Straight Dope Message Board

[panache45]

Here we go again... this time with The Big Bang Theory.




Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize is the day I begin my research on the drag coefficient of tassels on flying carpets.

[janis_and_c0]

Do you realize what this MEANS?!! All I need is a healthy ovum, and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

I informed you thusly.

[panache45]

It's very simple. Look -- Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.

[Suburban Plankton]

[knock] [knock] [knock]

panache?

[knock] [knock] [knock]

panache?

[knock] [knock] [knock]

panache?

[janis_and_c0]

Sheldon's escaped and is terrorizing the village

[Brooky]

Sheldon can I talk to you? Why me? Koothrappali has to drink to talk to me, Wolowitz is just creepy. Yes he is, Ok.

[DCnDC]

If either of us invent time travel, we agree that our first stop will be this meeting, five seconds from now.

[both look around]

Well, that was disappointing.

[ivylass]

Bazinga!

[panache45]

I'm not crazy; my mother had me tested.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

You better find my husband's mother, 'cause one way or another we're walking out of this airport with a dead woman.

[DCnDC]

That's exactly what my father said. "Come to the games! Watch the games!" Week in and week out, from the time I was five until I went off to college. Longest seven years of my life.

[Annie-Xmas]

"I'm sorry, we don't have a code for robot's hand grasping a man's penis."

[panache45]

What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?

[ivylass]

You may want to speak in a lower register.

Wow. I enjoyed that more than I thought I would.

[panache45]

Please pass the butter!

[RedSwinglineOne]

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

[Rick Kitchen]

Sheldon: "The best number is 73. Why? 73 is the 21st prime number. Its mirror, 37, is the 12th and its mirror, 21, is the product of multiplying 7 and 3... and in binary 73 is a palindrome, 1001001, which backwards is 1001001."
Leonard: "73 is the Chuck Norris of numbers!"
Sheldon: "Chuck Norris wishes... all Chuck Norris backwards gets you is Sirron Kcuhc!"'

[panache45]

You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one’s mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.

[Annie-Xmas]

Okay, now I just need to make sure I have a Lalita before I meet the grasshopper. It’s a sweet green miracle.

[panache45]

Your "Check Engine" light is on.

[Annie-Xmas]

Mary Cooper: Oh, relax, Leonard, I have raised that boy. I’ve seen him at his best, I’ve seen him at his worst. There’s nothing he can do that’ll surprise me.
Leonard: Hold on to that thought.
Sheldon: Come in.
Leonard: Surprise.

[ivylass]

I find myself oddly titillated.

He thought you were going to blow up the moon!

I can drive. I choose not to.

[panache45]

Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas

"I'm sorry, we don't have a code for robot's hand grasping a man's penis."

"Because that's all you needed, right?"

[Elendil's Heir]

I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.

[panache45]

Penny: Leonard, I didn't know you played the cello.
Leonard: Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard and putting me in advanced placement classes wasn't getting me beaten up enough.

[ivylass]

Emily or Cinnamon?

[Elendil's Heir]

Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

[ivylass]

Is the sex happening now?

[Elendil's Heir]

Leonard: We need to widen our circle.
Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on Myspace.
Leonard: Yes, and you've never met one of them.
Sheldon: That's the beauty of it.

[ivylass]

And I gently caress your....nose.
Keep rolling.

[panache45]

Obviously you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.

[Rick Kitchen]

Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.

[Annie-Xmas]

Howard Wolowitz: So, this spring, I get to go to the International Space Station.
Mary Cooper: Oh, my word! A trip to the Heavens. If you ever want to live there eternally, I've got a good book you could read.
Howard Wolowitz: Thanks, but I watch the 'Charlie Brown Christmas Special' every year, so I get the gist.

Sheldon Cooper: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, Pee-Wee football; in fact, every form of football except the original: European football, which most Texans believe to be a commie plot.

Raj: What happened?
Sheldon: Obviously another carnal fiasco with the 'Shiksee' goddess.
Howard: Shiksa. Shik-Sa.
Sheldon: Forgive me. Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas. And if it was, it wasn't spoken for long.

[panache45]

Sheldon: The housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English. When I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said, "Möchtest du eine Darmspülung?"
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "Would you like an enema?"

[Brooky]

Sheldon: I have a Master's Degree & 2 Doctorates, the thing's I should know~ I do

[Rick Kitchen]

Amy: I guess it must have been back when I was in the Girl Sprouts.
Bernadette: Girl Sprouts?
Amy: My mom made it up as an alternative to the Girl Scouts. She didn't want me selling cookies on some street corner like a whore.

[panache45]

Sheldon: 15 years old—Dennis Kim is 15 years old, and he's already correcting my work. Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to—you know—that other guy.
Howard: Antonio Salieri.
Sheldon: Oh, God, now even you're smarter than me.

[Meeko]

"There's a Sarcasm Sign?!"

[Brooky]

Raj: The thing about Aqua Man...... Where does he poop!

[panache45]

I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.

[Brooky]

Amy : Did you miss me?
Sheldon: I would have preferred to have you with me, or instead of me.

[TruCelt]

I'm stating it outright. Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast and defecates Clerk Maxwell. . .

[panache45]

Penny: [to Leonard] Look, you are a great guy, and it is the things you love that make you who you are.
Howard: I guess that makes me large breasts....

[Brooky]

Sheldon: You know I don't enjoy Christmas, trees indoors

[panache45]

He once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head.

[Annie-Xmas]

Originally Posted by janis_and_c0

Do you realize what this MEANS?!! All I need is a healthy ovum, and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!

Okay, all I’m giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.

[ivylass]

I'm getting a warm feeling spreading through my heart!
That's the Del Taco.

Nah, I'd rather have the busboy.

Excuse me Leonard. I'm the one who's getting a divorce, Mitzi is the one who's dead, why are you making a fuss?

[Elendil's Heir]

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

[SuperAbe]

Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Howard: Wow, so you guys are like buds now?
Raj: Oh, yeah, we hang out all the time.
Stuart: Plus, he doesn't have a girlfriend, I don't have a girlfriend.
Raj: It's like we both had these holes in our lives, but now we fill each other's holes.
Stuart: That sounds a little funny to an American ear.
Raj: Which part?
Stuart: Just.....all of it.