Straight Dope Message Board

[carnivorousplant]

Paladin, Have Gun Will Travel. Hired at exorbitant rates to solve problems, he solved them to his own opinion, not that if the guy who hired him.

Gil Favor, Rawhide. Worse than a dick, he would become an asshole at the drop of a hat. Withholding information from his employees, and insisting they work harder without explanation, like a bank failure that would make their cattle worthless after some time.

What other cowboys were dicks? 1

[RealityChuck]

Everyone Jason McCord met in Branded. It seemed like the Old West was populated by people who lost someone at the Battle of Bitter Creek.

Why McCord didn't just change his name was never explained. 2

[Guest-starring: Id!]

Yul Brynner in Westworld? 3

[kaylasdad99]

The Lone Ranger was always sending Tonto into town, even though he knew they were going to beat him up... 4

[Superdude]

Walt Longmire has very dickish moments in "Longmire."

You didn't say they had to be from the Wild West era. 5

[carnivorousplant]

Originally Posted by kaylasdad99

The Lone Ranger was always sending Tonto into town, even though he knew they were going to beat him up...

"You go to hell, Lone Ranger!" 6

[Beckdawrek]

Cap'n Call in Lonesome Dove was a serious asshole. 7

[mbh]

Originally Posted by carnivorousplant

"You go to hell, Lone Ranger!"

"Doctor say, you going to die, Kemo Sabe." 8

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

nm 9

[aceplace57]

Nick Barkley is cast as a typical wealthy rancher that was capable of taking advantage of smaller neighbors. This type of character appears in many 1950's movies like Shane.

Fortunately Nick's impulsive hotheaded nature is balanced by brothers Heath and Jarrod and his mother. 10

[nelliebly]

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek

Cap'n Call in Lonesome Dove was a serious asshole.

Really? I didn't watch the miniseries, but understanding Call required getting inside his head, which a TV miniseries couldn't do. (It also helps to read the other books in the series, particularly Dead Man's Walk, which covers Call's and McCrae's youth.) In Call, McMurtry takes the archetype of the cool and laconic cowboy and turns it inside out. His silence isn't a strength. Call is a man hamstrung by his inability to understand emotions in himself or other people, and his silence isn't a strength, as it's often portrayed in westerns. He suffers for it. He's actually a tragic character. 11

[Loach]

I Rustler’s Rhapsody Patrick Wayne’s character Bob Barber is supposed to be a good guy but he was actually a lawyer. 12

[Loach]

Originally Posted by Loach

I Rustler’s Rhapsody Patrick Wayne’s character Bob Barber is supposed to be a good guy but he was actually a lawyer.

Oops sorry you said tv. 13

[Beckdawrek]

Originally Posted by nelliebly

Really? I didn't watch the miniseries, but understanding Call required getting inside his head, which a TV miniseries couldn't do. (It also helps to read the other books in the series, particularly Dead Man's Walk, which covers Call's and McCrae's youth.) In Call, McMurtry takes the archetype of the cool and laconic cowboy and turns it inside out. His silence isn't a strength. Call is a man hamstrung by his inability to understand emotions in himself or other people, and his silence isn't a strength, as it's often portrayed in westerns. He suffers for it. He's actually a tragic character.

I read the books. He's tragic, for sure. He takes way too long to acknowledge his son.
I get his need to be a strong leader but hanging his friend is really a dick move. But, maybe that's just me. 14

[Kent Clark]

Ben Cartwright must have terrorized everyone in Nevada Territory. Adam, and later Hoss, simply disappeared and no one, not even Little Joe, ever questioned it. 15

[terentii]

Originally Posted by kaylasdad99

The Lone Ranger was always sending Tonto into town, even though he knew they were going to beat him up...

"Tonto have better idea. Tonto stay here, set up camp. Kemo Sabe go into town, buy supplies." 16

[terentii]

Originally Posted by Kent Clark

Ben Cartwright must have terrorized everyone in Nevada Territory. Adam, and later Hoss, simply disappeared and no one, not even Little Joe, ever questioned it.

The man was married three times, and apparently no one ever thought this was suspicious.

"Well, you see, Your Honor, my first wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My second wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My third wife died from a crushed skull. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms...." 17

[terentii]

Originally Posted by RealityChuck

Everyone Jason McCord met in Branded. It seemed like the Old West was populated by people who lost someone at the Battle of Bitter Creek.

Why McCord didn't just change his name was never explained.

He was once kicked by a mare when she found out who he was. Turned out she'd lost a colt at Bitter Creek.

He also could have just grown a beard to hide his identity, but he didn't want to cover his rugged dimpled chin. 18

[terentii]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are surrounded by a marauding band of Indians:

"Well, Tonto, this is it. Looks like we die together."

