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Old 05-21-2020, 09:55 PM
installLSC is online now
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You and your spouse's/SO's tastes

Does your taste in music, movies, or TV differ from that of your spouse or significant other, or are they largely the same? Have they come closer since you started being a couple?
Old 05-21-2020, 11:07 PM
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I met my wife 20 years ago this summer. I was 19, she was 21.

She liked country music, I liked classic rock. And blues. And opera. But not that tub thumpin' hillbilly horseshit.

She liked John Wayne, beach party, and Elvis movies. I liked dark dramas and horror.

She liked Chevys. I liked Toyotas.

I liked real food. She liked white bread and mayonnaise type crap.

She went to a pentecostal church and was deep into their belief system. I was a very lapsed catholic.

She was deeply prudish and had a very... well, pentecostal attitude towars sex. We were both virgins but I had at least bought a Penthouse or two in my time. She thought that was a horrible sin.

She wouldn't say shit if she had a mouthful of it. I swore like a sailor.

Perhaps most significantly, I wanted to go to college and then med school to become a physician. She thought college was for elites that couldn't work a real job like truck driving or roofing or something.


I still hate country. She listens mostly to celtic folk music now, but I think she listens to country when she's alone in the car. When we're together we tend to listen to heartland rock (Tom Petty, The Eagles) as its the closest compromise. I'm finding myself actually enjoying a lot of the celtic folk music too. But alone in the car, I still listen to my mullet rock.

She's never warmed up to horror, but she likes suspense and ersatz creepy stuff like Supernatural. We've both evolved to the point where we watch very little television, and when we go to the movies in the theater (maybe 3 or 4 times a year) we let our teenage sons choose the flick.

We own a Chevy (hers), a Honda (mine), and a Subaru (will be our sons). Other than the fact that we both a) despise Fords and b) love classic muscle cars, our vehicle tastes haven't changed too much. Although she would love to buy a Sequoia or a 4Runner some day, so maybe I've worn off on her.

I love to cook, and she's still not a very good one, so she's learned to appreciate cuisine that is several edibility steps above the slop her mother raised her on. When she cooks she makes simple, bland Betty Crocker-type stuff. I can't complain too much, its light-years better than what she could make when I met her.

She no longer goes to church, and hasn't in at least a decade. Her mother has guilt-tripped her mercilessly about this, thankfully she ignores it. I have been to one mass (a funeral) in the past two decades.

She long ago discovered her kinky side and embraced it fully.

She doesn't cuss like a sailor quite yet, but she'll say shit or even drop an F bomb when she's pissed. But never around her mom.

Most significantly, after meeting my family, a large portion of whom went to and graduated college (and were living solid middle-class lifestyles because of it), she quickly embraced the concept of higher education and went to school herself -- becoming the first person in her family, distant and extended family included, to graduate from college.*

So... basically she's changed a lot more than I have. She came from a very conservative, xenophobic family (that's another thing: she no longer votes Republican ) that, while large, did not have any disparate opinions or beliefs. Everyone adopted the same family beliefs and tastes and traditions. To do otherwise Just Wasn't Done. My family, while also large, was very diverse and came from different backgrounds and socio-economic statuses. She experienced diversity for the first time when she met me. I'm quite happy she shed a lot of the baggage her parents placed on her.

* My wife was in her sophomore year, we had both returned to school and were struggling to make ends meet while holding down jobs and raising two kids. One day her mom told her that it was *my* job to support my family and it was disgraceful that I was "making" her work and go to school. Instead I should drop out, get a "real job (I was working nights as a hospice caregiver / CNA), and let her quit school so she could take her rightful place as a housewife, just like God wanted her to.

I was not there for that conversation. I don't particularly like my in-laws but I've always tolerated them. Had I been present that day my tolerance would have reached its breaking point. As my wife tells it, she told her mom that she's going to school for herself, not because anyone told her to. And she *will* finish and get her degree, with or without her family's support.

I earned my BA in 2016, and I earned my MA two days ago (sneak brag!). My in-laws have never acknowledged my BA or in any way acknowledged my 3 1/2 years of grad school.
Old 05-21-2020, 11:18 PM
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We're into similar things, but not quite the same, and we sometimes engage with them way differently.

