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Old 07-11-2019, 08:27 AM
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If you have a sidewalk and old bushes, you're probably an idiot.


Every damn time I see sidewalks with bushes planted next to them, the only time the bushes aren't growing out over the sidewalk are when they're new. As the bushes get older, the owners either don't trim them - or they only trim them to tidy up, refusing to trim the back behind the edge of the sidewalk. Some places you actually have to step off of the sidewalk to get around these gigantic, overgrown shrubs. I'd happily pay more in property taxes if the city would regularly drive a utility truck down the sidewalks, equipped with hedge clippers that ensure anything growing out over the sidewalk gets trimmed back. Giant bush now has a flat spot? Get out there and trim it round again. Too much trimming? Uproot your giant, overaged bush and plant some cute new ones.

Got bushes? Got public sidewalks on your property? Do whatever you want to with the short private walk leading to your front door - but fergodsake, keep that public sidewalk near the street clear. If you don't, you're an asshole.

That is all.
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Old 07-11-2019, 08:55 AM
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Is this an allegory having to do with porn, or am I reading too much into it?
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Old 07-11-2019, 09:04 AM
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It must be nice to have sidewalks. We don't typically see a lot of them in the West, except in older parts and downtown areas of cities. On my neighborhood street? Fuggetaboutit.
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Old 07-11-2019, 09:10 AM
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Lodge a code enforcement complaint. the town next door has a city manager that freaks for sidewalk and yard offenses. Like he has nothing better to do than measure grass height
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Old 07-11-2019, 09:13 AM
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Why are they called 'side'walks? What are they on the 'side' of? I'm perplexed.
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Old 07-11-2019, 09:22 AM
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Side of the road, maybe?
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Old 07-11-2019, 09:23 AM
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Is this an allegory having to do with porn, or am I reading too much into it?
This one time, I was outside whacking this huge bush— really going to town on it— when out of nowhere, this woman walks up and starts screaming 'bout how my huge tool uses too much gas. And I'm like, naw, baby, mine's electric! Totally true story.
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Old 07-11-2019, 09:26 AM
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I'm one of the assholes the OP is complaining about. My only defense is that I didn't put the shrub-bushes up and never wanted to be a suburbanite tending lawns and all that, it just kind of worked out that way.

We got ticketed by the Lawn Police for not maintaining the sidewalk itself (buried under dirt, grass encroaching from either side) and for letting the evergreen hedge-thingie block a large part of it. Took three weekends to get it into shape. Not my idea of a good time. (They also made us remove a rose bush and a lot of volunteer self-planted flowers that had washed downhill from whoever planted them elsewhere, from the verge between sidewalk and street).
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Old 07-11-2019, 09:48 AM
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Why are they called 'side'walks? What are they on the 'side' of? I'm perplexed.
And why do they call them "walks?" They're not walking anywhere!
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Old 07-11-2019, 09:54 AM
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We got ticketed by the Lawn Police for not maintaining the sidewalk itself (buried under dirt, grass encroaching from either side) and for letting the evergreen hedge-thingie block a large part of it.
Speaking as a pedestrian, good for the Lawn Police. Personally, I have the good fortune at present to be able-bodied enough to navigate badly maintained and overgrown sidewalks on foot, but there are a lot of people out there using walkers, wheelchairs, strollers, etc., who really need a properly cleared smooth surface to be able to use the sidewalk safely.

If you (generic you) don't want to deal with sidewalks, then move someplace that doesn't have them. If you do have a sidewalk you're responsible for, then you should maintain it properly. Thank you (specific you) for going to the trouble to fix up your crummy sidewalk, even if it did take a ticket from the Lawn Police to get you motivated.
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Old 07-11-2019, 09:58 AM
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Why are they called 'side'walks? What are they on the 'side' of? I'm perplexed.
And why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway, huh?
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Old 07-11-2019, 10:34 AM
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I rarely walk sideways on a sidewalk, yet I have never been ticketed.

My neighborhood is new, I’m the first and only resident of my house (we bought the lot and home before it was even built) so this area is only around 7 years old. I live in what could be considered a suburb of Seattle so I live in the west. We have sidewalks everywhere. I’m fact, most new places I see in the Seattle area have sidewalks. I think that’s becoming a trend now.

Fortunately there are zero hedges at the sidewalks. I think our homeowners group forbids it.

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Originally Posted by Vinyl Turnip View Post
This one time, I was outside whacking this huge bush— really going to town on it— when out of nowhere, this woman walks up and starts screaming 'bout how my huge tool uses too much gas. And I'm like, naw, baby, mine's electric! Totally true story.
Sounds like the opening of a letter to Penthouse.