"Ugnnn, what you mean 'we,' white man?" 19

[running coach]

The Lone Ranger makes an unpleasant discovery 20

[carnivorousplant]

Originally Posted by Kent Clark

Ben Cartwright must have terrorized everyone in Nevada Territory. Adam, and later Hoss, simply disappeared and no one, not even Little Joe, ever questioned it.

Adam went to college in England-the actor was pissed off that the TV show made no political comment. Dan Blocker died of a heart attack. There was a Father Son conversation with Ben and Little Joe on the shore of Lake Tahoe. "I guess that big heart finally gave out." 21

[carnivorousplant]

Originally Posted by terentii

He was once kicked by a mare when she found out who he was. Turned out she'd lost a colt at Bitter Creek.

He also could have just grown a beard to hide his identity, but he didn't want to cover his rugged dimpled chin.

He carried around that damn broken sword!
"Why the hell are you carrying around a broken sword?"
"I was dishonorably discharged from the US Army."
"Well, fuck you!" 22

[carnivorousplant]

Originally Posted by terentii

The man was married three times, and apparently no one ever thought this was suspicious.

"Well, you see, Your Honor, my first wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My second wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My third wife died from a crushed skull. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms...."

Outstanding, Sir!
Out fucking standing!

This forum requires that you wait 60 seconds between posts. Please try again in 1 seconds. 23

[terentii]

Originally Posted by carnivorousplant

He carried around that damn broken sword!
"Why the hell are you carrying around a broken sword?"
"I was dishonorably discharged from the US Army."
"Well, fuck you!"

Oh, what a giveaway! 24

[Just Asking Questions]

Originally Posted by RealityChuck

Why McCord didn't just change his name was never explained.

Because there wouldn't be a TV show if he did. Hmmm, I sense a fundamental problem with the series premise.

Same question (and answer) applies to what the Boy Named Sue didn't just change his name. Aside from a bad name, his daddy left him with a shortage of brains, too. 25

[cochrane]

Originally Posted by terentii

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are surrounded by a marauding band of Indians:

"Well, Tonto, this is it. Looks like we die together."

"Ugnnn, what you mean 'we,' white man?"

1989 Weetabix advert. 26

[Colibri]

Probably more than half the characters on Deadwood were dicks, and even most of the "good guys" could be pretty unpleasant. 27

[nelliebly]

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek

I read the books. He's tragic, for sure. He takes way too long to acknowledge his son.
I get his need to be a strong leader but hanging his friend is really a dick move. But, maybe that's just me.

I respect your judgment, and I'll admit I doubt I could have done the same, but Jake was a friend of their youth who'd made many wrong turns since their Ranger days.

•He hit Laurie.
•He went off gambling, leaving Laurie unprotected, though he knew Blue Duck was in the area.
• When Blue Duck kidnapped Laurie, Jake didn't go after her.
• He took up with the most brutal of outlaws. True, he was once again trying to escape punishment for the unlucky shot that killed a man, but he stuck with the Suggs brothers even after they'd murdered and burned several people. Jake was always a weak. self-centered man who did what was easiest for Jake. (When McCrae tells him they got Laurie back from Blue Duck, Jake can't even recall who she is.) Call said Jake had crossed a line, and he had, but riding with the Suggs brothers was only the last line.

Call doesn't order the hangings alone. Nor does he do it coldly. It's Gus who says, "Ride with an outlaw, die with him. I admit it's a harsh code. But you rode on the other side long enough to know how it works."

It's Call you says, "I'm sorry it's us, Jake--I wish it had fallen to someone else."

Sorry to go on at such length, and I didn't mean to jack the thread. McMurtry has been one of my favorite writers since I was 17. It says a lot that the scene is sympathetic to Gus, to Call, to Newt, and to Jake, who's crossed a line he didn't even recognize.

Damn, that's a good book. 28

[kirkrapine]

Originally Posted by mbh

"Doctor say, you going to die, Kemo Sabe."

[after the Indians bring in a large force of white naked women] "Dammit, Tonto, I told you to bring a posse! A posse!" 29

[terentii]

"Kemo Sabe, tribe say you wear that mask 'cause you ashamed of our relationship." 30

[Smid]

Originally Posted by RealityChuck

Everyone Jason McCord met in Branded. It seemed like the Old West was populated by people who lost someone at the Battle of Bitter Creek.

Why McCord didn't just change his name was never explained.

Over Macho Grande?

No, I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande. 31

[carnivorousplant]

Tonto, not realizing that the Lone Ranger had disguised himself as a pool table... 32

[terentii]

The Lone Ranger, coming on to a showgirl after a few drinks: "I'm lonely, ma'am. Really lonely." 33

[Annie-Xmas]

Too bad nobody turned Brokeback Mountain into a mini-series. That was a tale about a couple of dicks.

Little Joe Cartwright also had a wife who was killed by some gang members that broke into their cabin, terrorized her, and set the cabin on fire after killing her.

