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  #751  
Old 06-12-2019, 02:47 PM
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Sucidicial thought
Suggestions for trip to Italy.


Ever considered diving into Mt. Etna? Or you could drive in Rome.
  #752  
Old 06-12-2019, 10:15 PM
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Last week of (public) school
Why do I get these bumps on my skin?


I imagine it's anticipation of ...... summer vacation!!
  #753  
Old 06-13-2019, 07:16 AM
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WHy do old people....
Help me get back into computer programming


Because they're not hip enough to get you back into app programming!
  #754  
Old 06-13-2019, 07:37 AM
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Switching the Race of Characters
Black mirror -why?


It should always be white mirror amirite?
  #755  
Old 06-13-2019, 07:55 AM
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How Can You Gain 278 lb. in 6 Weeks?!
Was this chicken toxic?


Wow, I'd sue the pants off the Colonel.
  #756  
Old 06-13-2019, 08:33 AM
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The ERA being interpreted as an amendment to make women equal to men....but...
Let's play doctor. (Couple dies from mystery illness in Fiji.)
  #757  
Old 06-13-2019, 08:48 AM
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My cat doesn't want to eat.
Ants in the cat food what do I do?


Get some fresh cat food and see if your cat eats it.
  #758  
Old 06-13-2019, 10:30 AM
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When Was the Last Time You Picked Up a Hitchhiker?

New Attacks on Oil Tankers



Oil Tankers should Just Say No to Hitchhikers!
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #759  
Old 06-13-2019, 11:33 AM
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Most Virtuosic yet Manipulative Literary Trick Pulled by an Author
Switching the Race of Characters


Yeah, the murderer is supposed to be an old white guy, but in the end it's revealed he's really a young black dude.
  #760  
Old 06-13-2019, 12:49 PM
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Gobekli Tepe: What do we really know?
What does the word epicenter mean?


I don't know anything about Gobekli Tepe but I know what "epicenter" means.
  #761  
Old 06-13-2019, 03:13 PM
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The Outsiders: Did Gangs Ever Really Do This?
Salt on Melons (esp. Water Melon)


When you're a Jet you're a tough big time felon
From your first knife fight dance to your last salted melon.
  #762  
Old 06-13-2019, 04:01 PM
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How Can You Gain 278 lb. in 6 Weeks?!
How many cats of a certain age?


You'll need to eat at least 175 adult cats or 400 kittens, and make sure they're deep-fried.
  #763  
Old 06-13-2019, 08:06 PM
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What kinds of things do you keep in your attic?
Buddhism and Loneliness


They're right next to the clowns.
  #764  
Old 06-14-2019, 06:44 AM
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Dear Mister Tactless

What is so great about a Mercedes?
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
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  #765  
Old 06-14-2019, 07:09 AM
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WHy do old people....
De-extinctify a species


Because they're nostalgic for the woolly mammoths of their youth.
  #766  
Old 06-14-2019, 07:21 AM
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What is causing me to nearly burn my house down every time i heat Almond Oil?

Guardians of the Glades




Glade would prefer that you use their aerosol to de-stink your house rather than volatizing almond oil.
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #767  
Old 06-14-2019, 08:25 AM
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recommendation letters to join a sorority?

Dear Mister Tactless

The Metric system is the tool of the devil!



I don't think that letter is going to help you get into Kappa Alpha Theta.
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #768  
Old 06-14-2019, 09:59 AM
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Hey dads, what do you want for Father's Day?
I'm doing X to raise money for (or awareness of) Y


I'm not even a dad, but I'm also doing X on Father's Day.
  #769  
Old 06-14-2019, 10:11 AM
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recommendation letters to join a sorority?

Dear Mister Tactless

The 14th annual SDMB Shot Glass Exchange is HERE!



Alright -- this one might be a little more successful.
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #770  
Old 06-14-2019, 02:05 PM
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How to order food

Poll: Is this a weird sandwich?
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #771  
Old 06-14-2019, 02:13 PM
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Hey dads, what do you want for Father's Day?
New Attacks on Oil Tankers


Don't even think about buying me a used attack on an oil tanker!
  #772  
Old 06-14-2019, 04:49 PM
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Prankster Doesn't See What Was Wrong with His Prank
New Attacks on Oil Tankers


Aw, c'mon, it's just a few limpet mines! Can't anybody take a joke anymore?
  #773  
Old 06-15-2019, 08:33 AM
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Are climate-change activists not extreme enough?
Is it good or bad to have a monarchy?


