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  #151  
Old 06-11-2003, 08:42 AM
Love Rhombus is offline
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I have one that is not only one of my least favorite movies of all time, but also I think is one of the worst movies of all time. A movie that looms, Godzilla-like, over all others and has earned it's place in the Pantheon of Bad Movies by its very existance.

That movie is Monsturd
  #152  
Old 06-11-2003, 10:43 AM
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My favorite moment in Gymkata is the crazy priest who turns around to reveal that his clothing is backless and he is bare-ass naked. In case you're wondering, this happens for no reason.
Second best pointless moment is the pommel horse-like device that sits in the middle of a wide-open square, just so the protagonist can beat the baddies with it.
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  #153  
Old 06-11-2003, 11:11 AM
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Joe vs. the Volcano- what a stinker.
  #154  
Old 06-11-2003, 11:38 AM
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I'm no expert of bad bad movies, but my friend watches a lot. His nomination goes to Killer Nerd. It's completely amateur; I don't think anyone at the MPAA has ever heard of it. But it shows up in IMDb, so I guess it's a real film.
  #155  
Old 06-11-2003, 11:45 AM
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My all-time least favorite:
Polyester by John Waters
Second Sight with Bronson Pinchot ('nuff said)
Eraserhead, even though I love Lynch's other work

Worst movie I never saw:
Pearl Harbor--it was so bad I knew I shouldn't bother seeing it.
  #156  
Old 06-11-2003, 01:27 PM
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I'm amazed no one has mentioned Bulletproof Monk, and if they have, I second it. That movie was sooooo bad. It was my first big-screen stinker.
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  #157  
Old 06-11-2003, 02:42 PM
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Out of all the films I've seen I'd have to say Calamity Jane but if theres a film that could possibly be worse it would have to be something that I've not seen, Kangaroo Jack. It looks absolutely horrible from the clips I've seen.
  #158  
Old 06-11-2003, 03:40 PM
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Twister,
Little Nicky,
Jeepers Creepers.
  #159  
Old 06-12-2003, 07:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Zander
Vanilla Sky looked good ... Oh, and please don't tell me I don't get Vanilla Sky. I freakin' get it. They spent the last half hour of that thing explaining it ten times. Got it. Frozen. Dreaming. Tech support. Psychiatrist. Vanilla-colored sky. Got it, got it, got it.
I don't say you didn't get Vanilla Sky. Just pointing that it's based in a spanish-spoken movie called "Abre los Ojos" (Open Your Eyes), by autheur Alejandro Amenabar, that's darker, misterious and tragic. Vanilla Sky is a lighter version of it, and "Abre los Ojos" was aimed at a hispanic audience non-habituated to that nearly (Philip K.) Dickinsian issues.

It's still a great story; not as ambitious and high-leveled as Matrix, but still works. Amenabar is the writer-director of "The Others" and a spanish movie called "Tesis", also good enough to credit him a good reputation for dealing-with-nature-of-reality, though light-treated themes.
  #160  
Old 06-12-2003, 08:27 PM
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Zander, I'm with you on Vanilla Sky.
Oh, I've sat through Lost in Space, (when Matt Leblanc is the best actor in the movie, things have clearly rolled off the tracks) and I watched poor Genna Davis in not only Pirates, but The Long Kiss Goodnight (Reny Harland (sp?) was her about-to-be-ex-husband and also directed this unfiltered spew of bile, and clearly hated her guts). But these films, along with many others already listed here, only made me want to twist off my own head, thereby hurting but one person. Vanilla Sky, on the other hand, long about the 10th time I thought it was over, made me want to go back in time and kill everyone involved in the invention of cinema. I wanted a really big body count.
I kind of liked Eraserhead. When my allergies are flaring up and my eyes itch, I can't help but think of the scene where he was in bed with his eye-rubbing wife. Squeeek-squeeeek-squeeek...
  #161  
Old 06-12-2003, 08:36 PM
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"NOthing but Trouble" was "Nothing but KaKa"
  #162  
Old 06-12-2003, 09:26 PM
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Ooh, Nothing But Trouble! Great choice. Truly rotten movie.

