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  #201  
Old 04-18-2020, 06:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by terentii View Post
"They both wear one glove for no apparent reason."
I remember watching Johnny Carson deliver that punchline! (Unless it's a manufactured memory.)
  #202  
Old 04-18-2020, 06:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TreacherousCretin View Post
I remember watching Johnny Carson deliver that punchline! (Unless it's a manufactured memory.)
Speaking of The Tonight Show:

Quote:
I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you, if you wish, where you will be seen by everyone.
Moving on to other vintage punchlines:

"Ready when you are, C.B.!"

"And I am the Queen of Roumania."

"We're the Phone Company!"
  #203  
Old 04-18-2020, 07:21 PM
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Oops, of course that's "Marie" not "the Queen".

Didn't see a prohibition in the OP on jokes that rhyme, by the way. (But maybe there was such a rule in the first thread on the topic?)
  #204  
Old 04-18-2020, 07:58 PM
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"Two."

"Obbornockity tunes but once."

"And young lady, when you arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Finger is going to shake his peter at you."

Variations of these have already been said here, but here's how I heard them:

"Sits up all night, wondering if there is a dog."

"I need to gargle some of that holy water before she sits in it."

"Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven."
  #205  
Old 04-18-2020, 08:01 PM
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ETA: "Crunch bird, my ass."

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  #206  
Old 04-18-2020, 09:45 PM
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  #207  
Old 04-18-2020, 09:58 PM
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  #208  
Old 04-18-2020, 10:03 PM
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Old 04-19-2020, 01:25 AM
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Old 04-19-2020, 05:31 AM
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  #211  
Old 04-19-2020, 05:40 AM
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Old 04-19-2020, 05:41 AM
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Old 04-19-2020, 09:03 AM
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Old 04-19-2020, 09:05 AM
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Old 04-19-2020, 10:28 AM
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Old 04-19-2020, 10:35 AM
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  #217  
Old 04-19-2020, 10:44 AM
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  #218  
Old 04-19-2020, 10:50 AM
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Old 04-19-2020, 11:04 AM
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  #220  
Old 04-19-2020, 04:47 PM
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  #221  
Old 04-19-2020, 06:11 PM
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Old 04-19-2020, 06:14 PM
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Old 04-19-2020, 06:18 PM
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Old 04-19-2020, 06:21 PM
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  #225  
Old 04-19-2020, 06:42 PM
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  #226  
Old 04-19-2020, 06:57 PM
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  #227  
Old 04-19-2020, 10:34 PM
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  #228  
Old 04-19-2020, 10:45 PM
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Last edited by terentii; 04-19-2020 at 10:47 PM.
  #229  
Old 04-19-2020, 10:49 PM
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  #230  
Old 04-19-2020, 11:20 PM
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"That's true, Moishe. But think of the job security!"

"Eh, I just like reading about how rich and powerful we are."
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  #231  
Old 04-20-2020, 12:44 PM
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  #232  
Old 04-20-2020, 01:19 PM
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Quote:
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It MUST be the punchline of a joke you know. Not something that could be the punchline of a joke. Examples and the first two.

1. And the bartender asked him "Do you think I asked the genie for a 12 inch pianist?"

2. And the Mother Superior answered "25 dollars, same as in town."
I think the punch line to 1 is "The Genie was hard of hearing."
  #233  
Old 04-20-2020, 05:00 PM
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  #234  
Old 04-20-2020, 09:59 PM
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  #235  
Old 04-20-2020, 11:21 PM
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  #236  
Old 04-21-2020, 09:23 AM
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Descartes says, "I think not," and disappeared.

>smack< "Yeah, we get 'em all the time in this old bar."

"It's okay. The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack!"

"Some people can tell a joke, and some can't."

"What you told me is perfectly true yet absolutely worthless."
  #237  
Old 04-21-2020, 09:59 AM
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  #238  
Old 04-21-2020, 02:35 PM
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  #239  
Old 04-21-2020, 02:39 PM
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"To see the old Italian navy."

"A twelve-year-old who can outrun her brothers."

"They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
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  #240  
Old 04-21-2020, 03:06 PM
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A West Virginia unemployment line.
  #241  
Old 04-21-2020, 03:18 PM
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"She could taste her blood on her son's dick."

"Weren't room enough in that bed to go like this, so we all went like this."

"But Paw, her li'l ol' arm gits so tired!"

"She ain't good enough fer her own kinfolk, she ain't good enough for me!"
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Last edited by terentii; 04-21-2020 at 03:18 PM.
  #242  
Old 04-21-2020, 05:24 PM
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  #243  
Old 04-21-2020, 07:10 PM
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  #244  
Old 04-21-2020, 08:12 PM
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  #245  
Old 04-21-2020, 08:21 PM
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  #246  
Old 04-21-2020, 10:00 PM
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Old 04-21-2020, 10:04 PM
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  #248  
Old 04-22-2020, 02:33 AM
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  #249  
Old 04-22-2020, 08:57 AM
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  #250  
Old 04-22-2020, 11:47 AM
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"Hey, demon! Get off the fuckin' car!"

"Because he was a little more on."

"Well, he keeps the children entertained and, goodness knows, we can use the eggs."

They'd come to see Closed for Winter.

"Here's a spoon, then. We ain't got no 'lectricity."

"We need to start using all these big city amenities, Ma. Call the Fire Department."

The coffin stopped.
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