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Old 05-13-2020, 07:39 AM
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Good comebacks that you thought of to snarky lines in movies.


I have a few, but to start off, let's do Meet the Parents.


"I had no idea you could milk a cat"
"Oh, yeah, you can milk anything with nipples"
[awkward pause]
"I have nipples Greg. Could you milk me?
Comeback
"I'm about to marry your daughter, Jack. Yes, I could milk you."

Last edited by Isamu; 05-13-2020 at 07:41 AM.
  #2  
Old 05-13-2020, 07:43 AM
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Conan the Barbarian - "Do you want to live forever?!"

Jasmine's comeback: "YES!" (As she flees the snake god's lair at full speed)
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Last edited by Jasmine; 05-13-2020 at 07:47 AM.
  #3  
Old 05-13-2020, 07:58 AM
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lol
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Old 05-14-2020, 06:32 AM
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Another one.

Devil Wears Prada

"Where are the belts? Why is no one rea-ddy?"

"Here, it's a tough call. They're so different."

"[snort]"

"Something funny?"

"No, no, ah, no, it's that both those belts look exactly the same to
me. You know I'm still learning about this stuff, and uh... "

This stuff?, Oh.... OK I see you think this has nothing to do with
you. You go to your closet and you select, I don't know, that lumpy
blue sweater for instance because you're trying to tell the world that
you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your
back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue,
it's not turquoise, it's not lapis, it's actually cerulean, and you're
also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002 Oscar de la Renta did a
collection of cerulean gowns and then I think it was Yves
Saint-Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets [I
think we need a jacket here] and then cerulean quickly showed up in
the collection of six different designers and then it filtered down
through the department stores and then trickled on down to some tragic
corner where you no-doubt fished it out of a clearance bin, however
that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and it's
sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts
you from the fashion industry when in fact you're wearing a sweater
that was selected for you by the people in this room, from a pile of
stuff.

Comeback
Firstly, I didn't call this sweater blue. You did. Three times to be exact. In attributing it to me, you committed a straw-man logical fallacy which is generally considered to be an extremely dishonest debate tactic. Congratulations.
Secondly, you defend the fashion business by saying what one person does 'filters down' through the system and is copied by everyone else. How is playing follow-the-leader a virtue? You say that you, and people like you, selected this color for me? But then contradict yourself by saying you were all following someone else? And you somehow, inexplicably, ignore the fact that there are always many colors of sweaters to choose from at any given day. I could have even dyed it myself. You don't know.
Thirdly, you then go on to defend the fashion business by claiming that it makes a lot of money and employs people. Well, so does Justin Bieber music, the sex slave trade, and Twinkies, so you'll have to try harder than that to impress me.
And finally, in 2002, de la Renta showed Russian Cossack hats, lavishly embroidered coats trimmed with fur and some beautiful pale pink and gold gowns, but no cerulean. at. all.
  #5  
Old 05-14-2020, 07:23 AM
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Not me, but my Jewish great-aunt, shouting at the ‘89 Batman movie.

“His parents were murdered in that alley.”
“That's why he went there.”
“Poor kid watched the whole thing happen in front of him.”
“Look at the look on the face.”
“It was the same in front of City Hall.”
“What do you suppose something like this does to a kid?”

[beat]

“...it makes him dress up like a BAT, is what it does!”
  #6  
Old 05-14-2020, 08:03 AM
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I had the same thought about that Devil wears Prada scene- but the comeback I came up with was simply “What if he had picked red?”
Thus reinforcing her original opinion that it was utterly irrelevant which belt they chose- because even if everything Miranda said is true, it ultimately means nothing at all.
  #7  
Old 05-14-2020, 08:11 AM
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At the end of The Caine Mutiny, the Lieutenant who successfully defended the mutineers is dressing them down for the way they treated the captain prior to the mutiny.

Quote:
Lt. Barney Greenwald: [to Paynter] You didn't approve of his conduct as an officer - he wasn't WORTHY of your loyalty! So you turned on him. You ragged him - you made up songs about him. If you'd given Queeg the loyalty he needed, do you suppose the whole issue would have come up in the typhoon?

[to Maryk]

Lt. Barney Greenwald: You're an honest man, Steve, I'm asking you. You think it would've been necessary for you to take over?
At that point, I yell out "Yes!"

It's not a great comeback, I guess, but it would change the end of the film.
  #8  
Old 05-14-2020, 08:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Isamu View Post
Another one.

Devil Wears Prada

"Where are the belts? Why is no one rea-ddy?"

"Here, it's a tough call. They're so different."

"[snort]"

"Something funny?"

