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  #651  
Old 05-22-2019, 03:25 PM
Ludovic is online now
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Help me name a game store! Bring it on!
Polyamorous people


It would bring in people, at least.
  #652  
Old 05-22-2019, 03:39 PM
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Where do all these porn actors come from?
New tile job in bathroom cracking


Hi ma'am, I've come to fill in your crack in the bathroom.
  #653  
Old 05-22-2019, 04:16 PM
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What would make Trumps base supporters turn on him?
Polyamorous people


They do have some standards, you know.
  #654  
Old 05-22-2019, 05:36 PM
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Polyamorous people
Buddhism feels like a chain for me


That's nothing, wait'll Orthodox Judaism gets wind of it.
  #655  
Old 05-22-2019, 09:29 PM
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Much Ado About Monty Python
Off to see John Cleese in half an hour.


Albatross!
  #656  
Old 05-23-2019, 12:22 AM
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Where do all these porn actors come from?
Opening small home based business in California - need help


Filming porn?
  #657  
Old 05-23-2019, 06:52 AM
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Home Maintainence Question

New tile job in bathroom cracking

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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #658  
Old 05-23-2019, 07:00 AM
Jackmannii is online now
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What would be the best country for a fed-up American to move to?
"I didn't mean to!"


Well, I hear springtime is lovely in Ulan Bator.
  #659  
Old 05-23-2019, 09:08 AM
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Polyamorous people
Poll: Do You Have A "Spot" in Your Living Room?

"Alice! Bob! So glad you two could come by! So, this is our 'Special Couch', if you know what I mean! Wink wink nudge nudge!"
  #660  
Old 05-23-2019, 12:44 PM
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Attending any weddings this summer?
Everest: Just Don't Do It


Way to stop the Everest wedding.
  #661  
Old 05-23-2019, 01:04 PM
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Is it an universal that the smell of other adult people‘s sh*t is more nauseating than one‘s own?
NYC to Montreal on Amtrak


I wouldn't know, I never sit in the Shit Car.
  #662  
Old 05-23-2019, 03:04 PM
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What the heck is going on with our school lunch program?

Don't do nice things for people because it will cause resentment in others?




How about if the School Lunch is terrible?
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Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #663  
Old 05-24-2019, 09:09 AM
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What is the relationship between you and the most distant LIVING relative you know of?
Britsh royalty vs. the Kardashians


Jeez, I hope it's real distant.
  #664  
Old 05-24-2019, 05:16 PM
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Cool garage sale/estate sale finds
How could I have missed THAT?!
  #665  
Old 05-24-2019, 10:54 PM
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Cool garage sale/estate sale finds
What is so great about a Mercedes?


Well, it's mostly that I only paid five bucks for it.
  #666  
Old 05-26-2019, 08:16 AM
Jackmannii is online now
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Forty years ago today I saw a plume of smoke rising near O'Hare Field
RIP Murray Gell-Mann


Yep, we warned Murray about the Acme Parachute Co.
  #667  
Old 05-26-2019, 09:40 AM
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Do you live on a busy street?
Has anyone here tried those cheap hearing aids?


And if you make it all the way across, let us know.
  #668  
Old 05-26-2019, 09:43 AM
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Should public schools be managed and taught by the military.

Supporting military action that you are able but not willing to participate in is extremely cowardly

Specialist Teacher Smith: "It's a horror in their, Sarge! The grade 5's have seized control of the gym! The grade 6's have taken the cafeteria! And the grade 2's...! [trembles uncontrollably]

Sgt Major Principal Jones: "Get back in there Smith! You knew what you were signing up for! Call Specialist Teacher Kowalski for back-up! Re-establish the perimeter at least!"

Specialist Teacher Smith: "Kowalski's gone, Sarge."

Sgt Major Principal Jones: "Gone? How?"

Specialist Teacher Smith: "The Grade 4's, sir. Got her when her back was turned supervising recess."

Sgt Major Principal Jones: "No time to mourn! I'm going in with you! No matter how this turns out, I'm proud to have served with such a dedicated group of professionals. Now, let's go get those little weasels and enforce some DISCIPLINE!"

Specialist Teacher Smith: " Sir, yes, sir!"
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  #669  
Old 05-26-2019, 03:26 PM
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When will fast food places start charging for napkins and ketchup?
Best cuisine for vegetarians?


Napkin and ketchup sandwiches are the best due to the price.
  #670  
Old 05-27-2019, 12:55 AM
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Anyone have any novel theories on why my utility bills are so high?
Polyamorous people


Yeah, all those polyamorous people lounging about the place, putting extra strain on the air conditioning, rummaging around in the refrigerator for things to re-enact that scene from 9˝ Weeks with, keeping the lights on at all hours of the day and night, re-charging their rechargeable sex toys--all that adds up to some pretty stiff* electric bills.
*If you know what I mean.
  #671  
Old 05-27-2019, 08:04 AM
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Forty years ago today I saw a plume of smoke rising near O'Hare Field
Somebody is SO fired!


"OK, descend to 500 feet. Um, make that 200 feet. No, on second thought...uh-oh."
  #672  
Old 05-27-2019, 11:49 AM
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Is thick the new thin?
Who do you think will be the next *big* celebrity to die?


Kathy Bates? John Goodman?
  #673  
Old 05-27-2019, 11:43 PM
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How heavy would it have to rain to flood the Earth in 40 days?
Mt. Everest summit human traffic jam.
  #674  
Old 05-28-2019, 10:56 AM
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Downloading Your Consciousness Just Before Death.
Things your friends do that are weird (to you), but you don't say anything to them about it.


I'd ask them about it, but they're dead.

