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  #11301  
Old 02-08-2019, 04:14 PM
EscAlaMike EscAlaMike is offline
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The International Philatelist Society was formed in the old quarter of Blawnox, PA inside the long-since abandoned Masonic Hall. The dank air was filled with cigar smoke, which caused the secret group of founders' postage stamp collections to yellow and curl.
  #11302  
Old 02-09-2019, 10:04 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is online now
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Yellow and Curl was a Beatles tribute group founded by the Beatles's ex-wives Cynthia Lennon, Pattie Harrison, Heather Mills, and Maureen Starkey (who dyed her hair for the group). Rumor has it that they were a dynamite act, but Yoko Ono, Olivia Harrison, Nancy Stevall and Barbara Bach got an injunction against the group for "illegally cashing in on our husbands' successes."

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 02-09-2019 at 10:05 AM.
  #11303  
Old 02-09-2019, 11:11 AM
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Yellow and Curl produced their scathing musical YOKO ONO OK? OY! in Panama in 1991. The play opened to a full house, but the crowd returned the next night and burnt down the theater.
  #11304  
Old 02-09-2019, 02:30 PM
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Rumors that this act of arson was orchestrated by Yoko Ono and/or Paul McCartney are wrong. It was orchestrated by Saturday Night Live's Lorne Michaels, after he offered the Beatles $3,000 to come on the show and sing and they didn't show up.
  #11305  
Old 02-10-2019, 12:09 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is online now
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The Panama City Players was a notoriously untalented - some even said offensive - amateur theatrical group. A threatened arson attack closed down its July 1973 production of Fiddler on the Roof. Its June 1977 production of Hello, Dolly! led to three days of rioting; the opening night of its October 1990 run of Sunday in the Park with George was marred by a tear-gas attack that drove the cast from the stage, to the lusty cheers of the crowd. Its February 31, 2007 performance of The Diary of Anne Frank was so bad that it inadvertently entered theatrical lore: when Nazi troops first came onstage, several fed-up people in the audience shouted, "They're in the attic!"

Last edited by Elendil's Heir; 02-10-2019 at 12:11 AM.
  #11306  
Old 02-10-2019, 01:48 AM
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It is a little known fact that The Nazis were originally a homosexual theater troupe. What would become the Nazi salute originated on stage as a symbol for an erection.
  #11307  
Old 02-10-2019, 07:31 AM
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The English word "sodomy" comes from the Middle English synne Sodomyke, Sodomyke being Mike's more popular brother.
  #11308  
Old 02-10-2019, 11:46 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is online now
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Sodomyke Herbert Walker Bushe, eighth Archbishop of Canterbury, is remembered today (if at all) for three things: his unusual first name, his role as an ancestor of the American political dynasty, his juggling skills, and his insistence on being addressed during High Mass as "Skippy."
  #11309  
Old 02-11-2019, 09:33 AM
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Sodomyke Herbert Walker Bushe would often appear in white face makeup and refuse to speak to anyone. He called these times "Minor Inconveniences, Major Enjoyments." Eventually, the public used those initials and called him a MIME.
  #11310  
Old 02-11-2019, 09:47 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is online now
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As the U.S. Supreme Court held in United States v. Some Guy in Whiteface and a Striped Shirt Who Isn't Actually Marcel Marceau, 433 U.S. 321 (1977), mimes do not, in fact, have the constitutional right to remain silent.
  #11311  
Old 02-11-2019, 09:50 AM
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As the U.S. Supreme Court held in United States v. Some Guy in Star Trek Wearing a Red Shirt, Star Trek does have the right to kill off any character it so chooses.
  #11312  
Old 02-11-2019, 11:42 PM
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In the landmark Supreme Court decision Marbury vs Madison, Marbury held a 4 point lead with less than two minutes to go. Samuel Chase, playing forward for Madison, hit a line shot that caromed off of Marbury's Bushrod Washington into the net for two. Then Chase stole the inbound pass from William Cushing and twisted a writ of mandamus for the tie. While the justices argued the call, John Marshall signaled a technical and Chase again successfully argued for the win. Thus the Court ruled that the judicial branch has the power to overturn unconstitutional laws as long as the clock has not expired and neither the defendants nor the plaintiffs have any time outs remaining.
  #11313  
Old 02-12-2019, 02:15 PM
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In the landmark Supreme Court decision Kramer v. Kramer, Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker does not own a copyright over his own name and Rex Kramer, former commanding officer of the air raid over Macho Grande is free to use his name as he sees fit.
  #11314  
Old 02-13-2019, 09:41 AM
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In the landmark Supreme Court decision Star Trek & Star Wars v. Star Fuck nobody owns the exclusive right to title a creative work "Star" followed by a word of four letters.