Last edited by Atamasama; 07-11-2019 at 10:37 AM.
  #13  
Old 07-11-2019, 10:37 AM
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. . . We got ticketed by the Lawn Police for not maintaining the sidewalk . . . .
Around here the notice would require the owner to fix the problem within, I think, 30 days or there would be a fine. The fine would be the cost of having city workers do the work, plus an administrative fee.
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Old 07-11-2019, 11:05 AM
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Sounds like the opening of a letter to Penthouse.
More like a letter to National Review: Link (Fantasy libtard porn?)
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Old 07-11-2019, 11:16 AM
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I'm one of the assholes the OP is complaining about. My only defense is that I didn't put the shrub-bushes up and never wanted to be a suburbanite tending lawns and all that, it just kind of worked out that way.

We got ticketed by the Lawn Police for not maintaining the sidewalk itself (buried under dirt, grass encroaching from either side) and for letting the evergreen hedge-thingie block a large part of it. Took three weekends to get it into shape. Not my idea of a good time. (They also made us remove a rose bush and a lot of volunteer self-planted flowers that had washed downhill from whoever planted them elsewhere, from the verge between sidewalk and street).
Let's be clear about what was probably meant by "maintain the sidewalk," at least the way it is where I live. It means keeping stuff from your yard (dirt, grass, other plants) from encroaching on or covering up the sidewalk in a way which impedes its usefulness for its purpose, i.e. being walked on.

There is a sidewalk near where I live that is on the only pedestrian route to the BART station, with a steep hill on one side that is actually the back yards of 5 houses on the next street. Their usable yards are fenced off above and they never see or care about what's happening down by the sidewalk, where the walking area is routinely reduced by half (besides the hillside being an overgrown wilderness strewn with trash). Every so often, based on complaints I think, one or more of the 5 properties involved gets out there and whacks at the overgrowth and scrapes up the dirt that has migrated down from their property. The benefit never lasts long, but I guess they have no incentive to put time or money into infrastructure improvements.
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Old 07-11-2019, 11:26 AM
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And why do they call them "walks?" They're not walking anywhere!
Whenever I'm sitting on my porch sipping on a half-tea-half-lemonade and a runner trots by, I yell out: "It's called a sideWALK, asshole!"
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Old 07-11-2019, 03:19 PM
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Musn't encourage the Lawn Police.
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Old 07-11-2019, 03:21 PM
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We have that problem in my neighborhood (the houses average 70+ years old), but not much is done since I'm usually the only person that uses the sidewalk for the most part, and running/jogging is seen as suspicious and to be discouraged. The parts of my run where they're cut back is due to kids with bikes and big wheels - the bushes were large enough to make kids swerve into the street to get by and local moms weren't big on that.
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Old 07-11-2019, 03:44 PM
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More like a letter to National Review: Link (Fantasy libtard porn?)
Not fantasy at all! There was photographic evidence presented. I quite clearly saw a tiny blur which might have been a person, helpfully circled in red, and can only conclude that the anecdote was legitimate.
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Old 07-11-2019, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Vinyl Turnip View Post
This one time, I was outside whacking this huge bush— really going to town on it— when out of nowhere, this woman walks up and starts screaming 'bout how my huge tool uses too much gas. And I'm like, naw, baby, mine's electric! Totally true story.
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Not fantasy at all! There was photographic evidence presented. I quite clearly saw a tiny blur which might have been a person, helpfully circled in red, and can only conclude that the anecdote was legitimate.
I have also heard this story. Was she really yelling though?
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Old 07-11-2019, 04:21 PM
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This one time, I was outside whacking this huge bush— really going to town on it— when out of nowhere, this woman walks up and starts screaming 'bout how my huge tool uses too much gas. And I'm like, naw, baby, mine's electric! Totally true story.
The problem was that your huge tool was so old and raggedy-assed that just its presence in the neighborhood was enough to tank the property values on the block. I saw actual pictures of that beat down piece of shit bush trimmer. That lady probably thought you were an immigrant or something.
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Old 07-11-2019, 04:46 PM
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And why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway, huh?
You'd better hope that Miller does not see this. That is insta-ban material.
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Old 07-11-2019, 05:43 PM
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I’ve considered changing my screen name to Rosa Parksinthedrivewayanddrivesontheparkway, but it’s probably too long.
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Old 07-11-2019, 06:51 PM
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I trimmed my bush just the other day. Anybody want pictures?
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Old 07-11-2019, 07:39 PM
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What if you have some kind of mutant super-fast-growing shrub-like alien abomination that doesn't overgrow the sidewalk because it's nowhere near it, but constantly overgrows your own driveway and entrance to your house? Does that make you an idiot?

