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  #1151  
Old 01-15-2019, 05:27 PM
CairoCarol CairoCarol is offline
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Oh pleez, you are so transparent. We know you're just flattering us so we'll like you. Not gonna work.

My cat peed on my electric blanket so I had to wash it by hand, which was about as tedious and unwieldy as you'd expect.
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  #1152  
Old 01-16-2019, 09:32 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Cats are evil. She tried to kill you by short-circuiting your electric blanket.

It's finally warmed up today.
  #1153  
Old 01-20-2019, 10:37 PM
Darkon Darkon is offline
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It's friggin' Winter, you twit! Are you one of those crackpots who are actually hoping for global warming even though it means the end of life as we know it? I hope your house is one of the first to go when the oceans rise.


Valentine's Day is coming soon, and I've made romantic plans for my spouse and I.
  #1154  
Old 01-23-2019, 12:37 AM
boson boson is offline
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Your spouse yawns and rolls eyes at your yearly commitment to pay attention to the marriage.

All I can think about is that my birthday comes up before Valentine's Day.
  #1155  
Old 01-23-2019, 07:12 AM
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So you expect your poor, overstressed spouse to cough up for two presents? Greedy bastard.

So now we have a dog.
  #1156  
Old 01-27-2019, 04:55 AM
Darkon Darkon is offline
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You are so unbelievably selfish! Don't you know there are poor Asian kids who would love to have your dog?


I wonder what the Chinese found on the far side of the moon?
  #1157  
Old 01-27-2019, 05:02 AM
Go_Arachnid_Laser Go_Arachnid_Laser is offline
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Oooookay... cool it with your unhealthy obsession with Asians, David Duke.

Eating healthy is a good idea.
  #1158  
Old 01-27-2019, 11:32 AM
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Not getting on my ass about my nacho habit is a better idea.

Bacon is over rated.
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  #1159  
Old 01-28-2019, 02:32 AM
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Not if you're a pig. They happen to like their bacon.


I'm a vegetarian breakfast person, myself.
  #1160  
Old 01-28-2019, 09:49 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Listen: If God did not want us to eat little piggies, he would not have made them so tasty.

The burn on my arm has healed.
  #1161  
Old 01-28-2019, 10:45 AM
Darkon Darkon is offline
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OTG! We were all so disgusted seeing and smelling that festering purulent mess. Maybe next time you won't try welding while drunk.


I'm so pleased that the days are getting longer.
  #1162  
Old 01-29-2019, 01:18 AM
boson boson is offline
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Are you burning out doing whatever objectionable thing that you do at night? You need to confess.

I am weary of the “count to one million” thread.
  #1163  
Old 01-29-2019, 02:14 AM
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Well when you quit school in 1st grade you never learn to have fun with numbers.


But...that thread is kinda boring.
  #1164  
Old 01-29-2019, 09:48 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Well, who the fuck told you you had to read it?

I made some extra cash doing computer work this weekend.
  #1165  
Old 02-01-2019, 04:28 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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It’s always about the cash, isn’t it? You could have spent that time doing charity work for those less fortunate than you, you know.

I got home from work early.
  #1166  
Old 02-01-2019, 04:34 PM
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Ah, the life of a full-time slacker! Don't worry, others stepped up to do the work you didn't bother to.


Time to get dressed up to go to the square dance
  #1167  
Old 02-01-2019, 08:42 PM
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Redneck-splaining again, I see.

I didn't get to eat my Hershey bar and now it's missing.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 02-01-2019 at 08:42 PM.
  #1168  
Old 02-02-2019, 10:30 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Like you need all those calories and sugar. And you'll burn some of those calories and sugar if you walk to the store and get another one.

I got a 1950 copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales at the library
  #1169  
Old 02-02-2019, 01:15 PM
Go_Arachnid_Laser Go_Arachnid_Laser is offline
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Well, we're all glad to see that you'll get your fix of anti-Semitism, sexism, violence and exhorting the value of aristocrats. Maybe you should accompany that with Mein Kampf.

My soccer team is down 2 -1 at the moment.
  #1170  
Old 02-02-2019, 01:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Go_Arachnid_Laser View Post
Well, we're all glad to see that you'll get your fix of anti-Semitism, sexism, violence and exhorting the value of aristocrats. Maybe you should accompany that with Mein Kampf.

My soccer team is down 2 -1 at the moment.
Serves them right for not taking enough PED's!
The nerve.

Think I'll have to buy some sunglasses today.
  #1171  
Old 02-02-2019, 07:39 PM
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Chances are that will be the most productive thing you do all day.

My daughter just showed me a funny video.
  #1172  
Old 02-02-2019, 07:54 PM
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What was it? A video of you trying to work out? Ha!


My dog is lazy.
  #1173  
Old 02-02-2019, 07:58 PM
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Apple didn’t fall far from the tree, did it?

