Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:16 AM
Cardigan's Avatar
Cardigan is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,645

Just punchlines


.....The Scottish shepherd says 'Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe'
  #2  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:17 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle's Avatar
Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 56,603
.....It's the chicken. He's here to see you.
  #3  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:20 AM
Annie-Xmas is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 54,710
Twenty dollars, same as in town.
  #4  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:25 AM
running coach's Avatar
running coach is online now
Arms of Steel, Leg of Jello
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Riding my handcycle
Posts: 36,951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cardigan View Post
.....The Scottish shepherd says 'Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe'
"But you fuck one sheep..."
  #5  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:28 AM
Cardigan's Avatar
Cardigan is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,645
....Death by ooga booga
  #6  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:30 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle's Avatar
Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 56,603
....Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat that ate your new shoes?
  #7  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:39 AM
AncientHumanoid's Avatar
AncientHumanoid is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Quantum foam
Posts: 24,497
Damn near killed him!
  #8  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:39 AM
Gyrate is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Greater Croydonia
Posts: 23,366
"If the tampon's behind my ear, where did I put my pen?"
  #9  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:41 AM
running coach's Avatar
running coach is online now
Arms of Steel, Leg of Jello
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Riding my handcycle
Posts: 36,951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gyrate View Post
"If the tampon's behind my ear, where did I put my pen?"
...then some asshole has my pen!"
  #10  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:41 AM
Cardigan's Avatar
Cardigan is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,645
.....no, but thankfully I got 'em with the car door.
  #11  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:44 AM
Annie-Xmas is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 54,710
You've got me driving two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester G. picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus.
  #12  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:45 AM
Cardigan's Avatar
Cardigan is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,645
....a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
  #13  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:49 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle's Avatar
Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 56,603
.....and anyone can catch a blue elephant.
  #14  
Old 01-13-2017, 09:17 AM
Chefguy's Avatar
Chefguy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 41,960
. . .most of us just ride the camel into town and find a prostitute.
  #15  
Old 01-13-2017, 09:18 AM
panache45's Avatar
panache45 is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 43,925
You have a drink named Bob?
  #16  
Old 01-13-2017, 09:31 AM
Cardigan's Avatar
Cardigan is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,645
...don't worry, Father, there's a parachute left; that guy who said he was the smartest man in the world jumped out with my knapsack.
  #17  
Old 01-13-2017, 10:34 AM
AncientHumanoid's Avatar
AncientHumanoid is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Quantum foam
Posts: 24,497
Because she's my girl, Bill.
  #18  
Old 01-13-2017, 10:37 AM
Thudlow Boink's Avatar
Thudlow Boink is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Lincoln, IL
Posts: 27,010
Crunch bird, my ass!
  #19  
Old 01-13-2017, 10:54 AM
blondebear is offline
Shouting Grasshopper
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Meridian/280
Posts: 14,001
MOO!
  #20  
Old 01-13-2017, 10:57 AM
Happy Lendervedder's Avatar
Happy Lendervedder is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Michigan
Posts: 15,015
No, no, it's just ice cream!
  #21  
Old 01-13-2017, 11:02 AM
Chefguy's Avatar
Chefguy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 41,960
. . .why the long face?
  #22  
Old 01-13-2017, 11:40 AM
Gyrate is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Greater Croydonia
Posts: 23,366
Footprints in the butter.
  #23  
Old 01-13-2017, 01:48 PM
Personal is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,266
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu!
  #24  
Old 01-13-2017, 02:49 PM
AncientHumanoid's Avatar
AncientHumanoid is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Quantum foam
Posts: 24,497
The Aristocrats!
  #25  
Old 01-13-2017, 03:22 PM
Drunky Smurf's Avatar
Drunky Smurf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Smurf Village.
Posts: 11,178
A stick.
  #26  
Old 01-13-2017, 03:54 PM
buddha_david is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Beyond The Fringe
Posts: 28,182
A pool table.
  #27  
Old 01-13-2017, 03:55 PM
Amateur Barbarian is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: F.O.S.O.N.E.
Posts: 19,905
"But, honey, this one's eating my peanuts!"
  #28  
Old 01-13-2017, 04:11 PM
Chefguy's Avatar
Chefguy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 41,960
I didn't wish for a 12" pianist.
  #29  
Old 01-13-2017, 04:14 PM
blondebear is offline
Shouting Grasshopper
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Meridian/280
Posts: 14,001
Yes, I knew Pancho Villa...we had lunch together!
  #30  
Old 01-13-2017, 04:21 PM
Amateur Barbarian is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: F.O.S.O.N.E.
Posts: 19,905
That's one.
  #31  
Old 01-13-2017, 04:40 PM
Thudlow Boink's Avatar
Thudlow Boink is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Lincoln, IL
Posts: 27,010
Praise the Lord!
  #32  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:48 PM
Chefguy's Avatar
Chefguy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 41,960
So the parrot says: "What did that chicken say to piss you off?"
  #33  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:56 PM
Sefton is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Stalag 17
Posts: 1,671
Potatoes!
  #34  
Old 01-14-2017, 12:38 AM
panache45's Avatar
panache45 is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 43,925
No, I said SHIP me a ton of bricks!
  #35  
Old 01-14-2017, 08:39 AM
Cardigan's Avatar
Cardigan is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,645
...That was the narrowest runway I've ever seen, but damn, is it wide!
  #36  
Old 01-14-2017, 08:41 AM
buddha_david is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Beyond The Fringe
Posts: 28,182
You don't understand -- Chunks is my dog!
  #37  
Old 01-14-2017, 08:43 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle's Avatar
Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 56,603
.....to get to the other side!
  #38  
Old 01-14-2017, 08:47 AM
Thin Ice is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: 27 28' N 80 21' W
Posts: 18,719
That's all you do...bird imitations?
  #39  
Old 01-14-2017, 08:51 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle's Avatar
Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 56,603
.....I rang the doorbell, didn't I?
  #40  
Old 01-14-2017, 09:16 AM
Chefguy's Avatar
Chefguy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 41,960
Listen carefully: bring a posse.
  #41  
Old 01-14-2017, 12:14 PM
saucywench is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 734
Var.

We usually ride the donkey into town where the women are.
  #42  
Old 01-14-2017, 12:18 PM
John DiFool's Avatar
John DiFool is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 18,113
She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
  #43  
Old 01-14-2017, 12:20 PM
saucywench is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 734
You picked the ugliest one!
  #44  
Old 01-14-2017, 12:34 PM
Annie-Xmas is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 54,710
You picked a fine time to leave me, loose heel
  #45  
Old 01-14-2017, 01:02 PM
Cardigan's Avatar
Cardigan is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,645
...Aren't you a little too old to be believin' in leprechauns?
  #46  
Old 01-14-2017, 01:47 PM
Chefguy's Avatar
Chefguy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 41,960
You don't just come here for the huntin', do ya?
  #47  
Old 01-14-2017, 02:14 PM
Prof. Pepperwinkle's Avatar
Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 56,603
.....the fourth guy ducked.
  #48  
Old 01-14-2017, 02:17 PM
Peter Morris's Avatar
Peter Morris is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: The far canal
Posts: 12,551
Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife.
  #49  
Old 01-14-2017, 02:59 PM
Thin Ice is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: 27 28' N 80 21' W
Posts: 18,719
Shut up, I'm chewing gum.
  #50  
Old 01-14-2017, 06:22 PM
Chefguy's Avatar
Chefguy is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 41,960
The good news is that we're bringing him up again at four o'clock.
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:56 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@straightdope.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Copyright 2018 STM Reader, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017