"No, no, ah, no, it's that both those belts look exactly the same to
me. You know I'm still learning about this stuff, and uh... "

This stuff?, Oh.... OK I see you think this has nothing to do with
you. You go to your closet and you select, I don't know, that lumpy
blue sweater for instance because you're trying to tell the world that
you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your
back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue,
it's not turquoise, it's not lapis, it's actually cerulean, and you're
also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002 Oscar de la Renta did a
collection of cerulean gowns and then I think it was Yves
Saint-Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets [I
think we need a jacket here] and then cerulean quickly showed up in
the collection of six different designers and then it filtered down
through the department stores and then trickled on down to some tragic
corner where you no-doubt fished it out of a clearance bin, however
that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and it's
sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts
you from the fashion industry when in fact you're wearing a sweater
that was selected for you by the people in this room, from a pile of
stuff.
Comeback

Wow! Now imagine, what could have been accomplished if they had used all of that time, money and resources to try and solve a real problem instead of trying to find the perfect color for a fucking sweater. But hey, you keep thinking the color of my clothes actually matters and I'll keep thinking you're a vapid twit.
  #9  
Old 05-14-2020, 08:49 AM
Jonathan Chance is online now
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I got two, one actually happened and one is head cannon.

Real World Example:

Watching Flash Gordon in 1980 at a midnight showing. I think I was 13 or 14. Ming's daughter Aura is asking Ming to spare Flash because she wants to ride the Flash train to poundtown. Woot.

Aura: Don't kill him father. I want him.
Ming: What about your Prince Barin?
Aura: I can handle Bariin.

At which point someone - male voice - in the audience shouted 'And three or four others!' and brought the house down.

Headcannon:

Star Trek Movie. I forget which one. The one where Enterprise-D crashes on some planet or other. God, who cares?

Riker and Picard on the destroyed bridge.

Picard picks up his captain's chair.
Riker: I always thought I'd have that chair.
Picard smiles ruefully.

When what Picard SHOULD have done is smile and hand the chair to Riker! Dammit.
  #10  
Old 05-14-2020, 08:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Other Waldo Pepper View Post
Not me, but my Jewish great-aunt, shouting at the ‘89 Batman movie.

“His parents were murdered in that alley.”
“That's why he went there.”
“Poor kid watched the whole thing happen in front of him.”
“Look at the look on the face.”
“It was the same in front of City Hall.”
“What do you suppose something like this does to a kid?”

[beat]

“...it makes him dress up like a BAT, is what it does!”
I said "It drives him batty" to my date a little too loudly and got chuckles from other people around us.
  #11  
Old 05-14-2020, 03:17 PM
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Not from a movie, but from a video game. Mass Effect 1. Garrus finally catches up with this scientist who's been performing heinous experiments.

"Your days of butchering are over!"

My mother's response: "We're transferring you to the produce department."
  #12  
Old 05-14-2020, 09:05 PM
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I didn't come up with these...someone on the old IMDB message board for The Godfather did, in one of those "things you wish the characters had said" threads.

Clemenza: Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.
Rocco: You want I should wipe off the blood and brains first, boss?

(Sonny and Tom Hagen are in a heated argument about Tom's worthiness as a consiglieri. Sonny brings up Vito's old consiglieri, Genco Abbandando.)

Sonny: Pop had Genco! Look what I got!
Tom: Genco had Pop. Look what I got.
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Old 05-14-2020, 10:10 PM
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what would have made that even better is in the book tom would of said what everyone was thinking even don Vito himself ......
  #14  
Old 05-14-2020, 11:40 PM
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Han Solo: it'll cost you something extra. Ten thousand. All in advance.

Obi-Wan:;we can pay you two now, plus fifteen more when we reach Alderaan.

Han Solo: seventeen, huh?

Luke (in my mind): no. Two thousand fifteen.

***********************

Yoda (to Anakin): you will sit on the council, but you will not have the rank of "Master"

Anakin: What??

Mace Windu (lapsing into Jules from Pulp Fiction : SAY WHAT AGAIN!! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!! SAY "WHAT" ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!!
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Last edited by Superdude; 05-14-2020 at 11:42 PM.
  #15  
Old 05-15-2020, 10:05 AM
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Olympus Has Fallen: the bad guys have taken over the White House and have the President trapped. The Acting President is the Speaker of the House, played by Morgan Freeman but NOT in his great-President mode (Deep Impact, etc.) but as a somewhat dithering man suddenly thrust into the most stressful position in the world under particularly stressful circumstances. The bad guys have just delivered their ultimatum to him: nuke South Korea or your President dies.

I said what I thought Freeman's character should've said: go ahead, we're a democracy, not a dictatorship, we can elect a new President, we can't elect a new South Korea.
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