I didn't mind Vanilla Sky, but I actually liked the twist ending. I guess I dug it because it came from completely out of nowhere, and pissed off all the people who were expecting a typical bland Tom Cruise drama.

I loved The Long Kiss Goodnight. Great over-the-top "guilty pleasure" action movie.

And Bulletproof Monk wasn't good, this is true, but I still had a lot of fun making fun of the cliche-ridden dialogue and recycled comic book plot. I'll take a mediocre Chow Yun Fat action comedy over 90% of most "decent" mainstream movies any day.
  #163  
Old 06-12-2003, 11:33 PM
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Worst ever; Navy Seals, Robinhood Men In Tights, Eraser, Spaceballs and that goddamned piece of crap with Sean Connery as the voice of a talking dragon. I was at a theater that seved pizza and beer and I walked out .
  #164  
Old 06-13-2003, 03:26 AM
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Wow, I can't believe no one has mentioned the Madonna and Britney Spears crapvehicles Swept Away and Crossroads. Of course, this is probably because no one wants to admit to actually watching this drivel. But I'm man enought to admit it! Anyway, I'd rather blow my brains out than watch either one of these movies again. While I quite enjoyed the first half of Cube, the ending pissed me off to no end. No explanation as to who was behind it all or why they were all chosen to be placed in this cube. And the only person who survives is the annoying retard? Whatever. For those who have seen Kids is it really that disturbing or is it actually worth seeing?
  #165  
Old 06-13-2003, 06:18 AM
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Robocop. You know when movie's are so bad their good? Well this went past that and into the realm of painful. My stomach actually hurt from watching it! Just something about the fact that I'm supposed to feel anything for all these characters... *shudder*
  #166  
Old 06-13-2003, 08:34 AM
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My vote for worst movies:
ANYTHING made by those two hacks (Golan and Globus) of the "Cannon Group": such gems as :
-SURF NAZIS MUST DIE
-CHUCK NORRIS ficks
and finally (not a G&G piece of crap):
Tom Loughlans's "BILLY JACK"
Absolute garbage!
  #167  
Old 06-13-2003, 10:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by And that's the bottom line
While I quite enjoyed the first half of Cube, the ending pissed me off to no end. No explanation as to who was behind it all or why they were all chosen to be placed in this cube. And the only person who survives is the annoying retard?
May I suggest that you take the following steps:

1) Watch the damn film. Worth explains who built the Cube - him, among others - and why people were put into it.

2) Smash your skull against a wall until you're as retarded as the handicapped people you despise so. Then you can stop bothering us.
  #168  
Old 06-13-2003, 10:47 AM
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For those who have seen Kids is it really that disturbing or is it actually worth seeing?
YMMV, but I would not watch Kids again if my dick grew one inch for every minute it played.
  #169  
Old 06-13-2003, 08:57 PM
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Conair. What a steam load that was. A walk in the clouds and Austin Powers
  #170  
Old 06-13-2003, 08:58 PM
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Wait let me correct that Conair was a STEAMING load. Not a steam load. sorry
  #171  
Old 06-13-2003, 09:15 PM
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I am surprised nobody mentioned Independence Day. If it was supposed to be a parody I totally missed it.
  #172  
Old 06-14-2003, 12:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Evil Death
May I suggest that you take the following steps:

1) Watch the damn film. Worth explains who built the Cube - him, among others - and why people were put into it.

2) Smash your skull against a wall until you're as retarded as the handicapped people you despise so. Then you can stop bothering us.
1. Whoa there, Evil Death. I never said I despised the mentally challenged or handicapped. I'm sorry if I gave that impression or offended anyone. My comment was in sole reference to the character in Cube. The character in the movie just got on my nerves.

2. There is conjecture as to who built the Cube and why but no definitive answer. That is what bothered me.

3. Stop jumping to conclusions.
  #173  
Old 06-14-2003, 04:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by And that's the bottom line
2. There is conjecture as to who built the Cube and why but no definitive answer. That is what bothered me.
Worth's answer certainly sounds reasonable enough to me.