Like, we're mostly into the same kinds of video games (except that she likes 'fuck you' difficulty and I merely like a challenge, occasionally enjoying a cakewalk), but our attitudes towards mods are way different - she's a 'mod it till you break it' girl, I prefer to use as few mods as possible to get the experience I want. She likes adding difficulty, extra quests, more enemies...I prefer only to add cosmetic shit and stuff that should have been in in the first place (reinstating dummied content, fixing bad UI choices, improving graphics, etc).
Old 05-21-2020, 11:31 PM
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We have remarkably similar taste and have from the get-go. That's one of the reasons we ended up married.
"Hell is other people." -- Jean-Paul Sartre
Old 05-22-2020, 01:02 AM
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We probably share 70 - 80% of likes. She likes country music more than I do, I have more eclectic tastes. Food, pretty similar except that she knew how to cook all this interesting Mennonite stuff, but I got a taste for it immediately.
Books, I like sf and she likes mysteries few of which I read, except Brunetti.
Hell, our Sirius channels are very similar.
After 42 years my experience is that it is good to have a subset of different likes, so long as there is no conflict. And there hasn't been.
Old 05-22-2020, 06:37 AM
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The first time I was in my now gf's home, I was looking through a stack of CDs. They were all Tom Waits. She started explaining to me who Old Tom was, and I started laughing. We are near twins when it comes to taste in music, our love of cooking, and gourmet dining. Our libraries (now kindle libraries) were very similar with many duplicates.
Old 05-22-2020, 07:50 AM
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We hit our 36th anniversary last December. When we met, he was a divorced Baptist and I was a fairly hard-core Catholic. He had a fairly blue-collar upbringing and I had an engineering degree. He knew almost nothing of classical music, and while I wasn't an expert, I did recognize some compositions. Other than that, our musical tastes were similar. I was timid when it came to trying new foods, but he'd pretty much try anything.

Now, we're both pretty much non-religious - the last time we were in a church was for a funeral. He realized that he had the smarts to be an engineer, and he's been doing that for about 30 years now - he's actually a better engineer than I am. He's learned a lot more about classical music and I've found I like a lot more foods than I'd imagined.

He still likes war movies and anything John Wayne ever made, and he's none too fond of reading for pleasure. I've learned to tolerate some sci-fi without snarking (tho it's sometimes a challenge.) There are things we each do separately (I hate motorcycles and he hates gardening) but overall, we have plenty of common ground to keep us going.
Old 05-22-2020, 08:07 AM
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We probably overlap 70-80% or so in music and film. Over the years, she's taken more songs from me than the reverse but she still has plenty of her own stuff. Neither of us read the same sort of things but, since that's less of a shared experience, it's no big deal. There's plenty of "guy" movies she has no interest in and I'm not likely to engage in her Hallmark/Lifetime movie binges but there's enough comedies, dramas and superhero movies to enjoy on the couch.
Old 05-22-2020, 08:26 AM
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Mrs. J. and I have some overlap in cultural likes, but not all that much.

While we both enjoy things like early British rock and goofy pop hits, our musical tastes otherwise differ. For instance, she likes folk and Xmas music (which I can easily do without), and I never hear her cranking up Motorhead or Baroque suites. Movies - well, you go see that nice women's film, have fun. I 'm into detective fiction, she's heavily a non-fiction person.

However, we're in relative concordance in two very important matters - political outlook and favorite foods.
Old 05-22-2020, 08:39 AM
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I was just thinking the other day how my SO and I have such different musical tastes, and it sorta makes me mad. We both like 90s alternative and classic rock, but he has disdain for most of the stuff I'm passionate about now. Like hip hop and twee. We've never gone to a concert together.

He also can't stand Monty Python or British sitcoms & panel shows. That's like 75% of what I watch most. He thinks Tim & Eric are gods, they make me sick. We do both love Kids in the Hall so we've got that going for us.

Being that I've become so good at being single over my 40 years, I'm accustomed to liking what I like and experiencing it by myself, and going to shows & movies by myself or with random friends. So, fuck his weird tastes!
Old 05-22-2020, 08:47 AM
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As of April 17th, we've been married 38 years.

Our music tastes are basically the same, although there are a few artists we really disagree on.

He'll eat anything, I'm quite picky.

I love TV and have a DVR that's full of all sorts of programs. He doesn't watch as much TV as I do and there are only a handful of shows that we watch together and really enjoy.

I love to read. I don't think he has ever read a book for pleasure/entertainment. He likes to read "how to do stuff" books when he needs to do stuff or when he's curious about something.