I say no, that just makes you a lazy shit who refuses to get around to deal with the mutant shrub. I dealt with it once, by paying a guy with a chainsaw to cut it down to the stump and haul it away. But this thing is a mutant alien. It starting growing again out of the stump before I got around to removing the stump, and is now bigger than ever, proudly waving in the breeze. I'm bringing him back to cut it down again, and this time the stump is either going to be ground down to wood chips or pulled out. No one has been able to identify this shrub, which I did not plant, which confirms my suspicion that it's from Neptune.
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Old 07-11-2019, 08:53 PM
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I experienced the annoyingness of this yesterday when I was scootering around. The street was scary so I decided to go on the sidewalk for a couple of blocks. My punishment for breaking the law was dealing with bushes spilling over onto the sidewalk and forcing me onto the grass. My scooter doesn't do grass very well so my ride wasn't as fun as it could have been.

I know mine is a very trivial inconvenience, but it did remind me how hard folks in wheelchairs and mobility scooters have it when side walks are blocked or messed up.
  #27  
Old 07-11-2019, 10:04 PM
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Why are they called 'side'walks? What are they on the 'side' of? I'm perplexed.
I think what has you confused is because you live in the backwoods you might have never seen a sidewalk.
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Old 07-11-2019, 10:19 PM
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I think what has you confused is because you live in the backwoods you might have never seen a sidewalk.
She may have never seen a paved street.

My problem is my neighbor's hedge that right up against my driveway. He's very good at keeping it trim, but it hangs over my driveway at least a foot. When I'm backing out of the garage I have to make sure to clear the hedge, then turn in time to miss the house (and save the rear-view mirrors). I learned this the hard way, the time the corner of the car hit the corner of the house, which is brick. Not pretty. If I hadn't had to swerve around the hedge, I wouldn't have hit the house.
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Old 07-11-2019, 10:21 PM
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I trimmed my bush just the other day. Anybody want pictures?
I tried for a long time to come up with a "is it an X or a Y" bush based on gender, but I got nothing. Perhaps someone more clever than I can do it.
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Old 07-11-2019, 10:24 PM
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She may have never seen a paved street.
Why, they had to throw her on her back to get shoes on her. When she was twenty-four.
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Old 07-11-2019, 10:28 PM
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Why are they called 'side'walks? What are they on the 'side' of? I'm perplexed.
It used to be that people were perfectly comfortable walking in the street before automobiles became common. Horse drawn carriages weren't typically all that fast and they didn't pose much of a danger to pedestrians. So the sidewalk is to the side of the main thoroughfare.
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  #32  
Old 07-12-2019, 12:21 AM
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As a gardening business proprietor I'd strongly suggest a flame thrower (with a safe 40 foot max. output) to take care of encroaching bushes/hedges/shrubs only if they're on the verge of death, making them flammable, otherwise - if they're still green, they're fucking useless to fry, and you have to stand there for, like, ever, until they finally catch. The zen-like patience of such flame-thrower use can be spiritually rewarding, too: passersby will see your 'halo'.

AHunter3: Good to hear you (well, had to) finally took things into your own hands. Just because you never planted the shit there in the first place isn't really much of a mitigating consideration, kinda, right?
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Old 07-12-2019, 12:30 AM
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I owe a lot to sidewalks. They've been keeping me off the streets for years.
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  #34  
Old 07-12-2019, 04:22 AM
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What if you have some kind of mutant super-fast-growing shrub-like alien abomination that doesn't overgrow the sidewalk because it's nowhere near it, but constantly overgrows your own driveway and entrance to your house? Does that make you an idiot?