No wonder those Cartwright men couldn't get wives. I've also thought Adam started using his mother's birth name of McIntyre, and fathered a line that lead to Trapper John MD. It does explain the remarkable resemblance to the two. Don't they look like the same person? 34

[terentii]

Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas

Little Joe Cartwright also had a wife who was killed by some gang members that broke into their cabin, terrorized her, and set the cabin on fire after killing her.

She wouldn't eat her mushrooms either. 35

[cochrane]

Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas

Too bad nobody turned Brokeback Mountain into a mini-series. That was a tale about a couple of dicks.

Little Joe Cartwright also had a wife who was killed by some gang members that broke into their cabin, terrorized her, and set the cabin on fire after killing her.

No wonder those Cartwright men couldn't get wives. I've also thought Adam started using his mother's birth name of McIntyre, and fathered a line that lead to Trapper John MD. It does explain the remarkable resemblance to the two. Don't they look like the same person?

Doesn't work. Adam's mother's name was Elizabeth Stoddard. 36

[cochrane]

Originally Posted by carnivorousplant

Tonto, not realizing that the Lone Ranger had disguised himself as a pool table...

...proceeds to rack his balls.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the Lone Ranger, disguised as an outhouse seat, gets more ass than he can handle. 37

[Annie-Xmas]

Originally Posted by cochrane

Doesn't work. Adam's mother's name was Elizabeth Stoddard.

Well. somewhere in her family tree there was a McIntyre! 38

[burpo the wonder mutt]

"Tonto, take the garbage to the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump." 39

[terentii]

When the Nevada authorities caught on to Little Joe, he went on the lam, changed his name, and headed for Minnesota. 40

[terentii]

Before hooking up with the Lone Ranger, Tonto had worked as an interior decorator:

"Hmmm.... Now we put bedrolls by cactus, campfire inside stones.... What that? You no like it? Ugnn, tough titties, Kemo!" 41

[burpo the wonder mutt]

"Tonto, I've been diagnosed with a cancer."

"You need Kemo-therapy, Sabe!" 42

[Kent Clark]

Originally Posted by carnivorousplant

Adam went to college in England-the actor was pissed off that the TV show made no political comment. Dan Blocker died of a heart attack. There was a Father Son conversation with Ben and Little Joe on the shore of Lake Tahoe. "I guess that big heart finally gave out."

That's what Ben TOLD everyone to believe. Notice how no one in Virginia City ever asked how Adam was doing "in college," or that Adam never sent a single letter home; nor did anyone ever made a single comment, much less express sympathy to Ben or Joe after Hoss died.

Ben had the entire Nevada Territory playing, It's a Good Life! 43

[terentii]

Originally Posted by Guest-starring: Id!

Yul Brynner in Westworld?

Henry Fonda in Once upon a Time in the West. Gunned down an entire family in cold blood and enjoyed every second of it. Doesn't get more dickish than that!

Whoops! Also not TV! 44

[KneadToKnow]

Originally Posted by Superdude

Walt Longmire has very dickish moments in "Longmire."

You didn't say they had to be from the Wild West era.

Indeed. There's a line where taciturn becomes dickish, and Longmire built that beautiful cabin of his a quarter of a mile past it.

"What happened to your hand?"
"Hurt it." 45

[Two Many Cats]

Originally Posted by Kent Clark

That's what Ben TOLD everyone to believe. Notice how no one in Virginia City ever asked how Adam was doing "in college," or that Adam never sent a single letter home; nor did anyone ever made a single comment, much less express sympathy to Ben or Joe after Hoss died.

Ben had the entire Nevada Territory playing, It's a Good Life!

Doesn't it seem like Little Joe would have more of a motive to kill off Adam and Hoss?

If I were adopted son Jamie, I'd leave. 46

[Rick Kitchen]

Originally Posted by cochrane

Doesn't work. Adam's mother's name was Elizabeth Stoddard.

Wasn't she in Dark Shadows? 47

[carnivorousplant]

Originally Posted by Rick Kitchen

Wasn't she in Dark Shadows?

A Witness Protection thing.
Any woman who marries a Cartwright dies. I wouldn't let my daughter date one. Hell, I wouldn't let her talk to one on the phone...er, telegraph. 48

[zamboniracer]

Originally Posted by terentii

The man was married three times, and apparently no one ever thought this was suspicious.

"Well, you see, Your Honor, my first wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My second wife died from eating poison mushrooms. My third wife died from a crushed skull. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms...."

Come to think of it, whatever happened to Hop Sing, the Cartrights' cook? 49

[terentii]

Originally Posted by zamboniracer

Come to think of it, whatever happened to Hop Sing, the Cartrights' cook?

Rented out as a coolie when the Central Pacific railroad was under construction. All of his pay went directly to Ben for "safekeeping." 50