Last edited by Jackmannii; 05-28-2019 at 10:59 AM.
  #675  
Old 05-28-2019, 12:04 PM
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Is thick the new thin?
Donut Disagreenents


Yes, it is. Bring on the donuts!
  #676  
Old 05-28-2019, 01:22 PM
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What's the lamest name you've given a pet?
Reversed usernames


You sound pretty stupid calling out "Iinnamkcaj!" to get your dog's attention.
  #677  
Old 05-28-2019, 01:30 PM
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Those states banning abortions made sure to pass laws supporting single mothers, right?
Opposing abortion does not, necessarily, require support for babies or mothers after birth
  #678  
Old 05-28-2019, 06:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackmannii View Post
You sound pretty stupid calling out "Iinnamkcaj!" to get your dog's attention.
On the bright side, you might summon an Elder God.
  #679  
Old 05-28-2019, 07:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blue infinity View Post
How heavy would it have to rain to flood the Earth in 40 days?

Mt. Everest summit human traffic jam.


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"I don't like to make plans for the day. If I do, that's when words like 'premeditated' start getting thrown around in the courtroom."
  #680  
Old 05-28-2019, 10:52 PM
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Can anyone identify this old gadget?
Walking down the hall

Why, that's your beloved Grandma, your mother's mother, now on the third month of what supposed to be a one-week visit. She wanders the halls at night brandishing her cane every time she gets one of her scary premonitions, muttering under her breath and farting voluminously. Be nice to her in the time she has left.
  #681  
Old 05-29-2019, 08:14 AM
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What's the lamest name you've given a pet?
Non-local hidden variables


Yeah, even if your cat can walk through walls, that's pretty lame.
  #682  
Old 05-29-2019, 08:48 AM
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Ingesting a Tapeworm.
Walking down the hall


One time I ingested a tapeworm walking down the hall. What it was doing walking down the hall, I don't know.
  #683  
Old 05-29-2019, 03:08 PM
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Elevator to the Top or Mt. Everest?
Everest: Just Don't Do It


Yeah, real athletes take the stairs up Everest.
  #684  
Old 05-30-2019, 12:10 PM
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Anyone have any novel theories on why my utility bills are so high?
Does the statement "the door was closed over" mean anything to you?


Yeah, fully close your door, geesh!
  #685  
Old 05-30-2019, 12:12 PM
Annie-Xmas is offline
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Hit Songs in Bad Taste
Ways to eat Cool Whip


The first modern topping with that good old fashioned taste.
  #686  
Old 05-30-2019, 12:33 PM
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Hit Songs in Bad Taste
Salad cream?


Tossed salad anyone?
  #687  
Old 05-30-2019, 02:11 PM
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I survived my soup!
RIP Murray Gell-Mann


Should've laid off the crackers, Murray.
  #688  
Old 05-31-2019, 08:31 AM
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Hit Songs in Bad Taste

Songs about food or cooking
__________________
Who is the Calypso Singer that rides Pegasus?
Harry Bellerophonte
  #689  
Old 05-31-2019, 11:04 AM
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how or when did goats become evil?
The Strange Case of Klaus von Bulow


There was the unfortunate business with Sunny. But when Klaus ate his way through my vegetable patch, that was the last straw.
  #690  
Old 05-31-2019, 01:02 PM
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Where do all these porn actors come from?
How are these simple animated videos made?


Please! I want to remember Marge Simpson as a nice, wholesome girl.
  #691  
Old 05-31-2019, 04:03 PM
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Arms of Steel, Leg of Jello
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I Believe My [Adult] Cat Recognizes His Mother And Hangs Out With Her
Anyone have experience with gabapentin for cat aggression?


"I thought I kicked you out years ago!"
*swat*
  #692  
Old 06-01-2019, 05:19 PM
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Poll: Hypothetical: The parasitic twin
Poll: Hypothetical: The conjoined twins.


If we're talking about tag-team wrestling, my money's on the conjoined twins.
  #693  
Old 06-01-2019, 06:37 PM
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Porn is gradually becoming ridiculous
So... did Texas really just do away with plumbing codes?


Yep. Storylines where the plumber expounds on the materials required by the plumbing code were thought to be a little ridiculous.
  #694  
Old 06-02-2019, 05:32 PM
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Is it Possible To Disguise Yourself From A Person Who Knows You Well?
Shaving your legs with an electric shaver


Bob, I never realized it was you! Your legs - so hairless and smooth!!!
  #695  
Old 06-03-2019, 08:55 AM
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Propane powered cannon mouse trap.
Today's "Wild Kingdom" encounter.


Safaris aren't what they used to be.
  #696  
Old 06-03-2019, 08:57 AM
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Anyone go inside and order at McDonald’s recently?
Hit Songs in Bad Taste


But lately I have been spotted with a Big Mac on my breath...
  #697  
Old 06-03-2019, 09:10 AM
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Cost of building a new nuclear power plant vs expanding existing plants
Could a nuclear power plant be used as a dirty bomb?

Didn't know we had a Bond villain on the board.
  #698  
Old 06-03-2019, 11:07 AM
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What is this dead animal? Warning: Graphic image.
Emotional support animal question


No, you may NOT take that stinky dead opossum on the plane, even if it "relaxes" you.
  #699  
Old 06-03-2019, 12:28 PM
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Apple shutting down iTunes (?)!! Shoot me now!!
Apple varieties


You can cross "iTunes" off the list (but no shooting, please)
  #700  
Old 06-03-2019, 01:06 PM
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Porn is gradually becoming ridiculous
Nursing homes: as sleazy as ever?

The nursing home sleazy porn versions are becoming ridiculous. "Debbie Does Dallas Dementia Dudes"?

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 06-03-2019 at 01:07 PM.
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