of BS from the start. (I don't have any thyroid function myself, due to therapeutic ablation, and I KNOW I wouldn't qualify for SSI disability. You just take a pill every day.) There's obviously something more to that story.

Honestly, I'm sympathetic, having had a few bad roomies in my life. Enjoy your freedom!

Last edited by ZonexandScout; 04-30-2019 at 03:54 PM.
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Old 04-30-2019, 05:40 PM
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If it walks like a duck and quack likes a duck .............
I think you hit the "U" key by mistake. Easy to do since it is right next to the "I" key
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Old 04-30-2019, 06:44 PM
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Wait a minute! He gets an SSI disability check because he doesn't have a thyroid gland? That's a sign of BS from the start. (I don't have any thyroid function myself, due to therapeutic ablation, and I KNOW I wouldn't qualify for SSI disability. You just take a pill every day.) There's obviously something more to that story.

Honestly, I'm sympathetic, having had a few bad roomies in my life. Enjoy your freedom!
Just more evidence piling up of the dishonesty and manipulation at his core. The more I find out...
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Old 04-30-2019, 07:52 PM
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Definitely change the locks. Change the passwords on your wi-fi or cable and anything else he might have access to as well.
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Old 04-30-2019, 09:27 PM
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I think you hit the "U" key by mistake. Easy to do since it is right next to the "I" key
qiacks like a duck?
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Old 04-30-2019, 09:36 PM
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I'm so happy this story ended the way it did. Half way through reading, I had to go back and check the thread title to remind myself, "it's okay ... he does get rid of this moocher..." before I could keep reading. Too painful otherwise.
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Old 04-30-2019, 11:01 PM
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So I banged on his door as I was leaving for work and told him to, get it done TODAY or I dont know what Ill do but you wont like it. A pretty lame statement but they cant all be quote-worthy.
It's actually pretty damn quote-worthy if you ask me. It's a memorable threat.
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Old 04-30-2019, 11:29 PM
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Not to get personal, but what happened to his thyroid? And how did he get disability? I recently had mine removed, along with my vocal chords, and I breath out of a hole in my neck. They also transplanted part of my peck muscle to my neck. Plus chemo and radiation. All in the last year. At a ripe old age of 45.

And I seem to get along fine doing chores around and outside the house (just don't ask my wife if I wash the dishes often enough). I'm pretty sure my wife would kick me out if I didn't keep things up and cook every day, at the very least.

But I do get disability since there are so many reasons I can't work in many places for many reasons. It just sounds like your roommate was a bit lazy.
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Old 05-01-2019, 06:10 AM
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His thyroid went crazy in some way and it had to be destroyed with radiation. That's all I know. And yeah, a bit lazy. My friends and I agreed that his disability status was the best and worst thing that could happen to him for the same reason: it gave him all the reason he needed to never achieve anything and just continue comfortably existing at the lowest possible expectations. He flunked out of art school before the thyroid thing began. I know he must have flunked out because there's no way he'd have dropped out of a education on his parents dime to live on a campus far away from them.
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Old 05-01-2019, 07:08 AM
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His thyroid went crazy in some way and it had to be destroyed with radiation.
We had a cat that had her thyroid destroyed with radiation, I-131 IIRC. She gained a ton of weight and licked her belly all day. Sound familiar?
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Old 05-02-2019, 12:29 PM
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While he does sound like someone you're well rid of, I do think you may have set yourself up for disappointment expecting that he would spend his entire income on rent and then also somehow pay half the utilities. Unless I'm misreading? Anyway, if you decide to get another subletter, it might be a good idea to put the rental agreement in writing, including any agreement regarding utilities, and make sure they understand and can afford the all-in cost. If their income is less than twice the rent, they're likely to come up short eventually.
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Old 05-02-2019, 12:58 PM
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While he does sound like someone you're well rid of, I do think you may have set yourself up for disappointment expecting that he would spend his entire income on rent and then also somehow pay half the utilities. Unless I'm misreading? Anyway, if you decide to get another subletter, it might be a good idea to put the rental agreement in writing, including any agreement regarding utilities, and make sure they understand and can afford the all-in cost. If their income is less than twice the rent, they're likely to come up short eventually.
The OP said the renter at first told him he could afford to pay rent of $600 a month; the roommate later said all he got was $600 a month and could only pay $400.

