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Old 04-08-2020, 12:58 PM
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A new Punch Line thread


It MUST be the punchline of a joke you know. Not something that could be the punchline of a joke. Examples and the first two.

1. And the bartender asked him "Do you think I asked the genie for a 12 inch pianist?"

2. And the Mother Superior answered "25 dollars, same as in town."
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Old 04-08-2020, 01:14 PM
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"Maybe I should have said Joe Dimaggio?"
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"Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible. The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks."
-- Douglas Adams's Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective
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Old 04-08-2020, 01:21 PM
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"There goes the bell. Now we have to go in and string beads."

"Who's confessing? I'm bragging."
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Old 04-08-2020, 01:25 PM
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"You don't eat a pig like that all at once!"
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Old 04-08-2020, 01:27 PM
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He had snap and crackle, but no pop.
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:05 PM
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:08 PM
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"Okay, coffee break is over. Everyone back on your heads."
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:15 PM
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"Move over, girls. I have to gargle."

"Hell, no. I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

"Excuse me, you gonna eat that?"

"They took her picture off the box because her box is in pictures."

"Neither have I. Must be the cobbles."

"Yes it does, doesn't it?"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."

Last edited by terentii; 04-08-2020 at 02:17 PM.
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:17 PM
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The old guy looks around, and makes sure that nobody is listening, and leans to the man, and he says: "but if you fuck one sheep..."
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:27 PM
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"Don't worry, we've got another one in the boot."

"You don't usually come in before four o'clock, Father."

"Hey! I can see your house from up here!"

"Gee whiz, Mom! You're always spoilin' my tricks!"

"I didn't have holes in my feet the last time!"

"Anybody wanna buy a fly?"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:28 PM
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:30 PM
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"Move the cat and I will."
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:34 PM
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"Dick van Dyke."
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:36 PM
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"What is this, some kind of joke?"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:37 PM
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"The aristocrats!"

"You can keep the duck."

"Admit it, you're not here to hunt are you?"
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Can also be seen at:

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Old 04-08-2020, 02:43 PM
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"You're so freakin' smart, you tell me!"

"I was talking to the duck!"

"BITCH!"

"I learned to say 'How very nice!' instead of 'Fuck you, bitch!'"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:57 PM
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"Hey, Masked Man! You left yer Injun runnin' ouside!"

"Ugh, what you mean 'we,' White Man?"

"Ugh, me sorry Chief. That not bacon tree, that 'am bush."

"Well, ma'am, looks like this just ain't your lucky day!"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
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Old 04-08-2020, 02:59 PM
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"So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with it."
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Old 04-08-2020, 03:04 PM
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Old 04-08-2020, 03:04 PM
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"That's okay. My name is Kevin, and I'm on my way to a costume party."
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #21  
Old 04-08-2020, 03:07 PM
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Quote:
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"Hey, Masked Man! You left yer Injun runnin' ouside!"

"Ugh, what you mean 'we,' White Man?"

"Ugh, me sorry Chief. That not bacon tree, that 'am bush."

"Well, ma'am, looks like this just ain't your lucky day!"
"It just goes to show, you don't fuck with the Lone Ranger."
  #22  
Old 04-08-2020, 03:10 PM
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Quote:
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"It just goes to show, you don't fuck with the Lone Ranger."
"Kemo sabe, tribe say you wear that mask 'cause you ashamed of our relationship!"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #23  
Old 04-08-2020, 03:19 PM
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"Oh, not much. Sit around ... watch porn flicks ... eat Cheetos ...."

"Grape."

"Just give it a wash. Those are tobacco stains."
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #24  
Old 04-08-2020, 03:19 PM
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The makers of the GoPro have to come out with a model called the "Quid"
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Old 04-08-2020, 03:25 PM
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"Ooooh, wot's this 'ere?"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
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Old 04-08-2020, 03:30 PM
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"Fuck off, you red-nosed cunt!"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #27  
Old 04-08-2020, 03:32 PM
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"What's the sound you get when your sheep explodes?"