We both love animals, we are both Christians, we love taking our grandkids places, we both like to be outdoors, we are on the same page when it comes to sex. So I guess when it comes to the important stuff we're ok
Old 05-22-2020, 09:09 AM
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We're pretty much the same when it comes to music: jazz and older rock, mainly, with some classical thrown in. Also film, although I like some sci-fi and horror. She won't watch the latter, and doesn't much like action films. We both hate reality shows, and find most network programming to be puerile.
Old 05-22-2020, 09:19 AM
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food, travel, ethics/morals/worldview are where we most closely align and that last ones ensures that the huge number of differing tastes we do have (music, film and TV, politics) never become a problem. Live and let live.
I'm saving this space for the first good insult hurled my way
Old 05-22-2020, 09:53 AM
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My wife and I are on our second go-around. We were together for a couple of years right after high school, then had no contact for 20 years. We've been together again since 2011.

Our politics have always been the same (on the liberal side), and our religion has always been the same (atheist).

There is a huge overlap in our tastes for movies and television. We have lots of stuff we watch together - sci-fi and fantasy, comedies, dramas, and whatnot. On the outside of this common ground, she likes to watch a lot of foreign stuff, like Bollywood movies or the Korean shows that are all over Netflix, which I have no interest in. And me, a lot of the comedy stuff I like is too stupid for her. I'm all for a good, thought-provoking flick that is funny, but sometimes I want mindless stupid funny like Dumb and Dumber. She hates that shit.

The biggest disparity is music. I've been heavily into progressive rock since I was 15 years old. She has no interest in it, never has. When we were kids, she was into alternative stuff like The Cure. I used to try to push prog on her, but the more mature me realizes that people like their own things.

When the 90s and the grunge scene came along, I dismissed it as garbage, and stopped paying attention to the popular music scene. (We broke up a few months before "Smells Like Teen Spirit" exploded). It turns out that she embraced it, which was no big surprise. She has always kept up with what is going on with mainstream music, but she does tend to prefer the more intelligent stuff over the boring drek. I've come to realize that some of the stuff that came out back in the '90s is actually pretty good. And she plays more recent stuff that is quite good, that I never would have heard about if I was on my own.
Old 05-22-2020, 10:08 AM
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My wife has a limited appetite for anything that she considers weird. For instance, she once borrowed the movie The Lobster from the library and she called it the worst movie she has ever seen (although she has said that about other movies, too). I thought it was pretty good.

On my side, I have a limited appetite for my wife's strategy of picking movies more or less at random; I like to have some idea beforehand about what I'm going to see.

Given a choice, my wife mostly listens to pop or classical music and I mostly listen to rock.

But there are plenty of shows we have watched together and both enjoyed (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Homeland, Downton Abbey, etc.). And whoever is driving gets to pick the radio station.
Old 05-22-2020, 10:12 AM
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Considering that my husband and I met in an American Buddhist monastery (pretty small self-selected group), and both come from educated middle class backgrounds -- and it's our 38th wedding anniversary today -- we are in many ways opposites. He comes from old New England and Tidewater money, and everyone in his family are unimaginative conventional people, all Baptists and mostly engineers (he is also an engineer). My mother's family were Midwestern dairy farmers, my father's family were New York Jews one generation from escaping Russian pogroms, and our house was always filled with books, modern art, opera music, etc.

One thing we have in common is that both our families were very grateful to the spouse, for marrying such a hopeless loser they had thought would be on their hands forever.

We may or may not be losers (we seem to be doing okay) but we are definitely odd, both of us, and quite differently from each other. In retirement all he wants to do is build things and fix things, which farm living provides opportunities for, in spades. He pretty much can build or fix anything you can think of. He doesn't listen to music of any kind, or watch films, or go to any events at all. Hates all shopping. Doesn't know how to use a camera, barely can use his smartphone to make phone calls (although he can fix computers).

I listen to all kinds of music as long as it isn't popular -- no rock, pop, country, rap, reggae -- but most everything else, from Tuvan throat music to Russian Orthodox chant. I watch little quirky movies. I majored in English Lit, and had a modest fiction writing career, so I do read fiction.

We both like being alone most of the time. We rarely eat together although we'll both cook and leave some in the pot for the other one.
Old 05-22-2020, 10:21 AM
lobotomyboy63 is offline
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Originally Posted by installLSC View Post
Does your taste in music, movies, or TV differ from that of your spouse or significant other, or are they largely the same? Have they come closer since you started being a couple?
Musically we're pretty different. She tends more to country and folk; I like more rock and pop. But there is overlap: if we want to listen to music while driving down the road, it's mutually approved: Fleetwood Mac or Eagles or Beatles etc.

Movies and TV: Fairly similar. If you widen the question, I'm more likely to watch documentaries, history, factual. She likes more fanciful things but TBH, she's much more about getting out and gardening or walking, having sat behind a desk at work all day.