However, not giving the viewer any more information than the characters would have is a very common technique to draw the viewer in to the plot and get them to empathise with the characters. Nor was it done incompetently in Cube. The flaw is in you, not in the film; it's your need to know everything that took away much of the enjoyment for you.

Quote:
3. Stop jumping to conclusions.
Didn't jump - you pushed me.
  #174  
Old 06-14-2003, 01:03 PM
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I can watch almost anything, from the dismally unfunny (to me) Look who's talking too and Up In Smoke, to John Boorman's woeful Excalibur (a film in which it seems they forgot to hire any writers or lighting, since it takes place in incoherently-plotted darkness), or utterly inept British actioners like Hardware, not to mention the oeuvre of Ed Wood.

But the only 2 films I can think of that I have been completely unable to watch, even if I paused the video to draw breath or left the room for 5 minutes are Glitter, which my little sister repeatedly tried to make me watch (I've survived her Grease 2 fetish, so this is far worse) and Sleepless in Seattle (I tried 2 or 3 times on this because I really liked When Harry Met Sally and generally enjoy rom-coms, but it was just too sickly and contrived and stupid).
  #175  
Old 06-14-2003, 04:11 PM
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I have to agree that a lot of the films mentioned here are purely out of 'it was reviewed well and I hated it, therefore it must really really suck.' However much you hate Titanic, calling it the worst movie ever made means you've either only seen 5 movies, or you are ignorant. Can you honestly, with a straight face, say that movies such as Kazaam or Barb Wire were better acted and produced than Titanic?

Anyway, going to recent films: I nominate Critical Mass. I was unfortunate enough to see the last half of this in a public viewing room, and was amazed at just how pathetic a movie could become. It tries to be serious about the scenes, but it so completely rediculous, with such horrible cardboard acting, that I almost couldn't believe was I was seeing. I don't think it's likely the worst movie ever, but it's the worst movie I've seen any part of in the last several years.
  #176  
Old 06-15-2003, 01:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by refusal
utterly inept British actioners like Hardware,

Hey!! That was a fun film!

Lemmy, a trippy fractal zoom, a killer-robot-drill-dick, spray-painting a metal skull while Ministry plays, that peeping tom's freaky "And weee allll walk the widdily waddly waalk!" song, and Dylan McDermott doing his "Mad Max" impersonation?

All with Iggy Pop as "Angry Bob" as the radio DJ?

I just wish the X rated version was available around here...
  #177  
Old 06-15-2003, 12:29 PM
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Well, this isn't the worst movie ever. Not even the worst movie I've seen myself. But it is the movie I hate above all other movies.

Blast from the Past
  #178  
Old 06-15-2003, 03:09 PM
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ugh... The Matrix. I know everyone's gonna hate me for that, but I fell asleep during the first one and woke up later to re-watch it. I realized I hadn't missed anything.
  #179  
Old 06-23-2003, 04:45 PM
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Star Pairing without Sexual Chemistry at 9pm?


Hollywood Homicide

Some movies are flawed or bad, and I've still managed to enjoy them, but that one was so utterly humorless that I was annoyed it had stolen 2 hours of my life.

I want to point out that although this is a recent release, I am a 29-year old adult, and have really have seen lots of movies and it still stands out there as one of the most truly horrible films I have ever seen. Even The Blair Witch Project, for example, had an interesting 30 seconds of footage at the end which almost redeemed it for me, and live action cartoons like Showgirls have entertained me in the past, but Hollywood Homicide failed to meet even my incredibly low standards for bland cop-buddy-type comedies. It's like they didn't even try to put jokes in the movie, and seeing as there was only one suspect in the titular homicide, there was no point in watching the movie at all.
I just hate it so much....

I just love using the word 'titular'
  #180  
Old 06-23-2003, 06:48 PM
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I'm a bit surprised nobody's mentioned:

Xanadu
Star Trek V
  #181  
Old 06-23-2003, 11:11 PM
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I'm going to have to agree with davidw. It does not get worse than Boxing Helena.

