Straight Dope Message Board

[Malden Capell]

Hound was on stage

[Sicks Ate]

at Bonnaroo when suddenly

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Matchbox Twenty invaded the

[buddha_david]

women's restroom, and discovered

[CheshireKat]

the dispensers were broken

[John DiFool]

and that the toilets

[buddha_david]

had opossums in them.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

A charity was founded

[justmeetee]

for the orphaned ocelots

[Elendil's Heir]

of Tanzania's Phartuccio Valley,

[CheshireKat]

run by pious nuns

[justmeetee]

rescued from brothels in

[astorian]

Fresno, where they specialized

[justmeetee]

in extracting the hidden

[Procrustus]

meaning of ancient texts.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

The Codex Holofernes, written

[burpo the wonder mutt]

on petrified cow chips

[buddha_david]

with a blue Sharpie,

[Elendil's Heir]

had long absorbed their

[Sicks Ate]

bitter tears, shed for

[burpo the wonder mutt]

their husband, Jesus. "Wait

[Vita Beata]

for our clearance sale!"

[Elendil's Heir]

Sister Josefina bleated, as

[Aspenglow]

she balanced a plate

[Elendil's Heir]

of Venezuelan Beaver Cheese

[dustychenille]

wearing nothing but a

[Aspenglow]

chupacabra and a smile.

[astorian]

Meanwhile, at the Vatican,

[bppubjr]

the Pope, in his

[buddha_david]

Batman Underoos, quietly whispered:

[astorian]

"I'm really craving pizza.

[Aspenglow]

Anyone know a good

[justmeetee]

place for porcupine sausage

[Vita Beata]

thin crust margarita pizza?"

[CheshireKat]

Why, yes! House of

[astorian]

The Rising Sun. Ruin

[Vita Beata]

of many a poor

[astorian]

boy, but who cares?

[John DiFool]

Meanwhile, Inspector Clouseau investigated


[Can someone paste all of that together like we've done in the past?]

[burpo the wonder mutt]

if entomologists study "ents"

[justmeetee]

on ancient stone tablets

[CheshireKat]

which the Inspector dropped

[Clothahump]

and yelled, "Sacre Bleu!"

[Elendil's Heir]

But bleu cheese was

[Aspenglow]

, sadly, in scarce supply.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

So, brie in hand,

[Malden Capell]

Near the top of Mount Everest, Smedley dropped his satchel on to the back of a Sherpa guide who had leprosy. "Oh, look!" said the guide. "My finger fell off." He laughed, but not for long. At that very moment a great eagle swooped below at Base Camp, making a timely delivery of a bouncing baby boy named, oddly enough, for a movie character, Rufus T. Firefly, Esq. Reaching for the satchel and removing eight miniature potato chips shaped like the sky line of Manhattan, Rufus began to babble on incoherently about rainy days and Mondays always getting him down. So to brighten his day he made soup. It tasted oddly crunchy, a texture reminiscent of frogs and dark chocolate (much like Mama made) with a hint of spearmint, which reminded him of the Doublemint Twins who liked to experiment in the bedroom with drugs. Their dealer, Snake (I've heard of you...), ,insisted on photographic evidence of the twins' daring escape from the clutches of the Metropolitan Police's greatest detective, Lieutenant Frank, from his clandestine underground lair beneath the gigantic twin peaks of Mount Anna Nicole. A majestic sight it was, especially in the pale light, dancing with the devil of the waning moon. Contrary to popular belief, ducks' quacks DO echo.

But where was Shirley? You can't be serious, she went to Goodlettsville, Florida -- the birthplace of champion Sheldon Rabinowitz, who despite his Jewish heritage trounced his Gentile rivals who believed in Santa. Meanwhile, a sinister scientist in a dirigible high above the verdant valley, released balloons full of strawberry jellybeans, which quickly dissolve into toxic gases! Children, seeing the balloons, sucked in the "helium", nitrous oxide mix, producing Chipmunk-like laughter and flatulence. The ensuing odor attracted vultures by the hundreds, who carried the children to the Keebler tree whereupon the gods of rock'n'roll declared, "WE ARE THE NEPHILIM!" and proceeded to scarf down several Deep fried pigeon eyes with milk and cookies and Eskimo pies. Resulting in repulsive flatulance and severe stomach cramps accompanied by uncontrolled opera singing.

Bizet's, "Carmen" reverberated through the woods, terrifying the local fauna, who then terrorized the unemployed meteorologists secretly gathered to worship Aeolus, God of Wind, and keeper of the keys to the secret mystic treasure of the blind taxi drivers of Marakesh, who only eat freeze dried armadillo ribs. The next day, Rufus Hound was on stage at Bonnaroo when suddenly Matchbox Twenty invaded the women's restroom, and discovered the dispensers were broken and that the toilets had opossums in them. A charity was founded for the orphaned ocelots of Tanzania's Phartuccio Valley, run by pious nuns rescued from brothels in Fresno, where they specialized in extracting the hidden meaning of ancient texts. The Codex Holofernes, written on petrified cow chips with a blue Sharpie, had long absorbed their bitter tears, shed for their husband, Jesus.

"Wait for our clearance sale!" Sister Josefina bleated, as she balanced a plate of Venezuelan Beaver Cheese wearing nothing but a chupacabra and a smile. Meanwhile, at the Vatican, the Pope, in his Batman Underoos, quietly whispered: "I'm really craving pizza. Anyone know a good place for porcupine sausage thin crust margarita pizza?" Why, yes! House of the Rising Sun. Ruin of many a poor boy, but who cares? Meanwhile, Inspector Clouseau investigated if entomologists study "ents" on ancient stone tablets which the Inspector dropped and yelled, "Sacre Bleu!" But bleu cheese was, sadly, in scarce supply. So, brie in hand,

the Inspector called for

[astorian]

his pet iguana Vinny

[John DiFool]

loped across the floor


[As I've noted before in these kinds of games, this matches some of that spam verbiage that you often see to a T...]

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

and drew his revolver