Kyuzo "Iggy" Hashimoto was so happy at the decision, he flashed the court members.
  #11315  
Old 02-13-2019, 10:16 AM
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In the landmark Supreme Court decision Washington Monument v St. Louis Arch, the Court ruled that symbolic structures cannot sue each other.
  #11316  
Old 02-13-2019, 10:35 AM
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In the landmark Supreme Court decision Jesus v. Andrew & Tim, the Court ruled that the composer and lyricists for Jesus Christ Superstar had to pay Jesus 5% of all the profits from the show. However, the resulting publicity was worth billions of dollars.
  #11317  
Old 02-13-2019, 10:44 AM
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In the piddling Supreme Court decision Flame v Midnight, the Court ruled that it is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
  #11318  
Old 02-13-2019, 11:59 AM
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Ruth Bader Ginsburg was one of the original Supremes, but she left soon after the group formed because the taller Supremes bullied her. Because no lawyer would take her case, she acted pro se and filed suit against them and Motown Records. Not unexpectedly, she lost miserably, but it did inspire her to go to law school.
  #11319  
Old 02-13-2019, 12:11 PM
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Ruth Bader Ginsberg once helped her second cousin Alan Ginsberg, get out of a parking ticket. She was very glad this information did not come out when she was a Supreme Court nominee.
  #11320  
Old 02-13-2019, 12:31 PM
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Diana Ross is favored to become the next judge on the Supreme Court. Expect her to be favorable to the LBGT movement (I'm Coming Out), open borders (Reach Out And Touch), and pro-life (Stop! In The Name Of Love, Love Child and Baby Love).
  #11321  
Old 02-13-2019, 12:47 PM
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Ross Dynamite is not favored to become the next judge on the Supreme Court. Expect himr to be favorable to the straight, white, Christian men's movement (I'm Coming Out In Favor of The Best God Given Group), closed borders (Stop! In the Name of The Straight White Christian Men's Movement), and pro-abortion. if your baby isn't a straight, white Christian Male Baby (Stop! In The Name Of STCM Child, Love that STCM Child and Baby Love for that STCM Child).
  #11322  
Old 02-13-2019, 01:57 PM
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The Supreme Court ruled in Jesus v. Jews that the Jews were indeed responsible for the death of Christ and must say three Hail Marys.
  #11323  
Old 02-14-2019, 12:11 AM
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The "Hail Mary" play in football received that name because the first time it was used an opponent described it as "full of cr---err, um, grace".
  #11324  
Old 02-14-2019, 08:22 AM
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Football was invented by Sister Mary Foote of the New Hope Mission for Wayward Girls. The rules were substantively different as the basic goal was to teach wayward girls how to kick wayward boys in the balls.
  #11325  
Old 02-14-2019, 09:57 AM
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In the Supreme Court decision Bounty v. Quickle, the court ruled that Dr. Orson Foote Quickle had every right to advertise his "male enhancement medication" as "The Quickle Pickle Upper." The attorney for Bounty Paper Towels was so upset at the decision that he kicked Dr. Quickle in the balls.
  #11326  
Old 02-14-2019, 02:21 PM
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In the landmark Panamanian Supreme Court decision Noriega E-caps v Space Age Iron , it was determined that the family of the former dictator did not own the rights to a modern ferrous supplement sold over the internet.
  #11327  
Old 02-14-2019, 03:17 PM
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In a recent Panamanian Supreme Court case, Panama v. Biotop, Chief Justice Billy Wigglestick proclaimed:

Though a palindrome just might be clever,
Connections like this we must sever.
No lawyer’s haranguing!
Our verdict is hanging!
Put his neck in that noose—pull the lever!
  #11328  
Old 02-14-2019, 03:44 PM
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Six years, three months and umply days after, Billy Wigglestick himself was hanged by the neck until he was dead. He was indicted on the charge of mistaking a young woman for a Panama hat.
  #11329  
Old 02-14-2019, 08:33 PM
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For some strange reason, an authentic Panama Hat has locks on it. Accept no substitutes.

Last edited by burpo the wonder mutt; 02-14-2019 at 08:34 PM.
  #11330  
Old 02-14-2019, 09:00 PM
EscAlaMike EscAlaMike is offline
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The official marketing tagline for the graduate program at the Panama Teacher's College & Millinery Institute is "Accept no Substitutes". This is due to their strict admissions policy of refusing entrance to anyone with substitute teaching experience.
  #11331  
Old 02-14-2019, 09:49 PM
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The song "Substitute", made famous by The Who, was actually written by Orson "Shmoopy" Zox, my sixth cousin twice removed (once from the Blawnox Superb Bar And Grill and once from The Tucumcari Wonderful Hotel).