I'm going to put my review in a spoiler box, although I'm partly tempted to just leave it out -- I think as many people should be discouraged from seeing this movie as possible.

SPOILER:
The basic premise is intriguing -- a surgeon becomes so obsessed with a woman, that when she's hit by a car and he has to do an emergency amputation of her legs, he decides to keep her at his place and not tell anyone. Since she was bound for Europe the next day, nobody will miss her.

So I'm thinking, intriguing feminist criticism of a male obsession with helpless women. But then she falls in love with him -- after he's amputated her arms, too, for no good reason!

So now I'm thinking, this is a sort of clumsily-done attempt to look at the darker edges of human psychology. But then it turns into a cheap, soft-core porn, complete with the cheesy music, and the legless, armless woman trying to appear sultry.

Okay, I'm thinking now, this is very bad but it can't much worse. But what comes next? A badly-scripted gunfight scene -- they're going for action!

So then I was thinking, well, it could have been worse. It could "have been all just a dream."

Guess what happened next?


Anyway, the movie has one redeeming feature -- its most serious moments are some hilarious images ever committed to celluloid.

I give a special mention, though, to Xanadu, which is just bad without being particularly funny.
  #182  
Old 06-24-2003, 01:45 AM
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"Longshot" I believe it was called, starring 2 horrible actors with cameos by all the top boy bands at the time (Nsync, O-town...uh...someone else) and Brittney Spears.

Trying to explain this next scene will be a bitch, but bare with me. One of the main characters was sitting on a plane as they were waiting for takeoff. Anyways, he signals one of the stewards who is walking down the aisle, and it's none other than Lance Bass from NSYNC, OH MY! Anyways, after a brief conversation Bass looks down at his watch and says "Boy, we're late for takeoff, these Air Traffic Controllers really need to get in sync" then winked and displayed the most plastic smile ever.

I wanted to hit my own head with a brick for seeing such stupidity on the TV screen, luckily my copy of "O Brother Where Art Thou?" was close by to redeem me.

So yeah "Longshot" gets my vote. I also despise "Titantic" and "Pearl Harbor"
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  #183  
Old 06-24-2003, 03:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Evil Death
However, not giving the viewer any more information than the characters would have is a very common technique to draw the viewer in to the plot and get them to empathise with the characters. Nor was it done incompetently in Cube. The flaw is in you, not in the film; it's your need to know everything that took away much of the enjoyment for you.
I don't agree. When Cube was announced and previewed, I was very enthusiastic with the concept. Despite is one of my favorites, solely by the idea, I found later that all the hi-tech paraphernalia was just a lame excuse to explore human behaviors in desperate and unknown situations. The reasons why many people hasn't liked Cube is because is aimed to sci-fi lovers and what they get is just an annoying drama (yes, annoying, and not only by the retarded boy: most of them were). Hypercube: Cube 2 is better oriented in that sense, and still lacks on scientific precision and overstates the dramatic tone.

I would have liked, in Cube, the explanation of who built the structure, why they were inside it, etc. I'm tired of great-great movie concepts that just throw me into surrealism because they don't find a good denouement to justify the setting.

(Still, I'm gonna buy both DVDs)
  #184  
Old 06-24-2003, 03:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jman
I have to agree that a lot of the films mentioned here are purely out of 'it was reviewed well and I hated it, therefore it must really really suck.' However much you hate Titanic, calling it the worst movie ever made means you've either only seen 5 movies, or you are ignorant. Can you honestly, with a straight face, say that movies such as Kazaam or Barb Wire were better acted and produced than Titanic?
That's because I said early: the worst of the best, is what some say. I wouldn't call Titanic a bad movie. I don't really like it. It is a good movie, but extremely overrated. Only a great love story, set in a great disaster... is what most of people find delightful. But we can't deny the great production work and the masterful direction involved in it.
  #185  
Old 06-24-2003, 07:39 AM
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"The Royal Tenenbaums"
  #186  
Old 06-25-2003, 02:46 PM
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I must warn anyone against taking the advice of djbdjb. Do not do this search.