Carnak, so reversed.
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Old 04-08-2020, 04:00 PM
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And she told him "You can if you want to... it's your cow."
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Old 04-08-2020, 04:50 PM
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And my husband said, "Fuck him. Give him a dollar."
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Old 04-08-2020, 05:25 PM
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Quote:
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"What's the sound you get when your sheep explodes?"

Carnak, so reversed.
I was tickled that I knew that one.



Wrecked 'im? Damn near killed 'im.

I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell.

What, were you expecting feathers?
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Old 04-08-2020, 05:36 PM
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"It's an ambush! There are two of them!"
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Old 04-08-2020, 05:53 PM
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Old 04-08-2020, 05:58 PM
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God willing, that's blood.

And then the pig got up and walked away.

I don;t know where you've been, but I see you won first prize!
  #34  
Old 04-08-2020, 06:12 PM
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And in honor of Jim Peebles,

Loose lips zinc sheeps.
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Old 04-08-2020, 06:47 PM
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"Congratulations: You have just been screwed by Granny!"

"Now, then: Who's on first?"

"No, I want to be Frank!"

"That bastard! All these years, he's been telling me it's Gabriel's Trumpet...."

"You don't have heartburn, lady. Your tit's in the ashtray."

"You can tell them if you want. I ain't swimming out there!"

"Sure I can. But if I know you, you'll switch it off as soon as I get up there!"

"I was down in some guy's basement, and boy! Does he have a set of electric trains!"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."

Last edited by terentii; 04-08-2020 at 06:48 PM.
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Old 04-08-2020, 06:57 PM
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"Keep the tip!"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #37  
Old 04-08-2020, 07:13 PM
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"Oy, the same thing happened to me! I sent my son to study in Israel and he came back a Christian!"
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:35 PM
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"License and registration."

"That's all right. This is an imaginary mongoose."
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:39 PM
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:44 PM
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:46 PM
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"Well....OK, then. Do you have any grapes?"

"Oh, about 3 or 4 pounds."

"Holy crap! A talking muffin!"
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Old 04-08-2020, 07:48 PM
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The penguin blushed and said, "Oh, no. This is just ice cream."
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Old 04-08-2020, 08:02 PM
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"Strictly speaking, I shouldn't even be doing THIS!"

...and then they realized that the Czech was in the male.
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Old 04-08-2020, 08:28 PM
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"You know, Superman? You're a real asshole when you're drunk."

"Okay, not gonna lie. Thursdays are gonna be kind of rough for you."

"And then ... and frankly, I don't even know what I was thinking ... I asked for an orange for a head."

"Okay, pard ... I'll give it to you straight. Doc says you gonna die."
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Old 04-08-2020, 09:15 PM
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"Death! DEATH! Death by oonga-boonga!"

"Oh, dat one was hard! But we finally figgered out what dey meant when dey wrote 'A nervous titter ran tru de courtroom.'"

"Mais non, mon Colonel! Ze men simply saddle ze camel and ride to ze brothel on ze ozzer side of ze oasis."

"You wanna hold this camel still for me?"

"No, not if you hold your fingers right."

"I liked it fine, but look what it did to my clam-digger!"

"Because his wife died."

"She wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."

Last edited by terentii; 04-08-2020 at 09:18 PM.
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Old 04-08-2020, 09:19 PM
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"Wow...you really are a mean drunk, Superman"
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Old 04-08-2020, 09:22 PM
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"Oy, you talk to him! He wants to be a soccer player!"
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"Makes you wonder why we bother, eh, Fawlty?"
"Didn't know you did, Major."
  #48  
Old 04-08-2020, 09:23 PM
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"So, you went straight from the Reed oculist to the sub, Lime?"
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Old 04-08-2020, 09:25 PM
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"Yeah but somehow I ended up back in Kenny Rogers's beard"
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Old 04-08-2020, 09:37 PM
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