The ex-roomie might indeed be on disability for some mental health issue that keeps him from working. AIUI, it has to be a recognized condition that does not respond to or is not fully controlled by medication. Or it could be his "disability" is infantilization caused by the doting mom and dad, and "on disability" means that mom and dad are paying for whatever he needs.

You dodged a bullet.

Edited to add: If he only got $600 a month and offered $400 for rent, he'd only have $200 a month for food, clothing, personal items, etc. Could he cover all that on only $50 a week?

Last edited by nelliebly; 05-02-2019 at 01:02 PM.
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Old 05-02-2019, 02:03 PM
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Yeah, I have no thyroid and want to know how to get on that disability gravy train.

Seriously - you take a pill once a day and that's it.

StG
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Old 05-02-2019, 03:31 PM
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The OP said the renter at first told him he could afford to pay rent of $600 a month; the roommate later said all he got was $600 a month and could only pay $400.
Bingo. But Esprise Me is correct in that I was very slack in the run-up to his moving in. I should have nailed down the amount before giving official consent. I should have remembered about utilities. I should have laid down his responsibilities ahead of time. I relied on friendship and trusted him not to be a complete slacker. And I'd had warning signs long before just from being an acquaintance. But when he was helping get the house ready, he certainly showed a lot more get-up-and-go, so that delayed the realization of how slack he is.
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Old 05-02-2019, 03:48 PM
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as someone who has physical and some say mental disabilities that don't show up all the time assholes like him ruin things for guys like me

granted im a somewhat lazy slacker who doesn't mind helping out but once they become "chores" well i get grouchy ....


and before ssa made my retired dad contrubute to my well being i was a co signer on a house in the late 90s and paid 300 in rent and liked on the other 300
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Old 05-02-2019, 04:07 PM
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as someone who has physical and some say mental disabilities that don't show up all the time assholes like him ruin things for guys like me

granted im a somewhat lazy slacker who doesn't mind helping out but once they become "chores" well i get grouchy ....


and before ssa made my retired dad contribute to my well being i was a co signer on a house in the late 90s and paid 300 in rent and lived on the other 300 so it's possible .. we didn't lose the house on my account
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Old 05-02-2019, 04:51 PM
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Yeah, I have no thyroid and want to know how to get on that disability gravy train.

Seriously - you take a pill once a day and that's it.

StG
I'm back again just to say, "Yeah! WTH?" I, too, took the magic radioactive pill and blew the crap out of my thyroid. ("Now that you've taken this highly radioactive capsule, please leave our office by the back door. Don't go anywhere near babies for at least a week. Don't have sex with your wife. And stay away from people over the weekend. Call us if your shit still glows after five days.")

I know for a fact that the SSA would just laugh at me if I tried to claim that as the only reason for my disability. They are pretty tough on disability claims, which is one reason there are so many attorneys advertising their services for people who have been turned down by the SSA.
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Old 05-02-2019, 05:00 PM
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Wait a minute! He gets an SSI disability check because he doesn't have a thyroid gland? That's a sign of BS from the start. (I don't have any thyroid function myself, due to therapeutic ablation, and I KNOW I wouldn't qualify for SSI disability. You just take a pill every day.) There's obviously something more to that story.

Honestly, I'm sympathetic, having had a few bad roomies in my life. Enjoy your freedom!
Same here. That "disability" thing made me write him off at the start.
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Old 06-12-2019, 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by ZonexandScout View Post
Wait a minute! He gets an SSI disability check because he doesn't have a thyroid gland? That's a sign of BS from the start. (I don't have any thyroid function myself, due to therapeutic ablation, and I KNOW I wouldn't qualify for SSI disability. You just take a pill every day.) There's obviously something more to that story.

Honestly, I'm sympathetic, having had a few bad roomies in my life. Enjoy your freedom!
OK, I have to reply to this with an update. I recently found out from a third party that apparently Joe has other conditions in addition to the thyroid thing. They wouldn't tell me what exactly the additional conditions were, though. I'm sure that Joe mentioned it at some point and I tuned him out because I didn't want to listen to his moaning. So to be fair to him, it wasn't all the thyroid thing.

Having said that, he was still an unmotivated moocher from hell who could not be trusted with a very light level of responsibility. And his disabilities sure didn't get in the way of making an effort when it suited him.