We have a TV in the living room and another in the bedroom. My computer is near the TV but I have headphones that can drown out whatever she's watching. If we're watching together, maybe it's "Chopped" or "Drunk History" or "Cash Cab."

I don't think our tastes have become closer. I think we went through a phase of "You want to watch THAT?" to figuring everybody has their own tastes. We don't sit through what the other wants just to be nice.

Even within a medium there can be differences of opinion...some like Eric Clapton's unplugged "Layla" and others know the original electrified one, with its exquisite
piano coda, is the far superior version. Still, you have to love the person in spite of their flaws.
Old 05-22-2020, 10:28 AM
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Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
The first time I was in my now gf's home, I was looking through a stack of CDs. They were all Tom Waits. She started explaining to me who Old Tom was, and I started laughing. We are near twins when it comes to taste in music, our love of cooking, and gourmet dining. Our libraries (now kindle libraries) were very similar with many duplicates.
I knew my wife was the one for me when she tossed out a reference to Dan Hicks. I was gobsmacked. Nobody I knew knew who Dan Hicks was. (I had actually gotten into Dan Hicks via Thomas Dolby, who covered "I Scare Myself" on his second album.)

I would say we share the same tastes in music, but she doesn't listen to a lot of music on her own, so it's more like a tolerance of what I listen to and occasionally latching onto something she likes.

TV, we watch a lot of stuff together, but she also likes various CBS dramas and Big Bang Theory reruns that I get tired of quickly, so I'll go watch something on Netflix that I figure she wouldn't be interested in.

Food wise we're mostly on the same page, though I wish I could get her interested in Indian or Thai. (I guess that's what I have a "work wife" for. )
"We can all sink or we all float
'Cuz we're all in the same big boat"

- The Police, "One World"
Old 05-22-2020, 02:47 PM
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Ever seen a Venn Diagram that looks like two circles?

She reads Jane Austen while I devour comic books.
She's binging British Baking Shows. Me? Fun old comedies. Currently Community.
If I'm driving on a trip and invoke the "Driver picks the tunes" rule, she'll promptly fall asleep. Which she actually plans on: "I need a nap... Could you put on some of your noise?"

Oh, and she'll make herself a huge salad and top it with a little bit of the Dead Pig I grilled. I don't mind, I get the rest.
Old 05-22-2020, 05:22 PM
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I think We're together because he knew who Dave Van Ronk was. And hates fruit in "real" food as I do.
Old 05-22-2020, 05:32 PM
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We know a couple who are the nicest people on earth. They're in their 60s, still hold hands, he buys her flowers, really almost too sweet. Both are intelligent, well read, keep up on current events, etc.

Oh, and he's about as right of center as she is left. He likes Trump. She supported Hillary hard.

We wonder how the heck it works for them.
Old 05-22-2020, 06:55 PM
LVBoPeep is offline
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Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
We know a couple who are the nicest people on earth. They're in their 60s, still hold hands, he buys her flowers, really almost too sweet. Both are intelligent, well read, keep up on current events, etc.

Oh, and he's about as right of center as she is left. He likes Trump. She supported Hillary hard.

We wonder how the heck it works for them.
This is me and my SO- I cried when Hilary lost, he didn't love Trump to begin with but now...ugh. Anyways, we both like animals , get a long good (maybe not great since he's always right in politics and everything else) and have been together with little drama for the past 16 years.

We enjoy some of the same shows- mostly HBO shows but I'm much happier watching a Jane Austen flic or character based drama and he goes for the action/sci-fi which with the exception of Star Wars/LOTR type stuff, I don't love. Music is pretty different tastes except I do like punk/new wave and he was a sorta punk rocker in the day so a few of those type of bands we have in common. Food wise- I like to cook and he likes to eat. He doesn't have a very large vegetable tolerance (he only eats corn/carrots/green beans) where I had to stop cooking for him 3 nights a week so I can have more vegetable friendly fare. OTOH, we both like good food, esp seafood, and compared to my sister's husband, who will pretty much only eat Dinty Moore and candy bars, he's pretty open minded as long as its not a vegetable.
"One thing is for sure, sheep are not creatures of the air" Monty Python

Old 05-22-2020, 08:17 PM
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We'll celebrate our 24th anniversary in August. We're close in age, but I'm a the end of the boomer era while she's gen x. We like a lot of the same music, although she'll listen to poppy music that I (and our sons) don't care for. She's more of a movie person than I am; that's one area where she's really bonded with our sons (one has a film festival podcast, while the other is a screenwriting major). She reads fiction, I read nonfiction (when I read books at all, despite a long career as a librarian). I was raised Baptist, but am now a liberal Christian. She is Jewish, but wasn't raised going to temple. Now we are both happy in our UU Church. Both of us are fairly liberal politically, although I have more of a prejudice toward the wealthy. Her family was upper middle class, while mine was working class. You'd think that my southern, Baptist, white, working class parents would be big Trump supporters. Well, you'd be wrong. They've got no use for him.
Old 05-22-2020, 09:16 PM
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Both I and my wife are pretty conservative, like cats, and both dislike Trump. Aside from that, we have basically nothing in common.

We celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary last June.
Old 05-23-2020, 10:52 AM
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She's warmed up to horror movies and sushi. Otherwise our tastes are worlds apart.

On music: she steadfastly refuses to listen to anything on the SiriusXM that she hasn't heard before and can't sing along to. That means that I don't get to listen to Blues if she's in the car, and instead have to listen to whatever she claims we both like even though I don't like any of it. 80's hits (we're both Gen X), 90's, she also digs a lot of that stupid bullshit that I can't stand like Train, Panic! At The Disco, Matchbox 20, that kind of shit.

On TV: she likes the most boring fucking TV that has ever been written. Reruns of Little House on the Prairie or Star Trek:TNG are, to her, the gold standard of TV. She also likes schlock like Dr. Phil or Ancient Aliens. I'm more about cerebral comedies (What We Do In The Shadows) or mainstream network sitcoms (Bob Hearts Abishola).

On movies: if it doesn't pass the Bechdel Test, it doesn't get her attention. She could spend all day watching movies with deep philosophical import within: Ad Astra, August Osage County. I like horror, stoner comedies, and the rare art-house flick.

On food: at home, unless it's a bland, Midwestern recipe that her mom or grandma used to make, she ain't cooking it, and neither am I. And the meat isn't cooked until you can snap it in half. At a restaurant she'll eat just about anything on her plate, as will I (with some exceptions).

On games: she could play gin rummy until the end of all time, and not complain. I've been trying for decades to teach her chess, she refuses. Then she saw a video about Go and decided that we're both going to learn that ferkakte game.
Old 05-23-2020, 11:34 AM
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The Ukulele Lady and I both like our dogs. I think thatís about it.

Together 39 years, married for 31 of them.
Old 05-23-2020, 02:03 PM
UltraVires is offline
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Originally Posted by kayaker View Post
We know a couple who are the nicest people on earth. They're in their 60s, still hold hands, he buys her flowers, really almost too sweet. Both are intelligent, well read, keep up on current events, etc.

Oh, and he's about as right of center as she is left. He likes Trump. She supported Hillary hard.

We wonder how the heck it works for them.
I think it works well for some people because you realize early on that you have different interests and don't try to force something that isn't going to happen. I mean, you cannot have zero interests in common, but when you have too many interests in common you tend to want to force each other into the little box with each of you doing things that the other doesn't like.

Take a hypothetical couple with little in common on a beach vacation. The husband wakes up, take a half day deep sea fishing charter, stops at the bar for lunch, has four drinks and takes a nap. The wife lies on the beach in the morning and goes shopping in the afternoon. They have a nice dinner, sex, and either go out or go to sleep. Each enjoyed their day and each other's company.

Another couple with too much in common will try to make it too rigid. They will both lie on the beach for an hour, then go parasailing (which the husband likes but the wife is so so about) then go snorkeling (the wife loves it but the husband gets seasick but goes along to "be a couple") and continue that all week. Some couples have the feeling that they must be attached at the hip at all times or else they are not acting "like a family."

I'm not saying it is good to stay apart too much, but many marriages work because each person recognizes the limits of compatibility and don't try to force it when it isn't there.
Old 05-23-2020, 04:06 PM
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Married 28 years this summer. We initially had different tastes in music, but I introduced her to more melodic punkier stuff and she introduced me to Erasure and the Smiths. Nowadays we can generally find a way to agree on the radio and movies. I'll go see more genre type movies on my own (bad horror, hard sci-fi, westerns) and I'll put up w/ some live 80's music, but for the most part we learned to sync up. TV is more difficult, but I usually put up w/ some really crappy stuff (The Duggars, or Worst cooks in america), but I have a manland so if she's indulging in something horrible, I'll just walk away and do something else.

She's really introduced me to to some yummy food, I famously called cheese that wasn't individually wrapped as "gourmet" cheese. Never had fresh veggies, or fresh cheese, or salsa. Or good booze. We both have a learned alot from each other and, for the most part, it's been wonderful.
Old 05-23-2020, 11:10 PM
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