Remember those german soldiers that pried the silver cross off the wall in The Keep, thus opening the door to that underground vault? Remember the guy that moved the boulder in Rawhead Rex? Christ, remember any part of the steaming crap-pile Jeepers Creepers, one of the dumbest movies ever made? There are some forces in nature that should not be tampered with. It says much to me that the movie in question, the movie-that-cannot-be-named, has not even been mentioned by any other in this thread, except djbdjb, who apparantly has a taste for danger.


You have been warned
  #187  
Old 07-01-2003, 09:05 AM
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I hate to bump an old thread, but I just saw one of the worst movies ever and I needed to share. It was an Indie film called Axe 'Em. And surprisingly, we found this at a Blockbuster. The film had no good qualities and we found ourselves laughing through the entire movie because it was so bad. I'm not just talking about the script or the acting, everything was bad. The acting, the dialogue, the lighting, the cinematography, the sound, the special effects, the editing, everything.

So you may review this "piece of work":
http://www.nixflix.com/reviews/axem.htm
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/Ax-Em/default.asp
  #188  
Old 07-02-2003, 06:52 PM
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"Battlefield Earth"
"Freddy got fingered"
"Escape from LA"
"European Vacation"/"Vegas vacation"
"The Bare Wench project".....Wait a minute.......OK I liked that one.
I meant "The Blaire witch project"
  #189  
Old 07-02-2003, 08:25 PM
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Very Bad Things
  #190  
Old 07-02-2003, 08:55 PM
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"Master of Disguise". It is the single worst movie I have ever seen (and I like those awful horror movies from the '50s and '60s).

I figure Dana Carvey owes me about 30 bucks for the money I spent for admission and the time wasted sitting through this total piece of crap.
  #191  
Old 07-03-2003, 10:10 AM
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"The Final Comedown" 1974? Billy Dee Williams Productions

Saw this in college, thank God for free. Everything was so bad. The scene I remember most and represented the rest of the film....

The "heros" are trying to sneak through the police net set up to capture/kill them. They're sneaking along this huge solid white concrete wall (no windows or doors) bordering a six lane street! Guns poised, they creep along reciting their lines as if thinking to themselves out loud, all the while the whole crew (mouth open) is looking straight up at the mike which is totally in picture, boom and all!

The ending is a real winner too. All of them get taken out except the leader's right hand man. He's surrounded and trapped when the cops shoot in tear gas. He bravely charges outside ala "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid"
to be met with a one minute barrage of gun fire from the cops who have pistols, shotguns, rifles, grenade launchers, bazookas, you name it. The camera pans up to the sky as the guy meets his fate to spare us the vistage of carnage. Smoke from the guns fill the sky. The shooting stops. The camera slowly pans back down to see our hero.... dead.... not a mark on him. He does have a few of what looks like old grape juice stains on his tee shirt.

The only good thing that came out of this movie was a line my friend and I share to this day..... "Dey gonna kill you sure as shit!" When the phone rings and I hear this line, I know it's John calling.
  #192  
Old 05-19-2020, 09:48 PM
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16+ years. SIXTEEN YEARS!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
On TV once I caught the last half of - well technically I guess you'd have to call it a horror movie. It featured a little girl in what looked like the 1920s rural South fleeing from zombies and witches through a series of haunted houses and ghost towns. In the end, they catch her and she joins the ranks of the undead. Maybe the weirdest thing I've ever layed eyes on. Anyone know what the hell that was?
By going through Wikipedia's lists of Horror Movies by Year one by one, I finally found it. Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural. Why I couldn't find it before is that the "zombies" were decayed semi-corpselike vampires and the "witches" were intact human-looking vampires.
  #193  
Old 05-19-2020, 10:07 PM
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Leonard Part 6

I was a huge fan of Bill Cosby back then. Didn't laugh once.
  #194  
Old 05-19-2020, 10:34 PM
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Before the lock comes in, I'll add anything by Neil Breen.

Watch Double Down sober. I dare you.
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