"The Climate Emperor has decreed that anyone driving a gas-guzzler after July 1 will be beheaded." Yeah, that might work.
  #774  
Old 06-15-2019, 09:55 AM
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Horns for the Grill of my Car
Has any creature successfully eradicated humans from its habitat


With big enough horns and a fast car, you can probably eradicate humans from your cul-de-sac.
  #775  
Old 06-16-2019, 09:48 AM
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The ERA being interpreted as an amendment to make women equal to men....but...
Getting paid for sex


Now everybody needs to pay for sex.
  #776  
Old 06-16-2019, 02:23 PM
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What is an upper middle class lifestyle
Getting paid for sex
  #777  
Old 06-16-2019, 06:32 PM
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ID this motorcycle

What kind of motorcycle is this? (Jeff Goldblum in Nashville)

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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #778  
Old 06-16-2019, 07:44 PM
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First week of July in Fort Lauderdale. After burning at the beach then what?
Buddhism and Loneliness


  #779  
Old 06-17-2019, 07:09 AM
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Hey dads, what do you want for Father's Day?
Getting paid for sex
  #780  
Old 06-17-2019, 07:20 AM
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What can you buy for $1.00 (including tax) today?...
The mosquito bite of DOOM


Hell, I never pay more than fifty cents for a gallon of DOOM mosquitoes on Amazon. And there's free shipping!
  #781  
Old 06-17-2019, 08:27 AM
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Visiting Washington, DC. Anything I need to book in advance?
Getting paid for sex
  #782  
Old 06-17-2019, 09:06 AM
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Theories, processes, solutions, etc. named for 2 people
Getting paid for sex


Yes, sex (usually) involves two people.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 06-17-2019 at 09:06 AM.
  #783  
Old 06-17-2019, 10:23 AM
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What kind of bird eggs are these? Pics inside.

Living Alcatraz inmates



Descendants of the Birdman's pets.
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #784  
Old 06-17-2019, 10:48 AM
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Getting paid for sex

Poll: I did a nice gesture.....we'll see if it's appreciated or not





We're getting a lot of mileage out of that "Getting paid for sex" thread title.
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #785  
Old 06-17-2019, 02:33 PM
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Massive power outage in Uruguay, Paraguay, and Argentina
Is John Mace dead?


We told him not to plug in that old toaster.
  #786  
Old 06-18-2019, 06:51 AM
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How do you count the books you've read?

Is there any interest in a cookbook or two?
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #787  
Old 06-18-2019, 07:41 AM
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Visiting Washington, DC. Anything I need to book in advance?
Getting paid for sex


Line up your appointments early - they're desperate for hot tourist sex in D.C.
  #788  
Old 06-18-2019, 12:22 PM
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What’s in YOUR Bloody Mary?
Canadians drink...toes??


They're often bloody as well.
  #789  
Old 06-18-2019, 12:32 PM
Annie-Xmas is online now
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Etiquette question - working with a RE agent
Getting paid for sex


I guess that would be a sex percent commission
  #790  
Old 06-18-2019, 12:41 PM
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Has any creature successfully eradicated humans from its habitat
Border collies: explain these whistle signals?


They're scouts reporting back their findings.
  #791  
Old 06-18-2019, 02:44 PM
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The Fuel Mileage thread, what's your MPG?
What's better than teleportation in an overbooked MMP?


Teleportation is pretty efficient.
  #792  
Old 06-19-2019, 06:32 AM
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Getting paid for sex

Escaped prisoner with lots of cash but nothing else



I sense a story!
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #793  
Old 06-19-2019, 07:21 AM
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What's better than teleportation in an overbooked MMP?
Assault With A Loaded Iguana
  #794  
Old 06-19-2019, 08:09 AM
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Blackpool Pleasure Beach
Escaped prisoner with lots of cash but nothing else


Get plenty of fish and chips. Better buy a pair of swim trunks too.
  #795  
Old 06-19-2019, 09:00 AM
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Is John Mace dead?
My Medical Theory...


Shh, he's just resting.
  #796  
Old 06-19-2019, 10:03 AM
Johnny L.A. is offline
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New Attacks on Oil Tankers
Assault With A Loaded Iguana
  #797  
Old 06-19-2019, 10:39 AM
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What can you buy for $1.00 (including tax) today?...
Assault With A Loaded Iguana


Note: I'm laughing too hard to come up with a caption, but that one doesn't need it anyways.
  #798  
Old 06-19-2019, 11:12 AM
Johnny L.A. is offline
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What's better than teleportation in an overbooked MMP?
Attack squirrel on meth
  #799  
Old 06-19-2019, 11:26 AM
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What's better than teleportation in an overbooked MMP?
Has anyone seen Lenny Dykstra's false teeth?


I'd rather be teleported to New Jersey than have to look at Lenny's false teeth.
  #800  
Old 06-19-2019, 11:51 AM
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What was Trump actually implying he did when he said he "grabb[ed] em by the pussy"
'Jimbee'.


Off to add 'Jimbee' to Urban Dictionary.
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