So still good riddance. And I still really like having the place to myself. Now it REALLY feels like I own my own home.
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Old 06-12-2019, 03:57 PM
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I'm back again just to say, "Yeah! WTH?" I, too, took the magic radioactive pill and blew the crap out of my thyroid. ("Now that you've taken this highly radioactive capsule, please leave our office by the back door. Don't go anywhere near babies for at least a week. Don't have sex with your wife...
But adultery is OK?

Maybe with a one-night stand, you won't be re-exposed.
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Old 06-12-2019, 11:45 PM
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I'm back again just to say, "Yeah! WTH?" I, too, took the magic radioactive pill and blew the crap out of my thyroid. ("Now that you've taken this highly radioactive capsule, please leave our office by the back door. Don't go anywhere near babies for at least a week. Don't have sex with your wife. And stay away from people over the weekend. Call us if your shit still glows after five days.")

I know for a fact that the SSA would just laugh at me if I tried to claim that as the only reason for my disability. They are pretty tough on disability claims, which is one reason there are so many attorneys advertising their services for people who have been turned down by the SSA.
I heard a while back that there is, or was, a crew who work for Homeland Security in the NYC area, specifically to look for dirty bombs. Most of the radiation spots they found were people who had just undergone thyroid ablation therapy.

Yeah, I figured the OP's ex-roomie had more wrong with him than just a thyroid disorder.
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Old 06-13-2019, 08:28 AM
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That's guy's definitely an asshole. But:

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Originally Posted by Hypno-Toad View Post
He was living with his parents and was happy to get away from them since they made him do chores and such.

[snip]

But nothing was done until I specifically asked him to. He'd stare all day at a sink full of his dirty dishes because I hadn't said for him to clean them. I finally got him to understand that the dishes should be done without asking. Mainly because I've starting a new habit of always putting dirty dishes in the washer instead of the sink. So all he had to do was throw in a washing pod and put the dishes away after.

All other chores had to be asked for specifically.
Seriously?!

He wanted to move away from his parents because they made hime do chores, and you took him on, expecting him to do chores?

Were you somehow under the impression that his parents were the problem? What did you think was going to happen?

This is a joke, right?
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Old 06-13-2019, 08:31 AM
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You're very lucky that he left voluntarily. Getting rid of someone who doesn't want to go is a nightmare.
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Old 06-13-2019, 09:00 AM
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That's guy's definitely an asshole. But:

Seriously?!

He wanted to move away from his parents because they made him do chores, and you took him on, expecting him to do chores?

Were you somehow under the impression that his parents were the problem? What did you think was going to happen?

This is a joke, right?
Not a joke at all. He specifically agreed that he would do chores to help compensate for his low rent. And since he was home most of the time, it was not a heavy burden. A little vacuuming and mopping, doing dishes and wiping down the kitchen and bathroom. Less than an hours' labor if all done on one day. And he didn't have to do it all every day. Once a week on the bathroom, every two or three days on the vacuum. The dishes really only involved putting the packet into the machine and pressing start since I have made an effort to always put dishes into the machine instead of the sink as part of being a homeowner.

For yard work, I would ask him to assist me. He'd hold the ladder steady while I sawed limbs. And he'd help drag limbs to the curb for pickup. That was a little heavy but I'd do the lions share. And I pay for lawn mowing so he didn't have to do that.

So yeah, very low expectations. And remember, he agreed to it ahead of time. So when he'd balk at doing them or I'd have to remind him to do it, he was failing to live up to a reasonable expectation.

The early work getting the house ready to live in was specifically his idea and how he pitched the idea of moving in. And he worked pretty well on that stuff: cutting and installing missing baseboards (helping me do it. I didn't require him to do that kind of work on his own.), prepping the walls for painting and helping me paint the house.

I was very grateful for all of that work and it helped me overlook his slackness on day to day stuff later.

The item that caused me to finally boil over was the ceiling repair in the bathroom. I had sawn out all the rotten material (about two square feet), cut the patch and screwed it into place. He had to Spackle and match around the edges. He actually said, "I have no problem with that." So 40 plus days later it was not finished and I was salty. And keep in mind that "Boil over" means that I spoke angrily without even raising my voice.

One of the things that makes me smile is that I know the level of work his folks are making him do is more than I ever did. And he can't call anyone to save him from daddy making him help build storage sheds and elevated walkways from scratch (two things that actually happened).
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