Last edited by Mr Zox; 02-14-2019 at 09:52 PM.
  #11332  
Old 02-14-2019, 10:57 PM
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Orson Zox was a busy man: he wrote over 775 songs, including, "Hang On, Shmoopy," which Mrs. Zox suggested changing to, "... Sloopy," or else The Yardbirds (her cousin Jimmy Page was a member at the time) wouldn't record it.
  #11333  
Old 02-15-2019, 09:23 AM
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Zox It To Me, The Broadway jukebox musical based on the songs of Orson Zox, was a total flop. Not because it featured all of his 775 songs, but because it was poorly written, poorly acted, poorly orchestrated, poorly performed by the orchestra, poorly costumed, and poorly lit. Noted NY theatre critic Franklin Roosevelt Greer wrote "I'd pay to see a musical with every song ever written by Andrew Lloyd Webber before I'd accept a free ticket to this piece of ****."
  #11334  
Old 02-15-2019, 10:01 PM
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Apollo Zox, no relation to Orson, was the custodian at the Lyceum Theatre when Zox It To Me opened there. He received so many death threats after the show flopped that he changed his surname to Creed. He later moved to Los Angeles and took up boxing.

Last edited by Darkon; 02-15-2019 at 10:01 PM.
  #11335  
Old 02-15-2019, 10:59 PM
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Apollo Creed seriously injured himself at the start of his first title fight. Wanting to capitalize on the Greek god aspect of his name, he donned a winged helmet, had wings attached to his boots, and attempted to "fly" into the ring by leaping over the ropes, catching a foot in the process and landing on his face, breaking his nose and his right wrist. His manager didn't have the heart to tell him he was dressed as Mercury.
  #11336  
Old 02-16-2019, 09:40 AM
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Apollo Creed snapped off his right wrist bone. Fortunately, he was left-handed, or he never would have boxed again. When asked about his injury and recovery, he replied: It was a rocky road.
  #11337  
Old 02-16-2019, 06:43 PM
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George Foreman, Jr., has challenged George Foreman, Jr., to a boxing max to determine who will be the greatest George Foreman, Jr. of all time. If he wins, he is expected to be challenged by George Foreman, Jr. Reported by Washington Post journalist George Foreman, Jr.
  #11338  
Old 02-17-2019, 06:10 PM
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Not to be outdone by their father, George Foreman, Jr., George Foreman IV, George Foreman V, George Foreman VI, and Georgetta Foreman marketed a line of fat-reducing toasters. However, they only sold 27 units which is a far cry from the 100 million grills their father sold. Since then, they have all become boxers and work in the packaging department of their father's company.
  #11339  
Old 02-17-2019, 07:15 PM
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100 Million Grilles was the working title for the Kurt Russell film that became Used Cars.

Last edited by burpo the wonder mutt; 02-17-2019 at 07:16 PM.
  #11340  
Old 02-17-2019, 07:37 PM
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Kurt Russell was grilled by police for four hours concerning his visits to a local massage parlor. On being released from custody, Kurt told reporters "I'm done with masseuses, well done."
  #11341  
Old 02-18-2019, 05:44 AM
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When grilling suspects, police are sure to switch sides, so the suspect doesn't become too done on one of them.
  #11342  
Old 02-18-2019, 11:12 AM
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Grilling by police first began in 1822 when Kermit Russel pried his cell door off its hinges and it, with Kermit on top, fell onto the open fire which was used to keep the prisoners warm during winter. Because his arm was caught under the bars, he began begging the guard to free him and he confessed to everything he had ever done as well as several crimes his cousin Karl had committed.
  #11343  
Old 02-18-2019, 09:06 PM
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The only crime Karl was ever convicted of was animal cruelty, when in a drunken rage he bit the head off his son's songbird. This occurred while they were in Panama. Karl ate pet, a lark.
  #11344  
Old Yesterday, 12:32 AM
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Though Karl was never convicted, he was guilty of several crimes against nature. The worst of which was making imperfect palindromes. In Panama, as with everywhere else in the civilized world, this is a hanging offense.
  #11345  
Old Yesterday, 09:12 AM
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Hanging offenses in Boston include pronouncing the local hokey team with two syllables, calling the star basketball player by his first name, and pronouncing the name of the basketball time with a hard C.
  #11346  
Old Yesterday, 09:44 AM
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Karl, AKA Kral, was killed when he tried to bite off the head off the ornery animal mascot of a local Panamanian village basketball team after he (Karl/Kral) had drank too much hard Cider. The sot was deservedly trampled to death. Unfortunately for the ill-tempered antelope, locals then feared their mascot was possessed by a "diablo," and strung up the creature on TV for all to see. Poor devil gnu hung, live droop.
  #11347  
Old Yesterday, 05:17 PM
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Locals continued to lynch mascots, convinced they could determine which were Town and which were Scum. The latest mascot lynched was Lion.
  #11348  
Old Yesterday, 06:02 PM
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A lost 1920's-era Disney cartoon short with a message about vigilante justice featured a villain named Lynchy Lynx and a victim named Caleb Coon.
  #11349  
Old Today, 09:26 AM
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The one known copy of Lynx & Coon is believed to be in the possession of actor Jussie Smollett. The fact that the threatening letter he received contained references to this cartoon and the "coon" ws threatened to be "lynx" is pure coincidence.

And on a side note, today Jussie Smollett and Tawana Brawley announced their engagement.
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