About to head downtown to check out the Super Bowl festivities.
  #1174  
Old 02-02-2019, 08:44 PM
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Well, why don't you just rub it in some more?! Some of us have to work tomorrow, ya know!

My cat has decided, after much deliberation, that the latest empty shoebox is not up to his standards.
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  #1175  
Old 02-03-2019, 01:27 AM
boson boson is offline
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You think your cat is picky and aloof. How about you ignoring its needs. Shoe box. Hummph. Get it catnip (and stay out of it yourself).

I’m not going to the movies instead of watching the SuperBowl. And don't tell me who won.
  #1176  
Old 02-04-2019, 09:16 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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I'll tell you as much as I want: PATRIOTS, PATRIOTS, PATRIOTS, PATRIOTS, PATRIOTS, screamed the lady from Boston.

Whoo Hoo! Boston has three sports dynasties in my lifetime. Go, Bosox for the fourth.
  #1177  
Old 02-05-2019, 02:10 AM
boson boson is offline
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It is so sad to see such fanaticism among sports junkies, how they shovel their dreams anxieties and self-esteem onto people they don’t personally know who are playing games. That’s what’s wrong with this world.

My backyard is so muddy I can sink up to my ankles.
  #1178  
Old 02-06-2019, 08:42 PM
Darkon Darkon is offline
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Couldn't make enough jello for your perverted nude wrestling, you sicko?


Trump's State of the Union Address was so inspiring!
  #1179  
Old 02-07-2019, 02:48 AM
boson boson is offline
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Yeh, and his exaggerations don’t impact his credibility do they, you naïve knave?

My birthday is near and I’ve decided to stay the same age.
  #1180  
Old 02-08-2019, 03:50 PM
Darkon Darkon is offline
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Would that be your physical age of 82 or your mental and emotional age of 9?


I wish I had wings.
  #1181  
Old 02-09-2019, 07:56 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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We wish you did, too so you’d just fly right the hell out of here.

I went grocery shopping today.
  #1182  
Old 02-10-2019, 01:58 AM
boson boson is offline
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Shoplifting is not technically grocery shopping, Patx2. Use the kids as a distraction, do you?

My nose won’t stop running.
  #1183  
Old 02-11-2019, 09:38 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Your nose runs and your feet smell? You're built upside down!

We did not get the nasty snow and rain they predicted.
  #1184  
Old 02-11-2019, 11:18 AM
Go_Arachnid_Laser Go_Arachnid_Laser is offline
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Great. Another climate change denialist. Just what we needed.

The smallest bones in the human body are found in the ear.
  #1185  
Old 02-13-2019, 02:02 PM
Darkon Darkon is offline
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What the hell do you think this is, Spiderman, trivia dominoes? Stop reading your damned comic books and try paying closer attention to where you post.


My mother just won a blue ribbon at the county fair for her apple cobbler.
  #1186  
Old 02-14-2019, 08:45 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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Didn’t offer us any, did you? That’s just impolite.

I love apple cobbler.
  #1187  
Old 02-14-2019, 08:57 PM
CairoCarol CairoCarol is offline
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You kept this worn-out thread going just to tell us you like a certain food? Narcissistic much?

I need hot water bottles to keep me warm at night.
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  #1188  
Old 02-15-2019, 09:36 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Can't get a living person to do that?

I'm glad Valentine's Day is over.
  #1189  
Old 02-17-2019, 07:16 PM
Darkon Darkon is offline
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Is that because you hate the hard-working folks at Hallmark or because none of your 57 cats gave you a card?


I miss the '60s.
  #1190  
Old 02-17-2019, 07:40 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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Spoken like a true hippie. I’ll bet you still don’t hold a real job do you?

It will be nice to have off work tomorrow.
  #1191  
Old 02-18-2019, 08:29 AM
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And why should tomorrow be any different or special for you? Hippie indeed!

In only nine short months we'll all be able to listen to Christmas music on the radio once again!
  #1192  
Old 02-18-2019, 10:57 AM
Darkon Darkon is offline
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Seriously! The way Xmas is commercialized it'll be only six friggin' months before the big corporations and their lackeys are pushing that crap on us again. I hope that commie Claus just leaves you coal this year!


I can see much better now that I have new glasses.
  #1193  
Old 02-18-2019, 08:12 PM
Patx2 Patx2 is offline
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Every other driver on the road is very happy to hear that news, you were probably out driving all crazy, not a care in the world for the potential bodily harm and damage you may have caused.

I’m getting a little tired, early to bed tonight!
  #1194  
Old 02-18-2019, 09:46 PM
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♬Every party has a pooper♬....


It has gotten cold again around here.
  #1195  
Old 02-19-2019, 12:27 AM
Darkon Darkon is offline
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Duh, winter! What the hell were you expecting—sunbathing?


Does Disney really have a vault for their movies?
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