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  #3051  
Old 06-12-2019, 06:56 PM
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Some of my friends like to chug corn syrup. They are really into the Karo scene.
  #3052  
Old 06-12-2019, 11:45 PM
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Did you hear about the piece of window glass that made it to the big league?

That's right; it became a propane.
  #3053  
Old 06-13-2019, 08:14 AM
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Did that glass make it to the big league the same time as that farm machinery? You know, it became a protractor.
  #3054  
Old 06-13-2019, 06:47 PM
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Jokes about tractor-trailers are semi funny.
  #3055  
Old 06-13-2019, 07:02 PM
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About as funny as colon jokes;;;;;;

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 06-13-2019 at 07:04 PM.
  #3056  
Old 06-14-2019, 07:30 AM
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Jokes about colons are usually crappy.
  #3057  
Old 06-17-2019, 01:14 PM
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I understand that newly graduated proctologists have to work their way up from the bottom.
  #3058  
Old 06-17-2019, 02:21 PM
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They're usually anal-retentive, too.
  #3059  
Old 06-18-2019, 01:07 AM
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Ask them about their day. They'll invariably tell you that they had a hard day at the orifice.
  #3060  
Old 06-18-2019, 02:09 AM
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It's a dirty job,
But somebody has got to do it!
  #3061  
Old 06-18-2019, 03:11 AM
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I asked a proctologist why he retired. He said the job rectum.
  #3062  
Old 06-18-2019, 07:46 AM
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Surgeons tend to write succinct patient notes, but proctologist’s notes are even susphincter.
  #3063  
Old 06-18-2019, 08:31 AM
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That's something I can get behind.
  #3064  
Old 06-18-2019, 07:51 PM
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My beloved imaginary Irish granddad used to swear playing the fiddle made his cows give sweeter milk. So he always made sure there was plenty of music in his dairy air.

With apologies to Phil Coulter, see 2:27.
  #3065  
Old 06-19-2019, 05:46 AM
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He played the fiddle, and he told you that story? He was just stringing you along.
  #3066  
Old 06-21-2019, 08:56 PM
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Did you hear one of Adele’s session orchestralists died? He now plays cello from the other side.

Last edited by Oly; 06-21-2019 at 09:01 PM.
  #3067  
Old 06-21-2019, 09:01 PM
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Since I'm a southern gal I certainly know HOW to catfish, but what a pain in the bass!
  #3068  
Old 06-22-2019, 01:36 PM
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And then there's the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner. Which is you have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
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  #3069  
Old 06-23-2019, 07:41 AM
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A post involving a drum. How do you beat that?
  #3070  
Old 06-23-2019, 12:06 PM
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Plays well in the sticks.
  #3071  
Old 06-23-2019, 02:28 PM
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A drummer was lurking outside my door the other day. But I got rid of him by him for the pizza he was delivering.
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  #3072  
Old 06-24-2019, 03:22 AM
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They don't get much cheesier than that one.
  #3073  
Old 06-24-2019, 07:21 AM
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Or crustier.
  #3074  
Old 06-24-2019, 09:51 AM
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Or as poorly delivered.
  #3075  
Old 06-24-2019, 01:42 PM
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Cheesus crust, don't be such a weirdough!
  #3076  
Old 06-24-2019, 03:33 PM
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Dough balls might act all aloaf, but they’d really rather be a round pizza.
  #3077  
Old 06-24-2019, 03:38 PM
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So they've got pie-in-the-sky ideas?
  #3078  
Old 06-24-2019, 03:52 PM
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I rarely find myself more at piece until I have a slice of pie.
  #3079  
Old 06-24-2019, 07:45 PM
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Oh, you wanna pizza me?!? Let's rumble!
  #3080  
Old 06-24-2019, 08:21 PM
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You can cut that out, right now!
  #3081  
Old 06-24-2019, 11:16 PM
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Don'tcha just like these slice-of-life stories?
  #3082  
Old 06-24-2019, 11:41 PM
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The best ones are from Cleveland.
  #3083  
Old 06-25-2019, 09:31 AM
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I'm working on a joke about the endless road construction in Cleveland but it's not finished yet.
  #3084  
Old 06-25-2019, 11:32 PM
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"Endless road construction in Cleveland"? Sound like there might be some corruption happening. Maybe an investigative journalist can route out the problem.
  #3085  
Old 06-26-2019, 09:13 AM
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Maybe they can find who’s the ass at fault.
  #3086  
Old 06-26-2019, 09:30 AM
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And hopefully that journalist paves the way towards clearing out that corruption.
  #3087  
Old 06-26-2019, 04:35 PM
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Crooked road improvement is a knotty problem.


- - - -

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oly View Post
Maybe they can find whos the ass at fault.
Standing ovation.
  #3088  
Old 06-26-2019, 05:11 PM
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Quote:
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Standing ovation.
Im geared to satisfy the median doper.
  #3089  
Old 06-26-2019, 09:32 PM
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You obviously can shoulder the burden.
  #3090  
Old 06-26-2019, 09:38 PM
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Don't curb your enthusiasm.
  #3091  
Old 06-27-2019, 11:02 PM
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But at the same time, it may be best to just merge with the flow.
  #3092  
Old 06-28-2019, 11:58 PM
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I had a phobia of speed bumps but am slowly getting over it.
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  #3093  
Old 06-29-2019, 01:37 AM
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You might want to avoid the "Don't Bump This Thread" thread then. The bumps can come quite speedily there.
  #3094  
Old 06-30-2019, 12:59 AM
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What I hate is when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there are no speed bumps there.
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  #3095  
Old 06-30-2019, 02:21 AM
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You should adopt better driving habits.
  #3096  
Old 06-30-2019, 11:40 AM
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... and recognize when to yield the right of waif.

Last edited by Oly; 06-30-2019 at 11:45 AM. Reason: Mislpeling
  #3097  
Old 06-30-2019, 01:54 PM
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A wafer thin mint can cause the body to yield explosively.1








1Monty, Python, and Creosote, 1983
  #3098  
Old 06-30-2019, 05:00 PM
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Just needs some encourage mint.
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  #3099  
Old 06-30-2019, 10:55 PM
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When encouraging, don't mints words!
  #3100  
Old 06-30-2019, 11:07 PM
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Double your pleasure with double mint.
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