I say no, that just makes you a lazy shit who refuses to get around to deal with the mutant shrub. I dealt with it once, by paying a guy with a chainsaw to cut it down to the stump and haul it away. But this thing is a mutant alien. It starting growing again out of the stump before I got around to removing the stump, and is now bigger than ever, proudly waving in the breeze. I'm bringing him back to cut it down again, and this time the stump is either going to be ground down to wood chips or pulled out. No one has been able to identify this shrub, which I did not plant, which confirms my suspicion that it's from Neptune.
Ooooh! Post an ID thread here, if you can link pics! I wanna see a Neptunian shrub.
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Old 07-12-2019, 07:23 AM
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My problem is my neighbor's hedge that right up against my driveway. He's very good at keeping it trim, but it hangs over my driveway at least a foot.
AIUI, you're within your rights to trim anything that hangs over on your side of the property line. IIWY, I'd get busy with a hedge trimmer, and reclaim the full width of your driveway.
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Old 07-12-2019, 08:48 AM
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I'm totally on board with this pit. I walk a lot and end up walking in the street more than the sidewalk due to overgrown bushes everywhere (and snow and ice covered in the winter). I've called code enforcement a couple times but it doesn't seem to accomplish much. I live in a small town so don't want to end up on their shit-list.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SmellMyWort View Post
Whenever I'm sitting on my porch sipping on a half-tea-half-lemonade and a runner trots by, I yell out: "It's called a sideWALK, asshole!"
That drink sounds really delicious! Did you invent it? Have you given it a name?
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Old 07-12-2019, 09:06 AM
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AIUI, you're within your rights to trim anything that hangs over on your side of the property line. IIWY, I'd get busy with a hedge trimmer, and reclaim the full width of your driveway.
This, obviously.
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Old 07-12-2019, 11:11 AM
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That drink sounds really delicious! Did you invent it? Have you given it a name?
I suggest “Ace Ade”. It has a nice ring to it.
  #39  
Old 07-12-2019, 11:54 AM
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I suggest “Ace Ade”. It has a nice ring to it.
I thought he called it a "Sidewalk Asshole"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SmellMyWort View Post
Whenever I'm sitting on my porch sipping on a half-tea-half-lemonade and a runner trots by, I yell out: "It's called a sideWALK, asshole!"
  #40  
Old 07-12-2019, 11:58 AM
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AHunter3: Good to hear you (well, had to) finally took things into your own hands. Just because you never planted the shit there in the first place isn't really much of a mitigating consideration, kinda, right?
Yeah, I have no excuse for being a lawnslob. Some of the previous notices from the Lawn Police have pissed me off (like citing us for leaves in our yard, or claiming our flower stalks were "grass" and citing us for grass > max height) but they had an entirely legitimate point about the sidewalk.
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Old 07-12-2019, 12:33 PM
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I thought he called it a "Sidewalk Asshole"?
Let’s try this out... “Bartender, give me a Sidewalk Asshole on the rocks, with a shot of vodka.”

It works, I endorse it.

Last edited by Atamasama; 07-12-2019 at 12:33 PM.
  #42  
Old 07-12-2019, 02:31 PM
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I suggest “Ace Ade”. It has a nice ring to it.
Or you could call it an Arnold Palmer (hopefully I'm not being wooshed).

Well known enough that there was even a Sports Center commercial for it.
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Old 07-12-2019, 02:49 PM
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Or you could call it an Arnold Palmer (hopefully I'm not being wooshed).
There's a reason for the "Ace Ade" suggestion.
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Old 07-12-2019, 03:17 PM
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Yeah, I have no excuse for being a lawnslob. Some of the previous notices from the Lawn Police have pissed me off (like citing us for leaves in our yard, or claiming our flower stalks were "grass" and citing us for grass > max height) but they had an entirely legitimate point about the sidewalk.
You got a citation for leaves on your lawn? Sounds kinda draconian, that one, and most definitely wouldn't have gone over too well with some of my clients, who use leaves as lawn mulch.
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Old 07-12-2019, 03:24 PM
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I suggest “Ace Ade”. It has a nice ring to it.
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I thought he called it a "Sidewalk Asshole"?
Is there room for compromise? How about "Sidewalk AceHole"?
  #46  
Old 07-12-2019, 04:03 PM
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You got a citation for leaves on your lawn? Sounds kinda draconian, that one, and most definitely wouldn't have gone over too well with some of my clients, who use leaves as lawn mulch.
I doubt anyone is handing out citations for leaves on the lawn a few days after they fall, so how long were the leaves on his lawn? A carpet of soggy, decomposing leaves half way through November isn't exactly what people mean when they say they they want to use their leaves as lawn mulch. They need to be mowed over to chop them up when they are dry so the mulch can work it's way down to the soil.
  #47  
Old 07-12-2019, 04:19 PM
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There quite a few wise-asses posting in this thread. Just saying.
  #48  
Old 07-12-2019, 04:24 PM
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There quite a few wise-asses posting in this thread. Just saying.
Are you referring to the people who solved the perplexing mystery about what a sidewalk is on the side of?
  #49  
Old 07-12-2019, 04:28 PM
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There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.


RIP, Shel Silverstein.
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Old 07-12-2019, 04:51 PM
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There quite a few wise-asses posting in this thread. Just saying.
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